irritable and depressed

[mymorgy]

externally things have been going well. today i even had my new carpet laid and i finally had the legs put on the couch. with the rent exemption increase form completed and sent in and the income taxes done from last week, that is a huge burden off my shoulders. With the cleaning woman who I adore coming in, my apartment is presentable. Even today my social worker from adult protective services dropped by unexpectedly and I really liked her.
A friend did call by accident and told me her mother died in feb and her brother who is fifty five is dying of pancreatic cancer but her husband is being wonderful to her.
My doctor put me on a higher dose of paxil but the pharmacy hasn't gotten it yet. I asked him if I needed more risperdal and he said no. All these blessings happening to me and I feel so irritable and depressed. I decided bipolar is no fun
Bobby

[Nikko]

I am happy you are happy with your new things in your house, and that you like your cleaning person and your social worker, those are important things.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss' and illness of friends. That's always so hard, emotional, depressing. It's a normal response.

Bipolar - well it is tough, but sometimes (since I take my meds) I tend to be able to mostly deal with things better, well not everything, I sure do have my moments or breakdowns, but then there is a tough part of me that says you can do this, and I do. Strange, I know.:confused:

You just hang in there, pray for your friends, be happy for yourself and take it one day at a time.

We are all in some type of battle here it seems lately, but we are here for each other and thats what counts.

Hugs, Nikko;)

[Nikko]

Hi,
How are you doing????????????????????????????????????????????? ???
Check in.....

Hugs, Nikko

[moose53]

Morgy, I remember you!!

((((((Bobby)))))),

You know I don't have bipolar. I've been 'blessed' *NOT* with chronic clinical depression (with a little borderline personality disorder thrown in just for fun) since I was 16 -- so I understand the depression (way too well).

I've been really stable for a long time. Then I started crawling down into the pit again -- didn't know why. So, I went to a shrink and she upped the one medication that's been perfectly tuned to do what I want it do.

Now, I don't sleep AT ALL with this stupid drug which is kicking up my fibro so I've got to ramp down s-l-o-w-l-y so I don't go into withdrawals.

I finally figured out that I was becoming depressed again because next month is the 40th anniversay of my baby brother's suicide. Didn't even need the shrink-person to figure that one out :rolleyes:

Bobby, I know how much depression http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/lollipop-002.gif

I always figure that I'm getting depressed 'again' because I've slipped from the TOP OF THE LIST. Try to be extra good to yourself -- drink tea out of pretty cups, sit someplace quiet like the back steps or a park or a nice leaf pile in the woods and let yourself feel and relax.

Even though we both hate the big 'D', we both know it doesn't last forever. Hang on and BREATHE.

Hugs.

Barb

[waves]

i can't say much-sensical right now... i'm dahhheyhgbdkpht after today, but i read your post, and i understand about how things outside are 'great' and yet one feels so horrid. yes. bipolar. with me when i'm depressed i tend to dislike sunny days, for instance. i feel i should enjoy it and can't. i feel ungrateful... all sorts of things. bipolar. no fun.

i light a virtual fire under that pharmacy's suppliers that they get your paxil in ASAP. ;)

i am so glad about your apartment... and all those external things. Come time you will enjoy them more fully... are you anhedonic overall right now, you know, where things you normally would enjoy leave you impassive?

i want you to be well.

love
m.

p.s. a little butterfly - black with orange markings, came to visit me today as i sat on the porch (MY porch - for the next day or two.) She settled on the railing, then fluttered a little, then settled back on the railing for a few seconds - long enough for me to see her well. then she flew away. i was touched. you know, strangely, i haven't seen a butterfly up close like that in years. let alone one that came to visit. i don't know why i wanted to share this but i did.

[bizi]

I think that butterflies are messengers form the other side.
I feel comforted if a butterfly tries to make contact...it is almost like magic.
I learned to day that all of our mosquito program is killing all of the bees and it is effecting the flowering of flowers ..need bees to pollinate...this also effets the flowers of the azalea bushes for nes t spring. ..the spraying has also effected the birds...not as many as there used to be.
Wigh the west nile virus being a problem around here...I don't think they will ease up on the spraying....
I saw a beautiful swallow tail butterfly today 8inch wing span...huge!
Perhaps you could walk in a woods and be quiet with yourslef and listen to what is contributing to your irritabilty....
be nice to your slef.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
Paper work done, new carpet, a social worker and a cleaning lady -- lots of important stuff is happening, but I can see how it might not pull up a mood.

What color is the carpet? How do the kitties react to the changes?

I hope that you got the paxil.

Mari

[waves]

bobby how are you doing with all of the apartment overhaul? and the kitties.

mari i read the bold print in your zen thread. :confused: i think i stink at change too. but sometimes change stinks!!! :D

we are all three having our living quarters upheaved overhauled rebuilt reconditioned re re de un adj in ex to do do fixed cleaned ... changed.

my mood is better, i think because i am coming into peace with the ex- thing. i wonder if the zoloft increase has kicked in a little for me - at 200mg now. the nifty thing is, last time at 200 i didn't get migraines. zoloft is actually approved now for Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) interestingly enough, and that's when i get migraines, not usually otherwise. but i digress.

bobby have you been able to get hold of the paxil?

i am having a good "college student" moment now. pizza and coke. that is, cold pizza - hope to leave some for breakfast lol.

i hope you all are ok...

~ waves ~ until my next forum moment

[waves]

i haven't seen a swallowtail in aaaaaaaages. oh! since i lived in the islands.

butterflies as messengers thats neat. it does seem like such some sort of a blessing to be visited by a butterfly doesn't it tho?

is it you bobby that thinks of birds as messengers?

i think it is interesting... all flying creatures... like faeries

[mymorgy]

I was told by an Indian woman that birds were messengers. I found a little starling and gave him so much love and he died to the day my mother died s year or two before. The woman told me a parent would come back as a bird and get what they needed from their child.
I have been sleeping mostly the past two days. I did get my paxil. I haven't had any energy...my thoughts tend to be negative even with all these wonderful changes...even my terrace is clean...all these things that were pressuring me....I make jokes about being bipolar but lately I can't. I just see how powerful it is...it can leave you in such a vulnerable position.
The president of the coop board called my friend again today to ask how things were progressing. It felt like a blow.
I haven't been able to escape into reading much....I have been just too exhausted. I don't even feel like going downstairs to the deli to get a sandwich...
Bobby

[bizi]

Dear Bobby,
Sounds like you need to rest...listen to your body...rest....
(((HUGS)))
bizi

[Mari]

Hi Morgy,
I am thinking about you and hope you can get through your days.
Does the better organized apt help a little? I am interested in this because I hope it helps me.

Mari

[mymorgy]

Once I got through the shell shock of my apartment being a lot cleaner and more organized and went through a deep depression, it definitely helps...it got rid of a lot of stress. I still have to get rid of things in one closet and put things that are still in the living area into that closet..I am waiting to see if the woman who was doing the organizing and cleaning and who seems to have deep problems herself is coming back. If she doesn't, I have to hire somebody else. It has become so evident that at this point, I am unable to find the energy or to go against my defiance if that is what it is and do it myself.
My doctor asked me to describe my depression and I couldn't find the words.
Today I finally thought of how to describe it. It was being unattached with pain. Way different from being detached but with appreciation. It was unattached with no connection, no appreciation, just pain...I guess if not for the pain maybe it would like being trapped in a dead body. I don't know how others describe the awful pain of bipolar...it definitely wasn't connected with sadness.
Bobby

[bizi]

Just wanted to let you know that I hope you are feeling better real soon.
that sounded so sad......
((((hugs))))
bizi

[moose53]

((((((Bobby)))))),

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v90/moose53/GIFS/huggiebears.gif

I'll be glad when they find cures for these D*** things.

I've spent a lifetime with the depression. I wish nobody -- I wish **YOU** never had to feel like this.

If it helps a tiny bit, picture all of us surrounding you with hugs and waves of love. All of us who've been in your position in some way or another wish we could just wave a magic wand and take all the bad parts away and leave the JOY.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/friaresmilley.gif

[mymorgy]

thanks so much....now that I finally am able to put in words what I feel when I am in the depths of depression, I wonder if that will help.When I am there, I cannot even connect with my beloved kitty cats. I have been moving out of the depressive side now but I am scared that I am still vulnerable to slipping back. I am still hibernating in my apartment and need to go to the bank. Don't know if I will be able to get myself to go today.
Bobby

[moose53]

How about going out for an ice cream cone instead -- and stop at the bank on the way back.

Maybe if you change the destination...

Hugs.

Barb http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/flowerysmile.gif

[bizi]

great idea barb!

[mymorgy]

that is a great idea...but right now my anxiety has really kicked in and I am shakey when I am walking. I just went downstairs to get some coffee. I also took another klonopin. I have to remember that. At least I was able to get the mail...my mailbox was full and the doorman rang up..and I paid some bills...clinic bills I didn't know I owed from 2005.
I am treating myself with sort of kid gloves because I am so scared of slipping back into that depression and I don't like that my anxiety level is so high. It is strange but coffee calms me down.
I am also waiting to hear from an agency for my rent freeze. I hope I didn't mess up the form. It is such a beautiful day in NYC...I wish I could take advantage of it.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
I guess by putting the depression into words, you can kind of get a grip on it, look at it easier, and examine it. And have some more control over it.

I hope that the anxiety abates soon.
Mari

[Nikko]

Hi Morgy - Just wanted to let you know, I am thinking of you, hoping for brigher days ahead for you.

Lots of big bear hugs, Nikko................aka - you know who I am right?;)

[mymorgy]

oh yes.....I know who you are :-) thanks so much I really appreciate it. I seem to be fighting another bout of depression...today I slept most of the day...and once again I am irritable. I think the higher dosage of paxil is helping me a bit. I feel it is so chemical the depression.
I called up about the rent freeze and so far I am not in the data base. I was told it could take between four to six weeks. I guess I am also upset about my cleaning woman Carol probably not returning. I think I know whom I will hire even though he is a lot more expensive. I am worried about money but I am more worried about depression and irritability. I stopped listening to music for a while. It became too much. The reading isn't distracting. Everything right now is an effort. I don't want to leave my apartment for the life of me.
The weather is new york has been beautiful and I can't make myself take advantage of it.
Oh rats
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
When reading and music don't work anymore, what can you do? Sleep??

For me, a good clearning woman can be as valuable and as hard to find as a good therapist.
It's ok to miss good weather. You'll take advantage of what you can when you can.

Feel better.
Mari

[Nikko]

I hear you loud and clear morgy - depression and everything an effort.

I have no choice but to kick myself in the butt and do certain things.

Sleep is my escape from all that is going on in my life. Yet the during the night wake ups are bad, then getting up at 4am, it's crazy.

Music is good, just some songs can get to me. Reading is great if you can get into a good book, I can't seem to concentrate enough.

Maybe just take a walk, since the weather is nice, it might be a little pick me up. I'll send my 2 dogs over and they will walk you....LOL no they are good. Oh I wish I was in NYC I would go and get one of those hot pretzels with mustard!!!!

Thinking of you always, take it easy, baby steps as they say! Whomever they are, that always cracks me up.....

Time to pick up doggy poop in my yard, and feed my cockatiels and bunnies.
It's only 9am here.

Weather is nice here too. I took a short early morning walk with the dogs, it was peaceful.

Hang in there.....Lots of Hugs, Nikko;)

[moose53]

((((((Bobby)))))),

THAT'S what we all need :D

We'll head over to Nikko's and get some of that good home cooking (I wish there was a drool smilie).

Then we can all take a walk with **Nikko's Zoo** to walk off all those calories :D

When I was still working, I had the most incredible cleaning crew -- a husband, his wife, and his brother-in-law. THREE people and they only charged for ONE. The place absolutely glowed when they'd been there. The wife used to take all my books off the bookshelves and dust them. I've got hundreds and hundreds of books. Man, I miss them.

I don't clean at all. It it weren't for Casey-Cat eating the fur off the carpet, I'd be knee-deep :o

This is Casey-Cat (the brown stripey one on the right):
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v90/moose53/PICTURES/072904Image8.jpg

That's his brother, Puffy, on the left. There's another one too, Pumpkin -- he's orange striped.

I got two short-haired and one long-haired in the same litter. They just turned seven in August.

Take small steps, Bobby. Try to do one nice thing for yourself every day. Even if it's something as small as just walking around the house once. Or drinking tea out of a china cup. Or picking some wildflowers for yourself.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

[mymorgy]

I first have to admit for the last five years since I have been seeing Dr.Moussavian and have been put on medication even though I have gained zillions of pounds and have dry mouth and some other unpleasant side effects
my quality of life is soooooo much better than it has been the rest of my life.
When a couple of my friends bemoan getting older and how bad it is I can't complain. One friend today said my life really must have been hell.
I really cracked a smile about the kitty cat and so enjoyed the picture. I am so glad you have your two dogs! My doggies used to get me out of my apartment. I wonder how many of us have cleaning issues. I wonder how many of us have energy issues? I wonder how many of us have sleeping issues? Right now there appears to be no stability in my life. I don't feel any equilibrium. This is the third day I haven't ventured out of my apartment. Thank goodness I am not afraid to answer the phone. I don't even know why I am afraid or hesitant to leave the apartment. I don't know what I feel vulnerable about.
It could just be my anxiety and I could be translating that anxiety into vulnerability.
YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT YOU ARE GIVING ME. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
Bobby

[bizi]

H ave you thought about getting another doggie?
That would help you get out of the house again.
and fill a void that I feel is still there.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[mymorgy]

Hi Bizi
How are you doing? It is beginning to get colder here and I guess you will continue to do gardening lol...
My apartment building won't let me get another dog. I already am over my quota for pets. I am only supposed to have two cats at most or one dog and I already have three cats.
Also Abby,one of my kitty cats is like a baby. She will never grow up. She demands so much attention. She is an Abyssisian...most doglike...even when I was petting Snowy this morning, she was tapping me with her paw wanting to be petted. Yuki is a dollface. When I pet her, she licks me. The more attention I give them, the more attention they seem to need.
I still think a lot about hammy and morgy...maybe too much...they were my forever doggies...I was so bonded to them....a large part of my world collapsed when they died....but they did get me out of the house and into some kind of a routine. Before I got them, I had the tendency to stay inside. They did open up the world to me...it was slammed shut when Hammy died...he died after Morgy died.
Bobby

[Nikko]

Your kitty's sound so so cute!!!! Isn't it wonderful they all have their own little personality's, just like my dogs.
Even my bunnies and birds do, if you know them well enough.

I am sending my dogs over, I mean it, you can take them for the walk to get me that warm pretzel with lots of mustard on it........or one of those great NY pizza pies, I swear no place makes pizza like NY. I grew up on Long Island.

Remember to send my dogs back, just put a back pack on them with the goodies, they should find their way back...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'd be a nervous wreck. Wish I could take a trip to NY, then visit you, and my relatives on LI, and my cousin in Jersey, then back to where I use to live and visit my friends. NO funds to do so. He has left me in such a financial mess, I have to give up my car. At least I have my mom's, she doesn't drive anymore, and we really don't need 2 cars. It's just I only had 12 mos left to pay on it, well the repo man will be coming one of these days. I guess it is a blessing, no more car payments or car insurance. My husband also ruined my credit so badddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.


I know how you feel, although I hate when people tell me that. I just know what you are going through in a way.

Maybe when you go to your p-doc's appt. and you are out, you could go window shopping, or a walk, or a movie, or stop for a coffee, just a start, get some fresh air, before it gets too cold. When do they start decorating everything in the city for Xmas? The tree's must be changing by now, you could see all the pretty colors. I don't have that here, just lots of palm trees and cactus. If I want to see trees, you have to go up one of the mountains, and then you feel the temp change, it's really strange, it's like taking a trip to New England.

Here I am rambling again, sorry.

Housework, God I wish I had some help with that, but I do it at my own pace.

Missing your doggies is tough, I still miss my 2 german shepherds that passed a year ago this past April and August. A part of me died when they did, they were 12 1/2. Now I have a 2 yr old German Shepherd, he is a lover boy, follows me everywhere. He loves people too. Plus my 3 yr old 1/2 GS and half Greyhound, she is more timid and quiet though, she is a real good girl.

When I lived back East, my depression seemed to get worse when the cold weather came and we had to change the clocks back, and it got dark early. They said I suffered from SAD seasonal aff. disorder. I think that is true of a lot of people. We don't change our clocks here, and it never gets cold, only at night the 40's and the winter days are in the 60's. It helps, but I miss my friends.

Just remember morgy, you are not alone, by any means. Post away, sorry if I get off topic from your posts and then telling you my comparison. Geeze I wrote a book here.

As bad as it gets, I try to think that there are people much worse off.

You take care, okay????????????? Lots of big doggie hugs and licks, NIKKO;)

[Mrs. Bear]

Hi, Bobby. I am thinking that the sleep is good for you right now. There is so much going on. I wish that there was a way for someone to bring you food without causing more stress. I wish you could eat. I am worried for you.

More hugs.

EreBear.

[Mari]

hi Bobby,
Thinking of you and hoping that you getting over the weirdo mood.
Mari

[mymorgy]

Yesterday I left my apartment after the four day I think and got a sandwich and ashamed to say some potato chips....today I see my pyschiatrist. Thank you so much for your thoughts.
A friend wrote me and she said getting out helps her with her feelings of being unattached. She is also married, has two grown children who still live with her and a husband and of course two dogs and a kitty cat and was sexually abused by her father who was an MD and who had a pathological mother who was also an MD. She has her own demons too obviously.
I am going to have to write her and ask her how she gets herself out and if she has a tendency to want to stay home. She also got herself a job working with children.
This is the perfect weather for walking and Manhattan is a perfect place for walking. All I want to do is stay in bed and read. I just bought more books from ebay as if I don't have enough.
Yesterday I threw out two big trash bags of papers...I was really careless and didn't go through them well. All I knew is I wanted them out of my apartment to continue attempts at organization. Tomorrow I hope to throw out more papers. A lot are related to when I was manic and did a lot of trading in the stock market. I wish I had known I was bipolar then.
Still in the weirdo mood...still without a house cleaner...still looking
Bobby

[bizi]

Dera Bobby,
I hope that your session goes well today for you.
Great work in throwing out the bag full of papers!!!!!
way to go!!!
one peice at a time one bag at a time....bit by bit it all gets done....
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[mymorgy]

thank you. my session went very well today. I told Dr.Moussavian my description of my deepest depression...being unattached to anything with no appreciation of anything and having a lot of psychic pain...like being in a dead body except for the pain and then asked him if he had ever heard that description before. He said no but it had to be truly painful and he could grasp the intensity of the depression. I told him I hadn't read it but was finally able to describe how it felt and maybe it would help him in understanding the deep depression of other bipolar IIs.
I was also delighted when he said he approved of my wanting to give my closest friend another beautiful gold necklace because of all she has been doing for me out of gratitude and I have been able to do nothing for her.
I was so afraid he was going to say it was a bipolar thingie.
I told him the disappointment over Carol, my former cleaning woman who I haven't heard from and who I said had deep problems. He suggested I use his cleaning woman who commutes from Philadelphia to New York. I said that would be great. He called her up and gave her my number and said that I wasn't a good house keeper. She later called me and at first wanted eighty dollars. We finally agreed on sixty five dollars. Later I looked up the railroad rates and the bus rates and I wonder if it is going to work out unless she can do two apartments the same day. He say she was very fast besides very intelligent, reliable and trustworthy. She is coming on Monday. Dr. Moussavian is such a gem. I also got a kick over listening to him on the phone. He also had another phone call and I so enjoy his style. That prompted another phone call which I told him I wouldn't mind if he made right away. He said are you sure and I said fine....talk about hero worship. He has such a way with people.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Bobby,
Your pdoc is amazing.
I like the part of his finding you a cleaning lady --- even if she does commute from Philladelphia.

Your description of your depression will help him. And maybe he can help you get better.

Mari

[bizi]

Great story about your pdoc bobby,
he is amazing!!!!!
hope you are feeling better....
(((HUGS)))
bizi

[Nikko]

Hi,
You sound better!!!! Your p-doc sounds great.......

Hugs, Nikko

[mymorgy]

Dr Moussavian is the greatest but now I am worried that the cleaning woman is going to reject me. On Sunday and Monday morning, I will try to straighten out this place a little more. I looked up how much it costs by bus and by train from Philadelphia to New york and it is expensive. If she doesn't have another appointment in New York, I don't see how it is worth her while.
A close friend who lives in my building was admitted to the hospital a couple of nights ago. He is in the ICU. He was already in a weakened state after being in the hospital for a month in January. I am so sad about it. Also workmen are on my terrace drilling out old bricks and putting in new ones. It isn't as noisy as I thought but I only have a studio so I feel I have no privacy.
The joke is that yesterday morning, I felt my chemistry was beginning to go back to some stability. Everything seems shot now. Last night I got two hours of sleep.
Bobby

[waves]

i picked out of your last post that (albeit ironically given new stressors) you were starting to feel chemically stable... that is so important, even if right now it is transitory... something is working! the building work will be over at some point ugh what torture. they did a lot of that at my place. some days i just would scream shut the * up!!! at the top of my lungs (in english of course :D ) and since i often sleep/nap during the day.... well it was, well, most inconvenient.

i'm sorry to hear your cleaning help might disappear. good that you are reacting and being a lttl emore active. we will find solutions. boy am i positive tonight. something must be wrong with me lol.

well anyway. before i blather more... wanted to check in with you... then read a little more...

i am on parents' dialup right now.

love
~ waves ~

[mymorgy]

so glad you finally checked in....I was worried...I giggled about your comment about sounding positive...it is scary isn't it...the girl scout motto be prepared.. for a bipolar doesn't that mean not something positive roflmao....
I waited all day to call the hospital about my friend Ron. I was so afraid they said he died....instead I was told his blood pressure is now normal...and although he is still not stable, he is more stable...I don't know why but I get so angry at people when they talk about his drinking...I think he is a self medicating bipolar...I guess I just want them to talk about how wonderful he is...depression is a hard one to deal with...
Love
Bobby

[mymorgy]

I think my chemistry is getting better again. This morning my phone (I use vonage which is great) and my internet weren't working. My tv cable box were working. There were no lights on my cable modem. At first I panicked.
Then I started using my head and thought maybe Abby stepped on the switch of the power strip. That wasn't the case. Then I just unplugged the cord from the modem and replugged it and voila everything worked.
I even got more sleep last night. I kept on waking up but I got back to sleep.
Maybe today I can tackle some more papers to throw out.
Bobby

[Nikko]

Yippee....you sound even better now......I am happy for you.

Your strong, keep it up up and upbeat!!!

Lots of Hugs, Nikko:)

[bizi]

Great thinking on your part bobby!
good luck with the paperwork....
bizi

[mymorgy]

thank you
even though i got more sleep last night, I was still so tired today. I did manage to read a book. I came up with an insight about responsibility. I had been given so much responsibility as a child, and then continued to assume so much uncalled for responsibility as an adult, now I think I am rebelling against it...now I have to relearn what is good responsibility and debilitating responsibility. Since I have generalized anxiety disorder, that doesn't help matters.
Oh my friend Ron is now stabilized and it turns out he had a bleeding ulcer and THEY STOPPED THE BLEEDING. I also found out when the ambulance came he didn't want to go to the hospital but when one of his friends asked him if he wanted to live, he said YES....I was so afraid this time he was going to die.
I think I have only one more day of the men drilling on my terrace. It is really hard on the nerves. I also had my bathtub unclogged. With my exaggerated worries, I was afraid they were going to have to rip out the pipes. It took so long to unclog it with a snake.
I didn't throw out any papers.
I put the pillow to a lot of use the last twenty four hours.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Bobby,
The construction in your apt seems endless. And I guess it feels endless. I will be glad when your apt settles down a bit.
Good news that your friend Ron was helped in the hosptial.
Pillows are good.
I forgot about my night meds tonight and so took the klonopin a few hours later than I would normally. I hope that I can sleep tomorrow and not feel hung over --but then I think I feel hung over most days.
Mari

[mymorgy]

my chemistry is definitely getting better. I had some earth shattering news about my finances this weekend which I don't want to go into but so far it hasn't destroyed me. I did get bad stomach pains and a splitting headache but they eventually went away and yesterday I spent most of the time in bed or doing correspondence or on the phone with my dear extremely helpful and comforting friend.
Today I feel fine. I have to cut expenses. I am cutting out the extra insurance I took out to cover the medicare gap and I am probably going to see my doctor once every three weeks instead of every two weeks. I don't know what else I can cut back on. My financial cushion is gone...and right now after recovering from shock, I AM NOT A BASKET CASE.
My kitty cat Abby has been entertaining me big time. Lately she has been doing running leaps into the wall unit and speeding behind the tv and coming out the other side of the tv and looking at me. She has disconnected the tv cable box numerous times now and it is still disconnected but boy is she entertaining. I noticed that one of her front fangs is gone. My kitty cat Pumpkins, half Aby, also lost a front fang...She is eating well so I don't know when it happened, but i don't think she is in pain.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
Oh dear. Money matters. As I was reading I was hoping you were going to say you discovered some money, not the other way around. How dreadful.

And yet you say you were not thrown for a loop by the news. That is an achievement.

Mari

[bizi]

Dear Bobby,
Wow that is difficult about the financial side of things...am very proud that you are not letting it get to you.
Way to go!!!!!
bizi

[mymorgy]

I don't know if I am beginning to turn a little hypomanic...time will tell
My psychiatrist's cleaning woman came today and stayed for about five minutes. She looked around and seemed unhappy. She asked what was she expected to do lol....For me the kitchen and bathroom were really clean and the back of the apartment that is the living space was pretty in okay order..but I guess I am not "normal"....She had also asked for eighty dollars on the phone and I got her down to sixty five and she commutes from Philadelphia and I looked up the commuting costs by train and bus and boy they were high. The session gracefully ended when she saw one of my cats and she said she is very allergic to cats. Then I smiled and said I have three cats. Then she made a graceful and fast exit. Thank goodness she had come into the city for another appointment. I don't really know if she is allergic to cats or not. My doctor said she is very bright.
Then all energy drained me and i fell into a depression and napped and then got out of it and read another book. I slept for a couple of hours tonight and starting another book now and keep my mind whirling off of financial matters.
As a reaction, I did buy a couple of more cds by Zucchero on half.com.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
At the risk of generalizing. I never met a cleaning lady who was not a little weird.
I wonder what she expected/hoped to see that she did not. Strange.

Sleep is good.
Mari

[mymorgy]

I crashed yesterday afternoon and slept three hours and then at night I slept and slept and finally I am up and running again. I guess I am not going into a hypomanic phase....sleep is good...I was afraid for a while I was going to be on my two and three hour sleep pattern again.
I am going to try to hire the guy I interviewed who wasn't afraid of my apartment. He is expensive but my friend said she would help pay for him. She also said she would pay for my vet expensives. Hopefully they won't happen. This summer I spent six or seven hundred dollars on my kitty cats at the vets.
Right now I am listening to Sheryl Crow's best hits. I love the song Picture with Kid Rock...I never heard of him before until I got this album from half.com. Then I am going to listen to Let me Rai by Cheb Mami...I heard him on a Zucchero cd and thought at first he was a woman lol...it is middle eastern...I even worked on a webpage yesterday on mast cell tumors in cats and dogs....in the morning when I had so much energy and was really afraid that I was hypomanic.
Bobby
ps I think this is the last day the workmen will be out on my terrace HOORAY

[Nikko]

Hi,
How are you feeling today? Sleep is good. Aren't pets the best! They seem to help me through so much.
I understand the financial problems, I am in the same place and it isn't fun.
Actually, it does a job on my anxiety and nerves. Go easy. You seem to be handling it well.
Today is my birthday and feeling down, not doing anything, probably better off.

Hugs, Nikko

[mymorgy]

I am so sorry you are feeling down on your birthday...rats...
yes we are so blessed to love our pets so much....this morning I was talking in my head to Morgy and Hammy...we had a very interesting conversation...I have been told I can communicate with animals so I don't know if I am really conversing with Hammy and Morgy or just making the whole thing up....
This afternoon was really unusual. My mother's housekeeper has kept in touch with me even though my mother has been dead for eight years. Elaine lives in Connecticut. She called me this afternoon to tell me that an airplane crashed two blocks away from me into a building. She could hear all the helicopters and sirens on the phone. I told her I was trying to figure out what all the action was about and thanked her for her concern for me. Then I turned on the tv and watched it for a long time. I had no desire to go near it since I have already been in an explosion and badly burnt. Thank goodness there were only two deaths and no critical injuries.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Bobby,
You have a good friend if she wants to help you with your apt and your cats.

That plane crash is weird. And it had a Yankee pitcher in it.
Sorry that you had to deal with that.
Be well.
Mari

[mymorgy]

I have two friends who are treasures -I am blessed....
I forgot to add before I was going to drink a lot of grapefruit juice for dieting but a friend said I can't do that because I take lipitor...here we try to help ourselves and put ourselves in danger.
I hope the FFA,if that is the agency, changes the rules about small planes flying over the east river and the hudson. That plan could have crashed into the hospitals very near by or the power station very near by-somebody said how a terrorist could load highly explosive material on a small plane and really do a number and wouldn't even have to file a flight plan the way the system is now in effect...Living in Manhattan definitely has its thrills, even if one doesn't step outside ones apartment...I am always afraid of a helicopter crashing on my terrace lol (as in gallows humor)
Bobby

[mymorgy]

Dr Moussavian is a treasure. I saw him yesterday and told him the news of my financial problems. He took out a pencil and took down the cold hard facts about my budget. He didn't think I was crazy at all about my future plans of probably trying to move to Ashville North Carolina or dropping my extra insurance, seeing him only every third week and getting generic paxil which doesn't work as well as regular paxil.
I told him he was so wonderful and a patient's dream and he should look at himself in the mirror everyday and tell himself how wonderful he was and that he eased his patient's burdens so much and later I told him he was perfect even if he has some flaws lol. I also told him I was smart lol...
He was concerned that I still don't have cleaning help and told me to work on it harder. I told him I stopped the depakote and he told me to resume taking it.
He reinforced me so much I was soaring. I also told him for a while I thought I was going hypomanic. During the session, I obviously showed traces of it.
I was so unbelievably relieved that he didn't think I was overreacting and that it was so important that I was already working on a plan.
He reminded me that senior citizen housing probably provided car service for shopping etc so I wouldn't need a car and workers in the south were probably a lot more nurturing than in the north.
Bobby

[Nikko]

Hi, Your p-doc sure is helpful. I think you are making the right decisions and taking his advice on your meds is very important.

Hang in there, sending an angel to watch over you.


Hugs, Nikko

[bizi]

yes I ditto what nikko said....
you are doing very well with all of this...
((((HUGS)))
bizi

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
Ashville is a big change from NYC! I imagine that you would like it if you plan for it like you are already doing.
I know someone who lives in the down townish section. They like the music and the people. It is an expensive area by N.C. standards.

I hear that the view of the mountaints is nice.

One caveat: it is possible to find wonderful drs in any part of the country, but no place compares to NYC for the standard, quality, and availabilty of care.

Mari
ps
It is neat that your pdoc cares about your cleaning lady/man situation. I guess he knows that this is an important issue.

[mymorgy]

Hi
I grew up in Hartford Conn and went to a small girl's school in West Hartford so don't really consider myself a big city person deep down. My graduating class had twenty eight girls. We also lived on a very quiet street.
I read that the average rent in Ashville was in the four hundred dollar range and the average income was in the 30,000 dollar range. In New York City I wonder if you can get garage space for four hundred dollars including tax...(I haven't looked at the rates in a long time so I am only guessing)....HUD has senior citizen housing throughout the country and according to their website you only have to pay one tenth of your monthly income for rent or something else which ever is higher.
My apartment is in a decline again...not a rapid one. I might hear from Georgy tomorrow, the fellow I interviewed a few weeks ago for cleaning my apartment.
Bobby
ps I will send you a private email

[Nikko]

Hi,

I would think the change to NC would be nice. The weather sure would be. Which I think helps BP, at least for me it does.

You can do a lot of research online about places to live or even get a rental agent down there.

What made you pick NC? I heard it is beautiful, never been really, just drove through twice on my way to Florida and back.

Hugs, Nikko:D

[bizi]

Dear Bobby,
Moving is so hard....I can't think about moving unless we have to.
new freinds, neighbors, doctors,.....
that is jsut me though
bizi

[Wittesea]

Bobby,

There are some rural areas in CT where the rent prices are not too bad.

Also, in CT there are lots of "senior housing" apartments where the rent is on a sliding fee scale, and anyone who gets Social Security (either from retirement or disability) is eligible to live in this type of housing... there can be waiting lists, but many of them allow pets.

there is also several orginizations that offer free rides/transportation to the disabled for doctors, shopping, visiting a friend, etc...

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that although a lot of CT is overpriced, there are areas that aren't.

take care,
Liz

[mymorgy]

my three best friends don't live in Manhattan and one i have never met in person if you can believe that but we usually talk at least once a day and she is bipolar :-)
I don't think I am good at moving...how many people do you know have lived in the same apartment for over thirty six years? I am so terrified of draining all my resources. When I found out that my financial situation changed, I moved into crisis mode and started planning for the years ahead. Again, I don't think I will move for another eight years but I want to be prepared.
For the subsidized housing you have to put yourself on a waiting list. I am sort of in crisis about my cats because I don't think they allow three animals and I don't know how long my kitty cats will live. That is very painful thinking about.
I chose Asheville North Carolina because my friend mentioned how beautiful western North Carolina was and I started doing research and came up with Asheville. It is the start of a lot of tourist trips to the mountains, it has climate change,the cost of living, it has the subsidized housing and it just sounds like such a nice place and it attracts artists and crafts and people who are retiring. The cost of living is a huge factor...probably the hugest...
I will keep on doing research. The pictures on the web are magnificient.
Hud housing is also for the disabled so you don't have to wait until your sixties to apply if your income is in the pits. There is also an airport nine miles away and bus service. Local bus service supposedly stops at seven pm...ugh.
I am still in shock. I didn't even remember to ask Dr.Moussavian if he ever consults long distance. I can't imagine life without that incredibly wonderful human being. It is a miracle that he happened to just "fall into my lap"...it was all because I was looking for a cheap blood test and used St.Vincent's for it and the doctor suggested I try out their psychiatrist whom she said everybody raved about.
Bobby

[mymorgy]

http://www.hud.gov/offices/hsg/mfh/hto/inventorysurvey.cfm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asheville,_North_Carolina a brief overall description of asheville north carolina

[mymorgy]

I can't believe what I did this morning. I answered an ad on Craig's list for cleaning help. The woman who is Brazilian said she does organizing and cleaning and is coming over to start at 10:30...
I hope it works out
Bobby
http://newyork.craigslist.org/about/cities.html it is such a great resource
that is the one I used to give away my huge birdcage

[bizi]

great news!!! she sounds very good!
bizi

[mymorgy]

Vera is coming back in two weeks...she wasn't overwhelmed by my apartment..she cleaned the bathroom kitchen and my l shaped room...but didn't have time for any organizing or laundry but that was fine. I still can't believe I used craig's list this morning to find her and she came the same day...
I also called up north carolina and found out that you don't need to be a resident to apply for senior citizen housing. It was confirmed that for public housing you can have only one pet weighing under twenty pounds. I called two agencies. One woman told me that the rents are so good maybe I could just rent a regular place.
Bobby

[bizi]

wow great report on both issues!
that sounds real encouraging.
Did you sya that you were thinking about moving in 8 years or did I read that wrong?
bizi

[mymorgy]

hi bizi
i don't know what to do..my close friend thinks i should move sooner...she doesn't think new york is healthy for me whereas asheville would be. since the rents are so much cheaper at first i could move into a regular apartment and bring all three of my cats and then wait until two died and then apply for senior housing...i guess i will go over this with dr.Moussavian. I feel miserable and so uneasy. It all sounds so stressful. Also having to think of my kitty cats dying is so painful...
bobby

[mymorgy]

I seem to be growing more irritable and depressed....a friend told me I should let everything go and that is the only way to get better. If I make a commitment to let go of things that cause me stress I will be on my way.
Tonight I have been trying to focus on that. I feel the depression in my forehead which is weird...I have never had a physical feeling of depression just symptoms of exhaustion,detachment etc...
I am afraid I am going to be up the whole night. I have been in such a foul mood lately...
Bobby
ps the social worker from the city came yesterday and told me that the city didn't need to send a cleaning crew out and she would probably come only one more time and then close the case.
then tonite the cleaning guy who I thought I was going to use but who didn't call me back, called me back. He said he was sorry but his wife just had a baby boy two weeks ago and things got very hectic. I told him about Vera and that I thought he didn't want any part of my apartment and that is why I hired her but if things didn't work out with her, I would use him. It was a very friendly call.

[bizi]

Dera Bobby,
Just my 2 cents...having to think about getting rid of your cats does sound really depressing.
and thinking about having to move twice sounds really stressful.
I wonder if you could find a cheaper apartment there and and stil keep your cats.
there are advantages and disadvantages to everything...some times it helps to write it out amybe you could do that before your aptt. with your pdoc?
You don't have to do anything right now....slow down.
bizi

[Nikko]

Take it one day at a time. It is good to have goals to look forward to and plan for. I wouldn't give up my pets though, sign up for Rent Clinks and Rent.com then pick the area. You will get daily emails about places.

That way you can see the places, prices, what they have, and whether they accept pets. Usually, cats are accepted much more, especially in the south, same for dogs in the south.

Hugs, Nikko

[Nikko]

I forgot one thing, look and see what local newspapers are in the area you are looking in NC. Then sign up for them online, it's usually free, and get daily news, plus you will be able to also look at the classified for places to live.


Nikko

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
That is good news about the case closing soon.
When I get physical symptoms I can usually put the palm of my hand over the spot (head ache) and kind of breathe into with yoga breathing.

Our own hands are healing.

It's much much harder to get cleaning people than it should be. I am still amazed about how they inspect the place before they agree to it. They make more per hour than lots of more important jobs --


I haven't looked for a cleaner because I know hubby would be against it -- he doesn't trust people with his stuff and hubby can more or less do most of our clearning. It is the "more or less" part that is tricky!

Mari

[mymorgy]

I guess I am in a psychological depression...I distinguish between a psychological versus a chemical(bipolar) one....I have been chain smoking and getting haagen daz ice cream and doing silly things like staring at the ceiling fan as it moves around.
I see dr moussavian tomorrow and am curious what type of advice he will give me. There is no pattern to my sleeping...there is almost like no pattern to anything except to my smoking....
Bobby

[Nikko]

Hi - Chain smoking - I am doing the same thing, I can't help it, and ice cream at night when I am watching TV. We are like two peas in a pod.


It's good your case is coming to a close. I hope my DV one does on Friday, and justice is served.


I hope you appointment goes well, you usually sound upbeat after an appt. with your p-doc.

You take care today, and remember you come first, do something nice for yourself today. Check in too.

Hugs, Nikko

[Bdix]

BOBBY!!! (((((((Hugs)))))))
I've wondered how you were getting along during the outage!! Your pdoc sounds wonderful.
Good job on the steps to get the apartment organised. (Makes you want to punch Martha Stewart in the nose doesn't it lol)

Here's a thought - don't know if it would actually help any but y'all know me and my love of rambling lol - since the thing you are doing consistantly is smoking, use that to your advantage! Start a new "habit" and from now on each time you light a cig, do something you need to do along with it. Like:

**Light a cig, walk to some unnecessary paper/garbage, throw it away.**

Then you can say you are cleaning consistantly too.

****hugs**** Amazing how much you miss people you have never met in person.
Bobi

[moose53]

((((((Bobby)))))),

I haven't been able to keep up. Dang computer ate my store spreadsheet -- dislike immensely MicroCrap software :mad:

I just thought of two things: make sure you apply for a Section 8 Certificate (see if you can apply now before you move -- that would mean that you could move into any type of housing). Also, the Mennonite ladies in The South do housecleaning for really reasonable prices. These women are absolute Saints. My Momma made a huge mess when she was sick and dying in South Carolina. The Mennonite lady just came in said "poor dear must have been really suffering" and cleaned up the whole thing. She was barely out of high school. I read in the local newspaper that she went on to become an RN -- it just absolutely figures. She's that special kind of a soul.

You're gonna love The South. It's totally different there. More civilized. People are kinder and more helpful. The weather's better. Makes me wonder why I moved :rolleyes:

BIG HUGS. I hope that you and Nikko can get to a place where you both can give up the ciggies. I really hate them for what they did to my EX-husband (my son's Father).

A couple of other ways to get 'things' done when you don't really feel like it: (1) Set the timer for 15 minutes and DO STUFF for 15; when the 15 minutes is over, go back to doing what you REALLY want to do for 45 minutes -- rinse and repeat :D . (2) Get a small box or a small basket. Fill it full and just process that much "stuff" every day. Eventually you'll get to the bottom of the pile :p

I love Craigslist too. Been looking for high school yearbooks for the town that I was born in. My Brother and I moved two years before we graduated (still hate my Mom for doing that to us). I've been able to find my graduation yearbook. Now, I'm looking for my Brother's. I just got a lead this weekend -- the guy won't be able to tell me until next week if he can get it back from the person he sold it to.

BIG HUGS. Stay strong.

Barb

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
I am working on letting go too.

My accupunturist told me to say these things throughout the day:
"I let go"
"I release"

She thinks I am fighting my control issues.
The hyponotherapist is working along the same lines too.

How would one know the difference between a pyschological and a bipolar depression? I thought that they overlapped?

Have a good visit with Dr. M. tomorrow.


Mari

[mymorgy]

I am still depressed and exhausted. I think it is both a bipolar depression and psychological one because of my change in finances. I have been having a lot of nightmares. I have also skipped some medication. I know I shouldn't.
My house keeper is working out great. The only problem is that now that the apartment is becoming more organized and clean I am focusing on deeper issues that bother me. I am also listening to a lot of Sting....I don't know if that is helping or hurting me. I have had some bad thoughts but give myself pep talks.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
I've been hoping for an update.
Tell your pdoc to find you a magic pill. We really should have one available to us by now. :D

I wonder if that is one reason I avoid organizing my stuff -- for fear of having to deal with the other stuff in my head next.

I suspect that you will adjust to the newly organized apartment. I hope that the nightmares goes away.
And I'm glad that you have a good housekeeper.
I have to find one but am not even sure how to start. Maybe I can ask around in my new apt complex -- but that would mean that I would have to start being friendlly and chatty with people.
And hubby doesn't want anyone near his stuff anyway.
mari

[Nikko]

BF - glad you checked in here. Oh, how I wish I had a housekeeper.

I do know about the nightmares, I am having horrid dreams/nightmares lately too. It's the situation, I suppose.

I know the financial burden too, it is the worse, plus the worry.

Hang in there - Baby Steps, Hugs, Nikko

[bizi]

I am hoping that you are doing alright this weekend.
Wanted to ask you if this is a picture of you with your doggies? One of them was named morgy and I don't know the name of the other.
WHo ever it is adorable.
((((HUGS))))
bizi givng morgy a pep talk too.

[mymorgy]

the avatar is hammy,morgy and me taken about eight or nine years ago....sorry it isn't sharper...
an organized friend sent me this
Organized People Are Too Lazy To Look For Things"..
Today turned into a wonderful day but gave me too much energy...i haven't gone to sleep yet. My former cleaning person called up and asked if she could come over...She said she wanted to help me but not for money. I told her I would love to see her and that I thought we had a special bond. She stayed for three hours...we talked for most of the time...towards the end I couldn't prevent her from cleaning the kitchen a little...My best friend was the one who found her for me and then there was a lot of tension. I have been emailing my best friend but we haven't talked on the phone. The major issue I told her I didn't want to speak on the phone about anyways. It was too troubling. I called her back after Carol left and we had a great conversation and her affect was great. I didn't detect any feelings of anger at me. I was so relieved I knew energy was going to be released. I have really been depressed over my relationship with her and it is almost a forty year relationship...She is a treasure of a friend.....
I found Vera through http://www.craigslist.com -I don't know Mari if you are willing to try that. Vera doesn't go into any drawers or anything. She doesn't clean the computer...although she accidently switched off the power switch the other day -there are also signs in our laundry room for cleaning help...
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
I like your picture of you and your dogs.
For now hubby says that he will do cleaning on weekend. We'll see.

It sounds like you had a nice visit with your former cleaning lady....also a nice talk with your friend Carol.

I went to the mall today with a friend to buy mostly under garments and pajamas and a couple of t-shirts to wear with jeans.

Mari

[bizi]

that is odd, mari your time sstamp on your last post here is before the tiem post of bobbys right before it....
anyway.
YOu guys are both up so late....
wonder if you have found the night owls forums?
wonder too if they chat this late in the chat rooms.
Glad that you got to go shopping mari with a friend and that you bobby had such good conversations with your people/friends in your life.
For me: 3 hour conversations can throw me into hypo mania,or rather maybe I am hypomanic and then have 3 hour conversations...
ya know chicken ,egg......
anyway, too much emotional interactions can do that for me too.
one hour should be my limit.
have a good day and rest.
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[Nikko]

Hi Morgy, I love your avatar, so cute.

How are you doing today? Check in when you can.

Hugs, Nikki:)

[mymorgy]

I am so glad you like the picture of hammy morgy and me....they were so handsome and cute...at the same time...who me prejudice..?no way
I know about overstimulation from too much people interaction...it gets painful too but I wanted so hard to try to understand Carol and what happened...It caused me a lot of pain when she abruptly stopped coming to the apartment...Although she is unrealistic, she is like sunshine...
Mari, I hope your husband does do the cleaning on the weekends....that sounds like the perfect solution....and I am glad you had the energy to go to the mall...I think i buy everything from the internet and mostly from ebay. or amazon or half.com.
My medications are definitely not working...I am taking a ton too. I see dr moussavian now that I switched to seeing him every third week. I am chain smoking, obsessively listening to music and pushing myself to read. A lot of times now I just lie in bed and have racing thoughts about all the things I am worried about. My nerves are totally shot...and I feel so overburdened. Of course I hardly leave the apartment, do no or hardly no cleaning and no cooking..hardly look at the mail..in other words except for smoking, listening to music and reading and petting and feeding the cats, and thinking, and taking my medications which I now resent since they interfere I think with sharp thinking and have made me gain so much weight...(I have to force myself to take the medications now...) I have tried to remove as much stress from my life as possible and at the same time, my anxiety appears to be increasing and I am finding I am doing less and less.
I had a lot of stressful things happen this summer and heavy stress this fall so maybe I am still reeling from that. It is awfully painful here.
Bobby

[Nikko]

Hi - Maybe it would be a good idea to call your doctor and tell him you feel the meds aren't working. Did your Dr. recently change your meds?

((((((((((((((((((((((Morgy))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))

Go easy, baby steps, please get in touch with your Dr. too.

Keep posting, Nikko;)

[bizi]

This sounds like a mixed state that you are in.
If you don't mind sharing what meds you are taking...I would be interested in knowing if you have ever taken abilify before?
I wonder if it is time for a med change...ya know sometimes they just don't work for you any more...that has happened to me this last med change.
PM me if you want to sweetie.
I worry about you being there...and am sorry that you are suffering so.
(((((HUGS))))
Your avatar makes me smile every time I see it. :)

[mymorgy]

your avatar makes me feel warm! I did have a medication change recently.
Dr.Moussavian added 1000 m of depakote and raised the risperdal from one to two m and raised the klonopin from one to two m. He decreased the geodon from two sixty m to one sixty m and raised the paxil to 37 1/2 and I am still on topamax at a 100. I tried abilify but it caused mouth movement. I tried lamictal but it caused gum soreness. I tried welbutrin but it was a nightmare. I tried ambien and lunesta and they didn't work. I tried trazadone and it didn't work. I tried lithium and it didn't work.
Bobby

[mymorgy]

Bizi
your avatar gave me the courage to choose my avatar
Bobby

[Mari]

hi Morgy,
'Just wondering how you are doing.
Mari

[mymorgy]

Hi
thanks for asking...I am not sleeping...how is your sleep coming? are you still using the ear plugs? yesterday i read two books and I started on the third one and decided just to lie in bed and listen to music....I feel so wired....I am meeting my best friend and another friend for lunch today...I don't know what shape I will be in since I didn't sleep at all last night...oh and yesterday I hardly had any coffee...not on purpose but at least it proved it is not the coffee I drink. Abby kept me company most of the night....Yuki finally gave up and moved off the bed...Snowy did it much earlier....I guess Abby knows how beautiful she is....she doesn't need to worry about beauty sleep....She really proves that she is very content to have twenty four hours of attention.
Bobby

[mymorgy]

the building is still on my case....i had an appointment with Dr.moussavian today. It was wonderful. I am going to be seeing him again every other week for a while. I had two separate dreams in which I needed him. We decided while I was going through this trying period it was best to go back to the original schedule. He wants me to have a house cleaner come in every week.
When I called Vera, she apologized and said her doctor said because of her allergies she could no longer work for me because I had cats.
Dr. Moussavian repeated at least two times that given the circumstances I am showing remarkable improvement. He made me feel so good.
I again told him that I am hardly getting any sleep but he didn't come up with any suggestions. We already tried sleeping pills. I told him I was up most of the night obsessing about my current problems and then early this morning I realized I was doing the best I could and felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. He said to the effect that was great thinking and that was exactly what I was doing and what I should be thinking.
At one point during the session, before I mentioned the topic which the building was disturbing me about, I said I was worried about mentioning it to him because he didn't believe me at first when I had previously mentioned a previous complaint brought by the building. I must feel very comfortable with him to have confronted him like that.
We also talked a little about politics and it is amazing how much we agree.
We both believe in open borders. We also talked about the Koran as he is Moslem....a very varied session.
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
I wish that the building would get off your case. You have enough on your mind. Are there any organizations that can help you deal with the building? I don't know....

Good news that you and Dr. M feel that you are showing improvement. That is affirming to hear it from someone else even if you know it for yourself.

Take care.


Mari

[mymorgy]

Hi Mari
First I was shocked that Dr.Moussavian said that I had really improved. My friend thought it might have a lot to do with my confrontation of him and then my ability to talk about politics and the Koran and internation repercussions in the face of all my personal problems.
I too wish the building would get off my case. My close friend Alice even suggested indirectly that I cut my hair short to appease them. Talk about a police state. My friend Robert came up tonite with his precious dog Mickey and I had the nerve to tell him one of the things the building was saying about me. I am too embarrassed to write it on the forum. He said it wasn't true in his experience and that it wouldn't be grounds for eviction either.
I am pretty sure the social worker is coming back one more time and I will tell her and see what she says. Also I didn't sleep much last night from worry. Thank goodness for Zucchero and Andrea Bocelli...I didn't try to read through the night but rather just listened to music to soothe my troubled soul lol...
Bobby

[bizi]

YOur living situation sounds really hard to tolerate....I wish that you could find alternative arrangements...where you did not feel so persecuted...to think that they want you to cut your hair....
hurumpf.....
bizi

[Mari]

Hi Morgy,
Do you have plans for Thanksgiving? Something different?
I feel like I should do something that I normally don't, like go for a walk on the beach (it is warming up a bit). I don't know yet.

Those buiilding people are weird. Just plain weird. I'm glad that you have Robert.
mari

[mymorgy]

for thanksgiving I had two pints of haagen daz ice cream...rocky road and chocolate chocolate chip ice cream. just what i didn't need but I wanted to celebrate and what better way than with ice cream.
the day before thanksgiving the building manager came to my apartment. I was so scared. well, he fell over backwards to be nice to be. without even testing the stove, the excuse he used to come to my apartment(the super could have come or a workman) he said I needed a new stove. he asked if i need a new refrigerator. I was so floored I didn't answer. I walked him into the main room and said i needed a new air conditioner. He said he couldn't order it now but to call him in March. He was smiling and SO FRIENDLY..HE CALLED ME HONEY...HE EVEN MENTIONED MY HAVING A PAIN JOB...but i said right now it was too stressful and I couldn't take stressful. Then I mentioned birds and he thought I was referring to something negative he had said about all my former birds but I said no your grandfather or somebody. Then he told me the story of his uncle who raised beautiful canaries which were every body's envy because of their gorgeous orange color. His uncle put food coloring in their water bowl and they would give themselves baths and give themselve that color. Nobody knew.
I have no idea what the building is doing. I felt so relieved after meeting with him. He certainly didn't act as if they were planning on evicting me. He treated me as I was the world's most desirable tenant and I was sitting on their pot of gold. In this market, I am pretty sure that they might even get five hundred thousand dollars for my apartment.
My expenses are going to go way up when the cleaning person starts working every week starting this Tuesday. My friend said she would help me but I didn't ask her. I have also been spending more money on ebay. I think I am getting more reconciled to eventually living in a senior apartment housing where the rents are much cheaper but my friend wrote that she thought that wouldn't happen. I finally called my uncle and told him I hadn't called because I had overwhelming problems but now they were settling down. He was very understanding. I didn't laugh during the conversation but on occasion pleaded with him not to worry about me and that I was the luckier sister. He thought it was very sad that my sister or her sons weren't helping me. I couldn't believe it but I told him a couple of times to feel compassion for her...that was me talking....I must be getting healthier unless I am really crazy lol
Bobby

[Mari]

Dear Morgy,
I enjoyed the canary story.
I remember reading about feading flamigos shrimp to keep their pink coats.

That is amazing to think about how your apartment could be worth so much on the open market!

My take on moving after moving out of a place I had for 14 years: the worry about moving is much greater than the actual move itself. For my first night in the new apt, I slept easier than I had in years.

Mari

[bizi]

Dear bobby,
you sound pretty healthy to me.
I enjoyed the story about the birdies, food coloring!
lol
So glad that he was nice to you...you deserved to be treated nicely.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

[Nikko]

Hi , I loved the story of your birds. I wonder if that would work with my cockateils.

I am glad you are being treated nicely. You sound good.

Hugs, Nikko

[mymorgy]

I am so glad everybody enjoyed the story of the canaries as much as I did...if the building manager calls me(I hope he doesn"t) or maybe I will leave a note for him and tell him I put his story about the canaries on the forum and everybody enjoyed it...
yesterday boy did i crash...today I have a bit more energy....not enough to read yet...amazing..
I started looking for dog sweaters for my friend's, Robert, dog Mickey...for xmas....I hope Robert lets me buy Mickey one. They dropped by this afternoon and I had my therapy... :-) Mickey is such a mellow dog...He lets me cradle him in my arms and pet him with his lying on his back....Abby was sitting right next to him...what a picture.
Bobby

[mymorgy]

I got approved for SCRIE-the rent freeze for people over sixty two with incomes below twenty six thousand in nyc. that is a big help. I think my sleeping problems are related at least to a large part to my being terrified over finances.
I had my new cleaning person and his mother come yesterday. He charges eighty dollars a session...wow...The mother gave me three hugs and boy did i need them and welcomed them. They were terrific. She and he are going to come at first and then just Georgy. I am sure after the apartment is organized he will be able to do it in under three hours. I am promising myself I won't get upset.
I am so sleep deprived I can't seem to do anything. Big news. Abby was able to manage to climb on a piece of furniture and get on top of the wall unit.
She is just sitting there now...She must be so proud of herself.
Bobby

[bizi]

This is fantastic news!!!!!
I am so happy for you...
maybe this will help you to sleep tonight?
Has Abby been sick?
sorry have not been keeping up.
any way
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[mymorgy]

abby had been sick this summer and went down to four pounds...a few weeks ago I though she might be sick but within two days her behavior was normal...then I thought Yuki was sick. I didn't see her eat for a day but now she is eating.
I am really relieved about SCRIE but I have so many expenses...it is still so scary...and humana changed their medicare d program so now they have the donut hole except for generic brands that don't me much good...I probably am going to order drugs from Canada too. I think the drugs will cost me over fifteen hundred dollars more this year. My friend said she will pay for two cleaning sessions a month which is a lot...but I am so scared about friendship and money.
Bobby

[bizi]

Morgy,
My aunt buys from cananda...
Did you see the post about having your pdoc write scripts for double strenght...then cut them if half if able they only usually charge per pill not dosage for 15 pills it should be half...
I jsut read that walmart is selling alot of generic meds for $4.00 and target also.
Medication costs are out the roof...thank ful that I have insurance...
still my $50 copay is alot.
bizi

[Mrs. Bear]

I hope you find a better way to get your meds, sweetheart. Do you have to stay with Humana? They are ok, but that doughnut hole thing is kinda, well, sneaky and underhanded. That isn't what you originally bought, ya know? I really don't like insurance companies today. They are all stupid.

I am excited about the cleaning people. They sound really nice. I hope they don't upset you. And I am happy about your rent cap. That is going to really help in the long term. Yeah!

[mymorgy]

one of my friends is now convinced that since the democrats are in, there is going to be health reform and better prices on drugs...I am still skeptical.
In New York there is a program called Epic and when you are sixty five drug prices drop significantly. I do get double strength lipitor and cut it in half. I also saw that Canada has generic Risperdal but haven't seen it here. I wonder why. I heard about Walmart doing that. That is so great for so many.
You can order by phone from them and send in the prescription. Actually I could probably do that with generic paxil except real paxil works so much better for me. In Canada, they have more generic versions and a time release one I don't think they have here.
The rent cap really is significant. This year and next year combined will save me over twenty two hundred dollars besides a lot of fear. We have rent stabilization and rent control still in New York so the percentage of increase is voted upon every year and you can sign a one or two year lease. I think there are still a million of us who are still under some rent control. Without rent control, the prices are truly insane. A two bedroom is easily four five hundred dollars a month. They are snapped up too. Some very wealthy people have rent controlled apartments and the landlords can't do anything about it. When they can, they do.
Georgy who cleaned my apartment talked to Ron today. Ron is my friend and who told me about Georgy. Georgy said there was a lot of work to be done in my apartment lol. At least he didn't run away.
He and his mother use clorox clean up versus fantastic etc...they said it was the best cleaner....he also suggested fabric softener to take out cat odors...
he also used a foam spray that evaporates on the carpets that takes away pet odors and says there is a good one for smoking odors.
Bobby

[Nikko]

Hi,
Glad to hear about the rent control, that is one less worry. Your cleaning guy sounds great. I use that powder stuff on my rugs for my pets and then vacuum. I also have the stuff you just spray on and it evaporates for smells.

I got one of those air spray freshener's that are battery operated, and you can set the time for it to go off, mine is set at every 19 minutes.

You sound good, and I'm glad........stay happy... I am not sure about any new laws here on prescription drugs.

Hugs, Nikko;)

[Mrs. Bear]

Without rent control, the prices are truly insane. A two bedroom is easily four five hundred dollars a month.


Do you mean that is the rent they pay or how much the landlord can increase the rent?

A 2 bedroom here goes for about 650.00 to 1000.00 a month, depending on the area. I can't imagine having to find 400 more!!

Even as it is, my mortgage takes one of my paychecks. Plus pills and food and my smokes.

It's really really hard right now, isn't it? Money wise. For everybody.

I am so glad that you live in a rent controlled building as well as the program to cap the rent.

Let us know what you find out about Canada. Our meds get pretty danged expensive. :eek:

[mymorgy]

I just ordered the foam spray from amazon...I ordered three cans so I hope I like it. I once had one of those time released sprays.
I am not really happy although certain problems seem to have cleared up..ie scrie...a close friend is in rehab now and might not walk again...a woman in the building I liked a great deal died of fast acting cancer. I can't seem to concentrate for more than a minute and my mind is racing. My dry mouth is really irritating and it makes my tongue funny so a lot of times people have trouble understanding what I am saying. I keep on thinking I have cancer.
Smoking and drinking coffee makes it worse...my staples...
I wish my medication would work better.
I am frustrated because I usually don't like to give gifts but I saw this great dog sweater and Mickey's owner won't let me buy it because he knows what financial straits I am in and there is a pepper and salt shaker set that is too expensive for me to buy for a friend but I just love it and so does she. I wish I had the patience now to lie down and read...and escape.
Bobby

[bizi]

I wish you osme peace this evening...
(((HUGS)))
bizi
YOu are such a gentle soul.

[Mari]

Without rent control, the prices are truly insane. A two bedroom is easily four five hundred dollars a month. They are snapped up too. Some very wealthy people have rent controlled apartments and the landlords can't do anything about it. When they can, they do.


Hi Morgy,
Do you mean $4,500 per month? http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/surprised/eye-popping.gif (http://www.thesmilies.com)
A friend of mine thinks she could get a one bedroom for $2,000 in Manhattan. I told her that it would be very small and have bad air/heating.http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/surprised/boxedin.gif (http://www.thesmilies.com)

But I tend to be negative in general and in particular when it comes to rent and mortgages.

I feel that people should stay put. 'Sounds stupid. I wonder why people move. It's one of my things that can only partly be explained by moving every two years thanks to a Navy father and then going to 5 colleges before I got a BA, partly due to the moving of my family.
Mari

[Mari]

abby had been sick this summer and went down to four pounds...a few weeks ago I though she might be sick but within two days her behavior was normal...then I thought Yuki was sick. I didn't see her eat for a day but now she is eating.


Hi,
Such a tiny cat! http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/happy0140.gif (http://www.thesmilies.com)
I'm glad that she is better.
The SCRIE thing is good news.

I wonder what will happen with the Democrats in congress too. I am not hopeful that they can come up with a drug plan soon. I imagine that they would need more time to do more than simply tinker with it. But, we can be hopeful.

Mari

[mymorgy]

from what I have been hearing, I think it would be very hard to find a 2,000 one bedroom in manhattan these days. my friend has a tiny efficiency condo that she is renting out for 1500 a month. she didn't even try to see how much she could get.
Even rents in Astoria, fifteen minute subway ride or less from Manhattan has rents that are going up...that might be a good bet for your friend.
I forgot what degrees you had to have but some teachers here get paid ninety thousand thousands a year. Tell that to your friend in Asheville North Carolina. When I heard that I flipped out. I also flipped out when another friend said how her ex sister in law was making 300,000 a year working for a publisher...in Boston...that has to be uncommon right?
Bobby

[Mari]

I also flipped out when another friend said how her ex sister in law was making 300,000 a year working for a publisher...in Boston...that has to be uncommon right?
Bobby
Hi Bobby,
Maybe some top executives in publishing make 300,000 a year. People lie about their incomes I noticed. They mention the one good year when they got bonuses and then round up by 50%.
OK. I don't know really. 'Sounds like a good living if it is true.

But Boston can't be as expensive as Manhattan.

Mari