help

[maryfrances]

I am so sad.....somebody say something to make me smile...

[BEMM]

But first - I'm so sorry you are sad. I send you a cyber hug.
And now for the smile: On Christmas Eve we hold hands, the whole family, and walk around the Christmas tree and sing. Some of our songs are in Danish, and the in-laws and grand children just hum along. Our son's little 3 year daughter, Hazel Ping, was so happy to walk around the tree between her Mommy and Daddy, that she bounced up and down with every step, and when we sang in Danish, we could hear her very pretty voice sing along very loudly. Only her Mommy and Daddy could hear the words she sang - they were, "Scratch my head, scratch my head............"

[wendy s]

Another hug coming your way..... Kids are the best sources of smiles, aren't they. We moved from Ottawa to here in northern Alberta when our kids were small. We planned to build on an acreage, and my father-in-law supervised the drilling for a well before we came. The holes were getting deeper and more expensive, and no water was appearing, and the phone calls were going back and forth. The kids were listening and trying to understand, and finally my 4 yr. old daughter said in a very puzzled voice "Mommy, why can't we just get water from the tap in our new house?"

On another note, I was sent a cartoon before Christmas with a very happy looking lady holding a wine glass and saying "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if we run out of white, I'll settle for red"

[Stitcher]

Mary Francis...may I ask why you are sad? If too personal, don't feel you need to reply.

Hugs
666

and

Kisses
667

To You!!

[michael7733]

http://www.braincrumbs.org/Disguised.jpg Me disguised as an Elmer Fudd look-a-like incognito

[rd42]

What's green, has four legs, and would squash you if it fell out of a tree?
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A pool table! :D.

and here's a hug

http://www.oh100.com/teach/shucaiku/pic/gwmh-0042/big/hug.jpg

[michael7733]

Me standing in line at an Elmer Fudd look-a-like contest. Do you see me?

http://www.braincrumbs.org/Annoyed.jpg http://www.braincrumbs.org/Angelic.jpg http://www.braincrumbs.org/Happy.jpg http://www.braincrumbs.org/Disguised.jpg http://www.braincrumbs.org/Angry.jpg http://www.braincrumbs.org/Crying.jpg http://www.braincrumbs.org/Clown.jpg

[paula_w]

:) Here is a distraction that may take the blues away for awhile as it is long...lol Some are pretty funny. It's called HOW TO BE ANNOYING

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
Drum on every available surface.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Set alarms for random times.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Wear your pants backwards.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
Drive half a block.
Name your dog "Dog".
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Make beeping noises when a person backs up.
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Sing along at the opera.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Hope you feel better soon,
Paula

[michael7733]

Me laughing at rd42's joke and Paula's list.

HAHAHAHAHA(CLICK HERE)HAHAHAHAHA (http://www.braincrumbs.org/laugh.wav)

[paula_w]

Haha michael what a riot!

paula

[stevem53]

http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m250/slowhand_01/bushthemagnificantpsd-jpeg.jpg

[paula_w]

Is that Conquistador Bush? .......Hilarious!

paula

[stevem53]

Is that Conquistador Bush? .......Hilarious!

paula

Remember when Johnny Carson used to do "Carnac the Magnificant?"

[pegleg]

Steve
I was taking this thread so seriously until I came to your reply - LMBO (cant use the BWAD WERD as my grandson says!)

I am going to get a little risque just at the chance of making maryfrances smile - I know I did when I read this! (still chuckling)
Lord, forgive me! (but it's supposedly a true story)


This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh,
and remember...we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak.

Peggy ;)

[chasmo]

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Doggies and was in
line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........
Duh!
,
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting
The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her
head.
,
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying
it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way
it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the
food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I
have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been
standing in the street lifting my leg at a hydrant when a car hit me!!
.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

.................................................. .............................

IF you are that sad you really need medical intervention, Mary.
Are you on an antidepressant?? What meds, especially agonists are you on??
There is no reason to feel so down!! You CAN feel MUCH better!!

Get treatment!!

IF your Neurologist doesn't take you seriously, either get another or go to a neuro-psychiatrist. They will be able help you!!

big hug!
Chas

[pegleg]

Charlie
I think you won the prize so far! I was rolling in the floor and when you mentioned the hydrant, I think I busted a gut or something! LOL
:D
Peg

[BEMM]

Peg is right, that is an absolutely lovely yarn, Charlie, I can't stop laughing. And what a brilliant diet idea!!!!!!!!

hahahahaha

birte

[pegleg]

Charlie

One more thing that would have sent the whole gang away in stitches who were listening to your story. You should have looked at that lady ever so seriously and whispered leaning toward her, "There's just one problem with this diet. Sometimes I just want to . . . (GRRR - woof!)"

Can you just see that now? lol

Peg

[michael7733]

Peggy,

Shake it off, girl. Grrrrrrrrr, shake it off. Cut back on the Iams and eat more Gravy Train. :icon_wink:

[DaleD]

Maryfrancis,

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and since I've been working at the same place since God was a kid everyone thinks it is necessart to fatten me up with ice cream and cake. It has become a custom for me to read some getting older jokes before we eat so here is some of this years.

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
A young babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"Getting a little action" means, "I don't need to take any fiber today."
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
An "all nighter" means not getting up to go use the bathroom!
"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"
You send money to PBS.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.

[Todd]

Got this in an email today and thought it was pretty good...

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

MaryFrancis, you always have choices in life, no matter what the circumstances may be. Hang in there...

Todd
PDTalks.com

[paula_w]

Dale - every single one of your statements made me laugh...and they are so true!


Todd - yours is a great message, I played outside, played in the woods, made friends with a local crow at the playground, played softball, etc etc and my mother or father "called my name loudly" when it was time to come home. They stood outside and just yelled "Paauullaaaa ....time to eat." And I usually heard them and went home.

Paula

[BEMM]

How have we also managed to make the world so unsafe that the children can't be free to roam and play like we did?
Sorry, now I'm sad too...

[burckle]

Paula:

You are soooooooo funny.

lloyd

[maryfrances]

You guys are the greatest!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!!!!
I am laughing and smiling now........

Love you all,

Mary:D