It's hard Steffi but what else is there out there

[Thelma]

Steffi

Just close off your email and private messages for awhile. But please continue posting here. I have to do that periodically as well.

Your real girl and that can be hard to take at times for some.

Everyone seems to think they can get to know others on the net but that to me is fallacy.

Advice in person is cheap and the ones who pm what really are strangers offering to help are fooling themselves into believing they can be of help.

I too have done it a couple of times and one of those times was you.

I think then it was to ask you the same thing as I m doing now, stay around and if you want to post do so and I for sure will read it and ponder your thoughts for the insight that at 75 years jof age I am still developing.

To h with you needing us we need you lol

LOL she said but she means that she is trying to keep it light and not really laughing as it is not a laughing matter. Hard work to learn how to write on the net eh what

There she goes again, eh what, shades of Coronation Street she is mimicking.

Try and I will too eh Steffi. We need to understand each other here and you can be the leading act.

[gretta]

Stefi, I've been looking on this forum for a couple of weeks> I joined today. This is my 2nd post. I need you, Stefi. Please stay, and don't pay attention to anything negative. I'm so sorry for whatever that was negative that was said. I've read alot of your posts; and I like you lots. Gretta

[EnglishCountryDancer]

Steff.We need you.We need your bravery]].We need your humour.We need your sense of proportion.We need you to keep us from sinking in despair.One person's opinion is not the opinion of us all. Please open the Parkinson's Disease Society website and press forum I think you will be surprised and pleased by what you will find under Looking the right way through the telescope and Different but both excellent.At least I hope you will be pleased.

[EnglishCountryDancer]

The comments were written on Parkinson's Disease website forum before you received the unpleasant e mail.

[Maureen]

This should really be a private message to you Steff, but it is what it is for now. I don't know what's going on here, I'm in shock to be honest. I saw you on-line earlier today and was going to drop you a line but I had to take my aunt to the doctor and decided I would write you when I returned. When I read this thread I just couldn't believe it. Please don't let anyone on this forum or any place else undermine you. You are the juice that keeps this place interesting as far as I'm concerned. Yes, there are very many scientific people who post here and they know a whole lot more than I. I enjoy reading the knowledge they impart. However, you are the reason I check this place out every day. It's your attitude, your whole approach to life, your demeanor on this board that makes me visit every day. Some people for whatever reason are just plain miserable and can be jealous even from a distance. The other evening I PM'd you and I haven't had a chance to send another yet. I hope you will get a chance to read it when I send it. For now, I will repeat a part of what I wrote to you privately. When I saw your new picture, I thought how lovely you look. When I saw the devastation of the flood to your home, I was so saddened for you. I said in my PM to you that while your home is in such an upheaval right now, I had to say it is beautiful, reminding me of those beautiful English estates you see in the movies. I also wrote that you have the 3 B's: Beauty, Brains & Breeding.
I may not have met you in person, but your words have reached me across the pond and touched my heart. You, Steffi, have been very kind to me even while going through this nightmare happening to you and your family at this moment. I don't need more than this to call you a friend. And, you have helped me since talking to you. You and also Therese have helped keep me sane.
I apologize for going on like this but I have a need to express myself here. If you leave and all we have is some of the nasty threads that have been posted lately, then this is a sorry bunch.
Kindly, Maureen

[Todd]

Steffi!

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :D

[Chemar]

Dear Steffi

as you can see....you are much loved here! :hug:

My offer of help stands...

rather than disrupt the flow of things any further here tho, I am going to just ask that everyone be VERY sensitive in how they post here, so that we dont have another eruption.

You have my word that I am going to investigate this thoroughly and that it is already under discussion with the rest of the admin/mod team.


Cheri

[paula_w]

Thank you Chemar. Some of us who are a bit more opinionated (cough cough) and "do go on sometimes" (quote from KC Tower..lol) don't want to be suspected of off board activities of this nature. Of course I think it should be handled privately, but handled.

Steffi - you seem too strong a person to let someone run you off. If you can face what you just went through in the flooding of your personal possessions, you can shrug your way through this. Let it roll....there are more important reasons to be here.

paula

[therese]

There should be no doubt in Steffi's mind...or heart...how the people, here, feel about her...how much she would be missed...for all her very beautiful attributes...caring, supportive, giving, and oh, so humorous. I think it's important for Steffi to understand that people, here, need her as well as she needs to be here. To allow...enable ONE individual to deter her from being in a place where she is so needed...where she so needs to be...is unthinkable. So many of you, here, have validated Steffi and I believe, in time, she will be "back"...that she will NOT deprive you of her very loving and kind heart...that would be totally unlike her. I believe, too, that the love and support that you have shown her will ease the hurt...and she will be here with us.

Therese

[Thelma]

I hope Steffi reads these posts but i would like to add one more thing. What has happened and I don't know what that is exactly but it is Steffi's business and hers alone. It I assume something came to her through private message then is that not private. I have been told and many others that that is the way to handle things over and over again

So until Steffi asks for help it is not the responsibility of management to inquire what was in a private post to anyone.

This was just to say to her that whatever it was if she can see beyond it to look at the rest of us then please don't stop posting.

But private messages should be respected as private and handled accordingly. If not then our very lives are under scrutiny and who here could approach anyone when they feel there could be consequences from doing so.

Communicating is hard and to bring a third party into it can be more harmfull.

Let Steffi handle it.

[EnglishCountryDancer]

Do you value the opinion of the person who sent you that private message?Of course not so ignore it.Where do you put rubbish?

[vlhperry]

I am the guilty one. I am the one that should be put in the trash. I admit I was the one who upset Stephi. I will stop posting now because apparently I make people here feel unsafe, which was not my intention.

I apologize, Stephi, Your use of a heart icon made me feel I could try to encourage you to be who you are. I must have used very bad judgement to hurt you so much. Be safe, I won't haunt you anymore.

Vicky

[Chemar]

I hope Steffi reads these posts but i would like to add one more thing. What has happened and I don't know what that is exactly but it is Steffi's business and hers alone. It I assume something came to her through private message then is that not private. I have been told and many others that that is the way to handle things over and over again

So until Steffi asks for help it is not the responsibility of management to inquire what was in a private post to anyone.

This was just to say to her that whatever it was if she can see beyond it to look at the rest of us then please don't stop posting.

But private messages should be respected as private and handled accordingly. If not then our very lives are under scrutiny and who here could approach anyone when they feel there could be consequences from doing so.

Communicating is hard and to bring a third party into it can be more harmfull.

Let Steffi handle it.

Thelma

FYI Steffi DID handle it, She handled it by contacting me immediately after she had made her post.
She did exactly the right thing.

Please dont post assumptions on what admin ("management") are or arent doing when you do not know the facts.

I have said many times we do our best to work OFF the boards. We try not to intervene ON them so as not to disrupt the forums

We do not violate member privacy here.

If a member chooses to report a PM for harassment or threats,or SPAM, then we intervene. Otherwise, what happens in private messages is just that, private. We do not and cannot read any private messages unless they are forwarded to us. Only DocJohn can enter the PM system and he does not do so out of total respect for member privacy

And
while we encourage members to settle their own disputes by PM and not on the boards, that does not permit for unsolicited PMs that harass, threaten, attack or SPAM.

I am working on this situation as are the rest of the team and we are doing it as privately as possible, totally with respect for all the members here, investigating the facts, and so we would appreciate not being second guessed about the very careful way we are handling a delicate and difficult situation, and where we may be aware of more facts than are evident just here on the boards.

I hope this whole matter can now return to being a private issue between members directly concerned, and, where they request it, us in admin.

thank you
Cheri

[EnglishCountryDancer]

Do not over react I did not say put you in the trash.I said the opinion that was expressed belonged in the rubbish.The trouble with these sort of postings and e mails for that matter is that you can press the send button before you have had to think over what you have said.When you phone you can hear how what you have got to say goes down;with a letter you have to fold ,stick the stamp on and get to post box.I would not like to say how many times I have torn a letter up just before I have put it in posting box.Now I am going to have a nice cup of tea before I press Send. Hopefully, Steff will accept your apologise

[chasmo]

sometimes we simply use poor judgement, sometimes in our PD Stupor, we say one thing and mean another. Soometimes cultural differences come into play.
The point I am trying to make is that this is an imperfect form of communication, and we all need to be circumspect in what we say, and how we react to it.
My reaction to be honest was "whats all the fuss about?"

NOTHING said here has the power to upset me though.

I think the world of you Steffi and you Vicky. My recommendation is to give each other a big cyber-hug and chalk this one up to the frailities of the English language!!

You are both great ladies!!

Steffi, I remember my grandmother telling me when I was a little tych, that "when all you had was mud, make mudpies!"....LOL. I never knew what she meant by that......til now!!

Hope your cleanup goes well!

:hug:

Charlie

[kimmydawn]

What a beautiful, encouraging post, Charlie.

Everyone,

Please remember that this thread is to support a member, but while supporting please take care not to flame, attack or overly-criticize another. When that happens, support is taken away from in the thread to one we want to show care to. Thank you so much.

Steffi,

I'm so, so, so sorry about everything going on in your life right now. If I can support you in any way, please let me know.

We're here for you.

KD

[Thelma]

WEll what a fine mess this is.

Why the heck can't people contact each other and handle ilt themselves without contacting the police.

Whatever happened in this computer age that required outside help in all matters.

Two people have had a fallout or a differing of opinions and some hasty words were exressed.

I should have minded my own business and stayed out of it.

So that is it for me.























An I leaving the forum NO
Am I minding my own business MAYBE YES
Going to start liking moderation NO
Going to get kicked off the forum MAYBE YES maybe no














Going to change my ways.....................................hell NO

[Jo*mar]

well it has been a full moon you know.....:)
shall we chalk it up to "full moon syndrome " ??

there are documented studies proving that more of certain incidents happen during full moon cycles...

[Chemar]

LOL Thelma you exasperate me sometimes but I take your point.

Jo, my son has Tourette Syndrome and has an increase in his tics at full moon waxing......and particularly so at solstice full moon which we are in at present.
It isnt in any way an insulting thing re the moon and incidents...there is much research to back it and I personally feel that the fluids and chemistry etc of our systems is as affected by the cycles of nature as everything else alive on this ole planet

but

that is now way off topic:o

and so I just want to say this at this point so we can keep this open as a support thread for Steffi that maybe just focus on the support and not the reasons for needing it beyond that support, and her recent floods

I know steffi would not want to see this board disrupted anymore and so with that let me just say that I have tried to be as diplomatic here as possible and to also be as open as possible so that we did not have rumours and innuendos flying.

Thank you Vicky for voluntarily stepping up to put that speculation to rest

I am hoping you will return steffi and that we can now move forward to just doing what is done best here.

I am planning to self edit some of my own posts as I am hoping this entire incident can now remain a private issue between us on admin and those concerned directly. I feel some of my own comments are no longer appropriate here and that it is time for this thread and this whole forum to move forward.

Steffi........hoping the sun is shining in your part of England and that the cleanup is going well as expected and that you feel much better and have that beautiful smile back :)

Cheri

[AnnT2]

I would hate for this to turn into an atmosphere where everyone has to be nice to each other. Good manners are ok. Name calling is unproductive. However, differences of opinion, even strong ones, should be fine.

I am surprised at how easily administration steps in to curb or direct the conversation. Then when they are criticized, they get a little sensitive also! Can't we all just converse without worrying that we might be a little riled and express emotions? After all, the group is a forum as well as a reference tool. I don't want this to turn into a situation which reminds me of some of my elementary classrooms under stern direction. If somebody makes me angry, I will say so. If I make somebody angry, they should say so. We all should be able to handle it.

I used to enjoy the forum. It was a meal with the staples as well as condiments and even hot chili. I don't want it to turn into just plain rice.

Steffi and Vlhperry - Why would you ever quit on the basis of someone not liking what you said?

Ann

[Chemar]

:Sigh:

I would hate for this to turn into an atmosphere where everyone has to be nice to each other............................................. .......
I am surprised at how easily administration steps in to curb or direct the conversation. Then when they are criticized, they get a little sensitive also!
Ann
when something is reported to admin we are obliged to "step in" and investigate

If we did nothing, we would be even more heavily criticized!

We do not expect everyone to "be nice to one another"

I have emphasized many times that debate and even disagreement is fine, but flames. harassment, threats etc are not

That is clearly stated in the guidelines.


As to me getting a "little sensitive".......that honestly is not the issue.
Yes, being first and foremost a member here, I am simply human and hence have sensitive feelings etc just like the rest of us, and yes, I can make mistakes too, and am the first to admit when I do and I hope I have shown that I am open to valid and constructive criticism..........
but
my actions here are not based on my feelings, they are based on the application of the guidelines that DocJohn has in place to protect all of the members here, us mods and admin members included!

Here are the guidelines so it can be remembered what the directives are re admin issues on the boards, as well as member on member posts and PMs

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=1293


I have kept this thread open, even tho it was a continuation of a locked thread, and so theoretically should have been closed from the start....but this matter became public here very quickly and so it seemed best to address it openly, rather than have the rumour and innuendo flying

I was also hoping Steffi would return and have a chance to thank everyone here for their support and that peace could be made.

For now however, I am closing this thread as I feel it has run its course, and there are other members of this forum wanting to just move on now.

Steffi and Vicky, you are both members we care about.
I hope peace can be made between you, especially as it appears this has been a major misunderstanding of written words.
I hope that you will both continue to be part of this group.

Cheri