My brother-in-law passed away

[cherokeegrl]

Hi all! It's been a long time since I have posted here, and I've missed so many of you. The support here has been tremendous, and gotten me through so many difficult times. This has always been a good place to find support and advice on processing through something like this.

We've had a tragedy in the family, and I'd like to ask for prayers for my sister, neice and nephew. My brother-in-law overdosed on Methadone, and has passed away. The overdose wasn't intentional, but he wasn't prescribed the methadone either. He was only 44, and did have an addiction to narcotics. He and my sister had separated a few months ago, but have been married 27 years.

It was very difficult to see him laying there on life support. He went 45 min. without oxygen, and was clinically dead when the ambulance arrived. I can't believe he is gone. I just saw him recently when I stayed at my sister's, about a month ago. It's sort of surreal, and I think my sister is in shock.

My nephew got married the day before his dad OD'd, and his birthday was the day after, the same day they took his dad off life support. He is devastated! CAT scans showed no brain activity at all, and his heart had stopped. He passed away in front of the jail, where he was bailing my neice out. There was a girl with him (Terry), who was arrested at the scene over this. She is the one who went in and give the money to bail my neice out. This girl went back out to the truck where Terry was, to wait for my neice's release. She thought he was passed out from the drugs they were taking, when he was actually dead. She was so loaded that she didn't notice he wasn't breathing. My neice came out and discovered he wasn't breathing, and had no pulse. She started CPR, but it was too late. She is also having a very hard time absorbing all of this! I'm so sad over this, as is our whole family. It's just horrible!

Any words of wisdom, or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Especially for my sister, and the kids. They all are taking this real hard. His whole family is too. We all are. The funeral is this coming Friday.

{{{{{hugs to all}}}}}
~Kimmy

[bizi]

This is so tragic for you and your family.....
very sad...so very sad.
((((HUGS)))):hug:
bizi

[cherokeegrl]

Thanks for the hugs Bizi! So good to see you!!
Yes, it is a very sad situation. It was so sudden...I think that is why we are all so shocked!
{{{{{{Bizi}}}}}}

[befuddled2]

:hug: Kimmy, :hug:

It'll just take time to grieve and not everyone grieves the same way. You have my condolences.

befuddled2

[FeelinGoofy]

Kimmy,
I'm so sorry!!!!!
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Curious]

:( awww kimmy, i am sorry for your loss.

lots of hugs and prayers. :hug:

i'm glad you came back and posted. we're here for you.

[Jo*mar]

So sorry - my sympathy and thoughts to the whole family.:grouphug:

[cherokeegrl]

Thanks to all of you! :grouphug:
I sincerely appreciate the prayers! :heartthrob:
This is a tough one...so unexpected! :Noooo:

[moose53]

I remember you, ((((((Kimmy))))))

I'm so sorry :(

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/huggiebears-mini.gif

I'll never understand why people take this crap. Methadone's a bad one -- you can overdose without even realizing it.

Your family's gonna have such a hard time with this. It's so senseless. You guys have got to make sure you all talk a lot to each other and hold each other and listen to each other. Keep an eye on his kids, Kimmy.

I'll say a quiet prayer for your brother-in-law tonight.

Healing Hugs and Blessings for your family.

Barb http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/sorrowsmiley2.gif (http://www.millan.net)

[Addy]

Kimmy, Kimmy, ((((Kimmy)
Unreal...

... physical and mental pain
... has so many of us abusing substances that kill us!

we come from all walks of life...
none of us is immune to the overpower clutches of abuse...

This young (44!) man's pain was too deep and he didn't have the strength or courage or know-how or whatever it took to be free of abuse...
its so sad!

your family will wonder
over and over again
whether or not they "could have... or should have... or would have

if only ... if only...."

I'm so sorry you all have to suffer with this horrible loss.
:grouphug:
Addy :(

[Lara]

Hi Kimmy,
I'm so terribly sorry to read of your loss. :(
I've not seen you in ages. Often wondered how you were doing.
Keep strong.

:hug:

[~scrabble]

:hug: Kimmy, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[cherokeegrl]

It is so wonderful to hear from everyone, I have missed all of you very much!
Your words of wisdom, and support mean alot to me. :grouphug:

The main reason I'm going to the funeral is to support my family. My sister and the kids. They need this side of their family's support. We will get through this, but the pain of it all is going to take a long time to get through.

Things like this don't make any sense, so thank you for helping me think on things that might be helpful to all the other members of our family!

Your prayers, condolences, and support is truly appreciated! :heartthrob:
:hug: :hug: :hug:
~Kimmy

[CoolAngel26]

:grouphug: :hug: :hug: :grouphug: Love,Kristin

[Alffe]

If I stumble you will pick me up. If I am ahead of you I will come back for you. We will meet each other half way as our souls connect. I promise I will hold your hand along the way if you promise you will hold my heart.

I read this and thought of you this morning Kimmy. :hug:

[Doody]

(((Kimmy))) :hug:

[Addy]

I am grateful that your family has you dear ((((Kimmy)))).

I am sorry that this sadness is happening to you all.

Alffe - thanks for those words.
xo
Addy

[cherokeegrl]

As you can imagine, the funeral was very sad. There were so many people there that I haven't seen in 15 - 20 years. We were brought together for the wrong reason, but it was good to catch up with a few. I did get to see my brother just under me, whom I haven't seen in a long time. That was a bright spot!

The pastor that spoke read a letter that my brother-in-law had written to my sister several years ago. In the letter he asked the pastor if he would give that letter to "his lovely wife". My BIL was incarcerated at the time. The pastor found it, and brought it to the funeral, to read and give it to her. While that was a special moment, it was so sad, and she broke down. His message wasn't sugar coated at all! He said there were probably some in the congregation that had most likely did the drugs with him, or even supplied him with them! He told me later that he was angry over this death, that it was senseless. He felt bad by not checking in on my BIL more after he was back home. The pastor said he intends on staying in better touch with my sister and the kids. That made me feel good.

My niece was totally out of it, messed up on pills. I think it was Xanax and Pain pills. It was very obvious, and she didn't have much to say to any of her kids. Which she lost custody of when she went to jail for the same stuff! It was so wrong that she come there in that shape, and my nephew didn't handle it real well. So there were some stressful things going on, on the side, that made it even more intense. My niece was in jail, and the reason my BIL was there picking her up. She was the one who gave CPR on her dad, and he was already gone. She's a mess!

After the funeral, my nephew had everyone over to his home, but told everyone "No Alcohol, because that is what killed his dad." He was going to take my niece in for awhile, and try to help her. After she chose to numb herself with narcotics before coming to the funeral, he said she couldn't live there. I think she took more, because when we left, she was a walking zombie. My sister was there with her though, so I'm sure she took care of her. What a mess!!

The funeral is over for most of us, but not my sister, and I do worry about her...the kids too. This is pretty close to home, and I don't want to be attending another untimely funeral! I'm sure you can understand that. I know I can't do much more than pray for them, and stay in contact.

What a wonderful group of friends you all are!! :grouphug:

[Alffe]

I just wanted to leave you some hugs this morning Kimmy. :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: