I NEED some Confidence.

[Wiix]

I don't have any and I don't think I ever did. :o How does one get Confidence?

[Lekatt]

I don't have any and I don't think I ever did. :o How does one get Confidence?


You gain confidence by believing in yourself and your abilities. Sometimes this is not easy because you may be critical of yourself most of the time.

You can do affirmations to build confidence and you can take note of all the right things you can do no matter how small, such as encouraging someone else who has little confidence.

Here are the affirmations to try, http://aleroy.com/Affirm.htm

[Wiix]

Oh my L. That just made me feel worse about it. :(

[Curious]

i have seen your beautiful plants. you have a green thumb. that is something to be confident about.

you are a caring and supportive person.

take baby steps wiix. find one thing you would like more confidence in. :hug:

[Wiix]

I would like to have SOME confidence in the thing I fail at the most miserably.

[Curious]

is there anything i can do to help? would naming something help?

[Wiix]

This MAY open a whole can of worms but here goes. I have been a virtual Hermit for the past 15 years. I am not agoraphobic, I just don't see any reason to go out, I mean Socially, unless I have to like ........ buy FOOD. Any friends I had have either moved away, died or lost their minds. It seems like such a lot of work to try to make friends only to have them go away. :( And since it's no fun going anywhere alone, I just stay home ALL the time. Is THIS all there is?? :o

[Curious]

not everyone has to have have that buddy buddy best friend ya know?

i haven't spent 15 years in your posistion. but pretty much 3 years. getting back in the swing of just having casual friends is hard.

but in a group...way easier.

what about a garneding club? or a book club at the library?

there is no obligation after the appointed time, but sometimes the goups will go for coffee or a bite to eat.

or taking a class at a community college or is a the high school has adult education?

wiix...my pm box is always open if this get's too hard to post about. :hug:

[theoneRogue420]

Wiix,

I know exactly how you feel. I have been basically housebound for around 7 years now. Between rsd/crps, aids and epilepsy, going out can be risky. The last thing I need is someone else's cold. So I go to Walmart once every two weeks and the dr.s about once a month.

My comfort/friends are here online. If I didn't have the internet I'd go stir crazy! :eek:

Confidence isn't easy to come by. I have very little myself. But like the other posters said, you have to look at what you do well (for me, my "well done" confidence booster is what a good mother I am). That is the start. Then you take baby steps, trying small new things and seeing that you CAN do whatever you set your mind to.

Best of luck, you go girl! :p

Huggers,
Rogue

[shiney sue]

I full of pain killer so all fogive my mess,anywho You are going to be one of
the people i love... And my sweet w. let's start from the beginning,i have
fell that way,and it's not fun it's sad. You say 15 year's i'm a old bat of 61
what about you come on hoe old are you, i must know so i get get to you Sue's wise advice..Now gentle let me know,i have a bad fever so be sweet.
Ok once a many years ago something just started to feel wrong and i don't care what others thing this is what happened,you turn....Pass ii on Wix first
and those who feel this way how come??? :grouphug: to help start Sue

[Lekatt]

I would like to have SOME confidence in the thing I fail at the most miserably.


And what is that thing?

[Curious]

lekatt, wiix posted it on post number 7. :)

[Chemar]

Wiix

I dont have answers but I do have a :hug: for you and a hope and prayer that maybe being able to talk here will help to heal this for you and give you that confidence you seek:grouphug:

Cheri

[Ellie]

This MAY open a whole can of worms but here goes. I have been a virtual Hermit for the past 15 years. I am not agoraphobic, I just don't see any reason to go out, I mean Socially, unless I have to like ........ buy FOOD. Any friends I had have either moved away, died or lost their minds. It seems like such a lot of work to try to make friends only to have them go away. :( And since it's no fun going anywhere alone, I just stay home ALL the time. Is THIS all there is?? :o

I can understand that feeling, somewhat. I've always been 'sickly' since birth. I tried my best to be active and did have a few good periods of time I was able to . I know deep down I'm bitter because I feel 'wronged' that while everyone else had fun, I was sick and I feel like I was experiencing things in my young life that most wouldn't in their entire lifespan.

My friends seemed to come with limitations. If I was healthy, I had a friend - if I was sick, I had no-one. I finally decided I wasn't going to feel like crap and go out just for the sake of making my friend happy. If they were my friend(s), they'd come to my house and accept that I can't do things sometimes because whoever holds the power of the world clearly wanted me to stay home and rest on my couch!

I'm lucky enough to have a great guy in my life, and for once I can say I actually have a best friend. The only downside is when I want to complain about him, he has to hear it. :)

Instead of feeling bad about being home, I decided to make it more comfortable. I have movie nights for myself, I will dress up for no reason, I have a day I crank up my music, etc. Naturally, I have days I lay there and cry because I just want to feel sorry for myself and I think that's OK. I like playing video games. To be quite honest, I'm quite an awesome gamer! I'm fortunate enough that my epilepsy doesn't give me those restrictions or I'd be bored out of my mind.

I have been playing online games for, goodness, about 7 years or so. I'm sure it ranks me high on the nerd meters, but I'm OK with that. Hehe.

If I could be confident in anything, I'd like to be confident in my own skin and baking. Yes, baking. I can cook up some of the most disgusting cookies you have ever set your eyes on. I cook great, I just couldn't bake something to save my life.

I feel confident that I am a good friend and a good mother. I can cook dinner very well and I am also an exceptional laundry folder.

I can't go out as much as I like, but I love to reserve energy for doing fun things with my son. My mother had a severely injured back when I was a child, so she couldn't play with us or even pick us up. I really missed out on that, and try to make up for it with my son. I like to take him to the beach and make an *** of myself playing catch with him (I was not named Grace for a very good reason), going shopping (he loves shopping, thank goodness), and other fun things.

I know you mentioned you go out for food, but try going to new grocery stores. It's my favorite thing to do. I love to visit the organic place here called Henry's. They carry the full line of Jason bath products and I like to spend money I shouldn't on them. I have no clue why, but new bubble bath, shampoo, socks and/or pajama pants make me so happy it's kind of sad.

I should probably stop babbling (I've been rather lonely and attack anyone who talks to me and then I talk to them as long as they can stand me).

Anyway, be confident that you are you. That you are a good person and here to talk to people like me and to listen to people like me (and others). I think you're great and I hope you think the same (even though I tell you to go to the doctor more than I think you want to go, haha).

If you are confident in baking, feel free to share some tips. :)

:hug:


OH, PS:

One thing I LOVE to do alone, is get a cookbook and a notebook. Then I go to Starbucks and have a HUGE frothy cappuccino and jot down recipes that look good. Then I go to the grocery. I only do it once a month, but I have fun doing it.

[Wiix]

By NO means did I find your babbeling boring Ellie. As a matter of fact you said a few things I could have said myself but didn't. Yes, new PJ bottoms and socks make me happy too. :D

It's comforting to know someone else has this same thing going on.

I too have a great guy but it's a cyber romance. He and I have never met and we won't be meeting in real life but I am ok with that. I can tell there'd be some problems but we both are ok with daily phone calls and sending each other things in the mail. It's been 3 years so don't try to convince me to meet. It's impossible for reasons I won't go into, ok? :winky:

[Ellie]

I won't try to convince you. But I will say that's how I met my guy and it's been 6 years now. Met him after 1, but we had mutual friends so it wasn't scary or anything. I did get nervous and drank a lot prior to meeting him so I don't recall much of our first 'date'. I flew out to meet him again a week later so I could establish some memories (whilst sober, haha).

[Wiix]

Well, at some point this WILL end. I have no doubt. I'd rather NOT discuss MEN, really. That's the LAST thing I want to talk about. :o

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((( wiix )))))))))))))))

I gain confidence by playing the "what if" game all the way to the end.

So many, and myself, would ask "what if" and stop there...in fear that something horrible could happen...trashing my confidence.

So, when I find myself shaky, I play the "what if" game through to the end.

For instance:

What if I tell my doctor that I don't think they're hearing me? They may ask what I'm talking about.

What if I tell them what I'm talking about...give examples? They might understand more...good! They still might not get it or agree with me.

What if they don't agree with me? Well, they don't agree but I'll know I was heard

And so forth and so on.

It really helps to take the "the sky's gonna fall" out of actions for me.

KD

[Wiix]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v669/fenriz275/Smileys/headscratch.gif http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v669/fenriz275/Smileys/nixweiss.gif

[ConsiderThis]

I don't have any and I don't think I ever did. :o How does one get Confidence?

((((((((Wiix)))))))))

I just wrote you a long reply, and when I posted, it evaporated ...

I began by saying that I just found this post of yours, meaning I wish I'd seen it days ago.

Then I said that I think Confidence is highly overrated.

I recalled a man who was so sure of himself. He was always getting people to have confidence in him... and the people tended to lose out. He's just gotten out of prison last month... I think he was there for two years.

He's involved in my current court problems because he tried to get the equity in my house. I prepared all the documents to show in court that I didn't owe him any money, and that in fact he'd written me bad checks, stolen from me, and gotten me to lend him money on "diamonds" that were cubic zirconium. He talked like a hayseed, like he was the salt of the earth as he bumbled along. I had to read because I couldn't remember things clearly even then.

The judge said he believed the man... and not me. :eek: (a picture is worth a thousand words)

And then that same judge got my cases when I began having the privy pit problems and he apparently remembered that he'd decided I was no good, because he decided against me without allowing me to produce evidence...

Okay... so that's the Confidence side of the coin, as I see it.

And, there's also Big Brother. I don't remember if you told me it rots the brain to watch things like that, I know a few people have told me that.

But what's interesting to me as I watch Big Brother, is that the most confident people tend to get voted out, and they tend to be shocked.

On the other hand, and not a part of pop culture, there's Mother Theresa. Have you heard the recent news reports about how she was absolutely lacking in confidence (that there is a god)... and yet look at all she did. I mean, wow. How great is that to do all that she did without confidence.

And that reminds me of Princess Diana who met Mother Theresa. Princess Diana lacked confidence, too. And yet, how great was she? (I'm a real fan of hers.)

So, what I think is that you and I are in good company. :)

((((((((Wiix))))))))))

.

[ConsiderThis]

Gosh, Ellie, I LOVED reading your post. Totally loved it.

I so know what you mean, about if someone listens then... all this stuff comes out and onto the screen.

((((((((Ellie))))))))))

thanks ... I know you wrote it for someone else, but I loved reading it. :)

I'm like both of you, and stay in nearly all the time. I eat rice I cook on a candle. :) so I don't have to go out to restock very often.

:)

[ConsiderThis]

This MAY open a whole can of worms but here goes. I have been a virtual Hermit for the past 15 years. I am not agoraphobic, I just don't see any reason to go out, I mean Socially, unless I have to like ........ buy FOOD. Any friends I had have either moved away, died or lost their minds. It seems like such a lot of work to try to make friends only to have them go away. :( And since it's no fun going anywhere alone, I just stay home ALL the time. Is THIS all there is?? :o

It's interesting that you say you aren't agoraphobic... I say that because I wonder about that in myself sometimes.

I used to go places all the time, when I was young.

Then in London after there'd been quite a lot of stress, I found that I didn't want to go places anymore. I mean, I did... I wanted to see the rocks that were pictured in travel books, but as I'd be getting ready to go... I just knew I couldn't do it.

I knew a woman in London who had agoraphobia... She talked about how she'd lived with this guitarist guy in bedsit land, and how he was really nice but he wasn't doing much except his guitar stuff. Then she got pregnant... and so she had an abortion because it was pretty clear he wasn't going to be able to take care of them. And then, he turned into Donovan.

I mean, that always makes me laugh in this evil way. How common is that, to not have faith, to not have confidence in someone else.

He still used to help her sometimes years later.

Okay, so I think that when I identify with her, that my mistakes drag me down... what I mean is that any abortion is really traumatic if there was originally love there. So while I'm laughing at her, it's a wounding laugh... and I can feel the chaotic pain of it. But pointed. Very pointed.

For me, when I have less stress and when my B12 levels are higher, I feel better and then I actually do things. I went to the Grand Canyon. Only of course being in a car for days of driving is not a lot different than being at home.

I'm quite afraid to go outside my front door. I wonder about that sometimes... I wonder if that's because it was right outside there that I had the first seizure with the tetanus.

Then, I also got very heavy... so I was afraid to go out.

I fell a lot, or lost my balance a lot... so I was afraid to go out...

Now, as I regain my health, I look forward to doing things again... if I can just regain some of what I've lost (the condo)

and recently I've been feeling like I used to when I was in California and I used to enjoy the beauty of the hills around Monterey, and the Ocean and the fog... the trees.

:)

I think it's going to be okay, Wiix. I really think so.

OMG, that scares me. I am feeling like I should erase that and not tempt fate...

I had no idea I'd feel that way when I wrote that...

(((((((Wiix)))))))))

[Wiix]

Yea see CT. It seems EVERYTHING is out there to chop you off at the knees, take what you have and leave you laying face down on the floor. I haven't been involved in ONE thing my entire life that hasn't diminished me in some way. There really isn't anything I can think of that hasn't, except maybe, no for SURE, animals. They always love you no matter what. AND NATURE.

I read during college about how people in their 50's go through this reflective phase. We think about all the things in our life and equate the success/failure ratio then however that turns out THAT is our life so far.

I know that the Universe IS Chaos and we humans try to make order of it but in the end Chaos wins. I just want some Peace now of all the Chaos. The laest I do the better things go. I have a simple routine of life now with very few interruptions. Those interruptions are for the most part Negative be it people, financial, heath issues. There seems to be so few Positive interruptions and even if there is something Positive that happens there is always a Negative aspect to it.

[ConsiderThis]

OMG, I know exactly what you mean. I've been thinking about this intensely for days now, and before that I was thinking about it.

I've been watching telly commercials, like the one where the two girls are walking on the beach and one tells the other about the Activia Challenge, and the other one says, 'I told YOU about it." It's not her words, it's the tone of her voice, the wonder, surprise, and fun in it that always captures my attention and makes me question. Where did that go? I know I used to have it, where is it now and when did I lose it?

I know that most of my life innocence protected me. I used to hitchhike and I got a ride once with these gang members in California who were going to buy dope because one of them had just gotten out of prison for killing someone. When the car stopped for me, it had looked sort of like those cartoon pictures of Pigpen... it was almost as if dust rose up from it when it abruptly stopped.

In those days I had a rule, that I always accepted the ride. I didn't quibble with questions about how far they were taking me, or anything.

The guy in the back seat had a demented way of talking. Once I was in the car I was not unaware of what it contained.

They turned away from the direction I wanted to go. They lit a joint and began passing it around and wanted me to smoke. I said, 'No, If I wanted to I would, but I don't want to." And that was it, they were convinced. When I said it I knew it sounded like the truth, because it was and I wasn't surprised when they accepted it. After their errand they took me where I had thought they would when I got into the car and they let me out.

Another time I was lost behind Tanglewood, where they hold the concerts, and when I came out of the tangled wood a car stopped and asked me if I wanted a ride. I wasn't hitchhiking at the time, so I accepted a ride from a stranger, which everyone knows you are not supposed to do. They took me to a deserted road and the one of the two men who just been released from prison for killing someone raped me. Just before he raped me I asked him if he didn't really want to go and have coffee and talk. He had a weak chin and was not a good looking man. He asked in reply, would you go with me? I thought about it and I knew that if he took me for coffee I would go to the bathroom and escape. So I said, No. And he raped me while the other man held me down.

So I said to the other man, Are you going to rape me too, like an accusation, but still a question, because the other man was better looking and so I wanted to ask him if he felt he had to rape to get sex. And he said no, and they left me and went away.

All the times of my life that I've felt like you are describing... none of those times were as good as after the rape.

I think it's because there was an honesty in the rape. There is not honesty in a lot of damaging things.

I think after a lot of damaging things, that we cannot help but begin to have an awareness of moral decrepitude in the things we trusted.

I mean, I trusted the American government... but it did not have the integrity of the men who raped me. (IRS, being a prime example... and my discussions of this are in my letters written when they put me out of business in the 90s. They are on my IRS Stress page.)

Similarly I trusted my family... but when I had a clearer view of them, I saw that in their relationships with me, there was not the integrity of the men who raped me.

So I think it's that sort of thing that takes away the innocence that protected us.

I have to make it clear that I had an abortion long before the rape, and while I sometimes think the rape itself could not have happened if I had been more innocent, that is, not had an abortion, I do not think it is the abortion that damaged me as much as the lack of integrity in those I was in relationship with at the deepest levels.

I say this because when I discussed with my therapist (after I'd been living in the hydrogen sulfide) how I wanted to drive into traffic, was drawn into turning into head-on traffic even though I wasn't thinking about killing myself, and then I told her my complete memories of my childhood, she said it sounded as if I'd been sexually abused.

For some reason that felt real, and after that I no longer felt like driving into oncoming traffic.

And then I got tetanus, so I had a lot of time to just lie here (in a sitting position) and look at how my life had been at odds with itself for a long time, and it wasn't much of a bother until a lot of things began going badly (the derelict building in London following my mother's 1973 letter repeating how I'd never been any good, IRS, the confidence man, the privy pit) then, after a lot of negative things, I began to believe my mother who had often said that I was no good and never had been any good.

The confidence man described me in court the way my mother saw me, and the judge said, "I believe you."

Now I am still fighting that and unless I win I'm going to lose everything I had worked for so that I wouldn't be in poverty when I was this age.

When I see that the judge affirmed the lies of the lawyer and said my "version" was not supported by the record, whereas that was the exact opposite of the truth, I am unable to go on. I get so overwhelmed with the enormity of that that I can't think straight and I can't see it to write about it objectively. I just get angry and I can't sleep and I feel as if it's hopeless and I wish I had just let them steal my condo rather than fight like this when the Appeals Court may be as corrupt as the lower court.

And that's why I think I like nature so much, the insects, birds, trees and things...

And I think the reason the bees died and have been dying in such huge numbers was because they are like us.

[Wiix]

I get so overwhelmed with the enormity of that that I can't think straight and I can't see it to write about it objectively

CT, I think you're doing just fine in the Objectivity Department. Many things you said I also could say, especially Mum's opinion echoing through your head for the rest of your Damned Life!!!! :mad: Man, why can't we forget about that?? I see her for what she and my whole family was and is now. Only took me 20 years of getting the Hell away from them ALL to be able to see it. I was looking at the individual trees but now I see the enormity of the Forest. The Dark, forboding Forest. :( That swallows you up and turns you into Mulch. :eek:

[ConsiderThis]

CT, I think you're doing just fine in the Objectivity Department. Many things you said I also could say, especially Mum's opinion echoing through your head for the rest of your Damned Life!!!! :mad: Man, why can't we forget about that?? I see her for what she and my whole family was and is now. Only took me 20 years of getting the Hell away from them ALL to be able to see it. I was looking at the individual trees but now I see the enormity of the Forest. The Dark, forboding Forest. :( That swallows you up and turns you into Mulch. :eek:

I know. I know. I mean, I really, SO know.

It's worse than horror movies.

I think horror movies attract people because they have a sense of this horror, and in a movie there can be escape for at least some.

Have you ever heard anyone accept an Academy Award saying, "My mother never believed in me and always said I'd be a failure." No. Because it's much harder for people who have had such overwhelming negative experiences from those whom others were nourished by, to overcome that. And so much energy always has to go into overcoming, just to get to the starting line. So in terms of the race, we're exhausted before anyone took the first step in that race.

My mother should have been angry at my father and called him out.

But no, she buried her anger and took it out on me.

I think that's why when there are people like us around, the dominant people try to make sure we remain in our whipping boy stances, to prove that they are better than us.

I am so tired, and I can't think straight to work on my appeal, and that is so benefical for the people who grouped together to steal my condo.

I did just soak my feet in Epsom salts, though. Which is a good thing. :)
.
Here's what I think. Look at the nature we love. Look at my gardening page, for instance, and how much I was gaining from my "cool corner" ... then my neighbor reaches over the fence and cuts the tree away where it was making my corner cool.

So now I don't have that for solace any more.

But... the miracles from nature remain. I just can't write about them right now because I'm crying.

(((((((((((Wiix))))))))))))

[Wiix]

So in terms of the race, we're exhausted before anyone took the first step in that race.

Exactly!! Perfect way to put it. I can identify with that 100%. I'd say for all intents and purposes I HAD No "Mother". I had CareTakers. After 4 live births, 3 miscarriages and 27 Foster children I don't think she had anything left for me. I was her last baby. She had me when she was 34 and ONE month after I was born she had Total Hysterectomy. NOW, what does THAT tell you? I can't fault her, birth control wasn't around in her day. It was just my lot in life to get the short end of everything. She did her best but it still really sucked. I never had a Mother. She was Always GONE. And when she was around she interferred with every aspect of my life. Things were going along fine then BAM she had to break up ALL my friendships for some reason or another. No wonder I am a Social Retard now. I don't know What the Hell to do. She RUINED my relationship with my daughter. My ONLY child. I'll never see her again. But that's ok, I have learned to live alone. I think my Mum did a job on her too. She weighs almost 400 pounds. :o Last time I saw her. :o

[DMACK]

Cofidence is a state of mind, knowing what you say is valid is a start, knowing who you are is a must.
Remember as children we are all confident i a way thats why we progress, its when we listen to other peoples opinions we faulter.

Having the courage of your convictions gives us all confidence. Being humble when needed is not a sign of weakness but strength.

You have courage to air your feelings on here, therefore in my eyes you have CONFIDENCE, you just haven't realised yet.

take care of you.

[Wiix]

Courage is NOT confidence. And I don't think talking about it here is courageous.

[ConsiderThis]

Exactly!! Perfect way to put it. I can identify with that 100%. I'd say for all intents and purposes I HAD No "Mother". I had CareTakers. After 4 live births, 3 miscarriages and 27 Foster children I don't think she had anything left for me. I was her last baby. She had me when she was 34 and ONE month after I was born she had Total Hysterectomy. NOW, what does THAT tell you? I can't fault her, birth control wasn't around in her day. It was just my lot in life to get the short end of everything. She did her best but it still really sucked. I never had a Mother. She was Always GONE. And when she was around she interferred with every aspect of my life. Things were going along fine then BAM she had to break up ALL my friendships for some reason or another. No wonder I am a Social Retard now. I don't know What the Hell to do. She RUINED my relationship with my daughter. My ONLY child. I'll never see her again. But that's ok, I have learned to live alone. I think my Mum did a job on her too. She weighs almost 400 pounds. :o Last time I saw her. :o

OMG - I have such goose bumps from your sentence about 27 foster children.

The Total Hysterectomy... my mother had one too. Shortly after my brother was born. It was also after my father deserted; she bled so hard with a lot of clots and did not stop bleeding. When I lived in London with the topologist, and loved him SOOO much, but had no idea about relationships, and we split up, I coughed one day at work and blood just poured out of me. It wasn't supposed to be my period at the time. So that made me realize that stress could do it. I bet neither of our mothers would have needed one had they had less stress.

I always make excuses for people. I made excuses for my father all my life. Until recently.

I felt steely when you talked about your child. It made me tired of the excuses. Same thing here, you see, with my child. Different, but the same. That is very shattering.

(I've been working on my page about how I lost a lot of inches this last year, and until I read that about your child I was feeling pretty mellow. But ... I am laying here in bed shaking my head, without words to say the intensity of what I'm feeling.)

(((((((((Wiix)))))))))

Look, this is what I mostly think... that it can all radically change. There are miracles. When the IRS took all my money and put me out of business, I didn't know what I was going to do. Then I got a leak. They started digging outside and dug their way along until there was a huge hole in my livingroom, and there was a crinkled pipe that was leaking. The beauty of that is that the water had always had really low pressure in that house and it was the one thing I most wanted to fix, but I had no idea how. So there it was fixed, with insurance money, and I didn't paint after they gave me the money to paint where it had gotten messed up, so I even had a bit of money for other things. It was so great! That, to me, was a miracle.

Sometimes now there's a bit of contact with my son, but it's very hard when the underlying things he believes about me are the things that aren't true... but without more contact, how is he to know that. And I'm not strong enough with all this other stress to just let him say the things as if they were true. I rather not talk to him. Awful to say that, I know, but I really cannot take it right now. Emotionally this is all such a drain, I'm just exhausted and I don't have anything to bouy me up when I'm attacked on those levels as well as financially and my good name. Okay... devolving here.

The thing to remember is that things can change.

I think it's really important to remember what our mothers were like and how that affected us.

I think our lives can become really good, but only if we keep asserting the truth.

Boy, am I ever glad you wrote to me about whatever that was. Else I'm sure I would never have looked at this thread. I looked at it because I recognized your name. ((((((((((Wiix))))))))))

I'm going to go work on my page about losing inches again... because I'm putting pictures on it, and that's fun. :)
.

[Wiix]

The sun on my skin right now is a Miracle. The music I am listening to now is a Miracle. The delicious coffee with cream I am drinking right now is a Miracle. This sweet, little stray cat I took in a few months ago, laying on my foot purring right now is a Miracle. The fact that I can see and type is a Miracle. The tear streaming down my cheek right now is a Miracle.

I don't take Life for granted. I appreciate Anything I experience. I don't want for anything, my needs are met. I am not homeless and I have plenty to eat, a decent car and a roof over my head, so many people DON'T.

The only thing I don't have is a human. :( Just ONE. In a World of some 6 Billion people why don't I have ONE human? THAT is a puzzlement to me. :o Can I be so wretched and distasteful and evil? I am a kind, loving and giving person yet the one thing I lack I miss so much.

[Wiix]

I JUST read this on another site and thought it'd lighten the mood. ;)

GOODBYE MOM


A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady
following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.


She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and
said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the
store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he
went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
YES, ---- THEY'RE ALL ALIKE

[ConsiderThis]

Courage is NOT confidence. And I don't think talking about it here is courageous.
I didn't see those two posts yesterday, the one from David and your reply...

The interesting thing is that the word "courage" comes from the word for "heart"... cour... and it's clear, Wiix, that you have a lot of heart and a beautiful heart.

(((((((((Wiix)))))))))))

[ConsiderThis]

The sun on my skin right now is a Miracle. The music I am listening to now is a Miracle. The delicious coffee with cream I am drinking right now is a Miracle. This sweet, little stray cat I took in a few months ago, laying on my foot purring right now is a Miracle. The fact that I can see and type is a Miracle. The tear streaming down my cheek right now is a Miracle.

I don't take Life for granted. I appreciate Anything I experience. I don't want for anything, my needs are met. I am not homeless and I have plenty to eat, a decent car and a roof over my head, so many people DON'T.

The only thing I don't have is a human. :( Just ONE. In a World of some 6 Billion people why don't I have ONE human? THAT is a puzzlement to me. :o Can I be so wretched and distasteful and evil? I am a kind, loving and giving person yet the one thing I lack I miss so much.

(((((((((Wiix)))))))))))

That was a beautiful post to read. Thank you.

(((((((((Wiix))))))))))))

I am thinking seriously that I will use these words of yours as a daily affirmation:



The sun on my skin right now is a Miracle. The music I am listening to now is a Miracle. The delicious coffee with cream I am drinking right now is a Miracle. This sweet, little stray cat I took in a few months ago, laying on my foot purring right now is a Miracle. The fact that I can see and type is a Miracle. The tear streaming down my cheek right now is a Miracle.

I don't take Life for granted. I appreciate Anything I experience. I don't want for anything, my needs are met. I am not homeless and I have plenty to eat, a decent car and a roof over my head,

When I was young, the one thing I used to want for Christmas, year after year, was someone to love me.

I've recently realized that there was no way I could really have a relationship that was deep and lasting when I had never understood them or the truth about so much of my life.

My kitty John Henry loved me in this abiding and amazing way. That gave me hope, and it still gives me hope.

I sure wish that I had never ever given him a bath, when he hated them so much. Other than that, I did my part.

I think the turning point will be when we are so full of the miracles that there's no longer any room for the nightmares.

(((((((((((((Wiix)))))))))))))
.

[ConsiderThis]

I JUST read this on another site and thought it'd lighten the mood. ;)

GOODBYE MOM


A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady
following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.


She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and
said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the
store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he
went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
YES, ---- THEY'RE ALL ALIKE


The only part where I felt disagreement was when it said little old ladies were all alike.

Not so.

Some mothers are like that, and for those with them... there is a kind of fraud that those whose mothers were not like that may find hard to understand.

Thanks for the story... Good one!

[Wiix]

When I was young, the one thing I used to want for Christmas, year after year, was someone to love me.

I never wish for that. I know it'll never happen. Hasn't happened in my best years why should it happen now?

[ConsiderThis]

I never wish for that. I know it'll never happen. Hasn't happened in my best years why should it happen now?
Okay, that's the only thing you've written that I think is wrong. WAY wrong.

I'm pretty sure if you keep repeating your beautiful words the way that I am going to, that someone will come.

I have to be careful of falling in love with men just because they come to my house... the man who was such a good lover came to my house... but so did the confidence man.

Read the beautiful thoughts you had this morning.

A lot.

And I'm sure love will come knocking.

:)

Want to see the page I'm working on? Go to my website and look at my page about losing inches. The amazing thing is that I found I was talking about these very things on it last year.

(((((((((Wiix)))))))))

What a Miracle YOU are!
.

[Wiix]

AWWW Shucks!!

http://www.heathersanimations.com/children/a535.gif

[ConsiderThis]

AWWW Shucks!!

http://www.heathersanimations.com/children/a535.gif

I wonder if the image will show up if I quote...

if not, here's my image in reply...

http://health-boundaries-bite.com/images/asmiliebrokeimage.gif

.

[Wiix]

I wonder if the image will show up if I quote...

if not, here's my image in reply...

http://health-boundaries-bite.com/images/asmiliebrokeimage.gif

.

Love it. ;) Yes, animations will show up the first time you quote something but not if you Quote a Quote. At least that's my understanding.

I have one or two Similar smilies like http://health-boundaries-bite.com/images/asmiliebrokeimage.gif I think they are hysterical. I'll see if I can find them and drag them back here.

[ConsiderThis]

Love it. ;) Yes, animations will show up the first time you quote something but not if you Quote a Quote. At least that's my understanding.

I have one or two Similar smilies like http://health-boundaries-bite.com/images/asmiliebrokeimage.gif I think they are hysterical. I'll see if I can find them and drag them back here.

Hi Wiix, :)
But you do realize that the image you posted isn't showing, right?

Did you listen to Barbados Rocks? (in the Social forum, I think)

It has so lifted my spirits! And, I've now got a great complement of pictures on my inches losing page, so I can either read the quotes to take a breezy look at the images to help me have a better self image.

Now, to move for an extension of time... :)

(((((((((((Wiix)))))))))

[AdamsGrammy]

This is the first time I've ever logged on and immediately I find someone feeling like I do. I left work in May 2006 because of PN. In July2007, my daughter and grandson moved out of my home and I moved back to my hometown.

For the last month, I haven't been going out. It seems so pointless to go out if you don't have some reason. I feel as if I'm wandering aimlessly around town and that makes me feel lonely and useless and pointless.

I've also started leaving the TV on all night and sleeping on the couch. My life is basically lived in one room and my television is my only companion. I know this isn't good for me but I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything different. If the pain weren't so bad I might be more willing to put more effort into it. And I hate when I whine!

[Wiix]

Hi Wiix, :)
But you do realize that the image you posted isn't showing, right?
(((((((((((Wiix)))))))))

Which image might that be? I see what I posted. Right click on it and tell me the properties {bottom of the box} OR you just copy and paste them in your address window then click GO. It'll show you what you're missing. ;) :p

Join the Club AG. :hug: Just talking about it helps a lot. You're NOT alone in how you feel. I have actually reached out to a real person the past few weeks. I started seeing a counsellor. She isn't very Internet Savvy so I think it will take a while for me to educate her. BUT, and get this, she mentioned she'd like to start a "Computer Addicts" Group. :eek: ;) Yea, I'll go.

[Ellie]

Hi AdamsGrammy and welcome!!

I've taken a liking to this thread, reading this gives me more faith in humans than I think I had before. I can't say that I could go through such hard times and still be willing to trust anyone enough to just share my story with them.

I've had some similar situations arise in my life and I was fortunate enough (I believe) to have been blessed (in my opinion) with massive memory blocks. Sometimes, I'm happy my memory isn't that great; other times, it's a curse.

The strength I've seen here is amazing, and I wish I could carry myself with such poise after 'traumatic' things seem to come my way. As time passes, I try to let things go. I held a 20 year grudge (I know, I even impress myself sometimes) and let it go the best that I could. I like to think that I can be wise in making decisions to bury the hatchet or burn the bridge. I think up to date, I've done OK and most harm done was something I couldn't control.


After my first public seizure, I've had a fear of going outside. I guess it makes me petty because I live in such a snotty place that houses so many social climbers I feel like an outcast. I don't try to make friends because I think their shallowness may be contagious. On the other hand, I judge a lot of people outside of where I lived based off of my experiences I've had with the 'nasty' ones. I made one friend since I moved here, it's kind of funny that she's not from California. Hehe. I guess judging people based off of their overpriced outfits makes me as bad as them judging me because I'm 'sick'.

I read the Christmas Wish comment, and it was kind of the opposite of me. I never wanted love, but as I was growing up the love I knew was the opposite of what I know it to be now. I thought love was pretty cruel and love ran away more often than it stayed around. My "dads" (I won't go into that, but my mom tried to keep the father position filled at all times) we're kind of stupid. Primarily drunks, but just jerks to keep it simple.

I asked for Pajamas and Crackers (haha) until I was 13 every year for Christmas. I still ask for Pajamas every year and instead of Crackers, I ask for matching socks. I also outgrew my cracker obsession.

I did ask for Nachos for my birthday a few years back. He got me a necklace from Tiffanys and I actually got mad that he didn't get nachos. He was raised in Orange County, he's still getting used to how 'cheap' I am (excluding my medical bills).

Anywho, I am just loving reading everything here. Even though several parts were tear-jerkers, I feel 'at home' here. If that makes sense.

I think I hurt my collar bone thingy, so I'm going to hunt down and icepack and pretend it wasn't my fault. Hehe.

[AdamsGrammy]

I love your wicked sense of humor! Sometimes you just gotta laugh!

[ConsiderThis]

This is the first time I've ever logged on and immediately I find someone feeling like I do. I left work in May 2006 because of PN. In July2007, my daughter and grandson moved out of my home and I moved back to my hometown.

For the last month, I haven't been going out. It seems so pointless to go out if you don't have some reason. I feel as if I'm wandering aimlessly around town and that makes me feel lonely and useless and pointless.

I've also started leaving the TV on all night and sleeping on the couch. My life is basically lived in one room and my television is my only companion. I know this isn't good for me but I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything different. If the pain weren't so bad I might be more willing to put more effort into it. And I hate when I whine!

Boy, I've done that. It's amazing the kinds of teddy bears we find for ourselves.

(((((((((AdamsGrammy)))))))))))

I hope you post some more. I think you'll find some friends and feel much better.

[Wiix]

Meh http://copwatch.net/forums/images/smilies/blink.gif

[Wiix]

CT, here are those other XBox smillies I told you I found. I can't find your original post with that one you posted but here they are anyway:

http://www.texasatvs.com/forums/images/smilies/redxdance.gif

http://www.texasatvs.com/forums/images/smilies/redxpoke.gif

http://www.pashnit.com/forum/images/smilies/no-picture.gif