View Full Version : Anxiety is getting bad
10-05-2006, 10:38 AM
I guess all that has transpired and the waiting for court. My nerves are shot, and now I am having severe anxiety, which I haven't had in a long time.
The klonapin helps though for awhile.
Had my appt with my DV case mgr/counsler yesterday. Leaving soon to see my p-doc, then have a Memorial to go to for a friend that passed away.
Everything is crashing down is seems like.
My husband really did a job on me, plus being at court 2x for a pretrial and his screw-ups, so now the 16th.
My sleeping or should I say my waking up is happening again at least 2x to 3x a night and I take trazadone. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Just venting, I am living in a nightmare.
10-05-2006, 12:51 PM
Just wanted to give you a hug (see above) and give you something to think about.
I had to go to court against my son quite a few years ago (we've since patched up our problems). A victim's advocate came with me. Believe me, it helps to have someone with you when you're in a sitch like that.
I remember when I was divorcing my husband 20-something years ago. He became very theatening/dangerous when I announced I was leaving him. My 'shrink du jour' gave me some very good advice -->> "stonewall him; stay away from him."
I know you're kind of stranded out there without all the support that you would have back home, try to get someone to come with you. It'll help.
Hugs (and love). Wish you weren't having to go through all this. But, after you have "gone through," you'll be glad you did.
10-05-2006, 02:27 PM
Barb gave you great advice. Klonopin is great. Right now I have to take two miligrams to get the effect that one miligram was giving me. I wonder if you can ask your pdoc if you can up yours during this incredibly stressful time.
Trazadone didn't help me sleep. Nor did ambien or lunesta. Ice cream calms me down. Have you tried that? I am serious.
If you can tell yourself this to shall pass that might help. I know I get locked into situations and forget they are temporary.
10-05-2006, 08:43 PM
a hug and a smile and a dozen pink roses to you
lavender or sweet orange essences are calming... burn them on a light bulb, or a few drops on a tissue.. left... anywhere.
barb's advice is great and bobby's addon about getting locked into places i do that too. well. so not much to add... i've been a bit "stunned" by the move i'm afraid.
yes, see if and how much you can up your klonopin. if your anxiety is addressed, that may also let you sleep better/deeper, even without sleep meds. do please talk to the doc as bobby suggested.
take care... hold tight. it will be over.
~ waves ~
If the trazadone isn't working great anymore than maybe it is time for ambien cr?
have you ever tried a sleeping pill before?
just wondering aloud.
I am sorry that this continues to be so painful for you....wanting this court stuff to be done so that you can get on with your life.....
10-05-2006, 11:51 PM
Nikki, I will try to scan or find a copy of the power whell. How the abusers use the power to get the anxiety and our feelings not having control. HE can no longer victimize you physically, so he does it by using the courts. This time teh Judge will not allow a continuance with or without a PD he will go on. As you mention he will likely take a plea. That will save you the truma of testifying.
I am taking ativan a half pill daily, and one pill a day when it is flaring. I do have a strong front, but when it comes to being personally victimized, it is tough to keep the skin thick, for a pro at me taht as a police officer testified on behalf of victims. I was the one that found the offenders stalking them and hiding in the bushes and held them at gun point, they end up with pee'd pants.
But, when it happened to me, I had no support from the very system I stood for!
I am with ya gal!
Big hugs, even if you are anxious inside, you keep the chin up, stead fass, and know they have him squirming!
10-06-2006, 10:44 AM
Thanks for all the great advice and support.
I saw my p-doc yesterday, she put me back to 60 mg of Cymbalta, upped my klonapin 1mg, to 4x a day, and upped my Lamictal to 225, the Trazadone at 100mg, even though I was allowed to take 200mg of trazadone, I kept it at 100mg anyway. It's all about how they work together.
The memorial service was sooooooooooooooooo sad, seeing his children, all young and there is one on the way. Yet, it brought closure and I know he is with God and at peace.
I was really drained after yesterday, I slept!!!!! Today no appointments which is a change. So, it's phone call day to my court advocate about getting my Order of Protection served right before court, since it is back at the court, my leasing company for the lease to get his name off.
Then my mom's car has a flat, crap!!! Never changed a tire in my life, I do have that fix a flat can. Maybe it's a slow leak or in this hot weather tires can just go down, so maybe I can use the fix a flat to get it to someplace and put air in it for now.
Before they repo my car on the 17th, I am going to have the tires on my car which are new, changed to my mom's car since her's are the original 2002, yet she only has 21,000 miles on her car, amazing. Actually my car only has 31,000. We both have the same car's, different colors, her's is automatic and my is stick shift, same year and all. Although HE broke my rear view mirror and the electronic window opener on the drivers side in my mom's. JERK!!!!
I think the change in meds helped even if it was just the first night, or else I was just so drained.
He has ruined my credit, mental health, physcially I am feeling better as far as pain issues and the headaches from post concussion syndrome.
Financially, he left me in a mess, none of this is fair, I'm the victim that is left in the poop.
Oh, another day, and a long weekend coming up, then my birthday on the 11th which I won't be celebrating, not in the mood at all.
So, Happy Columbus day weekend to all.....Enjoy!!!!!!!!:)
He is such a jerk....
I hope that you are able to get a soak in the pool this weekend if this would be relaxing for you.
10-06-2006, 08:03 PM
I just posted this under my poem thread, but I figured I would post it here too.
He is NO LONGER on the lease, he cannot go there and get a key, they also will give him no info. So, he has no RIGHTS on coming in here, nor is he allowed into the complex, but I would have to see him for that to be effective and call 911. It's in the police report and his Order of Protection he was given, although he already broke that by coming and picking up all his things outside, plus my cell phone call I got in the beginning when I was in my p-docs office and she knew it was him. Plus other incidences, like I am still getting his mail, when he was supposed to have changed his address. I sure could get him on these things, but is it worth it? Will it do any good? I mean if they don't even take into this his priors from back East and my medical records, I probably don't have a leg to stand on. Victims stay victims forever.
I can have him served with my Order of Protection right before he goes into the court room. All I have to do is bring one of my copies and give it to any police officer when I go through security, and explain and they will serve him.
Yippee, I made some progress with my phone calls today, not much else though.
So fatigued, going to just chill out per usual or at least try to. Watch TV, read, etc.
Happy Columbus Day Weekend! Enjoy, Nikko
Some good news at least.
I'm pulling for you.
10-07-2006, 09:03 AM
It did bring me some relief getting those things done with the lease and the Order of Protection.
My anxiety has lessened, probably due to the increase in klonapin. Plus not having them for a few days my p-doc said could of made me anxious.
Sort of like a withdrawal.
Woke up at a bit before 5am per usual, even though I still woke up 2x during the night, some things never change.
Still debating whether or not I should bring up his mail situation, since the court ordered him to change his address, plus breaking the Order of Protection in the beginning. I could bring the mail that I received and haven't sent back East to his father yet, as proof.
One day I say YES I will do it, then the next day I say NO it isn't worth it.
I guess I will run it by my court advocate, since she is the one that can do the talking for me, if I choose, which I have chosen to let her do it.
Thanks for caring, Hugs, Nikko :confused:
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