View Full Version : Yesterday's court outcome on my DV case
10-17-2006, 08:09 AM
Well, yesterday was draining to say the least. First he was served when he went through security with my Order of Protection, which also is another injuction against him, I found out. Thank God I finally got that served.
Secondly, he did NOT get the plea, due to the fact that I had his 2 prior's. Plus a another arrest on a different thing. So, now the procsector has to review that information, and of course the defence needs a new plan of a plea. This case has taken a whole new direction now.
I do believe he is ******, walking in there thinking all was going to go his way.
He did change his address FINALLY, yet it has yet to take effect, his defence attorney told the judge that.
Also, the judge said we will get his new address when he signs for the next pre-trial. So, he doesn't live too far from here, yet it is the South side of town sort of. I don't know, I only know the street.
Once he was told about not getting the plea, they had to get him out of the court room, due to my Order.
The next pre-trial is Friday Nov. 3rd. the 4th one!!!!!!! At least I won this far.
My court advocates and I spoke with the prosecutor again, about what can or could happen on Nov. 3rd. Then he told me the only one that can protect me is MYSELF, sad huh? Those pieces of paper, only work if I get the police before he gets me.
I told the prosecutor I was afraid of him, and he said I should be. He also said this will happen again, if not to me, to the next person he gets involved with, since they don't change. As I already know.
So, that's it for now. I live in fear again for awhile. I think he will be afraid to do anything. He may even flee back East at this point. I have to call my DV case mgr today, and I see her Thursday, which I need.
That's all my mind can remember at 6am in the morning. Sorry, I can't spell at the moment, excuse my error's.
You did very very well. Your preparation worked out in your favor. And thank goodness for good judges. The prosecutor sounds decent too.
How are you holding up?
Are you going to make a little celebration for yourself for getting this far?
10-17-2006, 09:54 AM
Yes, my preparation thanks to my DV counsler did help the case.
No, I am not going to celebrate yet, don't want to jinx myself.
It's only one small step, and it all could backfire, well I really don't know that.
I really hate court, I did breakdown at the end, (he was gone) and it was just me and the pros. and my 2 court advocates, because of the fact, I mentioned about me being the only one who can protect myself, etc
It's scary. He also told me a Order was served one morning, and that night the girl was dead. Makes you really think hard about what can and does happen.
I am trying to move into a 2 br here in my complex for me and my mom, at least he wouldn't know which house we were in, I could always park her car away from it. I am on a waiting list, our lease doesn't run out until the end of April. They said maybe January one would be available though.
This 3br is too much money for just me and my mom and we are struggling.
All I can do now is pray, and keep up with my court advocates, pros. and DV counsler.
10-17-2006, 10:48 AM
I'm glad yesterday went comparatively well for you. One step at a time.
I was married to a guy that was very dangerous. I didn't know any of that until I tried to leave him.
Make sure you keep your cell phone with you. Let your neighbors know that he is not supposed to be on the property at all (my neighbor was the one that told me he was going into my place when I was at work). And stay smart.
When he hooks up with someone else, he'll let you go :mad:
Re: the rent. Can you and your Mom get a Section 8 certificate?? Would that help??
I'm proud of you, ((((((N)))))). You're doing something that's very difficult and you're staying focused. Good job.
How's your Mom doing through all of this??
Stay safe. Stay strong. Your life is going to be much better when you get past this part. BIG HUGS (and love).
10-17-2006, 11:54 AM
my heart goes out to you...you are unbelievably amazing....i know you will get through this. I keep on thinking that your dogs will also protect you even though that might be far flung. It would be so wonderful if he did move back east. I hope you have faith in God and can put your horrendus burden on the great unknown's shoulders...please please please keep on posting...
I do believe in miracles....I do believe that there are greater plans that we as humans can't see...but later realize....I am sorry the legal system moves so slowly but at least it moves. It sounds as if you are in wonderful hands now.
Keep the faith! You yourself have been doing so incredibly spectacularly well...I applaud you
10-17-2006, 02:16 PM
Thank you all too for all your support.
I am just so tired. Feeling depressed, I think everything is just getting to me, even though I made progress. I know it makes no sense, but I found myself in many tears today, until I layed down to rest.
My order of protection is good for 1 year, which is great. My mom is doing okay, she is feeling for me, as I can see. I know her nerves are bothering her too. I must say at 72 she would do anything in her power if he comes here.
I always carry my cell phone and now the Order too. My neighbors/friends here know, since it happened at the pool, bad news travels fast.
He is no longer on the lease, and the leasing company will not give him a key and he is not supposed to be in the complex AT ALL.
It is not a locked area, so that doesn't help.
I guess I am depressed over the entire saga, plus it has dragged on since July. But I had to do what I did yesterday. Then I thought, OMG did I do the right thing, I only made him more angry I figured.
What can I say my BP is rearing itself in depression, question of actions and sadness.
10-17-2006, 02:53 PM
you definitely did the right thing....
you have taken the right actions....you are in great hands...
sadness is so hard to deal with...depression is the pits(pun intended...weird pun)
Ice cream helps me while I am eating it...I don't know about you but I find it soothing....don't i sound like a simpleton
10-17-2006, 05:20 PM
No, you don't sound like a simpleton, cause ya know what I think ice cream helps me too, even with sleep for some reason.
I just don't have, nor had any real appetite for food alone. I usually only eat once a day. My sweet tooth is gone.
Maybe tonight I will try some ice cream if I can.
I've been sleeping on and off, but the phone doesn't really let me, someone always trying to sell something or a bill collector...ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
10-17-2006, 06:20 PM
do you have an answering machine? maybe at this point you should really screen your calls and tell your friends that is what you are doing and delaying picking up the calls...
I just read about your day in court....
I am so proud of you for sticking wiht it and YES you did the right thing.
I hope you sleep well tonight and get some rest...hopefully you can move into a smaller apartment as soon as possible.
hang in there sweetie...
10-17-2006, 11:03 PM
I feel for you because I am separated from my abusive husband and know some of the things you are going through. I use to get super depressed a lot but the more time that passes in my separation the more I feel better. Today though I got a letter from my husband that made me cry. My husband can talk a convincing talk that he's changed but like you said, they don't change. I took my husband back twice before and each time the abuse only got worse.
Hang in there and one day the sun is going to shine on you.
10-18-2006, 07:53 AM
Oh befuddled, they don't change, they are masters of manipulation and can con anyone.
I also took mine back twice, what a mistake. Do you have a Order of Protection as they call it here, or Restrainng Order they call it?
That way you wouldn't have to hear from him at all, it makes it somewhat easier. I know how easy they can talk to getting back with you/me.
They are amazing at how well they can turn stories around and make you feel badly, and the promises to never do it again, and how they will make it up to you. The I am so sorry's, I sucked it all up twice.
Now that I am on BP meds, my mind is in the right place to deal with this, I think. I still have my moments, but I am dealing with it so differently. At least I am trying. SUPPORT is the key word in this. I've learned so much from my DV counsler and my court advocates.
Get this, his public defender is a woman, yet she wasn't there on Monday, a man was in her place, for some reason. So, next time who knows. How can a woman defend a man that abuses woman???????????????????????
10-18-2006, 07:57 AM
Now the wait AGAIN for Friday Nov. 3rd in the afternoon. This should be the last pre-trial as it says in the document I got, FINAL pre-trial, because he played games with the first two. This last one hit him where it hurts, he is also in arrears on court cost's it says.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, as they say.
10-18-2006, 09:25 AM
This is great news Nikkio
I know it is just a piece of paper, but it starts to hit him in the pocket book, and now he is not so shinny in the courts eyes, I bet he will leave you alone aned move on. God help the next victim...perhaps he will learn his lesson and stop abusing...well it was a thought.
But, really do what you ahve to do for you and Mom, pull up those boot straps and start to live again.
Also, I can find the link, but our PA legislation changed the one year to THREE!
Also, they can remove all weapons even if none was used!
Hugs to you, keep seeing the councilor and smile, you WON!
10-18-2006, 09:48 AM
The weapon he used was a beer bottle to my head. Then I fell over in my pool chair and hit the cement.
I doubt a beer bottle is considered a weapon, who knows.
I just don't know what will happen next time in court. Since now they have his prior's, and can see he was already on probation and already did the batterer's program.:p
The waiting is the hardest part. Plus from the court document, I now know where he lives, and it isn't far away. At least he finally changed his address with the USPS.
I am just so tired of it all, really physically tired, mentally and emotional. My depression comes in waves in and out. What could of been????? I see myself alone the rest of my life with my dogs, which is fine.
I have crying spells, I don't know why I should, but I do.:(
I have built up a wall against men, I have a huge trust issue now, not that I didn't have one before too.
I dread court AGAIN, because fear of the unknown.:(
I don't know what else to say. I just have a feeling his defense will come up with another plea. :mad:
I am afraid he will bring up me being Bipolar too.:(
10-18-2006, 10:40 AM
In my state, the law says that the abuser can not bring up negative information, private information or irrelevant information about the victim in court.
In other words, in my state, your husband would never be able to tell anyone about you being bipolar, because you being bipolar has nothing to do with the fact that he assaulted you, it's irrelevant and it's private.
It's called a victim shield law.... it's similar to the rape shield laws where they can not discuss the victims past sexual history.
Remember, a plea would mean that you could avoid the stress of a trial. Not all pleas are bad. Yes, sometimes with a plea deal the abuser gets to plead guilty to a lesser crime and ends up with community service or something stupid... but there are many times where a plea is made and the abuser ends up pleading guilty to the crime and getting proper jail time and proper punsihment.
Considering all of his past history, it's unlikely that he would be allowed to get a stupid plea, and more likely that any plea deal that is offered by the prosecution and approved by the judge would include proper punishment.... and if a plea deal like that is offered and granted, then you get to avoid the stress of having to appear and testify at a trial.
If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know (remember I have several family members that are in law enforcement and several others that are lawyers so if you have any questions I can ask them).
I wish you the best.
Take care of YOU,
10-18-2006, 11:57 AM
N- so glad that things went well and your way! You have made great strides, and in standing up for yourself, you get stronger each time (tho you may not feel that way at the time!).
Try to relax, take a nice soak in the pool or the tub and breathe in and out deeply - sounds pretty good, huh? I should take my own advice :).
Keep your chin up! You've proven to be a lot stronger than you first thought, I bet!
10-18-2006, 10:55 PM
I had a response all typed up for you last night to only lose it before it could get sent. Most of the time being at the computer for awhile bothers me physically so I have to take breaks. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you last night also.
It is only normal to grieve the loss of something even though it was bad for us. Like our husbands. I know when I 1st quit smoking I cried and got depressed because I no longer had my cigarettes even though I knew the cigarettes were not good for me. I've had more time since my separation and it's been awhile since seeing my husband so things for me seem to have gotten more torable sp? for me. I too though have developed that issue with not being able to trust. I am going through the same feelings you are and can realate totally. Btw, if things don't go well in arbitration this Tuesday for me, I will be going to court on November 3rd. The same day you will be. Court is always exhausting and emotional. We are going to get through this though because we do have support. Remember you telling me support is the key? May I suggest treating yourself to a little something at moments of gloom and dispair? I was crying myself to sleep every single night until recently it's only every now and then that I cry now. We both are going through more than anyone should ever have to go through and to top it off we are bi-polor so I am proud of us both. I ended up staying up just about all night last night writing to collect my thoughts. My husband is a very sick twisted person. Sorry to ramble. I sometimes get emotional over the crap we have to endure on count of our husbands.
Hang in there. You have a lot of people here who are behind you all the way.
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