my son attempted suicide

[hypermom]

A good friend of mine recommended that I come here. I'm not exactly sure where to start....guess I'll go backwards just a bit. I've been dxed w/bipolar before...not so sure that was the correct dx because I've been med-free for a while now and have been stable. But this post isn't about me, it's about my oldest son (he's 16). I just thought it was important to state that depression is something I've dealt with too.
My son tried to commit suicide Sunday night. Thankfully I found him before he succeeded. I took him straight to the ER, where they of course called in MHMR. I thought they would hospitalize him...but the didn't!? I don't understand that...I'm terrified! Monday, my husband and I took him to see both his pdoc and his psychologist...the pdoc visit was soooo weird! He had prescribed lexapro to my son a few months ago, but my son didn't take it regularly...I had talked to him about that a lot, but honestly, he seemed to be doing better so I didn't push it...I wish I had! Anyway, the pdoc 1st said that he wasn't even going to put him back on the meds!:confused: WHAT? He said that he didn't think it would happen again....uh, yeah, easy for HIM to say! I just don't understand why he didn't take this more seriously? I think my son acted like it wasn't as big of a deal as it really was, but a good pdoc should be able to see through that shouldn't they??? He was definitely serious about it...I'm not sure if I should explain what actually took place because I don't want to upset anyone, but trust me, he meant business :(

After I pushed the issue, the pdoc did go ahead and prescribe lexapro again....at a very low dosage, lower than he originally wanted him to take...which makes NO sense to me whatsoever!
The psychologist seemed very concerned at 1st, but seemed less concerned after talking w/my son. I seriously think that my son is purposely making things sound much less severe than what they are...and they are believing him!
I'm terrified to let him out of my sight! I'm scared that next time, he just might succeed :( He has another appt with his psychologist tomorrow, but in the past, he has shown that he doesn't talk about his real "issues" with him. In fact, just over a month ago, he took some sort of test and the psychologist told us that we didn't have to worry about him, that he's a good and smart kid??????? Uh, yeah...he's good and smart....and failing and depressed! :( He used to be an "A" student, in the GT program...
I guess I'm mainly looking for advice here on what to do. I do plan on switching pdocs, but it's going to take a couple of months to get him in with someone else so for now, I'm stuck with this one. Any advice? Thank you all so much!-Hyper

PS. Just have to add something...the MHMR couselor that saw him in the ER told him that she *could* put him inpatient, but that is something that one never lives down:eek: OMG, I'm sooooo ticked at her for saying that! I have been an inpatient before...I truly believed it saved my life! My son does NOT want to go inpatient, and the fact that she said that I'm sure has made his opinion about that even worse. Geez, I thought these people were supposed to be trained?!?!:mad:

[Alffe]

You are in a really tough spot Hypermom. :hug: It's hard to try and watch someone 24/7 and his attempt should be taken very seriously. Like you, I wish he'd been hospitalized for at least 48 hours.

Have you asked him why he wants to die? I'd "force" him to talk about it, not deny it. I can recommend a good book, short and maybe he'd read it too.
Suicide, The Forever Decision..I'm away from home so I can't give you the author.

Please know that you aren't alone with this struggle. :grouphug:

[hypermom]

Thank you so much, both for your reply and for the info about the book. We (my husband and I) have talked to him about it a lot. He says his reasoning is because he doesn't want to live in a world so full of horrible things :( He says he doesn't understand how God could let this world be like it is. One of the main things that has him upset is that his new GF confided in him that her dad beats her. I guess he felt that he alone was carrying the weight of knowing that on his shoulders :( However, I don't believe that is the whole problem...he's only been seeing her for a couple of weeks now and he's had depression problems much longer than that.

I think what scares me the most is how fast his mood changes. Sunday afternoon, he had a friend over and they were laughing and talking and playing with our dog. He seemed to be in a great mood. Then suddenly all of that changed...within 30mins of the friend leaving, my son was very depressed. It's like a light switch gets flipped. That's part of why I worry so much...it's not like I have lots of warning since it all happens so fast. I'm scared that he'll swing into depression sometime when I'm asleep and I won't be able to do anything :( (my husband works 6 hours away from home and is away for 3weeks at a time, so most of the time, it's just me and the kids)

[Looking4hope]

Hi, I'm sorry for what happened. I'm embarrassed I didn't get to read it that real but I have to leave the house very soon.

Just a quickie about the meds and the pdoc. Yes, by all means get another one. I know what that is like to get stuck with someone that doesn't "get it" and findin another one takes time. Ask tdoc for referrals to any good people he may know. In the meantime, be vigilant about your son taking the lower dose of Lexapro on it everyday.

That's all I can say for now. And try to get your son to open up with the doctor. We all know how to put on a face for everybody but the pdoc is there to help. All though I know how hard it is to accept to yourself that you are "not normal." You know, the I can do it myself attitude.

So sorry, I gotta go...

:OuttaHere:

Hope :hug:

[Alffe]

Hypermom...I remember that it was in the list at the top of the page...

SUICIDE, The Forever Decision by Paul Quinnett
This book is written for people who are thinking about killing themselves and for those people who know, love, or counsel them.
It is written in the style of him as the counseler he is....having a conversation with you about staying alive.
**************

I'm sure he is unable to see the forest for the trees when he's in this state...but you might plant the seed...that he'd be killing both you and his father if he goes through with his plans. That a mothers job is to protect her children whether they want it or not. And when he talks...really listen.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:

[Doody]

((Hypermom))

Lexapro is not a med to mess around with. He NEEDS to take that on a regular and daily basis. It does him absolutely no good to take it when he feels like it because they don't work that way and could cause him harm.

I also would be in the psychiatrist's office so fast his head would spin.

Pdoc too.

And complaints to the hospital with a recommendation that their staff have training on suicide attempts. :mad: Idiot nurse! But I'm on a mini-rampage this morning anyway, lol.

Those professionals sound just awful.

Alffe has so many words of wisdom I couldn't possibly add more.

:hug:

[SandyC]

You've received great advise thus far. I just want to say that getting a second opinion is the best route and that your doing a great job as a mom for wanting that. I will pray that your son does much better from this point on. Have you looked into any support groups in your area? Specifically one that has those who have tried to commit suicide? Being around others who have been there may help your son. Hugs.

[nohope]

Just like you, the red flags were everywhere. Despite my warning to my husband's family to keep a constant eye on him (as we were then seperated) he still succeeded in suicide.

A good pdoc is someone you can trust (it's only a loved one were dealing with here)! A good pdoc is someone you can trust to prescribe the right med and the right dosage. What the hell are they thinking that lowering his dose is going to better him mentally when he has already attempted the unforeseen! Find someone else! Someone who cares that there is another precious life out there besides their own and they will actually FOLLOW UP WITH A PHONE CALL!!! Going through 3 divorce attorneys, I felt the same way. Finding a good lawyer is like finding a good doctor "a needle in a haystack".

Get used to his routine of sleep and sleep when he does. I know your fear and it's obvious mine is too late to do anything about it now. You are doing a great job and I feel your undying love for your son. Keep up the great work!

[Alffe]

http://www.yellowribbon.org/


This is an excellent program Hypermom. Your son might want to take a look at the teen section. I had the good fortune to hear the Emmes presentation several years ago when they were in town talking at four high schools.

[~KELLWANTSANSWERS~]

{{{{{{{Hyper}}}}}}}
I'm so happy to see you have posted here.You are now surrounded by a wonderful group of people that can help you..
Your in my prayers...:hug:

[DMACK]

Dear Hypermom

Your Son sounds like he is in a bit of a Depressive state.. The fact he is seeing the worldas full of horible things, is the greatest clue. His present GF has shared a very deep confiedence with him. She is suffering and your Son sounds an Emathatic young man who listened to her pain.

But when you are 16 years old your not quite a man, and not boy.
The dilema he has is he wants to rid the world of baddness, that he sees through a childs eyes though he sees this through a mans body. Instinct tells him to be her knight and slay the evil Dragon. Though his rational mind knows he has no chance against a grown man, even if he did, what would happen next. The girl could be beaten more, or thrown out of the family home. Male adolescence and senitive young men never quite see the here and now they see the next 5 events after the one that is bothering them. This is a form of fear, of what might occur if i do this...........?

Yet doing nothing is frustrating and at 16 its hard to chalenge the worlds cruelty. This said,. it then becomes unbareable to witness, withdrawal often occurs like not interacting as before, not watching TV especialy the news. Empathy for one so young is a tribute to the way he has obviusly been raised.
But if you cant switch it off now and then it can be a large burden at such a young age..especialy whilst the transition into adulthood is taking place.

As a loving mother you no doubt want the best for your son, his indifference to what happened is possibly to protect you [don't worry mom i'm fine , then cry on his own]
Embarrasment plays a huge factor,.. and his playing down of events was possibly because he felt ashamed. You refer to him questioning GODs role in the worlds ill's, which concerns me................IF he is very religious he will feel he is a sinner........[ which is crap.....if there is a god he would know your Son is suffering and would hold no angst agains him....suffer ye little children..etc etc...]

Your Son needs time to reflect on what he has done....He needs space to do this...and you may not get any answers at present...

Though you could say to him, 'I love you more than you'll ever know, if you are ever in pain, or distressed or need a huge hug, or a listening ear that hears, and a tounge that will not talk while you speak say LIFES' HARD TODAY'.HE COULD SAY WHAT EVER WORD YOU BOTH CHOOSE AS A KEY WORD.

Its important he comes to terms with this event and life, all you can do is say you are there.... whenever he needs you.

As for meds.....never stop anti-depressants once prescribed...i know to well the cras effect this can have...check out with the doctor [not in your sons presence] The side effects of Lexapro.....initialy some anti-depressants cause anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and action. This may be why tho dose was reduced.
As for the Doctor who told him 'you dont want to be an inpatient for fear of tarninshing his life and future..BULL

If you break your back you stay in hospital....if your mind is broken... hospital is the safest place to be. When Dad comes home get him to spend man-man time with your Son... he may not say he misses him arround, but i bet he does.

Please Hypermom DO WHAT EVER YOU FEEL BEST BY YOUR SON...... BUT DO IT WITH HIS CONSENT...

He will open up if you let him confide in you...he will only do that if he feels he can


I wish you all well.:hug:............tell your son from me HE
MATTERS IN THIS WORLD

DAVID

[hypermom]

Thank you all sooo much for your replies! It's so nice to be able to talk about this here. I'm very touched by how much you all obviously care.
Nohope, thank you so much and I am so sorry for your loss.
David, I think you really hit the nail on the head about what he was/is feeling concerning his GF. As far as the God part goes, after talking with him a lot, I think he is mainly questioning how God could allow things like this to happen in the world more than he is actually questioning if He actually exists. In fact, he went to church earlier with a friend. We talked very candidly and I hope we have gotten accross to him that God is cruel and that he will not hold this against him. We have talked to him extensively about God's LOVE...I believe that reaches much farther than preaching God's wrath and scaring the beejeebies out of people LOL (just added that so that you won't all get the idea that we are the types of parents telling him God is going to punish him for things, etc)

I have wondered if perhaps the biggest problem was that he wanted to do something so bad to his GFs dad that it was either him or himself at that particular time...
As for the lexapro, I don't believe it had anything to do with the suicidal thoughts. He hasn't taken it in some time....he never really took it regular with the exception of the 1st two weeks, but that was several months ago. I should clarify, he never actually took the higher prescribed dosage because at that time, the pdoc told him to take it 10days in a roll, then raise the dosage...he never took it 10days in a roll after that. He hasn't taken it at all in about 3 weeks or so.

His pdocs attitude really bothers me. He just didn't act like it was serious at all...he said he didn't think he would do it again. He rolled his eyes once when I was talking, like I was overreacting:mad:

On a good note, my son went to school today and things went very good for him :) He was very scared to go back because we live in a very small town and some of his friends had already called him saying they knew. Evidentally our hospital staff has problems keeping their mouths shut. But he had a good day, the kids were nice, and then like I mentioned earlier, he went to church with a friend tonight. I'm optimistic since he is interacting with friends now. I don't feel that he's "out of the woods" yet of course, but I'm hoping and praying that he is beginning the road to recovery. He sees his tdoc tomorrow and I'm going to ask him for a referral to a different pdoc.
Again, thank you all for all of your concerns and help!

[ConsiderThis]

A good friend of mine recommended that I come here. I'm not exactly sure where to start....guess I'll go backwards just a bit. I've been dxed w/bipolar before...not so sure that was the correct dx because I've been med-free for a while now and have been stable. But this post isn't about me, it's about my oldest son (he's 16). I just thought it was important to state that depression is something I've dealt with too.
My son tried to commit suicide Sunday night. Thankfully I found him before he succeeded. I took him straight to the ER, where they of course called in MHMR. I thought they would hospitalize him...but the didn't!? I don't understand that...I'm terrified! Monday, my husband and I took him to see both his pdoc and his psychologist...the pdoc visit was soooo weird! He had prescribed lexapro to my son a few months ago, but my son didn't take it regularly...I had talked to him about that a lot, but honestly, he seemed to be doing better so I didn't push it...I wish I had! Anyway, the pdoc 1st said that he wasn't even going to put him back on the meds!:confused: WHAT? He said that he didn't think it would happen again....uh, yeah, easy for HIM to say! I just don't understand why he didn't take this more seriously? I think my son acted like it wasn't as big of a deal as it really was, but a good pdoc should be able to see through that shouldn't they??? He was definitely serious about it...I'm not sure if I should explain what actually took place because I don't want to upset anyone, but trust me, he meant business :(

After I pushed the issue, the pdoc did go ahead and prescribe lexapro again....at a very low dosage, lower than he originally wanted him to take...which makes NO sense to me whatsoever!
The psychologist seemed very concerned at 1st, but seemed less concerned after talking w/my son. I seriously think that my son is purposely making things sound much less severe than what they are...and they are believing him!
I'm terrified to let him out of my sight! I'm scared that next time, he just might succeed :( He has another appt with his psychologist tomorrow, but in the past, he has shown that he doesn't talk about his real "issues" with him. In fact, just over a month ago, he took some sort of test and the psychologist told us that we didn't have to worry about him, that he's a good and smart kid??????? Uh, yeah...he's good and smart....and failing and depressed! :( He used to be an "A" student, in the GT program...
I guess I'm mainly looking for advice here on what to do. I do plan on switching pdocs, but it's going to take a couple of months to get him in with someone else so for now, I'm stuck with this one. Any advice? Thank you all so much!-Hyper

PS. Just have to add something...the MHMR couselor that saw him in the ER told him that she *could* put him inpatient, but that is something that one never lives down:eek: OMG, I'm sooooo ticked at her for saying that! I have been an inpatient before...I truly believed it saved my life! My son does NOT want to go inpatient, and the fact that she said that I'm sure has made his opinion about that even worse. Geez, I thought these people were supposed to be trained?!?!:mad:

My dear friend's son committed suicide and it makes me so sad every time I think of it.

I wish I had been writing her about vitamin B12. When I tried to kill myself it was discovered, in hospital, that I had "profound B12 anemia" -- since then I've learned a lot about vitamin B12 and I have had consistent B12 replacement for years with amazing results. I wish they had begun B12 replacement promptly, so I wouldn't have some of the nerve damage that I sustained from the delay.

Basically, what I am saying is that your son may be low in B12 with the result that he is depressed. Depression is one symptom of low B12.

I did a web site on B12 after I realized the doctors had ignored it and didn't treat it as significant.

In terms of being in a psych ward, years ago in London I saw R.D.Lange, I forget the spelling, but a fairly well known psychiatrist. He was quite remarkable and outstanding. He said the most pertinent and wise things, way more wise than one typically runs into, and he thought that getting a mental history record was very disadvantageous.

Now that I have a pretty serious disability I can see what he might have meant. I have so many take advantage of me because of my disability... it's shocking. So it might be better to try to survive as if normal.

There is a stigma, and with the American concentration on making a profit, taking advantage of the mentally disabled for profit is not uncommon.

[Chemar]

Dear Hypermom

I am so glad you are here and able to release some. I can only imagine how hard this has been for all of you.

how very positive to hear that your son went back to school knowing that some already knew. I sure hope his pdoc will get an attitude makeover tho

I hope and pray he will be able work through the things that led up to this, and find a way forward with renewed hope and especially reassured of God's love for him.

:grouphug: To you and your family. I am so glad you have found the members here at SoS as you couldnt hope for a more sensitive and caring group

blessings
Cheri

[Alffe]

How's it going today Hypermom? Just wanted you to know that we're thinking about you. :grouphug: