I hurt so bad

[Koala77]

She's done it again!

I only have the one sister, but time after time she hurts me.

I've sobbed my heart out tonight ..... yet again. Every time I thought I didn't have another tear left, a whole new batch just streams down my face.

My head aches. My eyes are sore. Will this pain ever end?

[AfterMyNap]

Oh, Anne as a sister, I understand your pain far too well. I'm so sorry that you are hurting and I will not attempt to talk you out of it. It always seems like those nearest our hearts are best able to break them.:(

[DM]

Hello dear Anne~ I feel so bad for you. Seems like your feeings just keep getting hurt and that saddens me.. Has your Sis gone back home from her DD's yet??

Don't think it is you, b/c it isn't. I hope one day SOON she will wake up and see what she is missing in not having you in her life on a regular basis. It is her loss, but I know how much you wish she would "wake up and smell the coffee".

I have a great Sis, Anne~~ but by golly, I wish I was yours too! :hug:

No more tears Anne..... Smile right now.. Don't make me do something really DM'ish to make you smile..

I care alot about you....... take care my Aussie friend.

[Bannet]

I'm sorry Anne that you are hurting right now. It always seems the people closest to you hurt you the most.:hug:

I too hope she wakes up one day and realizes that life is too short and family is so very important.

Take care of yourself. I will be thinking of you:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I'm sorry to hear that you have a sister who hurts you also. My sister hurts me very deeply. I don't know why this happens to some of us. I just know that it happens. I'm sorry that it has happened to you. I understand. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[Koala77]

...... I understand. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Thank you so much BF. It means so much to me to have my "friends" here on the site support me as much as they do. I've never had support from my family, not ever. By family I mean the one I was born into. My DH, my DD and my 2 DSS are all loving and supportive towards me, but I wonder sometimes why my sister seems to make it her life's ambition to hurt me as often and as badly as she possibly can.

I am the only sister she has. Our parents both died nearly 30 years ago, and our older brother died last month, but still she never stops. I know it's a "Power" thing because she is a controlling type of person, but it doesn't ease my pain just knowing what she's like.

There will come a day, and probably soon, where I say that I no longer have a sister and I cut all contact with her. There's only so much pain one person can take.

[DM]

I know how painful this has been for you, Anne. I do wish your Sis would wake up and see what a loving, kind Sister you are. It's her loss, but I know that doesn't make you feel any better. I pray she will come to her senses.

I wish I was your Sis!
http://dl4.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1235/1235504vhd1sgzluy.gif (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)

[shiney sue]

I would love to have a sister,so I guess your our's,you are kind to all of
us, so now you have a bunch of us,oh a brother are two as well..Hugs to all
Sue

[Koala77]

Thank you DM, thank you Shiney Sue, and thank you BF as well. Your kind words mean so much to me.

I always know that if I come here in tears, I leave knowing that some of the pain in my heart has lifted because my online family have all put their arms around me and given me the support that I crave in times like I've described.

Thank you.

[hurtsobad73]

:grouphug: I really know how you feel. My sister (although I have 3), the one I am closest with is my older sister who is just 15mnths older than me. She just doesn't "get" it. The Get over ittype.

I have Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD. At times I get really down and want to talk with her about it, but there is no use. Not that I wish this illness on anyone, I just wish some could have a respective view of it.

Keep your head up...:grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

Your so Kind,and tender hearted. I know,it never makes sense when a sister is rude,and cold. Let the cold melt away,and feel the warmth of our love for you ,you dear,and kind lady. Also the lord is close to the broken hearted. let go of the memory. You are a treasure,with a heart of gold. Brokenfriend:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I am also so sorry to hear that your brother has passed. I'm sorry for your lose. Hold the memories of the good. Your are a compassionate lady who is very special. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I hope that you are feeling better. Brokenfriend

[Koala77]

Thank you BF. You're very kind.

[Twinkletoes]

You remain in my thoughts and prayers, Anne. :hug:

Wish you weren't so far away so we could throw you a Feel-better party. :grouphug: :circlelove:

[Brokenfriend]

Ann. Are you OK? The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. BF:hug:

[Wren]

Koala - :hug: - God bless you. I know where you're coming from and understand what you're saying.

[Brokenfriend]

Koala77. Are you feeling better? I hope so. BF

[Koala77]

Thank you BF but tonight has brought new traumas for me again. It's evening here in Australia as I write this, and once again my sister has me distressed.

I have just heard that she is in hospital suffering from a deep depression, but the person who told me has broken a trust in telling me about it. She was told under no circumstancs was I to be informed that my sister was sick, let alone in hospital, and I've been sworn to secrecy.

My sister wants nothing to do with me, and I'm at a loss to know why. We spoke on the telephone last week, and we didn't quarrell or have cross words of any kind. As far as I can work out my sister wants nothing to do with me, and I'd have thought that if she was ever going to need me by her side, then this is the time when she really needs me most.

I do love her very much, but it seems that no matter what I do, it never seems to be the right thing.

I'm fast giving up hope of ever having a "normal" relationship with my sister again.

[Curious]

:hug: honey, just send her a card. don't mention that you know are make it too specific. maybe just one of encouragement and mention how nice it was to talk to her. it's baby step that might just breaking away the chip she has on her shoulder.

i have no relationship with my sisters. zip zilch none.

[SandyC]

Sorry to hear about this Koala. I have a close relationship with my younger sister and a good one with my brothers. But there have been times when I thought I'd like to push my oldest brother away. He's loving and all but isn't good at keeping in touch and is emotionally distant.

Jim and his brother are distant and haven't talked in almost two years. He tried after a five year break again but nothing had changed. His brother is emotionally abusive and can be violent in his drunken rages. Two xmas's ago was the last straw. Jim's mom is an enabler but we've learned to accept that and have a cordial relationship with her. Jim has said over and over that his brother is not allowed to know when Jim is sick and even put it in his medical records that I am the only one to know anything about his condition. It's sad but in this case it was necessary.

Maybe it's time for you to let yourself off the hook and know you've tried all you can. It hurts, I know it does. I've seen the look in Jim's eye and how he wishes his brother were different. It's sad but we move on.

Hugs Koala and wipe those tears. I don't know your whole story but am here if you need a shoulder to lean on.

[PolarExpress]

I'm so sorry, Anne..
My former mother-in-law has a sister who sounds very similar to yours. No matter what she tries, her sister doesn't seem interested.
Curious had a good idea, just send a card and act oblivious to her recent hospitalization. Just say it was nice to talk, that you miss having your sister around,etc..If she doesn't respond to that, then you really have done all you can.

Don't beat yourself up about it, Koala..You are a dear, sweet person, and you're NOT responsible for anyone else's issues. Maybe this is just something she has to work out herself. Maybe she never will. But you are still blessed with a wonderful family and friends all over the world who care and are concerned for you. How many people can say that?:grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

I know exactly how you feel. I cannot seem to talk with my sister. I don't understand what in the world it is. I love her,but she has grown very cold toward me,and I don't understand why. She is ill also,and I can help,but she doesn't want me around. This hurts me deeply.

Little,by Little she moves her heart away. I can feel the cold. I will never understand it. I don't deserve it. You don't deserve it. We cannot make our family love us,but they should have love for us. I can relate to what you are going through.

I wish that I had a sister like you. You are so compassionate to people who you don't know. It's your sisters loss to not have you around. Try not to think about it,because your heart is Love. It's not your fault that she rejects you. It's something in her. Keep the door open for her in your heart though,but don't let it hurt you.

Jesus also knows how it is to be rejected. He was put on a cross. He knows exactly how you feel. I'm sure he prays for us to God the Father,and he feels the pain more deeply then we do. He is close to the Broken Hearted. He never turns away.

Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hu g::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[Koala77]

Thank you Curious, Sandy, Polar Express and BF. You are all so very kind.

Even though my niece (my sister's daughter) asked me to say nothing, I took the bull by the horns and phoned her today......just to say I love you. I phoned her DH who told me she was "sick' in hospital, so I asked if I could phone her and he agreed, giving me the name of the hospital she was in. I rang the hospital and was put through to her, and she sounded terrible.

When I asked how her she was, she told me she was ready to slit her own throat. In the next breath she told me her doctor was letting he home tomorrow. Why would they let her home when she's obviously not ready to face the world? I am so afraid for her!

I can't stop crying after talking to her, but my own DH has had enough. He's cross with me for letting her "get" to me one more time. He's not happy that she's made me cry all over again, and he's just not interested in hearing the reason this time..... because she's done this to me too many times before! He just won't listen, and he's very, very cross!

I just don't know what to do. Please help me.

[Twinkletoes]

Wow, Anne, that's a tough situation you are in. :hug:

We just can't be all things to all people. I think your DH loves you so much and is trying to protect you. He is looking out for what he believes to be your best interests. You need to trust him.

Try your best not to stress about things over which you have no control. (I know: easier said than done). It's sad and unfortunate about your sister, but don't let her illness drag you down too.

I know you have a heart as big as Australia, but for once, take care of you! :hug:

[CayoKay]

my sister (13 months younger) has always had the ability to gouge a crater in my heart.

probably because she knows me so well, and knows JUST what to say to make me shrivel up inside.

we've battled bitterly a few times in the past, and each time, I stopped communication with her, but then... it always happens... she needs me, and she IS my sister, AND I love her.

the last time she needed me was April, of two years ago.

she borrowed a substantial sum of money (ten thousand dollars) with a promise of immediate repayment (in a couple of months, as soon as her house got sold)

she was communicating ALL the time with me, and we were sisters and friends again, and it was great.

her house sold, a new one was bought, she's all moved in, and poof, nothing!

I waited for over a year, and finally (politely) asked her (last July) to find a way to start repayment.

and she totally FLIPPED OUT on me, and said some awful things to me.

somehow, suddenly, I'm the bad guy.

after that, her emails petered out, and I haven't heard from her in at ALL in many months.

despite our agreements, no money has been paid back, except for fifty dollars, last summer.

Anne, I wish wish wish WISH I could cry, but she's DONE this kind of stuff so many times (said hurtful things to me) that there's some kind of switch TURNED OFF on my waterworks, and even though I am hurt and angry, I can no longer CRY.

so, I WISH I could cry, like you, because it would mean I haven't cauterized my HEART towards her, and turned stone-cold.

I think it would be BETTER if I could cry, because that might allow the hurt and anger to HEAL.

anyway, hugs and love and all that mushy-gushy stuff to ya, Anne.

I hope you two work it out, and I'll continue to hope that me and my sister work it out as well.

[SandyC]

I know exactly how your husband feels as I feel the same way about Jim's brother and sometimes his mother. I have learned though that this is HIS family and I have to let him make the decision to communicate or not. He refuses to speak to his brother but wants his mother in his life. I respect that and step back. But if she ever tries some bs while I am around or not around she knows she will hear about it from me. Jim knows this and respects my thoughts.

For example, the last time she was here I went off to take a nap. When I woke, she was gone. While I was asleep she hammered Jim to sign some stupid life insurance papers for her. She has a policy out on him, one she has had since he was 15 yrs old. Ok, fine. What bothered me was when Jim asked her what she would do with it should he pass away, she said "It depends on what my financial situation is." Oh, that bothered me so bad. She has a policy out on him to help her if he died?! ARGHHHH. I personally didn't care about the stupid thing thinking she would give it to the boys or donate it or something. But to boldly state she would use it for her finances hit me the wrong way. Did I mention she has only been here one time all year? We only live one hour from her. I have practically begged her to come spend time with her son.

Anyway, my point is I tolerate the situation. In time your hubby will too. Assure him that he comes first and always will and that you will never let your sister manipulate you ever again. Talk about it because in the end it is YOU who needs to feel good about your decision. :hug:

[Kitty]

:hug: Anne :hug:

I'm so sorry your sister is making you feel so bad. It sounds like she's in desperate need of help. Is it possible that she tries to upset you to make herself feel empowered...or in control of the situation? I hate it that she keeps upsetting you but the others here have given you some good advice. Sometimes we just have to walk away from a situation in order to see it clearly. It really sounds like you've extended the olive branch more than your fair share of times. Possibly if you just stop all contact (I know...easier said than done) with her she will see that you're only going to put up with so much and that your feelings matter just as much as hers do.

I'm praying for the situation, Anne, and hope it all works out.


http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk302/herekitty1960/Praying%20For%20You/angelwatch_praying.jpg

[Brokenfriend]

Ann Hospitals are like that. There needs to be a overhaul of the entire mental Hospital system,ethics,bedside manner,respect,and many things. I'm sorry for your sister,and I hope that she is going to be OK. I don't know enough about the situation. God bless you. My heart goes out to you,and her. Keep taking about your feelings. We are listening,and want to help. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Wren]

Anne - I have three sisters. I try to cling to one of them. The other two speak to neither of us and neither of the other. They are alone. One is married (terrible problems with her children) but the other is truly alone.
I have no idea why this happens but I do understand the pain and I do understand the efforts to correct things.
I've been dealing with this pain for many years -- I'm turning 64 this week) and I know the pain of continuing to hang on.
God bless and keep you.

[Brokenfriend]

Happy Birthday Wren. BF

[eponabri]

I just joined this forum and I can so relate to all of this. My sister is 18 months younger than I am (I'm 58) and I have tried my entire life trying to get close to her. She ignores me for months at a time, and then suddenly acts like she misses, may even confide in me about something. I get taken in and then try to share something about my life, and she just laughs and pushes me away again. It's all like it's a big joke and I'm tired of being the butt of her jokes. It hurts each time. That last time I didn't talk to her for 2 years, which hurt my mother terribly. This time my sister seemed sincere, but I've learned she isn't. I just feel rejected and left out and hurts. You'd think at my age I could get over this easier, but it doesn't seem to happening like that.