sad one

[Denise Diaz]

I am 27 years old and suffer from depression and bipolar disorder. I have tried to commit suicide 4 times starting at the age of 16. Last oct i almost succeeded the hospital gave me a 25% chance to live. I have been in counseling and lots of medication my dr thinks that i am medication resistant. i feel so deperate for help but i dont know what to do please if anyone has any suggestions please share them with me. I feel as though if i dont get help i might succeed in killing myself. I need someone to shine a light at the end of the tunnel for me. I also did impatient and group therapy. Please help me if you can thank you.

[Sannah]

Hi Denise, I am sorry that you are in a tough situation. I was able to recover from anxiety by working on issues like self-esteem, personal boundaries, meeting my needs, empowerment, gaining control over my life, learning how to deal with my feelings and dealing with all the feelings that I had not dealt with, learning how to live in the present fully, social skills, to name a few issues. Have you ever dealt with any of these things in therapy? Did you have a tough upbringing?

[Alffe]

Denise...http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

I know of two members who have had that implant...Dreambeliever and MeBP
both had it done. I will try to pm them to talk to you.

[Alffe]

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=9959&highlight=vegas+nerve+stimulator

[dreambeliever128]

I have dealt with suicidal tendencies since around the ripe old age of 10.

I have lived in counceling for over 10 years. Luckily, I had a Dr. to step forward and practically take over making decisions for me. Even though I was married Bill was just too sick to help me because of what he was dealing with. I lost him 18 months ago the 21st. I will say when you are dealing with depression as bad as you, you need to be in a good councelor at least 2 times a week for quite some time.

My problem is I pull myself up but I don't stay there. Right now I have several issues going on that has practically wiped me out again. I'm trying to pull myself back up.

As far as the VNS there is a board called the Vegal Nerve Stimulator board and you can go there and everyone will help you make a decision on getting it implanted. Mine is off right now due to my other medical problems. It does have it's pros and cons but I do believe that it helps some people a lot. We do try to turn mine on every once in awhile but then I start having some problems from it. I feel like I shouldn't have had it put in due to too many other medical issues that it can mess with but as I said, I see a lot of people on that forum that does like it.

As far as insurance, if you have any, nowadays they seem to be very willing to pay to have it implanted. Mine got approved with in a month. My Dr. wrote a good letter to them that got it done. He was even more worried about me after Bill passed away so we made the decision together.

I will say what you are dealing with is basically what I am living with. I do have times when I am suicidal today but I seem to be able to come out of it quicker then before. You can't give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I know because in a lot of ways, I have found it.

If you want to PM me, I will tell you more or I will listen to what you want to tell me about your story and give you more info on the VNS. I will gladly help you in any way I can.

Ada

[Denise Diaz]

I have dealt with suicidal tendencies since around the ripe old age of 10.

I have lived in counceling for over 10 years. Luckily, I had a Dr. to step forward and practically take over making decisions for me. Even though I was married Bill was just too sick to help me because of what he was dealing with. I lost him 18 months ago the 21st. I will say when you are dealing with depression as bad as you, you need to be in a good councelor at least 2 times a week for quite some time.

My problem is I pull myself up but I don't stay there. Right now I have several issues going on that has practically wiped me out again. I'm trying to pull myself back up.

As far as the VNS there is a board called the Vegal Nerve Stimulator board and you can go there and everyone will help you make a decision on getting it implanted. Mine is off right now due to my other medical problems. It does have it's pros and cons but I do believe that it helps some people a lot. We do try to turn mine on every once in awhile but then I start having some problems from it. I feel like I shouldn't have had it put in due to too many other medical issues that it can mess with but as I said, I see a lot of people on that forum that does like it.

As far as insurance, if you have any, nowadays they seem to be very willing to pay to have it implanted. Mine got approved with in a month. My Dr. wrote a good letter to them that got it done. He was even more worried about me after Bill passed away so we made the decision together.

I will say what you are dealing with is basically what I am living with. I do have times when I am suicidal today but I seem to be able to come out of it quicker then before. You can't give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I know because in a lot of ways, I have found it.

If you want to PM me, I will tell you more or I will listen to what you want to tell me about your story and give you more info on the VNS. I will gladly help you in any way I can.

Ada

thank you so much for hope i really need it right now i am very interested in the vns if you can give me more info i would greatly appreciate it

[Denise Diaz]

I have dealt with suicidal tendencies since around the ripe old age of 10.

I have lived in counceling for over 10 years. Luckily, I had a Dr. to step forward and practically take over making decisions for me. Even though I was married Bill was just too sick to help me because of what he was dealing with. I lost him 18 months ago the 21st. I will say when you are dealing with depression as bad as you, you need to be in a good councelor at least 2 times a week for quite some time.

My problem is I pull myself up but I don't stay there. Right now I have several issues going on that has practically wiped me out again. I'm trying to pull myself back up.

As far as the VNS there is a board called the Vegal Nerve Stimulator board and you can go there and everyone will help you make a decision on getting it implanted. Mine is off right now due to my other medical problems. It does have it's pros and cons but I do believe that it helps some people a lot. We do try to turn mine on every once in awhile but then I start having some problems from it. I feel like I shouldn't have had it put in due to too many other medical issues that it can mess with but as I said, I see a lot of people on that forum that does like it.

As far as insurance, if you have any, nowadays they seem to be very willing to pay to have it implanted. Mine got approved with in a month. My Dr. wrote a good letter to them that got it done. He was even more worried about me after Bill passed away so we made the decision together.

I will say what you are dealing with is basically what I am living with. I do have times when I am suicidal today but I seem to be able to come out of it quicker then before. You can't give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I know because in a lot of ways, I have found it.

If you want to PM me, I will tell you more or I will listen to what you want to tell me about your story and give you more info on the VNS. I will gladly help you in any way I can.

Ada

thank you all for helping me and giving me advice i just came here and feel like i am not alone and maybe there is help i also feel better that i know there are alot of people like me out there and that we can help eachother

[Brokenfriend]

You are right. Yes we can. You are not alone. There are a bunch of us here hanging on to all the help that we can get,and hoping for better things to come. Brokenfriend:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

Well i went to neurolgoist yesterday and he wants me to go for an mri and blood work i went for the blood work today and mri on tuesday may 27 than i have to meet back with him on june 12 to discuss my options he thinks i should try ect before the vns implant my therapist and primary do not recommend that because of memory loss and i already have some of that do to my medication. i also cant even hold a converstation at this point it is hurting my famly to see me like this. I was very down yesterday because i thought i was just going to go get the surgery and everything would be ok in a couple of months but it doesnt look like that to me i have lost my job and everything do to this illness i feel like i am fighting a battle and the illness is winning when i was young i was a straignt a student with plans of going to college and now i dont even know who i am when i look in the mirror.

[Brokenfriend]

It sounds like they are being very careful,and your therapist,and primary are overseeing everything. That's good. It looks like you are on the right track.

Your family hurts,but you hurt the worse. You are worth all the concern from doctors,family,and everybody helping you.

Your life is more important then your job. Try not to even think about your job. Don't feel guilty for not working. That's false guilt. You have allot of people in your corner now,and you have a caring family. There is no pressure for you to change immediately after everything is said ,and done. Don't worry about that either.

Don't look at yourself in the mirror to much at this time. As time goes by,you will know more about who you are. Try to go with the flow,and try not to figure these things out,because it can bring major head trips if you know what I mean.

We all love and accept you in this forum community:hug: Brokenfriend

[Denise Diaz]

Well I went to a new phychatrist on Thursday and he is going to talk to his associate and maybe have a decision what i should do if i can get the vns surgery i have to meet back with them on June 3 which seems so long from now. I have waited 12 years and i am just getting frustrated. I want to get better and go back to school and get into a career that I always wanted to do. I thank all of yous for your support and just to talk is nice. The doctor said the neurologist has no say in what i get done its his decision. if they approve me on the 3rd than they send in the paper to insurance company and if they approve it than i go to a nerosurgeon.:o

[Brokenfriend]

I know that you are desperate. All of the time it takes to get help is also hard. It takes time. My heart goes out to you.:hug: Brokenfriend

[dreambeliever128]

I am glad that things are moving forward for you. I hope the VNS does what you need it to do.

I was offered the ECT back years ago and my PCP said no to it also. I was so bad off, I would have let them do about anything so he made that decision for me.

I think you will get better and be able to go back to school. Once you get this VNS approved, it starts moving pretty fast. It's a one day surgery and then they wait about 2 weeks to turn it on, sometimes less, it depends on how fast you heal from the surgery.

Hang in there.

Ada

[Denise Diaz]

I feel like i lost this battle i am so tired of suffering. I want to thank everyone for their support. but this is one battle i cant win i have been through rape physical abuse but nothing tops this depression. thanks for all your advice.

[Alffe]

June 3rd is not that far away Denise...it's next Tuesday! You really need to give the VNS a try....you might just gain a whole new future. :hug:
Please don't give up....we are here for you. :grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

June 3rd is not that far away Denise...it's next Tuesday! You really need to give the VNS a try....you might just gain a whole new future. :hug:
Please don't give up....we are here for you. :grouphug:

thank you for your support but now they dont know if they want to do the vns surgery. or try other medication i am giving up hope that a medication will work for me and i am affraid i will hit rock bottom very soon again and i feel like i am getting closer eachtime i try to take my life closer to it i dont know what to do at this point i was looking forward to the vns because that was giving me alittle bit of hope now on june 3 like 5 of us are going to discuss what the best option is for me and i am affraid if it is not what i hope than i will lose it again. i am just tired of being disappointed at this point thanks again for all your love and support even though yous dont even know me its ashame i only have my husband and now i have all these strangers that are like my family. thank yous from the bottom of my heart and thank you to my husband for being my rock when i am not strong enough to get out of bed or stand on my own two feet.:grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

Please don't give up. Sometime the clouds make it feel to dark in depression. My dear Denise,we all love you here. Your strong husband is there for a reason. The light of life is close. It does not feel like it sometimes.

Tell your doctors what you have told us. There is hope. Believe me,there must be a answer. Have you been to the Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome area on here.

My dear Denise,you are precious. You belong here on earth. They are getting closer,and closer to new cures. They are even doing research as we speak all over the world to bring about new tremendous help.

Do you think you are seeing the right doctor? Allot of us have had some crummy Psychiatrists. I've had several in a row. I plan on seeing a different one in a couple of weeks.

Knowledge,and understanding of emotional trauma,has doubled in the last 10 years. I think it's going to double in the next 5 years. They are gaining momentum continually on how to treat us.

Have you tried a good church? I have found warmth,and encouragement there. Brokenfriend:hug:

[BJ]

Just want to send you a :hug: Denise and check your PMs ;)

[Denise Diaz]

Please don't give up. Sometime the clouds make it feel to dark in depression. My dear Denise,we all love you here. Your strong husband is there for a reason. The light of life is close. It does not feel like it sometimes.

Tell your doctors what you have told us. There is hope. Believe me,there must be a answer. Have you been to the Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome area on here.

My dear Denise,you are precious. You belong here on earth. They are getting closer,and closer to new cures. They are even doing research as we speak all over the world to bring about new tremendous help.

Do you think you are seeing the right doctor? Allot of us have had some crummy Psychiatrists. I've had several in a row. I plan on seeing a different one in a couple of weeks.

Knowledge,and understanding of emotional trauma,has doubled in the last 10 years. I think it's going to double in the next 5 years. They are gaining momentum continually on how to treat us.

Have you tried a good church? I have found warmth,and encouragement there. Brokenfriend:hug:

thank you for your words of encouragement i guess i will just have to see what happens on tuesday i am very nervous. so is my husband because whenever i am let down he knows thats when i am most dangerous to myself. thanks again for everything yous really are angels on earth. and i have found alot of comfort on this site thanks again

[Brokenfriend]

I hope that today goes well. It early Tuesday morning. I'm thinking about you. I'm so glad that you have a compassionate husband. That's so wonderful.

Think of about ten good things to live for. If you think about ten,you can think about twenty. Then you can make a list.

I hope it goes well. If not,you can get a second opinion. There are always other options. Think beyond this week,and think into the future,with your husband. Think about your kids achievements,and future.

If one door closes,look around,and another door opens. There are always people who want to help. There are always places to go for help. The Sun rises every morning. There's always prayer,and hope. There's always a way to cope.

I hope that you have a nice day precious Denise,the apple of God's eyes. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug:

[Alffe]

Let us know how it goes today Denise...we are thinking about you! :grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

Let us know how it goes today Denise...we are thinking about you! :grouphug:

thank u so much i am nervous and i will let you know

[Denise Diaz]

I hope that today goes well. It early Tuesday morning. I'm thinking about you. I'm so glad that you have a compassionate husband. That's so wonderful.

Think of about ten good things to live for. If you think about ten,you can think about twenty. Then you can make a list.

I hope it goes well. If not,you can get a second opinion. There are always other options. Think beyond this week,and think into the future,with your husband. Think about your kids achievements,and future.

If one door closes,look around,and another door opens. There are always people who want to help. There are always places to go for help. The Sun rises every morning. There's always prayer,and hope. There's always a way to cope.

I hope that you have a nice day precious Denise,the apple of God's eyes. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug:

you have helped me get out of bed this morning i am so scared and affraid what i will do if i dont get any answers today i have never felt so tired and joyless and worhless thank you for your support will update everyone as soon as i can thanks again

[Brokenfriend]

We love you. How did it go?

I hope that it went well,but If it didn't go well,there is a plan B. You will be OK. Lets hang on. Brokenfriend

[Brokenfriend]

Denise You are like a bright shining pearl. You have great worth.

You are in my thoughts,and I hope that you are doing OK.

Patience is a virtue which you have shown. Brokenfriend

[Denise Diaz]

Denise You are like a bright shining pearl. You have great worth.

You are in my thoughts,and I hope that you are doing OK.

Patience is a virtue which you have shown. Brokenfriend

well i went on tuesday and i broke down again they want me to slowly go off the lamictal so they can try a mao inhibitor which they said is the last resort in the medication i have to go back on june 17 to discuss the medication and also the surgery so i know the next 2 weeks are not going to be very good for me and i told all the drs and therapist that too that i am scared for my life at this point thanks for all your support

[Brokenfriend]

I'm not sure,but it seems like the doctors may not be helping you in the area of cheering you up. How many different medicines have they they tried? Have you tried including vitamines with your food? Just a thought.

Have you been to other Doctor's,or have you only gone to this one group? It seems like doctors loose a interest in some people after awhile,not all of them. Some of these doctors are not very good. Believe me I know.

I've been to about ten different Psychiatrists. I started having problems with panic attacks,and it was like a black cloud would come over me out of the blue,and all healthy thoughts left,and I was filled with dread,depression,and crashing thoughts. I was about 13 years old.

I was left with a feeling like I had a end,and I was looking at me as a book,and most of the end of the book was ripped away. It was a strange feeling,and one that was hard to explain. So I understand major depression from a early age. I'll stop there. I certainly don't want to make you depressed. I just want you to understand,that I understand.

Take the medicine,and see if it helps. See if it works. I'm sure that there are other treatments.

It's in times like those that I'll open the Bible,and go to the area that says Psalms. I also go to Isaiah 41 in the Bible in,and around that area. That has a very calming affect on me. I'll find a verse, and stop, and meditate on the verse. These sentences have a deep,and good affect deep down in me. Brokenfriend :hug::grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

You are not alone. We are here,and standing with you. BF:grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

Someone in the (Sanctuary for Spiritual Support) was asking if you could come there. All you need to do is scroll up closer to the top of this website. That's where it is,and they are very nice. Brokenfriend

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK? Your in my thoughts. I hope that I didn't say anything that bothered you. I only mean the best of heart felt intensions. I hope that you are having a peaceful evening.

Is the medicine helping? Brokenfriend

[Denise Diaz]

No nothing u said upsetted me I have been so tired and down havent been out of bed in 3 days. Just hard to function i am out of bed today because i have to go see my therapist i have tried 8 different medications and 3 different dr's. I dont start the new medicine untill i go back to my dr which is june 17 right now i am taking lower doses of all 4 of my medicines to get me off them to try the mao inhibitors. than on the 17 we will talk about ect or vns. I hope i see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. I hate to say this but i used to go to church alot as a little girl and stopped going when i was 16 when i was beaten and rapped i used to go to sunday school and church on thursdays too. I guess i stopped believing in everything at that point thank you for all your support hope u are doing better than i am.:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this.

I stoped going to church when I was a kid,and I started going back when I was in my 30's. We all struggle with our faith at some point.

There is something out there thats going to work for you. I truly believe it. Hang in there.

I'm very tired right now. I wish that I had more to say. Brokenfriend

[Brokenfriend]

I'm thinking of you. Hang in there. I know how depression is. It drains everything in you,and people cannot imagine the degree of depression that you are in,but I can. I know how it hurts also.

Please hear my heart. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I also believe that help is on it's way for you. You have existence for a reason.

I know that the attack on your life doesn't make sense,and It makes you hurt. It sounds like this hurt has gone on for a long time. As I wrote that down, my heart deeply grieved your hurt. I'm so sorry that this has hurt you for so long.

I know that this sounds shallow,but think about the good things that you have in your life. Write them down. Are you able to laugh at all at comedy?

I know that stopping taking one medicine,to take another,is rough. Poor girl. Did they give you anything to help in the transition. My heart goes out to you. When you go through this you feel so alone. I know this. You are alive,and other people have various degrees of depression. Yours sounds very rough. Don't give up.

When you start taking that new medicine,it might help. I hope that it does. How are you doing? Have you been in bed for about 5 days. Hang in there. I understand. I'm glad that your husband cares about you.

Your doctor should have never ever said that medicines don't work for some people. That's absolutely devastating when doctors say things like this. It makes people loose hope. Sometimes it's a matter of trial,and error. You may need a combination of medicines. You may need a new doctor. He,or she doesn't sound like a good one. How long have you been going to him,or her?

Do you have pets? They are nice. I've noticed that some dogs seem to have compassion for a persons feelings. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

I'm thinking of you. Hang in there. I know how depression is. It drains everything in you,and people cannot imagine the degree of depression that you are in,but I can. I know how it hurts also.

Please hear my heart. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I also believe that help is on it's way for you. You have existence for a reason.

I know that the attack on your life doesn't make sense,and It makes you hurt. It sounds like this hurt has gone on for a long time. As I wrote that down, my heart deeply grieved your hurt. I'm so sorry that this has hurt you for so long.

I know that this sounds shallow,but think about the good things that you have in your life. Write them down. Are you able to laugh at all at comedy?

I know that stopping taking one medicine,to take another,is rough. Poor girl. Did they give you anything to help in the transition. My heart goes out to you. When you go through this you feel so alone. I know this. You are alive,and other people have various degrees of depression. Yours sounds very rough. Don't give up.

When you start taking that new medicine,it might help. I hope that it does. How are you doing? Have you been in bed for about 5 days. Hang in there. I understand. I'm glad that your husband cares about you.

Your doctor should have never ever said that medicines don't work for some people. That's absolutely devastating when doctors say things like this. It makes people loose hope. Sometimes it's a matter of trial,and error. You may need a combination of medicines. You may need a new doctor. He,or she doesn't sound like a good one. How long have you been going to him,or her?

Do you have pets? They are nice. I've noticed that some dogs seem to have compassion for a persons feelings. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

Thank you for all your advice. My husband got me out of bed yesterday and took me to the beach with my 2 sons. The night before i was crying to him telling him i think i am defeated. and he was concerned for my life so he made me promise that i would be there in the morning to take my kids to the beach and i made a promise and i kept it it was nice to see my kids have fun and than i stopped and wondered if that would be my last time there with them. and than thoughts raced through my head about my 3 year old not remembering me if i passed away this is horrible coming off this medication i cant even have a good train of thought so sorry if this is not spelled right or doesnt make sense the drs are going to put me on a new med on tues and i called and left him a message saying that i am scared for my life at this point because i am falling in a deep hole thank you again brokenfriend for everything:hug:

[Alffe]

Denise your husband sounds like a thoughtful, caring man....another reason to stay alive...your children are another reason.

I met a very wise man on another forum...he fought suicidal thoughts his entire life...died of old age but not before teaching a whole bunch of us how to redirect those thoughts. He truely understood that it's exhausting work but he'd tell you that you are worth the fight....and that's what you are in...a fight for your life.

His name was Pter and here are some of his words:

As to the thoughts, I will be the first to say they are exhausting and, as I have said previously, they tire us to a point where we honestly believe suicide is the only solution. It is not. BEFRIEND and TALK. These thoughts are a part of you, for better or worse. I believe strongly in a physiological connection with suicidal thoughts. Our fear of the thought stimulates a negative physiological reaction which appears to give the negative thoughts enhanced power over us. Step back for a moment and place yourself in an imaginary situation. You see a child running into a busy roadway...you run quickly to save this child from oncoming cars...feel the reaction rising in your body. The adrenaline pounding throughout your body and brain. Now the rescue is over, your alone, feel the exhaustion of your body and mind.

You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death.


:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

Denise your husband sounds like a thoughtful, caring man....another reason to stay alive...your children are another reason.

I met a very wise man on another forum...he fought suicidal thoughts his entire life...died of old age but not before teaching a whole bunch of us how to redirect those thoughts. He truely understood that it's exhausting work but he'd tell you that you are worth the fight....and that's what you are in...a fight for your life.

His name was Pter and here are some of his words:

As to the thoughts, I will be the first to say they are exhausting and, as I have said previously, they tire us to a point where we honestly believe suicide is the only solution. It is not. BEFRIEND and TALK. These thoughts are a part of you, for better or worse. I believe strongly in a physiological connection with suicidal thoughts. Our fear of the thought stimulates a negative physiological reaction which appears to give the negative thoughts enhanced power over us. Step back for a moment and place yourself in an imaginary situation. You see a child running into a busy roadway...you run quickly to save this child from oncoming cars...feel the reaction rising in your body. The adrenaline pounding throughout your body and brain. Now the rescue is over, your alone, feel the exhaustion of your body and mind.

You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death.


:hug:

thank you so much my husband read it and said see you are going through the same thing that many other people do and you are not alone and that helped me i appreciate it alot thank you so much for your advice and wisdom.

[Alffe]

You're welcome dear lady..please remember that we are here for you. You need to talk to us...to tell us how you are feeling so we can be there for you...we take turns holding each other up. :grouphug:

[Koala77]

I don't have any advice for you right now, but I want you to know that you've been on my mind.

I hope today has been a little better for you and please continue to let us know how you're getting on, because we all care for you Denise.

Lots of Koala hugs coming your way.

http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii230/russnanne/Hugs/koala.jpg

[Brokenfriend]

Thank you for all your advice. My husband got me out of bed yesterday and took me to the beach with my 2 sons. The night before i was crying to him telling him i think i am defeated. and he was concerned for my life so he made me promise that i would be there in the morning to take my kids to the beach and i made a promise and i kept it it was nice to see my kids have fun and than i stopped and wondered if that would be my last time there with them. and than thoughts raced through my head about my 3 year old not remembering me if i passed away this is horrible coming off this medication i cant even have a good train of thought so sorry if this is not spelled right or doesnt make sense the drs are going to put me on a new med on tues and i called and left him a message saying that i am scared for my life at this point because i am falling in a deep hole thank you again brokenfriend for everything:hug:

What did your Doctor say? Did he call you back? Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

What did your Doctor say? Did he call you back? Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug:

He thinks i am a danger to myself right now I might have to be hospitalized for awhile i will let yous know as soon as i know something. if i get hospitalized i will tell my husband to let yous know he knows what a great support yous all have been yous are in my hearts too yous are like family to me now thanks again and take care:hug:

[Alffe]

Thanks for letting us know Denise and I'm glad your dr. wants to help. :hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I'm glad that he called back. It sounds like he is trying to help you. I was concerned about the medication change period also. So you have not been medicated with anything else to help you through this time. Gosh this must be tuff. I don't think that the doctor should have done this that way,and it has made your condition a little worse I think.

Doctors don't always consider this,and I don't understand it. You hang in there. May you endure this,and become strengthened,and empowered. May you have peace,may you have a level of joy, may you have healing in your heart. We love you,and care about you.
Brokenfriend:hug::hug::grouphug:

[Doody]

...
His name was Pter and here are some of his words:

...You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

Thanks for this Alffe. I've been exhausted for awhile now.

(((Denise))) Med changes on antidepressants can be such a battle and frightening. When going off Paxil, I had a tremendous reaction and ended up in the emergency room. The staff did nothing and sent me home in a horrible and twisted state of mind.

My wonder GP the next day said he would help me get off the Paxil very slowly. It took me 2 months, even titrating down to 1 mg a day on liquid Paxil.

You can do it. It can be a tough road, but you can do it. I'm glad that you called those people to let them know just how rough it is for you. They need to know.

On a different note, I hope that the MOAIs is what will work for you. A person a lot of us know on another forum took MOAIsand they worked very well for her. I ran across a forum where some folks have been talking about MOAIsand apparently there will be? or is a patch now. You may find their discussion interesting. MOAIsjust might be the answer for you and I hope so. Beating the Beast (http://www.beatingthebeast.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=21243)

Hugs and many kudos to your wonderful husband.

[Denise Diaz]

Thanks for this Alffe. I've been exhausted for awhile now.

(((Denise))) Med changes on antidepressants can be such a battle and frightening. When going off Paxil, I had a tremendous reaction and ended up in the emergency room. The staff did nothing and sent me home in a horrible and twisted state of mind.

My wonder GP the next day said he would help me get off the Paxil very slowly. It took me 2 months, even titrating down to 1 mg a day on liquid Paxil.

You can do it. It can be a tough road, but you can do it. I'm glad that you called those people to let them know just how rough it is for you. They need to know.

On a different note, I hope that the MOAIs is what will work for you. A person a lot of us know on another forum took MOAIsand they worked very well for her. I ran across a forum where some folks have been talking about MOAIsand apparently there will be? or is a patch now. You may find their discussion interesting. MOAIsjust might be the answer for you and I hope so. Beating the Beast (http://www.beatingthebeast.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=21243)

Hugs and many kudos to your wonderful husband.

i hope one day i can offer help and support like all of yous yous are like angels in disguise thank yous from the bottom of my heart i am fighting this illness with all my power and i am trying not to let it defeat me and with the support of all of you and my husband and 2 sons maybe i can do it :grouphug:

[Alffe]

Denise you can do it! Let us help you, let your dr. help you. And always, talk about what you are feeling!!!:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I consider it a honor to help you. I want you to win this battle. I believe you will. Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

Are you doing OK today? Brokenfriend

[Denise Diaz]

Are you doing OK today? Brokenfriend

anxious about going to the dr tonight hope there is some hope after tonight i could really use it:hug:

[Alffe]

Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul,
and sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.

Please remember to check in here after your dr. appointment Denise..we are here for you. :grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul,
and sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.

Please remember to check in here after your dr. appointment Denise..we are here for you. :grouphug:


well more bad news. I have to go into a hospital for 2 weeks because in order to be on mao inhibitors your body has to be medicine free for 2 weeks. and they said i cant be alone going through that i am just so tired and just want to sleep i think i will go to sleep for awhile but thanks again for all your support.

[MooseasaurusRex]

I think I put this in another thread of yours but I'll remind you;

You are not alone.:)
You are one of us.:hug:
And we are here to help.:grouphug:

[Curious]

well more bad news. I have to go into a hospital for 2 weeks because in order to be on mao inhibitors your body has to be medicine free for 2 weeks. and they said i cant be alone going through that i am just so tired and just want to sleep i think i will go to sleep for awhile but thanks again for all your support.


:hug: detoxing and getting all that out of your system will give you a fresh start denise. allow the right meds to help.

i'm here. a pm or email away. :hug:

[Shelley]

((((Denise))))

Please do not be scared about going into the hosptial. All of those people are there to help you. You can get through the med change. The hosptial will do it slowly and the right way so you have the least amount of trouble.

Then you can start the MAO's and they might help you get to a better place.

I know getting off meds can be hard but with the right help and thats what you are getting it will be better.

We are here for you. :grouphug:

[Alffe]

(((Denise))) I know you wish this weren't such a long process but you are worth it dear lady...having a future and things to look forward to are worth waiting for. I'll bet the hospital has computers you can use so we all can stay in touch and be your cheering section.

Please remember that black hole you are in has sides. :grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

(((Denise))) I know you wish this weren't such a long process but you are worth it dear lady...having a future and things to look forward to are worth waiting for. I'll bet the hospital has computers you can use so we all can stay in touch and be your cheering section.

Please remember that black hole you are in has sides. :grouphug:

thank you to everyone for support i am just trying to get enough strength up right now to make it day to day thanks again for everything

[Alffe]

Since I'm an old lady Denise I'll just talk to you like I would one of my daughters.

If someone is hell bent on killing themselves there is nothing anyone can do to stop them. It just seems like such a waste of life and such a selfish act when youngsters are going to be left with that terrible legacy.

You are still in this race...why not give it your best effort? :grouphug:

[Curious]

come join us on sos denise.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

we are darn good at shining some light from the other end of the tunnel.

[Brokenfriend]

Hospitals know how to help people emotionally more these days. There have been allot of lessons learned. They know tons more now then they knew 10 years ago. These things take time.

I believe in you,and I believe that you will endure,and recover to the extent that you will be able to cope. There are wonderful possibilities with new medicines. Look at all the people who where checking up on you on a daily basis. There are more people in your corner then you know.

As long as you are making steps to get a cure,there will always be someone there with you to take another step with you. There is always hope. Please never forget it. We all love you. Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug:

[Doody]

well more bad news. I have to go into a hospital for 2 weeks because in order to be on mao inhibitors your body has to be medicine free for 2 weeks. and they said i cant be alone going through that i am just so tired and just want to sleep i think i will go to sleep for awhile but thanks again for all your support.

((Denise)) At least it sounds like they are paying attention to what's going on with you and that's good. Yes, those MAOIs are tricky when it comes to combining them with other meds. I'm just so glad they are taking this seriously rather then thinking you can just ride it out on your own.

:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

Thank you everyone for your advice i dont know how i am holding on still. maybe because of yous and my husband and kids thanks again and love yous all.:grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

I had one in the spiritual support room but found this thread going and putting it here
Sad one I am keeping you in my healing thoughts and prayers.
I pray they are compassionate, understanding ,caring knowlegeable and that you get threw this adjustment fine. I hope you know Denise there are some on the "side lines" , praying for you and believeing in you . We are holding you close in our thoughts and sending healing vibs and prayers. :hug: Sad one :hug:
PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

I had one in the spiritual support room but found this thread going and putting it here
Sad one I am keeping you in my healing thoughts and prayers.
I pray they are compassionate, understanding ,caring knowlegeable and that you get threw this adjustment fine. I hope you know Denise there are some on the "side lines" , praying for you and believeing in you . We are holding you close in our thoughts and sending healing vibs and prayers. :hug: Sad one :hug:
PEACE
BMW

Thank you so much for contributing advice and encouragement. I am very grateful. I start a program on June 26 for a day program to try and handle my depression and suicidal thoughts. I feel like its more of a babysitter because my dr doesnt want me to be left alone during the day while my husband is at work. well i guess i will see how it works out. thanks again for everything:hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

After my accident I could not be left home alone beacuse of my head injury I wasnt safe by self alone. head injury and depression oh geepers the things when I look back yikes.
I know you can do this and am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
there are tons of wonderful folks here I hope you feel all of our healing , strength and support wraping around you.:hug:
PEACE to you!
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

After my accident I could not be left home alone beacuse of my head injury I wasnt safe by self alone. head injury and depression oh geepers the things when I look back yikes.
I know you can do this and am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
there are tons of wonderful folks here I hope you feel all of our healing , strength and support wraping around you.:hug:
PEACE to you!
BMW

I will try to do everything i can to be here for my kids. My husband still swears that i am the strongest woman he knows. Right now i cant see that maybe one day i will.

[Brokenfriend]

That a girl! I believe in you ,and may you be strengthened with power within by Gods gentle power. Give the day care a try. Sounds good! Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Just checking up on you. Are you OK? Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug:

[Denise Diaz]

[QUOTE=Brokenfriend;306395]Just checking up on you. Are you OK? Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug:[/Q

still the same thank you. cant wait untill thursday to start the impatient program and to clean my system of medication. and start the mao inhibitors. i am still hanging in there thanks again for all your support love yas:hug:

[Blessings2You]

I marked my prayer calendar for you on Thursday, Denise.

[Denise Diaz]

I marked my prayer calendar for you on Thursday, Denise.

thank you so much i need all the prayers i can get.:hug:

[Shelley]

Lifting up some prayers for you Denise.

I am excited for your day program. I think it may be a great option.

:hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I'm saying a prayer for you right now....

I'm glad that Thursday is just around the corner. As you keep reaching out for help,people will be there to help you.

God will always be there,and he will perfect that which he started in you until the day of Christ Jesus.

I'm so glad to have met you. I have very positive thoughts about your life.

I hope that you have a nice weekend...Hang in there. You will be fine. I know it. I believe it. Take care. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

I'm saying a prayer for you right now....

I'm glad that Thursday is just around the corner. As you keep reaching out for help,people will be there to help you.

God will always be there,and he will perfect that which he started in you until the day of Christ Jesus.

I'm so glad to have met you. I have very positive thoughts about your life.

I hope that you have a nice weekend...Hang in there. You will be fine. I know it. I believe it. Take care. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

I cant thank you enough for everything you have done. For all the prayers and for all the advice. thank you again :hug: and my weekend is relaxing just relaxing by the pool i hope that your weekend is good too.

[Brokenfriend]

My weekend has been fine. I'm glad that you have a pool to go to. Sunlight is good for depression. Even at least 15 minutes of sunlight has been therapeutic for many people with depression.

I'm glad when I'm able to help people. It gives me warmth inside. It's one of the reasons why we have been created. Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

I have been Thinking and believeing in you and hope your relaxing weekend spreads its way into this week. we are all in your corner Denise and like b.f. said God is right beside you. May God hold you and lead you threw all the hard things with understanding courage strength and LOVE. I know Thursday will come soon and I am keeping you in positive healing prayers and thoughts. :hug: keep in touch cus we all care . :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Shelley]

Just checking in on ya Denise. Glad you relaxed by the pool this weekend.

:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Just checking on you,and thinking about you. Are you OK? Brokenfriend:hug:

[Koala77]

I'm checking on you too Denise. I just wanted to make sure you're doing OK.

http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk182/mumsie49/Hugs/PM_Hugs.jpg

[Denise Diaz]

thanks again for all your love and support everyone. yous are in my thoughts and prayers yes i have started praying again. asking god for strength for my family and myself thank yous all very much. hope all is well with yous trying to talk to my dr to see what the game plan is hasnt called me back yet i will let yous know as soon as i know thanks again:grouphug:

[Curious]

http://dl2.glitter-graphics.net/pub/628/628612kk9mzhtpla.gif (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)

[Brokenfriend]

That's wonderful. I'm so glad that you are able to pray again. That a girl!:hug:BF

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise, wanted to give ya this ...


http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm118/BMW1CLASSIC/bearhug.jpg
and say it is good you are Praying :) I hope the apt with doc is a good one. Keeping you in my thoughts and send a cozy blanket of strength and healing for you. keep going baby steps ;). Let us know how things go. :grouphug:
Peace
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

That's wonderful. I'm so glad that you are able to pray again. That a girl!:hug:BF

Thank you for all your support and the angel its beautiful. Well i start the program tomorrow from 830-315 mon-friday i hope it helps and it works out i am trying to have faith i will update yous when i know somehting thanks again:hug:

[Blessings2You]

I hope that tomorrow you can just feel the prayer support, and God's loving arm around you.

[Brokenfriend]

Your so welcome. When you go to the Thursday meeting,the lord will be with you,and he will never leave you,nor forsake you. You will be fine. All of these problems shall pass.You have Gods eternal strength ,and love with you. His strength shall never fail,because he has no end,and He loves you with a everlasting love. Underneath are the everlasting arms.

We love you. Take these small steps,and see how things turn out. You will be built up. Let us know how it's going when you can. Brokenfriend:hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

in case you come by here today... we are keeping you close and tight in our hearts and prayers. Today may seem hard but you have all of us and God right along side you and all of us believe in you, as well as your family.I hope you can feel the comfort strength and healing love . I hope to hear that today turns out to be a positive good one for you!
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug:Hugs for your pocket to use when needed!
PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

in case you come by here today... we are keeping you close and tight in our hearts and prayers. Today may seem hard but you have all of us and God right along side you and all of us believe in you, as well as your family.I hope you can feel the comfort strength and healing love . I hope to hear that today turns out to be a positive good one for you!
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug:Hugs for your pocket to use when needed!
PEACE
BMW

things did not turn out as plan i lost it this morning and started freaking out were i couldnt breath and i was yelling and i didnt go i dont know what is wrong with me maybe i dont want help maybe i just want to give up i am so confused and i dont know what to do thanks again for everything

[Alffe]

(((Denise))) No one said this was going to be easy dear lady...it's probably going to be the hardest thing you've ever done. My dad used to tell me that I had no chance of winning if I didn't enter the race. You are worth the fight, but most importantly is the fact that you have young children depending on you to be there for them.

Time to pick yourself up and try again. You aren't alone and it's time to prove your husband is right. :hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise :grouphug: :hug:. sounds like you just got overwhelmed with the "everyhting" and went into panic mode :hug:. Its okay to feel like that D.
but really you just need to take baby steps little tiny steps one at a time and dont try to look at everything and get overlaoded. ;) because everything isnt going to happen all at once.Its a slow process and all it takes is that frist step then the next ...one at a time. I hope you called and they are able to set another apt. I know you want help . confused and wondering maybe but you DONT want to give up!!!! Please try to make new apt :hug:.
and looks like ya can use a couple of those hugs I put in your pocket so pull one out and think of ALL OF US here when you use it. someitmes with me I would get mad or upset in the thoughts that I actuly did need help I had to accept that and take my little steps once I was comfortable with the fact and not angry or embarassed by it. and I did that by changing the anger and embar. into feeling proud that I could seek, reach for help and not ignore it or hide it and let issue grow and grow. I got proud because it felt good to know tomorrow and the day after each step would make me better.
so please try to get new apt and take that step. we are here to help and support you .WE CARE LOTS AND LOTS about you. Keep us posted mmmkay?!!
Love and PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

Denise :grouphug: :hug:. sounds like you just got overwhelmed with the "everyhting" and went into panic mode :hug:. Its okay to feel like that D.
but really you just need to take baby steps little tiny steps one at a time and dont try to look at everything and get overlaoded. ;) because everything isnt going to happen all at once.Its a slow process and all it takes is that frist step then the next ...one at a time. I hope you called and they are able to set another apt. I know you want help . confused and wondering maybe but you DONT want to give up!!!! Please try to make new apt :hug:.
and looks like ya can use a couple of those hugs I put in your pocket so pull one out and think of ALL OF US here when you use it. someitmes with me I would get mad or upset in the thoughts that I actuly did need help I had to accept that and take my little steps once I was comfortable with the fact and not angry or embarassed by it. and I did that by changing the anger and embar. into feeling proud that I could seek, reach for help and not ignore it or hide it and let issue grow and grow. I got proud because it felt good to know tomorrow and the day after each step would make me better.
so please try to get new apt and take that step. we are here to help and support you .WE CARE LOTS AND LOTS about you. Keep us posted mmmkay?!!
Love and PEACE
BMW

thank you i did call my therapist and he said it is ok and natural to be overwhelmed and have anxiety he feels as though i should call her tomorrow and tell her that i want the help and i want a new appt for the program and this time he thinks that my husband should take me instead of feeling overwhelmed early in the morning trying to get everything done and deal with the kids so he said to make a new appt and ask my husband if he could take me thanks again for all your support and here is a hug back:hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Sounds like a good place to start . I had to have my hub come to my first "visit". It helped with being able to explaine and express things durring inital visit with doc. Helped show how I and others around me were affected by things. It was only for first visit. as I wanted one on one to heal and share alone . but I did have someone drive me everytime. it was usualy my sister .she would either sit and wait reading a book or go run an errand then come pick me up. And it was so nice to have someone there waiting for me. Even if they didnt know what was talked about. it was just comforting all by itself having someone there and thats it. So tomorrow first thing pick up the phone call and reach ... ask for, demand that you want the help and want to make new apt. That is a perfect place to start Denise. PLEASE TRY TO DO THAT :hug:. WE all know you can do that. :grouphug:

[Koala77]

.
http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z59/mbabynewk/586191fkyqmvlw7i.gif

[Brokenfriend]

Take those small steps forward... I have panic disorder,and I know that you became overwhelmed,and had a panic attack. Thats a short storm,and it's certainly not fun is it. A panic can come out of nowhere,but you are so close to getting help,and connected with the right people.

You do want help because the panic attack is actually a sign that you did want the help,but you where afraid that you where not going to get the help.

It's fear of the unknown. You don't know what will happen. I thoroughly understand. We all fall flat on our faces sometimes,I know I have. I have over,and over,but I keep reaching out for help,and you know,help is there.

All you need to do is take baby steps,and try not to think about it to much.

Hold steady....Try it again... If you fall off the horse,get back on the horse. We will be here.

Hold steady,and try again Dear one.

It may not be very heard at all. It may be very liberating. Brokenfriend:hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Have you on my mind today :). Hope you CALL and make new apt. TODAY .
You can do that one little step We know you can. once you do that it is done and then you can forget about it for a few days. that will be good and feel good to have done. :grouphug:
AND...
Denise,I hope today and whole weekend is washed with sunny pleasent moments for you and your family.
keep us posted . :hug: healing hugs :hug: for you.
PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

Sounds like a good place to start . I had to have my hub come to my first "visit". It helped with being able to explaine and express things durring inital visit with doc. Helped show how I and others around me were affected by things. It was only for first visit. as I wanted one on one to heal and share alone . but I did have someone drive me everytime. it was usualy my sister .she would either sit and wait reading a book or go run an errand then come pick me up. And it was so nice to have someone there waiting for me. Even if they didnt know what was talked about. it was just comforting all by itself having someone there and thats it. So tomorrow first thing pick up the phone call and reach ... ask for, demand that you want the help and want to make new apt. That is a perfect place to start Denise. PLEASE TRY TO DO THAT :hug:. WE all know you can do that. :grouphug:

i called and i have an appt for july 7 and she said that it is normal to have anxiety attacks so she is gonna give me another chance :hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

GREAT SWEET NEWS .thats the way to cross a finish line , Now you can relax and you should feel proud cus all of us hear are Proud of you! And I know your family surely must be geting strength from seeing you take these little steps and keep getting up fighting reaching digging in for another chance. you have strength others see this so much and someday soon you will see it also. now you need to ask hub to bring you on the 7th. Thats easy peas dont ya think?
I just want you to know we love you and we think you earned and deserve .....:highfive::winner_first_h4h::pepsi::pizza:
Many Blessings for you Denise. I am so thankfull and glad to meet you b.t.w.
in case I havent said that yet.:) You give us such inspiration threw our own hard moments helps us keep going and make it threw that next hour,day ,week.... Thanks for that! Now go have a relaxing weeekend. I gotta work :p
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

Things will be OK. Have your husband drive you there,and try not to worry about anything the morning of the appointment. Cast all of your cares on the Lord... He is with you.... No pressure.... I call these type of things," head trips." They are unpleasant,but they won't stop you in the long run.

[Denise Diaz]

Things will be OK. Have your husband drive you there,and try not to worry about anything the morning of the appointment. Cast all of your cares on the Lord... He is with you.... No pressure.... I call these type of things," head trips." They are unpleasant,but they won't stop you in the long run.

thank you everyone for your support it gives me strength. today family is coming over and we are having a cookout and relaxing by the pool which is the first time in about 3 years i am trying to be with family other than my husband and kids so i hope it turns out well i marked my calendar for july 7 and i put first step to happiness hopefully things will work out thanks again have a good weekend:grouphug:

[Blessings2You]

Praying that the Father will surround you with His peace while you're with your family

[Brokenfriend]

It will work out. There is a path before you. Take baby steps down this path. This path is safe. You will be glad.

It sounds like a nice weekend for you. If you feel uncomfortable around the people,that's perfectly natural. You will be fine. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK? Do Monday's bother you? I hope not. I hope that you are feeling OK. Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise,
How did you weekend , the cookout ,swimming pool turn out? I cant wait to see you post that it was fun.
How are you feeling today ? I think writing the first step to happiness for the 7th is perfect. I bet if you wrote down any questions or worries ,thoughts you have ... you could bring paper with you to apt and writing down your thoughts and questions when they first pop into mind could help "get them out" instead of having them fly , spin around and around in mind .
Then again sometimes the wondering just grows no matter what.
PLEASE KNOW ,You have all of us here and you are safe to worry vent and share right here with " family". we lean on eachother and we are here for you like you are here for us!
I am JEALOUS of you going to pool! hope you had a cool swim for me??... tis hot hot here in Florida !
Healing thoughts and praying strength, courage and comforting peace for you and your family. Let us know how your doing ;)
:hug:
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

I hope that your weekend went well. I hope that you have a happy Tuesday.

As the sand grains of the Earth cannot be counted,neither can his loving thoughts be counted toward you.

He delights in your small steps.

He embraces you where you are in life.

He will never leave you,nor forsake you.

You will come to a point where you won't be affected by what happened in the past. The Lord holds your hand firmly,as the former things pass away,and new things come to light. His light shall shine brightly.

You where born in a natural body,you will be raised in a spiritual body. BF :hug::grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

I hope that your weekend went well. I hope that you have a happy Tuesday.

As the sand grains of the Earth cannot be counted,neither can his loving thoughts be counted toward you.

He delights in your small steps.

He embraces you where you are in life.

He will never leave you,nor forsake you.

You will come to a point where you won't be affected by what happened in the past. The Lord holds your hand firmly,as the former things pass away,and new things come to light. His light shall shine brightly.

You where born in a natural body,you will be raised in a spiritual body. BF :hug::grouphug:

thank you it was not all that great but i did find enough strength to take my kids to the carnival which was just nerve racking everything seems to be getting on my nerves lately my dr says it looks like i am going to come off my meds as of tuesday for two weeks which kinda scares me because of the fact that my sons 3rd b day party is july 13 and his birthday is july 14 i hope i can keep it together on those important days for him i just been beating myself up lately about everything i just feel so worthless and useless its just hard right now and i dont know how to get out of this slump thanks again for all your love and support:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

You are of great worth,and don't be down,or hard on yourself. You have had a trauma that's been hard for you to beat. You are getting help,and taking the right steps. A bunch of us are backing you up,and you are worth it.

God created you,and loves you as you are. He's going to keep helping you. Hang on. He works many times through people. BF

[Denise Diaz]

You are of great worth,and don't be down,or hard on yourself. You have had a trauma that's been hard for you to beat. You are getting help,and taking the right steps. A bunch of us are backing you up,and you are worth it.

God created you,and loves you as you are. He's going to keep helping you. Hang on. He works many times through people. BF

today i hurt myself i burnt myself so i dont have to feel the mental pain i rather feel physical pain if that makes any sense i am frustrated where i am going to explode if i dont scream or punch something i just feel frustrated sorry i wanted to vent hope i didnt offend anyone thanks again for all your support bf

[Brokenfriend]

I'm sorry that you Burn't yourself. Ouch!!!! The body,and mind can't take but so much pain,so it's homing in on the burn. Ouch!!! Vent all you want. That's what we are here for. Hit a pillow. Scream in the bed. That muffles the sound. I have done that. BF Ouch!!!:eek:

[Denise Diaz]

I'm sorry that you Burn't yourself. Ouch!!!! The body,and mind can't take but so much pain,so it's homing in on the burn. Ouch!!! Vent all you want. That's what we are here for. Hit a pillow. Scream in the bed. That muffles the sound. I have done that. BF Ouch!!!:eek:

I just feel so stressed out and weird i dont know if i will ever feel normal. my 9 year old son said something that killed me today. He said why cant u be normal and nice like other mothers. he said why do u have to be so mean and mad and sad all the time. that just kills me because i know this illness is not only affecting me but my kids and i cant do that to them i wont do that to them so i have to think what would be worse for them to grow up without me or grow up with a bad mother.

[Brokenfriend]

Remember. You didn't ask for the illness. It came down the family tree,and was triggered by the incident. You are a good lady. Remember what your husband said. You'r the strongest lady he's ever known.

Just raise the kids as best as you can,and your children don't know what his friends parents are like without them visiting. I know,and you know that they are not perfect either. They are in their best behavior with visiting kids. I'm sure they act like they are perfect to visitors.

Again...Remember....It's not your fault...

Be yourself... Don't live up to someones comparisons... Try not to respond to comparisons...Be yourself...and keep making baby steps.

Soon your probably going to feel better,and hang in there...I know your going to be better soon.

Out of the mouth of babes... don't be to concerned with what you hear from them that is negative. Teach them. Love them. Keep the nice things that they say,and let the negatives go. Love BF

[Denise Diaz]

Remember. You didn't ask for the illness. It came down the family tree,and was triggered by the incident. You are a good lady. Remember what your husband said. You'r the strongest lady he's ever known.

Just raise the kids as best as you can,and your children don't know what his friends parents are like without them visiting. I know,and you know that they are not perfect either. They are in their best behavior with visiting kids. I'm sure they act like they are perfect to visitors.

Again...Remember....It's not your fault...

Be yourself... Don't live up to someones comparisons... Try not to respond to comparisons...Be yourself...and keep making baby steps.

Soon your probably going to feel better,and hang in there...I know your going to be better soon.

Out of the mouth of babes... don't be to concerned with what you hear from them that is negative. Teach them. Love them. Keep the nice things that they say,and let the negatives go. Love BF

happy 4th of july i am trying to forget it but i keep hearing it in the back of my head and it is tearing at my heart i dont know what i am going to do i hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of july weekend

[Brokenfriend]

Happy forth of July to you too,and your precious family. I understand. Try not to let it bother you to much. You are of great value. You are created. Just as you are,you are worth more then can be measured,or counted. BF:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

Happy forth of July to you too,and your precious family. I understand. Try not to let it bother you to much. You are of great value. You are created. Just as you are,you are worth more then can be measured,or counted. BF:hug:

well i am still nervous about monday but i know it will be ok after the first visit i just have alot of anxiety issues to deal with i hope all is well with you

[Brokenfriend]

I'm OK. Thank you for asking. Try not to imagine what the meeting is going to be like. All my life before meetings,I would try to imagine what it would be like,and it never was what I thought that it would be like. I was filled with dread for no reason. They are mostly better,and they go easy on you because they know that you have been struggling.

Try not to think about it,but just go to it in peace.

Are there any prayer groups in your area? I find them to bring great strength to me. See if you can find a good one. Oh!!! They are wonderful,because they usually pray for you,and the Lord sometimes speaks through the people. This always would make me feel better. I sometimes went to two prayer meetings a week. BF

[Denise Diaz]

I'm OK. Thank you for asking. Try not to imagine what the meeting is going to be like. All my life before meetings,I would try to imagine what it would be like,and it never was what I thought that it would be like. I was filled with dread for no reason. They are mostly better,and they go easy on you because they know that you have been struggling.

Try not to think about it,but just go to it in peace.

Are there any prayer groups in your area? I find them to bring great strength to me. See if you can find a good one. Oh!!! They are wonderful,because they usually pray for you,and the Lord sometimes speaks through the people. This always would make me feel better. I sometimes went to two prayer meetings a week. BF

thanks for all your support i had an anxiety attack tonight thinking about tomorrow and my husband gave me an ativan and he said i have to go tomorrow i wander why it is so hard to accept help maybe because i am affraid of disappointment or people judging me i dont know what it is but i hope my husband has enough strength for both of us tomorrow god bless you for all your love help and support:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Don't worry about being judged,they are there to help. They are trained.

Oh I relate to the fear of being disappointed,but keep stepping forward. You will be glad that you did in the long run. One thing leads to another. If you don't see much tomorrow,you will get help along the trail so to speak.

Don't try to get things done before you go. Just go,and don't think about what it will be like. It is never like what you think before hand.

Just baby step into a nest of help. Keep moving forward...Thats the secret so to speak. BF

[Brokenfriend]

Don't be afraid,and go to the meeting. God is with you,angels,and your husband. You have a whole lot of people praying for you from here. BF:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

Don't be afraid,and go to the meeting. God is with you,angels,and your husband. You have a whole lot of people praying for you from here. BF:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

well i went for a half aday it was just too overwhelming and they seen that and told me to leave and come back tomorrow at 830 so i will try again tomorrow i registered and meant everyone but i just couldnt stay all day i am proud of myself for staying as long as i did though even though my family is disappointed in me for not staying all day they dont understand how hard it really is thanks again for everything hope all is well take care

[Burntmarshmallow]

Nice job Denise. I knew with all of us holding you close in our thoughts and prayers you would at the very least try it and we are so glad to hear you went . I may be on side lines but I am rooting for you every day.
LITTLE STEPS WILL MAKE THINGS BETTER . KUDOS AT YOU!
Peace
BMW
p.s. I know you are mostly chating at B.F. but just wanted to say how proud I am of you and that I believe in you. :hug: :grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

I'm proud of you too. Well done. If you only go half a day tomorrow that will be alright. Well done. Baby steps. Well done. BF:hug::hug::hug::hug::grouphug::hug::hug::hug:

[Denise Diaz]

I'm proud of you too. Well done. If you only go half a day tomorrow that will be alright. Well done. Baby steps. Well done. BF:hug::hug::hug::hug::grouphug::hug::hug::hug:

I went the whole day today I am now on 6 medications and this dr said no way will he take me off medication for 2 weeks he said he will not be responsible for my suicide so he is going to have a talk with my other dr and husband and therapist and talk about ect he says i have been struggling for 12 years with this illness and he can see its getting the best of me well i am nervous about the future and i guess i will try and go again tomorrow thanks again everyone:grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

You went the whole day! Wonderful. Don't remember the big negative thing that doctor said. "Eat the Fish,and throw away the bone so to speak".

Give the medicines time to work. I hope they work for you.

The Lord will bring you out of this "Horrible pit". Please read some of the Psalms in the BIBLE.

This is my most loved verse in Isaiah. Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not,for I am with you:,Be not dismayed for I am thy God:,I will strengthen you,yes: I will help you,yes: I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness:

Take the Meds,go to the meetings,and read bible verses.

We all love ya:hug::hug::hug::grouphug: BF

[Denise Diaz]

You went the whole day! Wonderful. Don't remember the big negative thing that doctor said. "Eat the Fish,and throw away the bone so to speak".

Give the medicines time to work. I hope they work for you.

The Lord will bring you out of this "Horrible pit". Please read some of the Psalms in the BIBLE.

This is my most loved verse in Isaiah. Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not,for I am with you:,Be not dismayed for I am thy God:,I will strengthen you,yes: I will help you,yes: I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness:

Take the Meds,go to the meetings,and read bible verses.

We all love ya:hug::hug::hug::grouphug: BF
i have not read the bible in a very long time maybe one day i will have the strenght to do that i went all day again and have been taking my meds the right way and he said he is starting to look into the ect treatments for me and will know more in a couple of days i am just trying my best i need to do this for my kids and husband but most of all myself thanks again bf:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I'm so proud of you. You are going forward to these meetings. You will get help I believe with all my heart.

As you take these steps forward,there are always people helping you to the next step.

I hope that you know more tomorrow. I'm sensing progress. I feel that it's on the up,and,up. BF:)

[Denise Diaz]

I'm so proud of you. You are going forward to these meetings. You will get help I believe with all my heart.

As you take these steps forward,there are always people helping you to the next step.

I hope that you know more tomorrow. I'm sensing progress. I feel that it's on the up,and,up. BF:)

well more news today they want me to start ect treatments on wednesday as an impatient for days than outpatient mon,wed,friday for however long they see fit i dont know i am so stressed out and dont know what best for me anymore thanks for all the advice and support

[Brokenfriend]

I'm not familiar with ect treatments. Does your husband support it? Could you tell me briefly what they are. BF:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

[Denise Diaz]

I'm not familiar with ect treatments. Does your husband support it? Could you tell me briefly what they are. BF:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

ECT treatments is given when the person is medication resistant i go to the hospital and they put me to sleep and shock my brain to give me a seizure after i wake up i cant remember anything for a while and will have headaches they do this to me every mon, wed, friday my first treatment starts wed i will tell you more about it if you would like thanks again take care:hug:

[BiPolarBear]

It sounds to me like the ones closest to you are holding you down. The hand you hold, holds you down.

When that happened to me I found a direct way to replace the dignity taken from me. My parents stole my piano. So I started finding free pianos to restore. My wife thought it was crazy and eventually had me arrested. It makes no difference to me. I did what I had to do to replace what was stolen, and more so, I replaced what was taken from those pianos. Their ability to play was my ability to play.

Rise up. Even if it requires your exertion of anger, you will live because of it. Your life is a war, and it is worth winning.

Fight.

-BPB

I am 27 years old and suffer from depression and bipolar disorder. I have tried to commit suicide 4 times starting at the age of 16. Last oct i almost succeeded the hospital gave me a 25% chance to live. I have been in counseling and lots of medication my dr thinks that i am medication resistant. i feel so deperate for help but i dont know what to do please if anyone has any suggestions please share them with me. I feel as though if i dont get help i might succeed in killing myself. I need someone to shine a light at the end of the tunnel for me. I also did impatient and group therapy. Please help me if you can thank you.

[Brokenfriend]

I have heard of these treatments. I hope they work. You have suffered so much,you deserve more like this. Let me know how they help you.

I am interested to hear of the progress that this will probably bring. I love you. Hold steady. This seems to be a major possibility for a breakthrough. Go for it.

I hope that the headaches won't last to long,and I hope that they won't be very painful. Are they suppose to be mild headaches? BF

[Denise Diaz]

I have heard of these treatments. I hope they work. You have suffered so much,you deserve more like this. Let me know how they help you.

I am interested to hear of the progress that this will probably bring. I love you. Hold steady. This seems to be a major possibility for a breakthrough. Go for it.

I hope that the headaches won't last to long,and I hope that they won't be very painful. Are they suppose to be mild headaches? BF

all the medication they have me on right now i cant even walk without holding on to something i am exhausted they said its like migraine headaches and thanks for saying you love me not many people do i feel the same way take care and i will keep u posted on how i feel

[Brokenfriend]

:hug:I do love you. My heart goes out to you. You are precious,and priceless. You are so welcome.

Did they mention how long the migraines will last after the treatments. Will they give you meds for the migraines,and take you off a few of the others. Do they have other meds that they will try later?

They are developing new meds all the time now.

They may not know right now. Something will work. You hold on. keep going forward till something works. There is something that will work under heaven,or from heaven,or both. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK? Did your weekend go well? Blessings,and good will to you. Hang in there. BF:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

Are you OK? Did your weekend go well? Blessings,and good will to you. Hang in there. BF:hug:

the lithium they have me on is really making me sick i have very low blood pressure where i am passing out i am really sick so sorry cant write much:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I saw the Sick mood logo. Brave girl...you are fighting it. Tell the doctors very clearly what's going on. The med. combo is making you sick. I've seen the Sick logo since last week. Tell them. Make it clear to them. Tell them that you don't want them to drastically change your meds either. BF:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

I saw the Sick mood logo. Brave girl...you are fighting it. Tell the doctors very clearly what's going on. The med. combo is making you sick. I've seen the Sick logo since last week. Tell them. Make it clear to them. Tell them that you don't want them to drastically change your meds either. BF:hug:

well i went for the consultation today for the ect my first round is tomorrow at 9 in the morning i am so nervous about memory loss they said i could have memory loss well hope i remember all of you take care:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

What I have said is in your spirit. Your spirit is your communion,intuition,and conscience.

Your soul is your mind,will,and emotions. Part of whats in your mind might be forgotten,but I don't believe that you will forget.

I believe most of what I've said is safe in your spirit.

Don't be afraid. I love you. A whole group of people love you here. We will keep talking. Write notes,and put it on the mirror,tv,doors,and other places that we are part of your family on this Forum. What we have said is all here.

Again...Don't be afraid Denise.

We will be here. I will be here. You can refresh your memory,and go to the beginning of this thread.

Again...Don't be afraid...The doctors are in a process of finding a way to treat you.

People are praying for you. The Lord,and the angels will be with you. You are safe. You are protected. You are not alone in this.

Let me know how it went. Write notes,and put them everywhere. I'm proud of you. BF:hug::hug::hug::hug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise I am praying and holding you close in my thoughts. What BF said to you is ture and I hope you find comfort in those words .
The doctors are in the processes of finding a way to help you. I believe this and I Am so very proud of you for all the little steps you taken so far..
Holding you near and dear .Sending strength and Healing peace to you. we are all here for you and care very much! :hug:
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

Denise I am praying and holding you close in my thoughts. What BF said to you is ture and I hope you find comfort in those words .
The doctors are in the processes of finding a way to help you. I believe this and I Am so very proud of you for all the little steps you taken so far..
Holding you near and dear .Sending strength and Healing peace to you. we are all here for you and care very much! :hug:
BMW

i had my first ect treatment today and i feel really sick when i woke up i had memory lost but than i regained it it is painful and takes alot of energy my next treatment is friday and than every mon wed and friday after that thanks again i love yous all:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

It may take awhile for you to notice any difference. Please try to be patient. Burntmarshmallow is interceding for you,and things are taking place for you in the heavens Denise.

There are many people who are praying for you,and checking to see how you are doing daily. It's going to take time,but you are on the road to recovery,and we are all proud of you.

I am sorry that the treatments are making you sick,and are draining you,but keep with it,and you may see the sun shine again.

The important thing is to keep getting treated. Communicate with the doctors,and therapists. Go with the flow. It's time now for your condition to be treated. Further treatment is necessary,and you will gain the help that you need.

I'm proud of you Denise.

Rest today,and take the treatment on Friday. It will be all right.

Maybe soon a seed of determination will grow in you,and it will become easier as you go forward,and get better,and better. It may be gradual,and you may not see the progress at first.

It will come to a point where you will get strong. BF :hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise You will probly feel very wiped out of all your energy and just feel like laying around and resting. And that is exactly what you need to do as much as possible right now.

The treatments take everything out of you so you need to rest and regain your strength, Energy and motivation. You deserve to be waited on to have another cook bring you your meals .Let another do laundry and clean up. After treatment you probly “wake up” confused and memory not that great. You will ask the same questions over and over because you forget that you asked them and you need someone to tell you over and over.

This is all temporary and not permante at all. The best thing to do is try your hardest to relax during this time. I know that your body will want to react differently but try your best to take long deep breaths in and out. It feels like you have no control over anything sometimes and long deep breaths are somethingYOU CAN CONTROLL during times like that. Your family can see how hard you are working and they should be right next to you doing their part to help you rest help make meals help clean and such..

BF is right the best thing the right and only thing to do is keep going for treatments and rest as much as possible in between them. Soon you will start to feel better .not at first because you and your body are getting used to the treatment your feeling so wiped out and have no energy or motivation this is normal it is new and not really felt in such a way so that is all you will concentrate on but after a few times. . . You will slowly start to see a difference and start to feel better and see the sunshine again. Your family and those around you will also see an improvement .

We are all so proud of you for the many many many little steps you have taken and are still taking , we are also PROUD at how BRAVE and determined YOU ARE and how much COURAGE you are PUTTING FORTH. I think you are a very EXTRAORDINARY STRONG CARING WONDERFUL Mother Wife and Friend and person Denise. Every little step you take each and every hour of the day proves this over and over.

Keep going don’t give up now you are so close I know this must seem like the most hard part but keep at it keep going keep getting treatment keep showing the world,God, the people around you how much you want and need to get threw this and I KNOW YOU WILL GET THREW THIS! Soon you will think, feel and start to get better. One day at a time My friend One day at a time is all anyone can ask. We are so PROUD of you. And
WE LOVE YOU ! :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW
p.s. I am holding you so close in my prayers please know this.:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

Denise You will probly feel very wiped out of all your energy and just feel like laying around and resting. And that is exactly what you need to do as much as possible right now.

The treatments take everything out of you so you need to rest and regain your strength, Energy and motivation. You deserve to be waited on to have another cook bring you your meals .Let another do laundry and clean up. After treatment you probly “wake up” confused and memory not that great. You will ask the same questions over and over because you forget that you asked them and you need someone to tell you over and over.

This is all temporary and not permante at all. The best thing to do is try your hardest to relax during this time. I know that your body will want to react differently but try your best to take long deep breaths in and out. It feels like you have no control over anything sometimes and long deep breaths are somethingYOU CAN CONTROLL during times like that. Your family can see how hard you are working and they should be right next to you doing their part to help you rest help make meals help clean and such..

BF is right the best thing the right and only thing to do is keep going for treatments and rest as much as possible in between them. Soon you will start to feel better .not at first because you and your body are getting used to the treatment your feeling so wiped out and have no energy or motivation this is normal it is new and not really felt in such a way so that is all you will concentrate on but after a few times. . . You will slowly start to see a difference and start to feel better and see the sunshine again. Your family and those around you will also see an improvement .

We are all so proud of you for the many many many little steps you have taken and are still taking , we are also PROUD at how BRAVE and determined YOU ARE and how much COURAGE you are PUTTING FORTH. I think you are a very EXTRAORDINARY STRONG CARING WONDERFUL Mother Wife and Friend and person Denise. Every little step you take each and every hour of the day proves this over and over.

Keep going don’t give up now you are so close I know this must seem like the most hard part but keep at it keep going keep getting treatment keep showing the world,God, the people around you how much you want and need to get threw this and I KNOW YOU WILL GET THREW THIS! Soon you will think, feel and start to get better. One day at a time My friend One day at a time is all anyone can ask. We are so PROUD of you. And
WE LOVE YOU ! :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW
p.s. I am holding you so close in my prayers please know this.:hug:

thank you so much for everything i am in so much pain i cant type that much but just wanted yous to know that i am going for my second treatment tomorrow and i will let yous know what is up take care everyone:grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

Go in there tomorrow,and don't be afraid. Things are going to be OK. Many prayers are being prayed for you. God strengthens those who are weary. I know that the road has been long. BF :hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

It is almost 4 in afternoon here and you have been in my thoughts and I sent/ said prayers for you like 5 times today.I know you will be tired and have huge unbareable head ache so PLEASE REST and just know that we are all keeping you tight in our prayers thoughts and healing vibs...and we send hugs !
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

You are so full of courage and determination you give me inspiration and strength to keep going threw my sad depressing times and I bet others get the same thing.You are a BLESSING DENISE!!! So take things slow and easy rest relax and WHEN YOU feel like it and are able .... post . LOVE YOU!!!!
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

Burntmarshmallow is so right. Take it slow, and easy. We are going to wait for you to post when you have the energy.

You might have a splitting headache now. Please let us know. Are you OK?

We all love ya,and are with you in spirit.

Please lean on us. We are here for you. BF:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm118/BMW1CLASSIC/ablessing.gif
May God fill you with loving strength while you rest. Thank you God.
Know that your in our prayers and we are here when you are able to let us know how you are feeling. Make sure your eatting healthy and getting your rest. Your doing great even though you feel so yulk soon that will all change for the better I know it will.... because I and WE pray for you all the time.
Many blessings on you and yours Denise. :hug::grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm118/BMW1CLASSIC/ablessing.gif
May God fill you with loving strength while you rest. Thank you God.
Know that your in our prayers and we are here when you are able to let us know how you are feeling. Make sure your eatting healthy and getting your rest. Your doing great even though you feel so yulk soon that will all change for the better I know it will.... because I and WE pray for you all the time.
Many blessings on you and yours Denise. :hug::grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

it is nice to hear that i may be inspiration to other people fridays treatment didnt go so well i was really sick i was in bad shape i am in bad shape today i dont know what to do my head just doesnt feel right i have another treatment tomorrow at 10 am and it is my birthday tomorrow so that should be a really good birthday well yous are alll in my dreams and prayers also love yas:grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

I will not attempt to say Happy Birthday or wish you a happy birthday because I know that is a pretty dumb thing to do/say.:(
When you said it is your birthday tomorrow made me think that sometimes a birthday echoes the day we came into this world. It is a painful wet yucky traumatic stressful scary mess. It is the end of living inside a womb. Living inside a bubble of warmth comfort security and we begin living out side breathing air and feeling touches and hearing sounds more clearly. All of which are new and strange and scary.

I think that is what yours will resemble. Like you are in a transition that’s kind of like when we are born. But in the days and weeks after we are born we adjust and begin either by instinct or learning to adapt and deal with things. We cry, we even cry differently for different reasons we smile we start to coo and make baby sounds. we learn we have hands then we learn how to use them...Try to think of tomorrow as another step in adapting another step in getting better another step in growing and healing and another step closer to the sunshine and happiness.

That sounds like a lot of steps but tomorrow is just one step. a step in between .. Between all the steps you have taken so far. And there have been MANY so far. And you have taken them one by one. You’ve shown the world and God how courageous and brave and strong and persistent and caring and loving and smart considerate you really are. :hug: and that’s just naming a few things. Keep steady keep putting forth your courage your strength your trust and belief In Yourself in God in the World in your Family and in Life.

Remember to control your breathing even if you have to make your mind scream loudly slow breath in slow breath out. And if you can find some boost shakes. Health drinks maybe try them instead of eating food for your belly. Can find them in the grocery store by the cheese and milk and yogurt. If not ask I am sure the grocery store has them.
Dose lightly massaging your forehead and temple bother you after? Maybe a warm cloth might help with headache?

Of course the suggestion B.F. made about not having it tomorrow would be good. I bet they wont :(
They probably don’t want to miss a treatment and then have to do more or longer to make up for missing one. Make sure you are telling them how badly your head and body feel. Tell then every time you go. Tell them how sick your are, let them know all these things. What you think and feel are importion and vital to how they can help you better.

This reply is way to long and will probably make your head ache worse but please know we are here. We love you. We believe in you. we are there in spirit and thought with you. We are proud and amazed by the things you have done and are doing. We know this is going to be hard but we know you are brave and can do this.:hug::grouphug: We are sending God our prayers for and about you, your family your treatments your tomorrows. May God be with you healing you and BLESSINGS YOU.
Always close in my heart prayers and thoughts you are Denise. And I know I am not alone.:grouphug:
Peace
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

I will not attempt to say Happy Birthday or wish you a happy birthday because I know that is a pretty dumb thing to do/say.:(
When you said it is your birthday tomorrow made me think that sometimes a birthday echoes the day we came into this world. It is a painful wet yucky traumatic stressful scary mess. It is the end of living inside a womb. Living inside a bubble of warmth comfort security and we begin living out side breathing air and feeling touches and hearing sounds more clearly. All of which are new and strange and scary.

I think that is what yours will resemble. Like you are in a transition that’s kind of like when we are born. But in the days and weeks after we are born we adjust and begin either by instinct or learning to adapt and deal with things. We cry, we even cry differently for different reasons we smile we start to coo and make baby sounds. we learn we have hands then we learn how to use them...Try to think of tomorrow as another step in adapting another step in getting better another step in growing and healing and another step closer to the sunshine and happiness.

That sounds like a lot of steps but tomorrow is just one step. a step in between .. Between all the steps you have taken so far. And there have been MANY so far. And you have taken them one by one. You’ve shown the world and God how courageous and brave and strong and persistent and caring and loving and smart considerate you really are. :hug: and that’s just naming a few things. Keep steady keep putting forth your courage your strength your trust and belief In Yourself in God in the World in your Family and in Life.

Remember to control your breathing even if you have to make your mind scream loudly slow breath in slow breath out. And if you can find some boost shakes. Health drinks maybe try them instead of eating food for your belly. Can find them in the grocery store by the cheese and milk and yogurt. If not ask I am sure the grocery store has them.
Dose lightly massaging your forehead and temple bother you after? Maybe a warm cloth might help with headache?

Of course the suggestion B.F. made about not having it tomorrow would be good. I bet they wont :(
They probably don’t want to miss a treatment and then have to do more or longer to make up for missing one. Make sure you are telling them how badly your head and body feel. Tell then every time you go. Tell them how sick your are, let them know all these things. What you think and feel are importion and vital to how they can help you better.

This reply is way to long and will probably make your head ache worse but please know we are here. We love you. We believe in you. we are there in spirit and thought with you. We are proud and amazed by the things you have done and are doing. We know this is going to be hard but we know you are brave and can do this.:hug::grouphug: We are sending God our prayers for and about you, your family your treatments your tomorrows. May God be with you healing you and BLESSINGS YOU.
Always close in my heart prayers and thoughts you are Denise. And I know I am not alone.:grouphug:
Peace
BMW

well yes my head does hurt really bad again i told the drs and they said that they would give me something for the nausa and for the headache well they did and i was there even longer because the medicine has to wear off some before you can leave than i came home and slept i just woke up so i slept the day away some birthday i have atleast 3 more treatments left and they could do anywhere up to another 9 so i guess we will see how it goes well i am really sick so i am going to lay down but wanted to thank yous for all your warm wishes and support love yas take care:hug::grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

I am not having a good day the last few days but i wanted to post and say I think it is good the doc is giving you something for the pain and the nausea.
AND I THINK YOU ARE SEVERLY BRAVE AND COURAGIOUS ! I ADMIRE you more then you can know.
Dont look at the big picture and how many treatments are left or how many they may do..Just look at ONE DAY AT A TIME.one step at a time. YOUR DOING GREAT DENISE! Your probly more then half way to being done..so look at that and sleep ,rest and eat healthy and keep taking steps ..one at a time. Luv ya my friend.:hug:
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

I'm going to get another computer. BF:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK? My computer took a hit,and I've been offline for almost a week. .It happened suddenly. What a surprise!

It's working again. How are you? Are the treatments working? How do you feel. I've worried that you thought that I left. I didn't. Just technical difficulties. BF

[Burntmarshmallow]

I too am thinking of you and wondering how things are and HOW YOU ARE.
Are you starting to notice any small positive changes ..I meen besides the sick feeling , headaches and tiredness. Today is thursday and your day to rest so i am praying you rest and can get on here and say hi to us. always remember that all of us are holding you in our prayers hearts and in positive thoughts. we know that your going to feel better soon!! Your a perfect example of courage Denise even if you dont think you are. we can see diffrent and know you ARE!
and we send lots and lots of gentle hugs :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
Love you. :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

I too am thinking of you and wondering how things are and HOW YOU ARE.
Are you starting to notice any small positive changes ..I meen besides the sick feeling , headaches and tiredness. Today is thursday and your day to rest so i am praying you rest and can get on here and say hi to us. always remember that all of us are holding you in our prayers hearts and in positive thoughts. we know that your going to feel better soon!! Your a perfect example of courage Denise even if you dont think you are. we can see diffrent and know you ARE!
and we send lots and lots of gentle hugs :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
Love you. :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

the ect is harder than i thought it was going to be i am very forgetful and i sleep alot due to the medicine thanks for wandering about me i am still hanging in there:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Since my computer has been offline,I have worried that you thought that I left. I'm here. I didn't leave. You have been in my thoughts.

You are very brave. Hug's to you. BF:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Did you have a ect on Friday? Are you OK? I'm here. Love is surrounding you,our precious Denise. Remember to be patient with yourself,and the treatments. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Denise Diaz]

Did you have a ect on Friday? Are you OK? I'm here. Love is surrounding you,our precious Denise. Remember to be patient with yourself,and the treatments. BF:hug::hug::hug:

i didnt have a treatment friday because they said it is affecting my memory too much that now i can only get them 2 times a week which is every monday and friday :hug::grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

I'm so glad that you are following their advise,and getting treatment. You might start feeling better in the near future. Please be patient. I love you. I'm so proud of you for hanging in there. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

It is good the doctors are listening to you and That your letting them know how you feel and what your going through. What its like and how it’s taking it toll on you (to say the least). They are slowing down with the treatments and that is a good thing soon you will be at the finish line and done with all those steps. You are doing Awesome my friend. Keep letting them know how you feel and what you think, your worries and they can help you better with the treatments.

Your family must be amazed. I bet they see how strong and courageous
You are and they are helping out as much as they can. All of us here can see how much strength you have. You beat out any Olympic competitor and earned a gold metal with every step you take. Things will get better one day at a time one step at a time. Hope your resting and not worrying.
Let us know how Monday goes. We will be thinking of you and holding you in our prayers. :hug: :hug: Love you ! Many Blessings!
:grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

It is good the doctors are listening to you and That your letting them know how you feel and what your going through. What its like and how it’s taking it toll on you (to say the least). They are slowing down with the treatments and that is a good thing soon you will be at the finish line and done with all those steps. You are doing Awesome my friend. Keep letting them know how you feel and what you think, your worries and they can help you better with the treatments.

Your family must be amazed. I bet they see how strong and courageous
You are and they are helping out as much as they can. All of us here can see how much strength you have. You beat out any Olympic competitor and earned a gold metal with every step you take. Things will get better one day at a time one step at a time. Hope your resting and not worrying.
Let us know how Monday goes. We will be thinking of you and holding you in our prayers. :hug: :hug: Love you ! Many Blessings!
:grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

Thank you so much for all your support. With me getting treatments 2 times a week i am trying to apply for ssi being i do nothing but sleep on treatment days which is every mon and friday so now i am in a battle to try to get ssi now that i need it i didnt have a problem paying into it when i was working but wouldnt want them to make it easy for me now:hug::grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

It's a process. I'm in that process also. I'm waiting for my SSD hearing with a Lawyer.

[Brokenfriend]

Did things go OK today? Please let me know when you can. BF

[Denise Diaz]

Did things go OK today? Please let me know when you can. BF

I dont think i can do it anymore i am sick and tired see yesterday i was so sick from my treatment that i was passing out and they switched my medicine again for like the 30th time in 2 years ssi is taking forever i only want to collect untill all my treatments are done i miss working and i want to go back to work but they wont let me miss 2 days a week of work so i am just very frustrated hope all is well with you:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

It's important to do what the doctor says,especially at this time. It may be crucial in the timing of these treatments. Burntmarshmallow knows more about these treatments,and she say's if you continue,you will start feeling better soon.

Please be patient with the doctors,and treatments. It sounds like the side affects are unpleasant,but please be patient,and you will endure.

I also am aggravated with Social Security Disability. I hear that there is a overload in the system. It's trying my patience also. They deny everyone two times I hear. I too would rather work. Work brings life in me. It's a part of me.

Please continue with your treatments. Please don't give up. Don't be discouraged,but be determined. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK today? I know it's difficult trying to cope. Hang in there. BF

[Brokenfriend]

You are well loved. BF (Steve)

[Denise Diaz]

You are well loved. BF (Steve)

i had another treatment today and they feel as though i am not improving so they are going to have a meeting to discuss what the next step is going to be ssi i feel doesnt give it to people who really need it i worked for years and now i am sick and need help and they wont :hug:

[Brokenfriend]

i had another treatment today and they feel as though i am not improving so they are going to have a meeting to discuss what the next step is going to be ssi i feel doesnt give it to people who really need it i worked for years and now i am sick and need help and they wont :hug:
Please hang tough. There is a solution. It takes time. You can be helped...Know this...There is help for you. Keep reaching out for help,and you will be helped. Keep Knocking,and the door will be opened.

You are brave,and have endured much. Now keep on this path with the doctors,so they can find something that will help you,and something will.

Please take small steps as these doctors make there plans on what to do. Its not over. It's never over. I believe your going to get help. I expect to hear something soon. I don't know how soon,but soon indeed. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I know what you mean about Social Security Disability. They don't care about us. I've been waiting for a year,and a half. Now I have a lawyer. It's sade. With me, I'm on the edge of financial hardship. I'm paying my bills with my 401K money. It was heavily taxed when I withdrew it. It's not fair.
I hope my lawyer helps. They make you wait,and wait. The emotional hardship is bad enough. Now I'm on the edge of going completely broke down to my last cent. I'm sorry to have to mention this. They are doing this to most every one I hear.:(

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK? BF:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

Are you OK? BF:hug:

i am not doing well the treatments are taking everything out of me i am sick and exhausted i feel like they are frying my brain and i cant even think anymore i think i am going to give up if i do dont ever forget me :grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

Denise. Don't give up. There must be a plan B. You are not the only one who has this affiction. I have tons of sympathy for you. It's been a tuff thing that you are going through,but as long as you are reaching out,and going forward,they will find something that will help you.

It sounds unpleasant what you have been through,but they are trying to treat you. BurntMarshmallow knows more about this treatment. I'm going to send a message to her. She said you are going to feel better soon if you keep getting the treatments. I'm going to try to reach her.

Please don't quit. There is help for you. Don't give up. There are many other things that they can do. It's only been a short time. These things take time to change. They know what to do if those particular treatments don't work. They can get other specialists. I know that life right now is painful for you,but don't give up. As long as you try to get help,there will be people trying to help you. I would not forget you,but please don't choose to stop. The chose is yours. Please elect to keep going.

You can always get a second opinion. You can seek out new doctors,and talk to them about the treatments that you have had,and they can try something else. As long as you step forward to get help,someone,or group will come up with the right treatment,or combination of treatments. There is help for you.

Don't stop now. You are probably so close to the right treatment,and answer that will help you. My heart goes out to you. I care about you,I really do. I know that this illness is treatable,but you must face this problem,and be determined to see it through. I love you. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Curious]

denise, you keep posting for a reason. you haven't given up. :hug:

it would be better for you to post on a forum where people understand, like the sos forum. there are more people there to help support you. it's busier than the depression forum.

there are others on the forum who have had ect's. but staying on one thread here, you won't find them, or them you.

sos, survivors of suicide, isn't just for people left behind or for those who have tried and failed, but also for people like you, who are having those horrible painful thoughts.

no matter what denise, you have to keep those kids as a priority and what suicide would do to them. you can get through this. not just for yourself, but for them.

:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

The Survivors of Suicide forum is 20 forums down from the top forum. Just scroll 20 down from the first forum. There are many there who can help you. This forum(Depression) isn't a heavily traveled road. The Survivors of Suicide forum is continually monitored. Please come to that Forum. There are many people there who can help,and give you more ideas. Please. BF

[Abbie]

Hi Denise!

Please keep talking with us...

Here is the link for the Survivors of Suicide Forum:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html (http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html)


The people there truly understand and care!!!!

Please come over and talk with us... we care and we do understand.

:hug:
Abbie

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise. you do not want to give up after all the hard steps you have taken so far... and there have been many steps you have taken you yourself must admit! I post in the s.o.s. forum all the time . You should at least come to that forum and give it a try. They are like my family there. they listen and support like no other place i have been to. they understand and care so much.
I know besides us here your children and your whole family do not want to see you give up. you have been like a warrior so far and have given other such inspiration. you need to keep going my friend. I know you do not want to give up there is something inside you that is screaming to keep going Please listen to that part. AND PLEASE COME TO SOS and meet my family there. Abbie left you a link just click on it and meet some wonderful kind UNDERSTANDING people... who are no diffrent then you or I. Please please .
:hug: :hug: :hug: :grouphug:. You dont have do explaine anything just say hi to my family there thats easy to do and a good way to start just say Hi I am Denise. and PLEASE DONT GIVE UP !!the steps you have taken have gotten you far...Keep going I ask ...Please.:grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

The SOS stands for the Survivors of Suicide forum. I didn't know that at first. It's the 20th,or 21st forum below the first forum. I can come there also to talk with you along with the other wonderful people. We all care about you. I truly believe you will get more ongoing help there,and thats a better place for you to be.

The depression forum has been good,but the Survivors of Suicide forum would be the best choice. Please don't quit. Fight the impulse to quit. You have people to talk to. Don't internalize your thoughts. Talk to us. BF :hug:

[Denise Diaz]

denise, you keep posting for a reason. you haven't given up. :hug:

it would be better for you to post on a forum where people understand, like the sos forum. there are more people there to help support you. it's busier than the depression forum.

there are others on the forum who have had ect's. but staying on one thread here, you won't find them, or them you.

sos, survivors of suicide, isn't just for people left behind or for those who have tried and failed, but also for people like you, who are having those horrible painful thoughts.

no matter what denise, you have to keep those kids as a priority and what suicide would do to them. you can get through this. not just for yourself, but for them.

:hug:

it was even hard for me to reach out to this site i dont open up to people very easy. i love my kids with all my heart they are the only reason i still am hanging on its so hard right now to be fighting ssi and getting ect and dealing with this depression and trying to fight i love yous all take care:hug:

[Curious]

denise, the sos forum is on this site. same great caring people that were in chat that one night.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/

you just need to scroll down the list of the forums here or use this direct link:

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

my point is that you have limted yourself from support by just posting onthis one thread. also staying inthe depression forum, that doesn't get much traffic from the members here.

this was just an option. you do what you feel is best for you, but the people onthe sos forum know what you are feeling.

[Burntmarshmallow]

it was even hard for me to reach out to this site i dont open up to people very easy. i love my kids with all my heart they are the only reason i still am hanging on its so hard right now to be fighting ssi and getting ect and dealing with this depression and trying to fight i love yous all take care:hug:

Yes it is so very hard to keep fighting but you keep your kids in mind and never ever forget how hard their fight will surely be if you just give up . never forget how long and hard their fight will be and it will be a fight without end a fight without reasons and filled with things those young ones do not deserve . They need you to keep fighting they need you so very very much Denise. Fight for you first then fight ssi. do not take on to many things. REMEMBER IT IS ONE STEP AT A TIME!!! one moment at a time one day at a time. Your kids need you to keep fighting they need to see you fighting they need to learn how to fight the hard things in life! One step at a time.!! All of us here care and Love you and I wish so much you would come to the s.o.s. forum. It is hard to open up but all you have to do is post a message that says "Hi I am Denise" and you will be wraped in support and kindness and will be suprised how so few words can envoke such caring from others!!!!!! :hug:. try it and see!!!!!!!!
You are in my thoughts and I am sending you prayers of courage and strength to keep fighting and KEEP REACHING!!!!!!
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

I see you made it to the SOS. I just sent you a message in there. Just say what's bothering you a little at a time,or just say what you are comfortable with. No one is going to judge,or criticize you. Welcome to that better forum. You are worth all the help. It will be a ongoing help there.

It took me years to open up,but once I did,I got help. I was quiet,and shy.

You get the input,and words that bring healing,strength,and closure. Don't forget to mention the ect treatments to them. Love ya BF:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

:hug:thank you so much for all your help and advice they just moved me to 3 treatments a week. it takes so much out of me and i am so sick from it i am now doing the strongest ect treatments a person can get and they said i could get from anywhere from 12-24 i dont know if i can handle that or afford that it is a 30.00 co payment which is 90.00 a week now you can understand why i am so frustrated with ssi

[Brokenfriend]

OH I know what you mean. Being sick is expensive. It's a double wame situation,and how can you pay the fee's if you cannot work. I'm going to Social Services because my family (Sister) doesn't want to help me financially. I feel like I'm jumping hurdles. No Fun.

I'm so glad your going forth with the ect treatments. Burntmarshmallow will be so glad to hear that,because she knows more about them. BF:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Go to Social Services to see if they will help with the cost. Social Services is helping me. I'm going broke waiting for SSI. These things are multiple hardships. BF

[daniella]

Hi. I didn't read every post from the start so I am sorry if I make mistakes. I am so sorry for all you are going through but you can't give up hope. I know you said you were hospitilized but I was wondering if you have done or looked into long term residential which is different then a hospital stay in a psych ward? I have done both kinds and I am not going to say it is a cure but can really help you get stable. Often short term hospital stays after a crisis just get you out of danger but don't give you long enough 24/7 care and with others in similar positions. I had a mom who tried to commit suicide and I have in the past and now know in my heart from both side of the coin it is not the answer. I know there is that hopeless feeling but you got to find that even that small hope to get you through. I wish I could help you more. Just that I hear you and your pain and if you want an email buddy. I am 30. Ps I went to treatment in Philli and actually moved to NJ for awhile after. There are some good hospitals in your area.

[Denise Diaz]

well thank you so much for your advice today i went for my ect treatment and they are changing it again i will now how everything in the front which is the strongest a person can have and has the most chance for side effects they said if my treatments dont work next week than we are stopping they feel as though i should be hospitalized but i dont want to be hospitalized i really hope i can get approved for the vns :hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Something will work whether it's the ect,or the vns,and medication combinations.

That was so nice of daniella to post. What a angel. She sounds like a good person to talk to also. BF:hug:

[daniella]

Thanks that was nice of you.If you or anyone else needs anything or just wants to talk pm or email me.
Denise, I hope this treatment works and I know going back in the hospital is no picnic but really if you can find a place that specializes in your issues and is residental it can really help. I know in some of the residential places it was hard for me to leave from the support etc.I really feel that there needs to be a full approach to get well such as meds,therapy,group,self talk and self coping. Hang in there all

[Denise Diaz]

well i faxed all my info to a lawyer to see if he could help me with ssi today i also took my two sons to sesame place i just want to try to enjoy spending time with them i hope they find something that works for me soon because i think 12 years is long enough and i dont know if i can take much more i feel the worst i have ever felt and that scares me to death

[Brokenfriend]

I just posted something in the SOS forum for you. We all love you,and hang in there. I have had some hardships,and depression in my life also,that goes back to my childhood. Time will pass,and you will get better,and you will learn how to cope. Please be patient with everything that is going on. You can do it,and you are here for a reason. You are reaching out because you want to survive,and we are here. We want to help. BF:hug:

[Alffe]

well i faxed all my info to a lawyer to see if he could help me with ssi today i also took my two sons to sesame place i just want to try to enjoy spending time with them i hope they find something that works for me soon because i think 12 years is long enough and i dont know if i can take much more i feel the worst i have ever felt and that scares me to death

Does your dr. know how terrible you feel Denise? Are you eating and drinking? Have you read BJ's posts who is also having ECT treatments? (BJ is MeBP?)

Hang tough...you are worth this fight and we are here for you. :grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise .I hope you are letting the doctor know how you feel each time you go.Remember I told you last time to let them know how much your head was hurting and after you told them they gave you somethng for head aches and feeling sick in your tummy they gave you something to help with that...well you need to let them know each time how you feel, so they can help you better .Talking with Doc is so importian . Make sure your drinking and eating healthy and getting rest. Most of all keep fighting ! your children ,d.h. your family friends and all of us here know you can get threw this. we care about you and are here to help you .
Please know your in our thoughts and prayers.


http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/m...SIC/MJZ617.gif

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK tonight? Communication with your doctor is very important as Burntmarshmallow said. Tell them about all the side affects. I'm thinking about you.:hug::hug::hug:

[Denise Diaz]

well yesterday was not a good day for me they couldnt wake me up from the ect it took them 3 hours usually only 1 hour than they transferred me to a regular hospital to get tests done today i am giving up hope i think its time to end the fight take care everyone :grouphug:

[daniella]

No. Please hold to hope. Remember your loved ones who care for you. Please reach out and go to the er if you feel unsafe. I know it is hard to face this every day and especially with how hard you are working. Maybe this treatment is not right for you but there is a treatment or combo that can. You just can't give up. Please stay safe.

[Vowel Lady]

I agree with the above poster. I think what is more often the case than not, is that it takes a combination of treatments before folks hit upon that winning formula. Don't quit right before the miracle is about to happen. It takes patience. We teach the little children to think "God doesn't make junk." Why do we do this? Simply because it is true. You are a valuable human being. Please be patient. Talk to the doctors about your concerns, try different things and trust that the future will be brighter.

[Burntmarshmallow]

HEY DENISE...HOW ARE YOUR CHILDREN GOING TO TAKE CARE???
HOW IS YOUR FAMILY GOING TO TAKE CARE??
You CAN NOT just give up!!! That is not fair to all the others in your life. rather then give up why dont you just tell the doctors eveyrthing how you feel and all. and let them do what they think is best for you? They surely are not going to let you give up and neither are we! maybe staying in the hosp until this hard time passes could help you ?
You cant abbandon your children and hub and family.. Have any of them abbandoned you durring all this? I dont think so, and none of us here have abbandoned or given up on you either. You are worth so much more then giving up and giving in to that line of thinking!
Keep trying keep fighting !! Plead with docotrs to help more then they are ask if maybe you could saty in their care while you go threw this. You owe your childern hub and family more then giving up! Your little children might not be able to say what they think but i will say for them on their behalf..KEEP FIGHTING , DONT GIVE UP MOMMY, DONT DO THAT TO US! I bet your children would cry and beg that of you over and over. I can only imagen what theyd be begging for if you give up. SO DO NOT GIVE UP! PLEASE HANG IN PLEASE PLEASE HOLD STRONG ! PLEASE CALL AND TALK WITH YOUR DOCTORS TELL THEM YOU FEEL THIS WAY !!!!!!! :grouphug:PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

We love you. Thats a temporary problem. It's not permanent. Hold on the everything that you have.

It's not like being in a poor country where there is no hope.

You have hope here. Wait. Please be patient. They will find the right treatment for you. Give them time,and keep getting help. There is a solution. It might be that other treatment with the Vagus Nerve Stimulator. That may bring relief. You may feel happy again. Something will work

You are probably going through side affects from the treatments. Give them time. It might take several months.

I'm holding on to you. It's not time for you to go.

Talk to your doctors.Tell them what is going on.

We all get weary along the path of life,but take courage,receive strength,you will be OK. BF

[Brokenfriend]

Where did you go Hon? Don't go. We all care about you. I pray that the angels of the lord be sent to you. BF

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise :hug: :grouphug:
I hope you have spoken with your doctors and told them how helpless you have been feeling and that you feel like giving up.I hope you went to your doctors and shared with them the things that are bothering you.I know they can help if you keep reaching and telling them everything. I know deep in my soul and my heart that your trying desperatly to hang on and be strong for your children and for yourself. All of us here are worried about you we care and Love you !You are like family to us even if we may not seem like family to you...to all of us you are family. The best thing to do is go to your doc maybe they can keep you until this overwhelming sad feeling passes.maybe the best thing is to stay in the hosp untill they are done with the treatments
so you can stay safe and gather your strength while your being cared for and treated. we miss you and are worried and ALL OF US are praying and have you held tight in our hearts and in our thoughts. WE ARE NOT GIVING UP ON YOU! Keep reaching Honey Please keep asking the doctors for help and let them know what you think and what you are feeling. :hug:
:hug::hug::hug:
:grouphug: :grouphug:
I am saying prayers of healing comfort for you.I also send prayers of strength to make it past this hard time and to come out on the otherside into the sunshine again.Dont give up !
LOVE YOU!!!!!
PEACE
BMW

[Curious]

Where did you go Hon? Don't go. We all care about you. I pray that the angels of the lord be sent to you. BF

:hug: try not to worry too much bf. if you check denise's profile it shows she has logged in. she just may not feel up to posting.

[Brokenfriend]

Post when you can. It's OK if you don't feel like talking right now. Please keep taking your treatments,and/or medicines. BF

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK? I'm waiting to hear from you Dear one. I understand suffering over a long period of time can make you weary. BF:hug::hug::hug::grouphug: You deserve a Purple Heart.

[Burntmarshmallow]

You are probly feeling really yulky but I hope you can gather some strength from our posts and find it in you to keep fighting.I wish you would and pray you do.

You are very courageous and I know even though your are quiet you are still fighting ..."fighting you for you" as some of us say.

May God fill you with hope and comfort. May God heal you and help you by guiding you in ways that are most helpful for you and your family.May God bring you through this and back to us and your family in better spirits and happier mood. Thank You God ! We all Pray You Keep fighting keep holding strong Denise! :hug: :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

You hang in there. Those treatments should start helping you soon. I'm sorry that they make you Nausiated. You hang in there. I'm thinking about you. BF

[Brokenfriend]

I forgot to give you a hug. BF:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[Denise Diaz]

hi everyone i love you all very much i have been too sick to post though. well yesterday i went for ect and the dr said 9 treatments is enough because they are not working so the dr wanted to admit me in the hospital and i freaked out the last time i was admitted in the hospital it was like prison so i begged him not to and he said ok that i have to look into a partial hospitalization program so thats what i have to do i think about ending my life everyday but than i think of my kids and husband and i cant i am scared one day i will be selfish and do it and i still have not heard anything from ssi which is rediculious there is nothing that i want more than to be well and go back to work but i just cant do that right now i hope all of yous are well take care:grouphug:

[mcochs]

Hi Denise!

I just wanted to tell you that SSI takes a while to get back to everyone so don't get discouraged.It took me a while but I finally started receiving it for my CFS,Degenerative Disk Desease in my neck and seizures.

Please know,as the others are saying,everyone cares and YOU ARE a VERY IMPORTANT part of this world!

When you feel really down,remember that please.

God Bless You Hold You In The Palm Of His Hand,
McOchs

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise :grouphug:
Thank you for posting! :)
Yes I think if you dont want to stay and you are offered a partial hospitalization program you should give that a good hard try. It is a door to make a tiny step threw on your road to getting back to the sunshine and doing ,...feeling better . :hug:
I may not be posting for a few days as we have a baby hurricane Fay coming to give us a hand shake in a day or so. I will be holding you in positive thoughts and prayers... and the rest of our family here will be also. we are here for you :grouphug: stay strong and give that option a try keep going one step at a time you can do this we are all here to help you do it :hug:
PEACE
BMW

[Burntmarshmallow]

:hug: denise :hug:
I am thinking of you and your family and truely hope you can gather strength and courage to give that option a seriuos try . dont give up instead give the option of partial hosp stay a try. keep talking and going to the doc and make sure you let your body rebound and heal from the treatments... Rest drink fluids and eat and rest rest. all of us are sending prayers and keeping you in our thoughts. :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

I am going to be starting a partial impatient program hopefully sometime this week I hope all is well with everyone yous are all like family to me now. I have been looking all over for a gurdian angel charm I think I could use one right now I cant believe that things have gotten worse for me after ect treatments and if i had the chance I would have never have gotten them and I am still waiting for ssi which is riduculious well take care everyone and thanks again:grouphug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise I have been thinking about you and wanted to know how you are doing? I am so proud that you decided to give the partial stay a hard try :hug: good on you for that. I know your kids and family must also be proud and finding courage from what you do as your trying everyday and reaching and fight to get better. Each little step you take every day is progress...even if it dosent look that way ,IT IS! Keep going my friend and remember all of us are here for you to help you ,to listen without judgement of you or any one, to support as best we can and hopefuly to give you strength, and comfort. even on days when you just read without posting. you are part of the family here and we love and care about you. :grouphug:
keep taking one day at a time ...little steps inch by inch into sunny times into a better place.
You are in our prayers ,and healing thoughts every day . :hug:
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

I'm sorry about the SSD. I'm going through the same thing.

I just got back on the internet. My computer broke down,and I could not get another one until now.

How are you doing girl? I've been worried about you.

How is the hospital treatment doing? Take one day at a time. BF

[Brokenfriend]

I understand. Hang on. You will get through this.:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

i am not doing too well they put me on a med called genoea and all it did was make me want to sleep. for some reason ever since i had ect and am done now because they werent working my memory is horrible and i have been so angry that i have been cutting myself today i felt like ending my life it so hard today for the first time in awhile i think i am going to take my life i am just defeated

[Brokenfriend]

I know life seems overwhelming for us at times like this,but you have hope for recovery. These things take time,and God will help you to endure. Write down things that are positive in your life. Put it on your mirrors,and refrigerator. Remind yourself. Think of more things that have been good in your life. Try to train yourself to do this,and let the bad memories go.

Depression that has been going on for a long time takes time,and patience in a healing process. It takes more time.

Let go of the former bad experience,as God brings new things to pass. You are in the palm of Gods hands.

People go through problems. They are unavoidable. You can read about Job in the Bible,and David in the Psalms,and Paul in the New Testament. They too had some terrible times.

You are so young,and have many days,family,and interventions to come in your life. You have many reasons to live your life. Life is a gift. Your gift is worth keeping. Hang in there Denise. You are loved with a everlasting love,and we love you. There is much time,and hope for you.

Please start writing down good things that have happened,and place these lists in places to remind yourself. Start out with 20 basic good things. Love ya. BF:hug::hug::hug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[bizi]

i am not doing too well they put me on a med called genoea and all it did was make me want to sleep.


what medication did they put you on?
I am sorry that it is so hard for you right now....
I wish it were easier...I really do.
bizi

[Denise Diaz]

could anyone please give me a name or hospital someone to contact regarding vns i really think i need to look into it very bad

[Abbie]

Denise,

I did a little surfing around and found the following:
http://www.vnstherapy.com/depression/gettingtreatment/access_center_search.asp?state=NJ


I hope this helps.
:hug:
Abbie

[Brokenfriend]

Good girl!!! Keep searching. Keep seeking help. BF

[Burntmarshmallow]

Thinking of you today Denise. Hope you are holding strong and taking those little steps. I wrote you a post it is below this one with sad one as the title.
hope you get some comfort and courage from it and from all of us here. we care about you and love you tons. we are here for you also...remember that .:grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

Keep holding on,and keep asking questions. Keep looking for the right treatment,and ways to get help. You are showing much courage. Love ya. BF:hug::hug::hug::grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

I hope that you have a nice Labor day,even though you are fighting the depression.:hug::grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

Please post in the SOS forum. I believe you will get much more support. Please,Sweetie. Love ya. Are you doing OK? I care about you,and so do many. Sometimes these holidays are the most lonely times of them all. BF :hug::hug::hug:

[Denise Diaz]

things are not good right now they keep switching my med and i am in a group therapy program all day 5 days a week and they are thinking about trying ect again i am just so tired sorry i havent been posting much just very tired:grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

Group therapy all day long,and all week long.Wow. It must be tiresome,but helpful.

It sounds like the doctors are doing a variety of things to help you. BF:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

i am thinking about quiting it i just cant handle it the day is just too long and way to hard to talk to all those people just easier when its one on one therapy i dont do well in a group setting

[Burntmarshmallow]

Maybe they will let you do like 2 days in with the group thing then the rest of time one on one. I did way better with one on one but i did both for a while . I hope you keep holding strong and keep looking reaching and trying all your options that come along. You are a great friend and mom and deserve the best. holding you tight in my thoughts denise.
Many Blessings to you and your family.
PEACE
BMW

[Brokenfriend]

What Burntmarshmallow said sounds good. A couple of days of group,and a couple of days of one,on one. Hugs to you. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise to be honest and putting myself in your shoes ..if the ect hasnt helped you .. I meen if you havent noticed a change for the better in some form by now and its been a good few weeks time,..then I myself probly wouldnt keep going on with the ect treatments anymore . I would probly be asking for other options and trying to get one on one treatment at least offered as an option. I meen you have tryed what they suggested so maybe they will give the one no one a try. ask them if it is possible to get that for you. also keep bringing up the v.n.s. to your doc too .talk about both things every time you go the one on one and the v.n.s. keep mentioning them each time you go. we are all praying and sending positive thoughts and healing wishes to you and your family. :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Laura]

I am 27 years old and suffer from depression and bipolar disorder. I have tried to commit suicide 4 times starting at the age of 16. Last oct i almost succeeded the hospital gave me a 25% chance to live. I have been in counseling and lots of medication my dr thinks that i am medication resistant. i feel so deperate for help but i dont know what to do please if anyone has any suggestions please share them with me. I feel as though if i dont get help i might succeed in killing myself. I need someone to shine a light at the end of the tunnel for me. I also did impatient and group therapy. Please help me if you can thank you.

HI, I understand your pain. I also have depression severe and I too have been labeled treatment resistant. You might ask your psychiatrist about RU486. This is a new treatment for depression. They are just finding out that it dramatically reduces depression in most patients. It is a controversial drug because it is the "morning after pill". but if you look up on the internet just RU486, you will only pull up sites for abortion. But if you look up"RU486 used for depression" you can read for yourself about the findings on this drug for depression. Hang in there. They are really finding a lot more new ways to treat depression.

[Brokenfriend]

Laura has found something good. Thank you Laura. I hope you find the right treatment.

Denise. That's encouraging isn't it? We are living in the days when they are discovering so many wonderful things. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Are you OK? I hope that the depression is easing up. I hope that you are feeling better. Hang in there. BF::hug:

[Denise Diaz]

i quit the therapy the dr was not very good i like my own dr better. this dr had enough nerve to tell me that she doesnt know what to do for me and that i am a mystery what kind of dr says that to her patient that already doesnt have any hope thank you all for your i really apprieciate it:grouphug:

[Brokenfriend]

My Gosh! She said that you are a mystery? Let that go,and try to forget it. I've had unusual reactions from people myself. Many of these professionals make big mistakes. They have made mistakes,and it goes around,and around in my head. Please don't let that happen to you. It does have a tendency to grieve me over,and over when it happens. Try to let the mistake of that person go,and keep pursuing treatment. Remember therapists are human,and they will make mistakes. I'm so sorry that she said that to you. Remember,keep pursuing treatment. Love ya....BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Denise Diaz]

I could use some advice. I might have to go back to work and leave treatment alone for now even though drs tell me noway. But I got approved from SSI and they said i would start receiving checks in about 3 weeks. But than they reviewed my husbands income and now they said I am not approved for it. That he makes too much money. But after taxes he doesnt and our bills. It is hard paying for my medical bills right now. With all the copayments for all the medicines and also the copayments for all the Drs its just too much so i cant afford it. unless i get ssi or i go back to work so i dont know what to do does anyone have any advice for me thank you:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I'm sorry that the ect treatments didn't work. Maybe the vns treatments will work.

I hate the fact that the SSI said you are going to get it,then they took it away from you. Our government cannot coordinate a thing,or do much of what the citizens voted them in for.:mad:

Call your Lawyer back,or call another lawyer. Email your representative. I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. BF:hug:

[Burntmarshmallow]

Denise I am also sad to hear how the doc treated you and dislike what was said. I would not give that comment another thought, I would be thinking what a crappy doc they are and how unprofessional they act and do their job. They are specialests , they are SUPOSE to be professionals. Thats what i would say to the nurses and doc next time i went so it is on your file what happened.
I am also sorry ss did that to you and your family. did they have you bring in all your bills , med costs,dr visits and food and all that. did they offer any kind of help for you . can you get food stamps and assitance that way? I know in Florida after my accident i got food stamps , medicade for doctors and medications .
I had to pay it all back after my settlement but at the time it kept me and my family going..barely going but it helped us survive durring that time.
Please keep going for counciling at least. if you stop going to everything then it is going to show on file that you dont need help and wont look good at all it will look like you are fine and that wont help you with getting assitance with your bills. so please keep going to counciling try to get one on one or maybe do group 2 times a week and one on one . Here they have a thing called the allen group for low income people who need counciling it is one on one type do they have that where you are?
and I had a head injury in 1999 i still have memory problems and stuff. I have a 2 year time span that i can not recall at all ..zip ...notta. so your not alone Denise . lots of us are like that. :hug: :hug:
write importian things down on calender , leave notes for yourself. make a list of things you need to get done . it helps you get into the swing of things and remember better.:hug: is it possible to work part time? i know it will be hard as heck but if its possible id try it.
Hug those boys for me and please know we care and are here for you.keeping you and your family in prayers always Denise.keep holding on and looking for help and trying all options as they come your way. look into that new medication RU486. that Laura mentioned. your a strong wonderful person thats loved by many!!! God Bless you :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[Denise Diaz]

well i have to go back to work starting tuesday. so this will be my last week off from work. doc doesnt think i should but than again the doc doesnt pay my bills or take care of my 2 sons either so i will try to post as much as i can but between work drs and family i might not have much time thanks again everyone:grouphug:

[prettynpinkk]

Hi Denise, I am sorry that you are in a tough situation. I was able to recover from anxiety by working on issues like self-esteem, personal boundaries, meeting my needs, empowerment, gaining control over my life, learning how to deal with my feelings and dealing with all the feelings that I had not dealt with, learning how to live in the present fully, social skills, to name a few issues. Have you ever dealt with any of these things in therapy? Did you have a tough upbringing?

Hi,i am going through the same problem he is right now.
QUESTION: All thoe things you offered are great but what about when you have A.D.D and trying to remeber all those thing for ex; personal boudries, learning how to live in the present is hard.

THis is my day if i tried those thing....In school inturupt i tell myself to have control, 2 seconds latter i am thinking negitive thouhgt, i think " think something postive, 2 seconds latter, 2 seconds latter, two seconds latter, it's always something. Than my personality disorde rmakes it also 10times worse. When your trying to fix yourself and you have these disorders it's very complex.

[Brokenfriend]

I'm sorry that you have to go back to work after all of this depression,and not getting a treatment that helps:hug:. I don't know what to say. BF:sorry:

[Brokenfriend]

How are you doing tonight? BF

[Brokenfriend]

How are you? It's Friday night. I'm thinking about you. BF:hug:

[Abbie]

Thinking of you Denise...

Please check in when you can...
:hug:
Abbie

[Denise Diaz]

well i went to work for alittle bit on thursday just to get a feel for it again. i am a vet tech and maybe thats a good thing to have to deal with animals instead of people lol anyway i didnt like the medication i was on last time so i decided to stop all my medications i cant work on that medication it makes me very tired and when i take it i am out of it and i cant be that way going back to work the only bad thing about going back to work is that my days are going to be very long 10 hours a day so i hope i have time to check in here too :hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Working with animals may be therapeutic. I love animals. I can almost tell what kind of moods they are in,and I love to love them. I hope that things stabilize as you work with the pets.

Please talk to your doctors,or pharmacist before you stop taking any medicine. You are well loved. BF:Heart::hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Good luck at work today. BF:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

I hope that things are going well. Please let us know when you can.:hug:

[Brokenfriend]

Fall is around the corner. I want to make sure that your OK. That seasonal change,when the days get shorter,bothers some depressed people. I'm thinking about you. BF:hug:

[Denise Diaz]

work is exhausting i have more bad news. today my cat passed away that cat i had for a long time and it wasnt sick or anything i just work up this morning and he was gone. so today is a very sad day because i loved that cat like he was another child so today is a sad day.:(

[Burntmarshmallow]

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your cat... they are family and I know it hurts.but maybe soon another cat will come inTO your life needing love and care you work at a vet right? I know you will have the love and care to give because that is who you are. a love caring soul. so I hope you can feel these hugs from my heart to yours :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:and know i am sorry about today being so sad!!!
Hang in there and stay strong we love you Denise :grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

[kalamity_jane]

((((((Denise)))))) :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: :hug:

[Brokenfriend]

work is exhausting i have more bad news. today my cat passed away that cat i had for a long time and it wasnt sick or anything i just work up this morning and he was gone. so today is a very sad day because i loved that cat like he was another child so today is a sad day.:(

I'm so sorry for the passing away of your dear cat. I lost my cat about a year,and a half ago. I was distraught. It was sudden. I loved my cat like a daughter. When she died I felt such a loss. I cried,and cried,and was in deep pain. The whole thing broke my heart. My "Sweetie" had died. That was her name. I valued her so deeply. Now she's gone. I understand deeply what your going through. It's so sade. She hid her sickness until the very end. I loved that cat. I feel badly for you. Bless you. You will feel better after some time goes by. BF:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug