Nik-key
08-07-2008, 05:37 PM
I made it through my Dad’s birthday, I survived yet one more struggle in this painful journey. One thing - One day - it seems so insignificant, and yet it was monumental. That day and the days that followed, were a huge struggle for me, not only because I missed my dad, but because I missed him once again, to the point of just desperately wanting to be with him. At all costs. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted the pain to end.
In moments like these, I can not share. I need to climb within myself until I can heal enough to face the world again. While curled up in my protective ball, I decided it was time to go through the briefcase my father left me.
I remember that briefcase from my youngest days, its beaten and battered and I will treasure it always. Inside;
It was filled with his life,
pictures he held dear….
His military life, awards and decorations…….
My birth certificate, graduation diploma and every award I ever received.
Some things too private to share -
some cards he couldn’t part with……….
And a grateful dead tape I had given him years before……….
Among those cards were some I had given him over the years.
I couldn’t read them, as it is just too painful…. But one I knew and remembered well. I knew it had to do with what my dad always told me.
“ Something I love about you, if you can’t find a silver lining, you just paint your own!”
Its true, I have always been an obnoxious optimist. But when sad , I would talk with my Dad and we had a saying between us on those sad times…….. Every silver lining has a touch of grey.
Years later when the song came out by the grateful dead, I bought my dad the tape. He kept it all these years. I have the cd, so I put it in and played the song that helped me through some difficult times. As I listened to the chorus, I found renewed strength to make it another day.
I WILL GET BY ….. I WILL SURVIVE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvDwyOFFNt0&feature=related
In moments like these, I can not share. I need to climb within myself until I can heal enough to face the world again. While curled up in my protective ball, I decided it was time to go through the briefcase my father left me.
I remember that briefcase from my youngest days, its beaten and battered and I will treasure it always. Inside;
It was filled with his life,
pictures he held dear….
His military life, awards and decorations…….
My birth certificate, graduation diploma and every award I ever received.
Some things too private to share -
some cards he couldn’t part with……….
And a grateful dead tape I had given him years before……….
Among those cards were some I had given him over the years.
I couldn’t read them, as it is just too painful…. But one I knew and remembered well. I knew it had to do with what my dad always told me.
“ Something I love about you, if you can’t find a silver lining, you just paint your own!”
Its true, I have always been an obnoxious optimist. But when sad , I would talk with my Dad and we had a saying between us on those sad times…….. Every silver lining has a touch of grey.
Years later when the song came out by the grateful dead, I bought my dad the tape. He kept it all these years. I have the cd, so I put it in and played the song that helped me through some difficult times. As I listened to the chorus, I found renewed strength to make it another day.
I WILL GET BY ….. I WILL SURVIVE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvDwyOFFNt0&feature=related