my emotions are running amok......

[Addy]

I'm not sure where to start... but know I've got to talk about this... and I feel safe here... so... here goes.

This weekend I will see my 30 year old son - I haven't seen him since he walked out on a family dinner when he saw I was there - that was 8 years ago.

My son made a choice not to associate with me when I left his Dad and my marriage of 22 years. My son was 22 - already living outside the home. His brothers - 18 and 16, at the time... were sad but accepted the breakup as it was a long time coming.

I have grieved this loss and feel that I am in a very healthy space... that said.... I'm scared... of the unknown... and what could happen this weekend when we are all brought together by my nephew's wedding. Derek will be there - along with his partner who is 8 months pregnant with my first grandchild. I haven't met her. I pray that I win her over and that we can form a bond - our love of Derek - regardless of the past.

I would welcome anyone's advice and support here. I know that every single one of our experiences are different - we all got to where we are today because of our life's path... I know we can't compare because we haven't walked in the same pair of shoes.... but we can commiserate and offer our thoughts.

My thoughts... I'm scared... I love Derek so much and really don't know why I lost him. I know I disappointed him... but he disappointed me... and didn't respect me... and somehow, lost his love for me.

I'm very proud of where I am today. I am proud of WHO I am.... and I'm scared to be knocked backwards... because I've come so far....

The unknown - the not knowing how I'll react is scaring me...

and I'm going to strive to just be me!

oh boy.... this is tough

[da duck]

Addy, dear friend, I know how scared you are. I know how much this estrangement has hurt you...and I hurt for you.
I am not sure of what to say. I mean, you want so much for it to all be okay, and I want that too, but I don't see it happening at one wedding reception. What might happen though, is that you go and be yourself. Laugh, talk, tell him that you miss him. Meet his partner and let her know how happy you are about the baby. But you can't force it all...maybe just let Derek know that you are looking forward to the baby and that you would like to be a part of their lives...just try not to force it. Now, having not been in this exact situation, and not knowing Derek at all, I can't say what he will do. Is he still really angry? Do his brothers know? Is it safe to say that you wish that things could have been different for him, but that you have become the person you really are?
I dunno, Addy...I just want you to be happy. Maybe you could get his address...write to him...try to establish a dialogue?
I wish I had better advice, but you know you have my thoughts and prayers
(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Alffe]

I remember how much pain you have been in over this Addy but you were/are true to yourself and that's hard enough in this life. You shine like a star....Ducky gave you great advice...you just be you and if they have any sense at all, they'll want you in their lives. It's a first step. :hug:

[Addy]

You know... as I wrote the above... I didn't feel sadness....
but now I have a big lump in my throat.... (((HUGS))) to my Duckie and Alffie!....

Ducky, I've done the writing thing... and I continued to buy him gifts for each birthday and christmas for several years... but it all went unanswered so I let it go....

You are both right... I will be myself! I have so much to be happy for... isn't it always that which we can't control that scares us the most...

:hug:
:hug:

I'm grateful for your friendships, that's for darn sure!
As well as the friends and family I have here... and for my other two boys who have little to say about Derek - they don't understand him either...

In restrospect, I really do think I have the strength to rise above this - and I can't wait to report back to you all...

It will be more than the reception - I am going to do my darndest to get together with him before that.

xoxoxo :sing: Addy

[Nik-key]

Addy, This has to be very painful for you, and I am sorry for your pain:hug:
You have been such a big help to me of late trying to deal with the pain with my Dad and Lynn, I really just wanted to reach out to you when you were hurting:hug:

Sadly, I have no wise words as I have never been through this. I wish I knew the whole story so I could try to offer you some advice or help. But it just doesn't make sense to me that a 22 year old would hold such a grudge over a divorce. I too agree with ducky, perhaps you could write him a letter? How do your other children feel about the rift between the two of you? I can't imagine a son not talking to his mom. Now if I tried that with my mom, I know what she would do, she would kick my butt into next week!! seriously :eek:

For the sake of your grandbaby to be, I hope you are able to reconnect. Its been 8 years, far too much time wasted. We can't change our yesterdays but we can our tomorrows. Your strength is amazing, you deserve one of twink’s whatawomen awards:winner_first_h4h: Be true to yourself, and what you should do will come automatic. My thoughts will be with you :hug:~Nikki

[weegot5kiz]

was reading what you typed and thought you should probably say what you typed, I pray your reuniting goes well and is a turn for the positive, we all do things or think things that are incorrect at times although we believe them to be true, only to find out later, a simple gesture or word in correct direction can heal a lot of issues, Good luck

[Addy]

My husband (x - but I hate that term.... kinda silly, I know.....)... anyway, my x-husband called last night to update me as to when they were all driving here for the wedding.

All 3 sons are bringing their girlfriends. They will be staying with their grandfather (my x's dad) and Uncle (my x's bro).... as they have dogs and its easier. Even this is disappointing to me.... but I know that when we make a choice to leave our family (marriage) it changes the dynamics of our future together.

My other 2 boys are very supportive towards me and they think their brother is a jerk, to put it mildly. Its simply what it is - a weird situation that has gone on far too long.

Nik-key - thanks for your comfort. It just helps me to talk about it a bit here.

And weegot5kidz - ... lol... your signature makes me laugh... I can relate to you a lot! (as can 2 of my boys!... gosh, I mean, Men! LOL)

:hug: to you all... I'll be fine... I always am... what I need is a good night's sleep (I'm at work right now and contemplating going home sick... I'm a firm believer in mental health days).

[Twinkletoes]

Addy, you are a rock! So proud of you for making a tough decision 22 years ago. So proud of you for what you are about to face: the dreaded unknown.

I predict it will turn out better than you anticipate. With a baby on the way, its possible that your oldest son has had his heart softened, and that he wants to make peace, too.

Praying you win the girlfriend over so that you'll be able to enjoy the grandchild. Congratulations, Gramma!

And Nik-key is right, you DO deserve a WHATAWOMAN! award. :winner_first_h4h:

[Doody]

... Its simply what it is - a weird situation that has gone on far too long.

It certainly has gone on far too long (((Addy))). It's been a hard thing for you for some time now. I think you will do just fine. If he can't make amends...well, you tried and always have.

And congratulations on the baby. :hug:

http://dl3.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1362/1362053j51rzwlg3s.gif (http://www.glitter-graphics.com)

[who moi]

hi Add a bunch,

these wonderful folks have already said what's on my mind...so I can only add to...

in less than a month, I will know you for 10 years...

Sept 5th, 1998, I bought a computer, logged on, first thing I looked for was the Tourette Syndrome information...from there on, it took me to the Tourette Syndrome Chatroom hosted by MGH....

that day changed my life forever...

I recall you appearing briefly that night and maybe ducky also...but it was in the next week or so that I got to know you guys. Lara was there most of that first night so...wow....

from there we all moved to the forums and through thick and thin, here we are, 10 years later..

I remember you posting that about your son...and how painful you felt...

but there was a conviction within you back then...about moving on forward, with your life...

there was something positively different...and it was later on, that I found out that you and I were sharing a parallel path of better self-evolvement...

it's been a great, long, and tough journey, hasn't it, dear friend....

and here we are, 10 years later...and I see that you are still loving and passionate yet with a wonderful self-assurance in your tone. Not that you don't have your down days or low days...but overall...I think you may have found your enlightenment...whatever that may be...

just like folks have suggested...just be you...

((((BIG HUGS))))

[Doody]

Boy, I couldn't have said it better than Moi. It's so strange that 1998 brought so many of us together. You haven't changed a bit except for the growth that we've all gone through and yes, your convictions have remained the same and the love for your family. If your son can't make amends now, it's his loss. :hug:

[Spanish Moss]

Dear Addy...
Already so many wise words have been said.

I know that you will know the right thing as your heart tells you at the time.

I pray that maturity will help your son see things differently and that this baby will teach him the bond of parent and child from a new perspective. (Congratulations to you as an almost-grandma!)

If not tomorrow...then some day...I really believe it will happen.

((((((((Addy)))))))))

Please give my greetings and congrats to Sparkle!

[KathyM]

((Addy))

Stay strong, dear friend. :hug:

[Nik-key]

((Addy))

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u269/joaqui20/Thinking-Of-You.gif

[tamiloo]

My Olhipie and I refer to our X's as priors. I guess it comes from all the years we volunteered at the state prison....:D

Hope all goes well and you will keep us updated on everhthing...:hug:

[Addy]

Your outpouring has helped more than you'll ever know! thank you ALL for such wonderful reminders and words of support... God, I am so darn blessed.

oh my gosh... I love u all so much....

thank you for rallying around me. :grouphug:

I saw Derek last night - at a restaurant with the rest of my "prior" family (gosh, GREAT word choice Tam!!!) ... Derek was very uncomfortable and I am very sad - I sat across from him and his g-friend (the mother of my soon to be born new grandchild) - who was meeting ALL of us for the first time so that tells you a bit about Derek - not even his Dad or brothers had met her yet.

Derek is a different boy/man than who I had raised. I cannot change that. And... the apple does not fall far from the tree - he is very much like my "prior husbands" brother - bitter and angry - and rough around the edges - a redneck of sorts.

My 2nd son, Joel - he's 26 - sat beside me with his lovely girlfriend - he embraced me and said "baby steps, mom... baby steps"... then followed me to the car later to say so many more words of encouragement and love.

I was able to talk to Derek's g-friend - my first impressions of her are very positve and I pray that he is good to her. I hope to find an opportunity to reach out to her some more tonight at the wedding reception- if only to tell her that I love Derek and want to be included in their child's life.

It's been very difficult not to cry when caring friends and family have reached out - they and YOU really do help me gather my strength. I do not want this to cause me to go backwards in my growth... I have a choice... just as Derek does.

I produced a photo/music montage DVD for my nephew's wedding which will be shown tonight. I have so many things to be happy about and I am going to strive to remember that this day is about Jahyd and Jason...

I am going to enjoy myself even tho its over 100 degrees F. right now.... :o

I love you guys!

:sing: thank you so much!
I'll let you know how tonight goes when I can.

[Alffe]

Ever the wise and loving mother you are Addy. ..don't doubt yourself. So happy about that soon to be grandbaby...maybe that will help him get his priorities in order....FAMILY first. Big hugs...have fun..sing and dance your socks off!! :hug:

[Addy]

I am extremely happy!... and doing the happy dance! :Dancing-Chilli:

A long story short - I was able to connect with Derek - to hold him and to tell him I loved him (and he said "me, too!"... absolute music to my ears!)

:hug:
thank you for your prayers!

:sing: Addy

[Doody]

OMG Addy!!!! That is SO exciting to hear! I'm so so happy for you! Yay!!!! :hug:

[da duck]

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so glad, Addy. I can't tell you how much I have been thinking about you this weekend. Hoping, praying, crossing every joint I have ( including a few which protested heartily such unwaranted crossing).
I am so happy about all this.
Good boy, Derek...and maybe Derek's girlfriend. A well dropped word by a girlfriend can do wonders.
And about that long story short thing....like to hear the long story long should you get the time...

(by the way...MSN Messenger will NOT work for me...you got Yahoo?)

[Alffe]

Well that just made my day!! Hurray for Derek finding his heart...and Addy...we always knew where yours was. So happy for you all. :grouphug:

[Nik-key]

Addy, I am so happy for you! I can't imagine two words have ever meant as much to you:hug::hug:

[who moi]

since I have hearing problems with my eyes...

did you said your emotions were running a duck?? Or ran over a duck?

just wanted to clarify...no running over geckos, though...

[da duck]

Hey, Leave the ducks alone....
poor ducks

[Spanish Moss]

Celebrate
Celebrate
Dance to the mu - sic!

I am so happy for that great report!!! Now....please share the gory details when you are ready!!!!

[tamiloo]

I'm so happy for you Addy:yahoo:

[who moi]

forget ducks...

how's bout passing a few bucks??

aw shucks

put the ducks on the rocks

but don't yell goose when you actually mean duck!! (BANG!!!)