I just want to die

[prettynpinkk]

HI, I JUST POSTED THIS THREAD IN ABOUT 6 DIFFERENT CATERGOIES, AND THEY WERE ALL ERASED....WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WILL DIFFERENT DISORDERS LIKE ME WHO HAS 5 DISSORDERS? I REALLY THINK IT IS NOT FAIR TO HAVE THEM ERASED ECPECIALLY IN THE DESPRETE SITUATION I AM IN NOW, I AM LOSING HOPE AND ON THE VERGE OF SUISIDE, DON'T WANT TO CALL A HOT LINE WANT TO GET SUPORT ON HERE FORM EVERYOE BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THIS SITE. IF I AM NOT ALLOWED THAN PLEASE LET THIS ADD STAY IN THE MENTAL HEALTH CATORGORY MOST OF MY DIICULTIES ARE TO DO WITH MENTAL HEALTH


I am not writing this for people to feel sorry for me , actuuly i am using every bit of energy i have left on this thread.

I feel like i want to die, every day, every second, I just can't take it anymore.

I have been diaignosed with personality disorder, borderline A.D.D, depression. I have learning disablities , i think i have OCD, maybe a bit of scitzo, & body dismorfic. i think i may even have abit of autism. No disrespect but don't leave me a message and say i don't have these things if you only have alittle in site on it.

I am fixated on the brain, mental health, enviromental issues.

I don't know who i am , i don't know who i am , i don't know who i am AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a son out here that i have'nt seen in 3 years, due to my mental health,i think i am alor more mature, and less implussive than what i use to be. He is 6 years old. My mom has him . If it was'nt for hi i would DEFINATLEY be dead righ now


I don't trust anyone , i don't trust tthem becasue neurologiclly i don't know know whats going with me so how the hell is someone supose to help me.

I am trying to save $8000 to see Dr. Frank Lawlis , he's the neurologist from the Dr. Phil show. He has a clinic in Dallas Texas . Him and about 4-5 other doctors work with you . I am fixated on Dr. Phil and have been tyring toget on his show. I don' trust anyone but him, and don't try and incourage me to open up and trust other peopel cuzi can't. I have renting some rooms outin my home to save money to see him, but ever since i have been doing that for 8months now i can't seem to save because i have been spending it on toher things like hypnotherapy, clothes, entertainment puposes, acupucture, thing for my home ect. I am losing hope rapidley.

I have a very short intension spand so doing work or reading on the computer is very hard for me. I am adicted to pot, and can't stop for anything. I am not into the whole N/A thing . I can't talk to people that are too over obssesed with anything, weither it be n/a church whatever. Sorry but i don't want to hear 80% of your conversatio to do with god, god, god, N/a, N/A, N/A.

I get very dizzy, nausa( gaggy), and crazy racing thought when i try and push tthrough my fears or motivation. I won't take medication because i have heard way too may horror stories about it. I don't know whats true anymore so i just don't do anything. I have extrem short term memory . I'll writ more latter but i feel a break down about to happen.

[Jo*mar]

I think it is best to post in the 2-3 most fitting forum topics.
Too many copies of the same post get picked up as spam.

[GladysD]

I have been diaignosed with personality disorder, borderline A.D.D, depression. I have learning disablities , i think i have OCD, maybe a bit of scitzo, & body dismorfic. i think i may even have abit of autism. No disrespect but don't leave me a message and say i don't have these things if you only have alittle in site on it.


I don't know who i am , i don't know who i am , i don't know who i am AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I don't trust anyone , i don't trust tthem becasue neurologiclly i don't know know whats going with me so how the hell is someone supose to help me.

I am fixated on Dr. Phil and have been tyring toget on his show. I don' trust anyone but him, and don't try and incourage me to open up and trust other peopel cuzi can't.

I am adicted to pot, and can't stop for anything. .

I won't take medication because i have heard way too may horror stories about it. I don't know whats true anymore so i just don't do anything. I have extrem short term memory . .

You've been DX'd with Borderline Personality Disorder....it is what it is!

[SandyC]

I wont advise on something I know nothing about regarding your illnesses. I just want to say you have a child and whenever you feel like your ready to give up, think of that child. You may feel that child doesn't need you, believe me, he probably does. My cousin committed suicide two years this holiday and left behind her children and grandchildren. They are distraught and can't understand why she left them, even if their relationship wasn't 100%. He needs you more than you know. Please don't leave him with the memory of his mommy leaving him. :hug:

[GladysD]

I apologize for answering so quickly in my first response. It was rather impulsive of me.

With a disorder like bordeline...it's 'normal'(in a bpd sense) to feel all these things that you are feeling. It truly is a personality disorder. It somedays makes you feel like you have ADD, it somedays makes you wonder if you are schizo, and other times it's the overwhelming sense of sadness/depression.

It's a terrible illness to live with. And often times those with BPD are swept under the carpets and the doctors just don't want to 'deal' with it. Finally, there are on-line support groups for people WITH borderline personality! In the past, it was primarily support for those living with or affected by it.

All med talk aside, the hardest part about living with Borderline Personality Disorder is learning about personal responsibility. What is it? And how to get it? That seems to be the 'key' to recovery.

It is an illness that can be recovered from. It just takes time and lots and lots of soul searching. From the book that you mentioned on the other link, and your posting here, it sounds like you are reaching out and trying. That's the most you can do....try!

It's a terrible illness to struggle with...but it's well worth the journey if you are willing to recover.

Warm Wishes!

[Brokenfriend]

I understand the magnitude of the combination of illnesses you have. I have only compassion,and love for you. I have many of these things myself,and I hope that we can find answers. Most people could not Fathom what you are saying,but I do. It's one of those kinds of things that only one who has lived through could comprehend.

It's not your fault. You inherited these things,and a combination of medications may help. Don't be hard on yourself. I understand. You are not the only one,though it may feal that way. Hang in there. BF:hug::grouphug: