I am so aggrivated!

[Pamster]

My stump is hurting really badly, I think I need a new seat cushion but the insurance only covers one every three years. *Sigh* I feel like I am sitting on a nail on the left side under the fleshy part of what's left of my leg. It's awful. It's not constant THANK GOD, but when it happens it's 9 on the 10 scale of pain, 10 being take me to the hospital. :(

*Sigh* I am really aggrivated with the pain...I don't know what to do, I don't think its something that mirror therapy could help or it would have already, and drugs don't touch it, I just don't know WHY it has to happen, unless it's related to the stupid cushion. :(

You don't have to reply I just needed to vent a little. :( Other then that things are pretty good. :)

[Mari]

Pam,
So sorry.
Hugs. Hugs. And more Hugs.

Keep talking to us.
Mari

[befuddled2]

Hug from me also Pam.

befuddled2

[bizi]

I am sorry that your leg is hurting....any chance to find a new used cushion on ebay?
bizi:(

[Mari]

Pam,
'Still here for you.
M.

[Brokenfriend]

I'm sorry to hear that Pamster. We're listening. I hope that isn't creating a bed sore type of thing. Talk to your doctor. BF:hug::hug::hug:

[Pamster]

Thanks everyone, I haven't had this pain fire off since I posted, but I know it's going to happen again. See about five months ago I was leaning over JUST to put the KEY in the front door, and I felt something give out in my stump...it was like having your knee go out only muscular. Ever since then it's been happening, like over and over, if I lean that way too hard. And that is a hard to define concept or I would know what too hard was and just not do it, it changes and stinks that it's one way one minute and less the next.

Thank you all for being here for me, I bet you probably thought I was aggrivated with something else in my life when you saw the title eh? Luckily things are going much better, I am going to get back to working out and see if I can drop this thirty pounds I've put on this year. I can do it, I know I can, it's just going to be hard, but I HAVE to now, my doctor told me I am over the line into Diabetes now because my A1C was 6.2 and normal is between 4-6. BUT he also said it's probably medication induced (Abilify) and that it is reverseable if I lose weight now. I am gonna be forty this december, I am at a crossroads right now, Jack and I have talked about it and he wants to help me and hopes his tremendous weight loss and reversal of his body's bad condition inspires me to do it for myself and it is. :)

He also told me he wants me to be around and not die first, so I can be with him and Jackie. So we're working on it. Jackie is sick and acting hyper because of it, but it's only a short phase because of this cold he's caught. He'll chill out once he's well again. He's has a couple of hard days in school because of being sick but NO fever or he wouldn't have gone in. :) Thanks so much for the hugs everyone, you're the best! :D

[DiMarie]

Pam honey have you talked to the doctor. I am wondering if it is referred pain. Maybe when you bent over there was a pich in your back some place and it is sending a knife pain into your leg.
When I hurt my back my front of the leg, calf and foot hurt from what the doctor told me was a back injury, but my back didn;t hurt. When he did the EMG it showed the pinched nerve.

I hope it calms down. Maybe you can plump up the support of your cusion with one of the air blow up ones with a bit of air in it or a piece of memory foam. I think I would roll a towel and put it in the small of your back too and see if that helps. If you pinched a nerve and it is in the lumbar, some support there may help.
I am sorry to hear how this pain is hurting you and hope that you can feel relief soon.
:hug:
di

[Pamster]

I think I might see if I can get my hands on one, a piece of memory foam, that is much better anyway IMO. That's a really good suggestion. :)

[Dmom3005]

Pam,

I'm so sorry to hear about the pain. I personally think I'd go to the doctor tell about how the pain will start when you give exersion to the area. Kind of like what Di, suggested.
See if its a pinched nerve or something that is sending the pain to the area it knows you
will notice. Maybe you can get relief if you can stop the real problem.

Donna

[Pamster]

I am now even more aggravated now. The med waiver won't cover the trike or a treadmill for us to replace the dying Total Gym. I don't know what to do, other then to try getting his needs met via some kind charity. I also want to get him a mini-9 a new dell 8" screened mini computer. HE would LOVE it! I think he would play with it a lot and enjoy using it. SO I am going to see about the Gates Foundation. Wish me luck with this stuff. I don't know what else to do. Can't just let another year pass with no fun Christmas gifts. The TV we got was an early Xmas gift, but it was out big gift. :)

I don't know what we're going to do if no one will help us, I would love to help start a foundation that sought grants to help the disabled people in the state. Or maybe the entire US. Who knows? Anyway, I am just irked we're unable to get these things for him immediately.

[bizi]

good luck with this pammy.
You are a very resourceful woman....something will turn up.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Dmom3005]

Pam

Good luck, I wish I had some ideas. But haven't thought of any yet.

Except start the fundraiser idea. Get your mom to help you.

You can do all kinds of things. Have garage sales, saying any money
raised will go to buy this trike and have a picture ( ) or this computer( ).

Tell them why you have to raise the money. Also this is a way to raise
the money for your new cushion. Also come up with other things, your
insurance wont pay for yet.


I would also maybe consider, Do you need a accessible van?


Think big. Some items might get donated.

Donna

[Pamster]

WOW! I sat here all day working on this stuff, I got us a new total gym, ours is not working right and they are going to send out a replacement, ours has seen better days and I am working out again, so I feel a little better. BUt the best news is I do believe we're going to be able to get this trike for Jackie, and possibly a treadmill too! Still looking for help on the laptop, but there is a charity we found in Florida that might be interested in helping with that. Or I might inspire the school board to ask a bigger chairty for help like Autism Speaks or Gates Foundation. :)

I put off dealing with the hard drive (this was a thorn in my side now for a month. Longer then that even, but anyway, it's over now or almost over) it was a warranty exchange. So first mistake mailing it two days before the 'RMA expired' Yeah I did procrastinate, many many times on this before. BUt this was lost in transit or in their warehouse, it's been misplaced and they filed a 'discrepency' for me so they can send out a new drive for me. :)

The first person I spoke with was kinda rude and didn't want to help me, but when I called back I got a guy and he was very open to handling my call. You know how hard it is to sit and do this stuff? I don't even want to go into what's the level of difficulty to have ten or twelve outgoing calls and be taking care of your family's business and getting results that will make them happy, that level of difficulty is incrediblly meticulous.

Very nervewracking, espcecially when things aren't going your way with the CSR. So I think we got the tricycle covered, but it won't have gears. and a treadmill for half a grand. ;) That is something awesome for one day's worth of working hard. And Day Two of making calls. I just had to share with you guys and let you know I am in a loaner chair now, it's so uncomfortable to sit in I probably won't be online too much for the rest of the week or the weekend while I am stuck with this big boat of a chair. :p

[bizi]

you have done very well my friend!!!!!
look what your hard work is paying off for your family...you deserve much happiness.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Mari]

Pam,
You are quite amazing. I was on the phone an hour or two in the past few days with Apple about my computer and feel like I need months to recover -- they fixed my problem but I am still annoyed.

Maybe you are very good about not getting annoyed.
Did you say that you have some customer service background?

M.

[Dmom3005]

Pam

You could start a business doing this for friends and build from it.

I am not sure what it would pay, but I would guess good amounts.

And the part about the school. Well you could go in and suggest
they let you organize a fundraiser for a bunch of computers or whatever
else they would like their special needs classrooms to have.

Or even their regular classrooms, you could then get lots of volunteers.

One thing I know that I used to love doing for the PTO was a carnival.

Donna

[Pamster]

Thanks bizi, Mari & Donna! I am just tickled pink that things are working, now to just get him a laptop....LOL!!! I have one place in mind that might help him, but I don't know, it might take some doing but I think I can make it happen. I used to be a secretary for a small business and loved it. I worked there for over a year and it was a great job, it's just I got pregnant and my health isn't what it used to be so I doubt I could handle it now with all I have to do.

I did suggest letting me help with writing a grant proposal for them (Jackie's school I mean) and mentioned fundraisers, so we'll see, I think this new computer style, the Ultra Light computer, is the wave of the future. And I can only hope Jackie will respond well to it! :D I feel like I've really accomplished something by all my work this week, we should get our new gym next week and I can hardly wait! :D

Now if I can just get the new novel started NOW I will feel really good! :D

[bizi]

:)WEll this is such good news for you!
way to go!
bizi

[Pamster]

Thanks bizi :hug: I am so thrilled, but then something just happened to shake my world...can't share it, too personal, but let's say it upset me a lot, from Jack, something he said...Anyway, enough thinking doom and gloom. I want things to get better so I have to MAKE them better, it stinks that I have to carry the bulk of the load...but that's where I'm at...I worked so hard last week, now this week I want to start the new book. :)

wish me luck. :)

[Dmom3005]

Good luck on the new book Pam.

And ignore the other half. Thats what I've been having to do.
Not that it works.

I'm so glad you got things going so well though.

My recumbent bike is still in its box.

Will be 9 months soon.

Donna

[Mari]

Dear Pam,
Maybe the chair will make some things better for you.
It does stink that you are carrying the bulk of the load.

Enjoy working on the book.

Mari

[Pamster]

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=117251

That is something I posted earlier on my favorite Writer's board, it's really a great place, so far no feedback but people are at work still. ;) :D

I got five character names defined and thinking about things I want to do with it already. :) I think I will get this book done before CHristmas if I am able to focus on it for any stretch, today I have Jack up my rear to clean up, and he's right, place needs it, we're having company tomorrow and to get out of cleaning tomorrow extensively, getting it done today is good. I just would rather have sat here and started the book moreso then I already have. :)

[bizi]

Having company is stressful...don't work too hard...rest when you can.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Pamster]

Well I did get to do what I wanted to do, I did start on the new book. I got the first bit opening written. :) And today (Tuesday) we'll clean, I have a Dr appt, and I have to get stuff done...Ugh, you're so not kidding bizi, it is stressful...:hug: :grouphug:

[Bdix]

I think it sounds fantastic!
Did you decide on whether or not the little sister will have a disability?

As for cleaning, just throw everything all over and tell them its halloween decorations! :D

[Dmom3005]

You know I like the halloween decorations Idea.

And then you can just tell Jack if he doesn't like it he can do the
cleaning instead.

Donna

[Pamster]

Yup, I am making her Deaf, I figure that is something that will be only part of the story as the main content is her older brother's struggle to find himself through the world of abuse and chaos he's been forced to live in. :p And he will find himself and fall in love too. :) Should be a great story!

LOL @ tha Halloween Decorations comment....LOL! We clean weekly, but I swear it gets so old hearing how "It's starting to look like the old place" every week BEFORE we clean, he usually starts up two days before we're set to clean. Very annoying, since I do the dishes daily, sometimes more then one time a day too, I don't like to hear how "You're letting things go and it's looking like the old place..." from him. :p

OMG the drive to Jackie's dental appt was a fricken' nightmare! Jack yelled at me too much, I mean fully too much! I was so irked. Jackie did great when we were there, but it's still in my mind what he said, "Why did I decide to waste my life with you?" Or should I say what he yelled...of all the crap he said yesterday, that hurt the worst. You know we get along fine unless we have to actually talk...*Sigh* It's just so frustrating. Anyway I am going to get the oil in the car changed today and try to get soime writing done. :)

[Bdix]

What a cruel and hurtful thing for him to say. :mad: I hope you realise that most people would kill to "waist their life" with a wife/mother as resiliant and dedicated as you are.

Next time tell him that if he'd like to get another job and make more money you are all for hiring a housekeeper to come in and clean each week.

Then place the vacuum in his hand (possibly running over his foot with your chair in the process) and tell him for the next week its his job to show you how to keep the house clean during the week.

Either he'll do it or he'll shut up. Either way is a bonus to you.

BTW your storyline sounds great! :hug:

[Pamster]

It really did hurt, I just can't imagine why he felt it was needed to say, he got so mad about the fact we couldn't park for free at the hospital without the handicapped permit and sadly there just were no open spaces...It was just terrible. I feel so unmotivated to do anything for him anymore. I know we're together mostly for the little guy, but dang, it doesn't have to be so volatile. :(

Thanks for the encouragement on the story, I think it will work out nicely, and this is the first story I have written (as a fanfiction first) that I can Now see as a whole picture. I can really imagine it from scene to scene, I need to outline it a bit but just roughly, so I have firm idea of which scenes come in order. :) It's gonna be great! :D

[Mari]

Dear Pam,

If he is unhappy, he can at least keep it to himself.


Sometimes, my hubby dumps on me when he doesn't have to.
I wish that he knew how hard I work to stay in a decent stable mood.


Sorry to vent here.. . . trying to let you know that I understand.

Mari

[Pamster]

I have told him that myself Mari, that he should just keep quiet, he doesn't care, he just vents and rambles for ages and I end up feeling simply awful. Last night I couldn't use a knife to his satisifaction and it was again simply terrible. Every little thing is not an invitation to snub me and I wish he'd learn that. :(

*Sigh* This morning I didn't hear the alarm going off until a half an hour later and I was supposed to get HIM up for a dr appt. It's just ridiculous. I don't know why I didn't wake up but you can bet when he gets back it's gonna be another argument. :( Anyway, I think they aren't gonna send us a new harddrive because they lost our old one. I am so PO'ed. :( Got an email late last night saying they were still looking for it. THis is after being told on the phone they would be sending out a replacement. Lovely to be lied to. :(

We got our new Total Gym yesterday, WOW it's nicer then the old one was for sure! :D

[bizi]

oh pammy,
I am sorry I just got caught up with this thread,
that is so mean of jack...I don't know how you put up with his abusive behavior.

grrrr....:mad:

[Pamster]

Well, if it continues I am definitely going to just ignore him. He had a lot of nerve yelling at me when I was driving the other day. And to just get ticked over my not cutting the way he'd like to see me use a knife, what a stupid thing to get upset at. Yet it was enough to make me cry because he wouldn't stop. :p

I picked up Jackie's glasses, hoping he'll do okay with them. he broke the last pair being angry at something at school. :( I played around with a laptop today, I went to a local store and fiddled, I don't know how well Jackie will get it, but I bet once we've gotten it that he'll be happy with it. I know it's probably going to be more durable then another desktop would be. They take a year to a year and a half to grant the wish, but it's going to be great! :D

I have the application and need to get my ducks in a row and get it sent back all filled out. Mom saw this thing on TV and we filled out an application on it and are going to get a free cell phone from I think a gov subsidized program. :D It's only available in a couple of states, but this is the link to it:

https://www.safelinkwireless.com/EnrollmentPublic/Home.aspx

So we're getting one! I am so psyched, just in time for the trip. IF it's gonna work outside of Florida. ;)