Checking?

[phoenix7]

Hi, I'm new to this board,

I was attacked at work - where I still work now - got PTSD, Self harmed when the flashbacks got too much and seem to have developed a "checking" habit - I check my car doors over and over again to make sure they are locked and the doors and windows of my flat - it's a safety thing - I realise that it's because I don't feel safe anywhere now - What I'm wondering is, does anyone esle out there check things ? or used to -if so how do you stop? I have tried - I check once and as I check I say - see that's locked - it's ok - but as I walk away I get a feeling like something bad will happen if I don't check again - I know that's dumb -but at this stage I can't seem to stop.....

[debm2]

I've been reading these posts and noticed no one replied to yours. I also noticed that you are the one that welcomed me here- thank you.

As to the checking, it is so very typical for PTSD. The clinical term is Hyperarousal- always looking to make it safe around you. Left alone it becomes a way of life that can be extremely draining. My husband will sit up in bed, completely asleep, and check out the room.

One thing I read is that you can carry something to ground you in the present- a smooth stone, a piece of soft material, a smell that makes you feel safe- and when symptoms threaten to overwhelm you or you find yourself doing something you don't want to, grab the stone, or whatever you choose, and tell yourself that you are no longer in the danger, you are in the present.

Hope that helps some. I'm still learning.

[phoenix7]

debm2 you're welcome and thanks for that i was beginning to think i was even crazier than i know i am :D its good to know i am not alone (alothough i would never wish this on anyone) - I will try the stone thing - thankyou again P7 :)

[almondface]

To phoenix7,

although I don't have the full story about your situation, I think that it's normal to have this checking behaviour because it kind of reassures you that everything is ok. Maybe one thing you can try is to make a list, as in ticking the number of times you have done checking? (This would also serve as some kind of reminder as to how many times you have done checking) Hopefully, this would help.

Anyway, you are not alone in this. Take care:)

[phoenix7]

thanks Almondface, I have tried a tick sheet but it didnt work - i think the main problem is i no longer trust myself - i lose track of what day it is - forget appointments - and have locked myself out of my flat as recently as last weekend because I forgot to take my keys with me - even though I usually check them in my bag before i go - this time i didnt and I got locked out - which seems to re-inforce that i cant trust myself - one day maybe i will be able to trust myself again - who knows :) P7

[debm2]

P7- I just found out that this is also a very typical- and frustrating!- symptom. Because you are checking out the environment to make sure it is safe- where is the door of escape, who is here and how are they responding to me, is there any danger, how can I be safe here- the brain has determined other things are not so important- did I put my keys in my purse. SO, do not beat yourself up, your brain is trying to keep you safe. It is a survival thing, not an I'm dumb thing.

[phoenix7]

I guess i'll be stuck with it for a while then because I dont believe there is anywhere safe anymore - "safe" was an illussion I bought into - the old me believed in it the new me knows there is no such place as "safe"

i guess what you said explains why i didnt check for my keys that day - i was more focused on not forgetting things i said i would take into work for people and blanked out on checking for my bag and keys - thanks for your reply. P7

[debm2]

Yes, yes, this is what my husband says a lot- there is no safe. He suffers from bouts of confusion that we have found come during times when he feels most unsafe. It helps him to know that he is trying to keep himself and our family from getting hurt rather than that he is simply incapable. Which he is not, he is highly intelligent.

I read one person's explanation, I wish I could find it again and if I do I'll send you the web address, that said that those with PTSD are the strong, not the weak. They are the survivors, not the succumbers. They make deals with themselves in the midst of trauma to survive and they do- they get through it. Unfortunately, after the trauma is over they are stuck in survival mode. Then they cannot function in society because they do not look at things the way "normal" People do. And to be honest I am wondering if there is "normal"! The way she put it really validates that a person with PTSD has a reason for it and it got them through something horrible and now they are simply stuck in survival, not second class citizens.

Hang in there! I'm rooting for you,
Deb

[Brokenfriend]

Hi, I'm new to this board,

I was attacked at work - where I still work now - got PTSD, Self harmed when the flashbacks got too much and seem to have developed a "checking" habit - I check my car doors over and over again to make sure they are locked and the doors and windows of my flat - it's a safety thing - I realise that it's because I don't feel safe anywhere now - What I'm wondering is, does anyone esle out there check things ? or used to -if so how do you stop? I have tried - I check once and as I check I say - see that's locked - it's ok - but as I walk away I get a feeling like something bad will happen if I don't check again - I know that's dumb -but at this stage I can't seem to stop.....

Hi. I'm not a doctor. I suffer from the same type of thing. It sounds like you have developed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I have this disorder,and I know exactly what you are talking about. I started getting better when my doctor prescribed Luvox. The intensity of those thoughts lessened.
The thought of the door being unlocked is the obsession. Checking the door over,and over is the Compulsion. You feel a strange feeling that you have to check that door. I know to much about this,and I'm sorry that you are suffering with it. Please talk to a doctor who knows about these things. Brokenfriend. :grouphug:

[phoenix7]

thanks debm2,

I think "stuck in survival mode" is exactly right! I'm still keyed up waiting for the next attack, watching waiting being on alert all the time - I just wish I could switch it off.

thanks brokenfriend - I am sorry you have this too - it's a pain and very frustrating - I talked with my dr and she said that the anti-depressants I am on should help in the long run.

take care everyone and thanks - P7

[Brokenfriend]

It took about two months for Luvox to work. It is also a antidepressant.

When these thoughts happen,usually another one happens,and then another one happens to me. The thoughts aggrandize,and you feel like you have to check the doors,locks,and things,or you feel a impending danger.

At that time there is a confusion,distortion,and a feeling that is hard to shake off,unless you do the checking,even when you see it's locked. I'll turn the door knob over,and over to make sure that it's locked.

I check over checks,stamps,I tape the back of letters,I check to see if they have gone down the mailbox. I check my wallet contents. I check certain things. I do certain things compulsively.

I read things compulsively sometimes. Certain things cause me to feel a compulsion. Fear is the bottom line,and it's hard to deal with. I understand how it is. BF

[phoenix7]

At that time there is a confusion,distortion,and a feeling that is hard to shake off,unless you do the checking,even when you see it's locked. I'll turn the door knob over,and over to make sure that it's locked.

BF

that's what i do with my car door - I can see it's locked but I have to open it to see it's locked even though I know it is - and the more stressed i am the more it happens - in one way it is a guage of how stressed I am - I only know I want it to stop - thanks Brokenfriend P7

[Brokenfriend]

I hang the towels right in the bathroom after a shower. I fold the cloths up before I throw them into the Laundry basket. I put clean socks in the drawer in a certain way,and everything else. I hang cloths up in a certain way. Dust bothers me. Germs bother me. If someone mentions a subject that triggers a obsession in me,I loose my trend of thought,and my listening capability.

At one time I could watch TV,and not know what's going on. My mind would wander from one thing to another. I trace my OCD to a few things that they say that I did, when I was about 7 years old.

Doctors have told me various things,and I've heard that there are cognitive therapy treatments,and medical treatments. My illness is intertwined with panic disorder,and depression. I also have sudden mood swings if I feel like I've been put down in some way. It's hard for me to tolerate that,and I become agitated if I feel abuse. I've been through much abuse. I sympathize with what your going through. BF:hug:

[phoenix7]

Brokenfriend, are you seeing a psychologist? I am and I think it helps - take care P7:)

[Brokenfriend]

Brokenfriend, are you seeing a psychologist? I am and I think it helps - take care P7:)

I've been going through psychotherapy for years. It's very complicated. I'm on several prescription medications.

I thought about this thread when I got out of my car yesterday afternoon. I checked the radio,the gear shift,and other things before I left. I took my remote control,and locked the car again while I was in the house.

I just want to tell you these things to let you know that you are not alone. BF

[phoenix7]

thankyou, the darkness doesnt seem quite so dark when you are not the only one there - take care - :)P7