View Full Version : Struggling
12-17-2008, 10:18 AM
I am not really sure how to begin, so here goes. I have been struggling with depression for about 10 months now. About 4 months ago I became really depressed, almost suicidal. At this point, I don't know why, but I got an incredible urge to cut myself, so I did. It was not an attempt at suicide, but rather a way to cope with all of the negative emotions I was experiencing, and it worked. The problem was that I was having to do it more and more to get the same results. When I told my psychiatrist about this, he sent me to an intense therapy program for self-injury. I completed that in about 3 weeks, and now continue to see an out-patient therapist weekly. For the most part now I am able to control my urges, however, last week, I gave in and cut myself. It helped for a while, but then I started feeling yucky again. I know that from my past that once I start self-injuring, it becomes hard to stop again, almost like an addictive behavior. My husband is aware, and I hated seeing the look of disappointment on his face when I told him that I gave in (esp since I hadn't self injured since Oct). I have been fighting urges as hard as I can lately. I am a student, and I know that if I continue to self-injure and my school finds out, I could be kicked out of school...the school was nice enough to give me a second chance after they found out the first time. I was just wondering if anyone else has personal experience with self-injury and ways to fight the urges. No offense to my therapist, but I don't think you can fully understand unless you yourself have self-injured. When I was in the intense therapy program, I was with a group of people who were all there for self-injury, and the group was led by one counselor. I think I got more from the other people in the group than from the counselor. Any help or advise would be greatly appreciated.
12-19-2008, 01:14 PM
Hi (((afgaldi)))....I am hoping that one of our mods here will see your post, as I am not too good at posting links here. First off (((hugs))) you are not alone, and you have come to a good place. There are lots of supportive people here. I have some very good friends here who can help you with this. I don't self-injure but I do deal with depression and previous suicide attempts. You can find the Bipolar forum on the home page. There are lots of good folks in there. Also come by and visit the Survivors of Suicide forum. Lots of great folks there too. I hope this will help you....:hug:
12-19-2008, 10:30 PM
I'm sorry to hear you are stuggling. I do understand where you are and I know there are other's here that understand also.
As far as curbing the urge to self injure... I had to get rid of items I used to self injure. I know it's hard.
Please come over to the Survivors of Suicide (SOS) forum and join us. Some there have lost loved ones to suicide and others like me have attempted suicide. Here is the like to SOS: http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html (http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html)
Here is the like to the BiPolar Forum: http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum38.html (http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum38.html)
Feel free to join in anywhere.... you will find very caring people here at NT.
I hope to see you around the boards.
12-22-2008, 06:02 PM
Where is your group? Can the counselor there recommend someone to see? Sometimes counselors can refer people to other counselors who specialize in certain areas.
You should also try the Addiction and Recovery forum here, because cutting is an addiction
12-28-2008, 01:48 PM
Actually the sister forum here at Psych Central has a self injury forum. I can't post links yet so you need to copy and paste it into your browser address bar.
Also the OCD and Trichotillomania forum there should be helpful I think because I believe cutting can be part OCD and partly an impulse control disorder.
Here's that forum: forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=72
At the root of all of these things I believe anxiety plays a big part. Control the anxiety and you may have an easier time not cutting. (My son was a cutter for awhile.) So the anxiety forum here and at the Psych forum could be helpful.
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