Nik-key
03-08-2009, 09:54 PM
My family had a get together this afternoon. I wasn't up to going.
When my sis and the kids got back home, my 12 year old nephew came in and gave me a big hug. Nothing out of the ordinary there. We are tight. I couldn't love that boy more if he were my own. But, he didn't let go, he kept holding on tighter and tighter.
I pulled him back and gently asked what was wrong.
He said. "promise me something?"
He knows how I feel about promises. They are never meant to be broken. Never! He also knows I will not promise before I know what is being asked of me. Yet, something in his voice made my spine quiver.
I simply said sure sweetie, what do you need me to promise you?
And this sweet boy, who I love so dearly, started to cry and through sobs said....
"Promise me you will never kill yourself! I was worried about you the whole time I was gone!! Promise me.. please!"
OMG!!! :thud:
I still have chills and this was hours and hours ago. It took me this long to collect myself enough to post.
We had a very long and intimate talk. It seems he knows I am "bummed out" I try very hard to hide my feelings. I try not to cry in front of the children or Lynn. But, as well as you think you are hiding things, children always know.
He explained that Gramps was depressed, and look what he did. He understood why I was sad, but he was worried I would do what Grandpa did. He also did research on my nerve disease TN, and saw where it is penned the suicide disease, because it is so painful. :thud:
Damn, how long has he been carrying these tormented thoughts on his little shoulders?? :(
My Mom is a recovering alcoholic, 25 years sober. My childhood was a train wreck, but.. through her recovery she taught us so much. Among them, to never hide that damn elephant. We never do.
I was the one who had to tell the children about Grandpa taking his life. It is a very small community, we all felt strongly they could not hear it from anyone else but us. It was a damn hard talk to have!!! We have talked many times since then, but this he was holding inside.
I just am so grateful he felt safe enough to talk with me. Damn grateful!
I took his face in my hands, made direct eye contact.. and promised him over and over I would never - ever take my own life. He cried, I cried....... we talked and talked and talked.............. I am emotionally drained!
I just talked to God for the first time since I had to place Lynn. I thanked him for giving me the strength, and the words to comfort my nephew. I thanked him for guiding him and giving him the strength and courage to talk about something adults have trouble with.
In private, I then fell to me knees, whispering... Dear God! Dad, what have you done to our family!? :Sob:
When my sis and the kids got back home, my 12 year old nephew came in and gave me a big hug. Nothing out of the ordinary there. We are tight. I couldn't love that boy more if he were my own. But, he didn't let go, he kept holding on tighter and tighter.
I pulled him back and gently asked what was wrong.
He said. "promise me something?"
He knows how I feel about promises. They are never meant to be broken. Never! He also knows I will not promise before I know what is being asked of me. Yet, something in his voice made my spine quiver.
I simply said sure sweetie, what do you need me to promise you?
And this sweet boy, who I love so dearly, started to cry and through sobs said....
"Promise me you will never kill yourself! I was worried about you the whole time I was gone!! Promise me.. please!"
OMG!!! :thud:
I still have chills and this was hours and hours ago. It took me this long to collect myself enough to post.
We had a very long and intimate talk. It seems he knows I am "bummed out" I try very hard to hide my feelings. I try not to cry in front of the children or Lynn. But, as well as you think you are hiding things, children always know.
He explained that Gramps was depressed, and look what he did. He understood why I was sad, but he was worried I would do what Grandpa did. He also did research on my nerve disease TN, and saw where it is penned the suicide disease, because it is so painful. :thud:
Damn, how long has he been carrying these tormented thoughts on his little shoulders?? :(
My Mom is a recovering alcoholic, 25 years sober. My childhood was a train wreck, but.. through her recovery she taught us so much. Among them, to never hide that damn elephant. We never do.
I was the one who had to tell the children about Grandpa taking his life. It is a very small community, we all felt strongly they could not hear it from anyone else but us. It was a damn hard talk to have!!! We have talked many times since then, but this he was holding inside.
I just am so grateful he felt safe enough to talk with me. Damn grateful!
I took his face in my hands, made direct eye contact.. and promised him over and over I would never - ever take my own life. He cried, I cried....... we talked and talked and talked.............. I am emotionally drained!
I just talked to God for the first time since I had to place Lynn. I thanked him for giving me the strength, and the words to comfort my nephew. I thanked him for guiding him and giving him the strength and courage to talk about something adults have trouble with.
In private, I then fell to me knees, whispering... Dear God! Dad, what have you done to our family!? :Sob: