Be careful what you wish for

[jaded2nite]

As many of you know I have been trying to convince my son to give me temporary gaurdianship of my grandaughter.

He has been abusing prescription pain medication. As someone that has suffered with chronic pain for years and jumped thorough many hoops to be treated properly this angers me to no end.

Well the good news is I have her with me now. The bad news is my son and his girlfriend have been arrested. They are both charged with obtaining prescriptions illegally by ( Doctor Shopping.) They are also charged with trafficking. I guess in addition to taking meds they have been selling them. ARRRHGGGG!!!!

I'm not sure how long I will have her and I'm not sure what my sons future will be. At the very least he will get sober, not by choice of course. The ironic part is yesterday morning they both signed up for an out-patient treatment program.....too little too late! sigh!!

The 2 children his girlfriend had before they got together are with their Dad.

I have to go to the jail today and get a temporary custody order signed by both of the parents so I can get the baby medical treatment if needed.(wish me luck)

I have no plans to bail my son out....I know that sounds harsh, but I truly feel he needs to be right where he is for now.

I feel bad asking anything of you all, as I am not always around to lend support, however any prayers you can send up for us would be appreciated.

[FeelinGoofy]

You've got my prayers for sure.... and i think you are right by not bailing him out..... sounds like he needs help and hopefully this way he'll get it.. :hug:

[Curious]

:hug:

This might be just what they need to straighten up.

Dot your I's and cross your T's. Get everything done legally. Don't just get covered for medical. Be sure it does mean Temp custody. Also that they have to get custody back.

I can PM with you more about this.

Iknow this isn't an easy subject to post about. So much that I can't post about, but I'm sure you know I raised my grandson from an infant.

You are big time in my prayers. The whole family. :hug:

[Alffe]

Dottie I'm praying for you all. Your grandaughter is blessed to have your love. :hug:

[who moi]

hey dottie,

I had a hard time hitting the thanks button...but it was hit because of what an awesome thing that you're doing for your grand daughter...

I am from the school of tough love and I think you are doing the right thing...

I wish I have some thing prudent to say or something wise to say...

((((BIG HUGS))))

I wish for peace and tranquility and happiness for you...I hope that will happen for you...

[mistiis]

lots of hugs Jaded :hug::hug::hug: I totally agree on the tough love. Hang in there. You are in my prayers.

[Lara]

(((Dottie))) ... will be thinking of you there with all that going on. Keep strong.

[Spanish Moss]

Your grandaughter is blessed to have you watching over her - like her special angel. Take Curious' advice and document everything in case you need it in the future. If you can avoid the "system" it would be well advised, but keep a journal with dates and events, etc just in case.

I agree with your decision with your son, as well. Usually addicts don't get the idea gently, unfortunately.

((((hugs)))))

[who moi]

thinking of you, dottie...

that documentation thing curious and moss mentioned...

VERY true....

((((BIG HUGS))))

[Curious]

It does seem tedious, but it needs to be done. :o

You can go online and see what your states requiments are to become a foster parent. Those are some of the best check lists to follow. All the childproofing ect.

I know it doesn't seem fair. They don't check out the people before they have a baby. :rolleyes: The state just doesn't want a child to keep going through this.

:hug:

[who moi]

just wondering how things are going, dottie... :hug:

[jaded2nite]

I am not doing well. I am holding it together for Alissa, but I am so profoundly sad. I don't ever remember a time in my life that I was more depressed.

I feel so alone. Even with my family surrounding me I am alone.

[Curious]

What can we do to help?

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Oops...hit the submit button...

I know how you have to have so many emotions running through you.

Wondering how your own child can do this...not take care of their own...
How you can raise a little one...

All kind of things.

There aren't always answers right away, if ever.

I do know grandparents like us and the Moi's, are who we are, because we can and will take these children. Love and devote ourselves to giving them the best possible life we can.

I'm here for you. I hope you know that.

[Koala77]

Sending you some love, and letting you know that I also am here for you should you need a shoulder to lean on, or some-one to talk to. :hug::hug::hug:

[jaded2nite]

thank you for your kinds words, I am just a bit overwhelmed right now. I don;t regret for one minute having her,this is what I wanted.

I just wonder about her future, my sons future and my future. Things are not looking good for my son. Of course now that he is cleaning up he can't believe what he has done.He is very remorseful, but I am having a hard time understanding how it happened in the first place.

I know that pain meds can be very addictive, I've gone through withdrawals when I stopped and I was taking them as prescribed. My son has never been in trouble and is now facing at the very least 15 years.

I want to get him out so he can spend sometime with Alissa before he goes to jail, But part of me is saying you reap what you sow. I am so conflicted.

..........My family says let him rot! Nice

Even though I am angry, he is my son and I love him and know his actions over the past 6-8 months were not him but the drugs. But seperating the two is very difficult for me as it seems it was for him.

Thanks for listening...........it helps to "talk" to unbias folks.

Dottie

[Lara]

Thinking of you there, Dottie. Been thinking of you all day. I read your message earlier, but didn't have the 'words' to reply. I'm so sorry for all you are all dealing with at this moment.

I totally understand when you say you feel so conficted and that it is so overwhelming. He is your child and your mind must be in overdrive right now trying to figure out how it all happened, and what is going to happen in the future. It's probably difficult to sleep as well because you're unable to stop thinking. It's more than sad, Dottie, it's totally devastating. I understand why you feel so badly.

Keep strong. Keep talking. *heart

[Alffe]

thank you for your kinds words, I am just a bit overwhelmed right now. I don;t regret for one minute having her,this is what I wanted.

I just wonder about her future, my sons future and my future. Things are not looking good for my son. Of course now that he is cleaning up he can't believe what he has done.He is very remorseful, but I am having a hard time understanding how it happened in the first place.

I know that pain meds can be very addictive, I've gone through withdrawals when I stopped and I was taking them as prescribed. My son has never been in trouble and is now facing at the very least 15 years.

I want to get him out so he can spend sometime with Alissa before he goes to jail, But part of me is saying you reap what you sow. I am so conflicted.

..........My family says let him rot! Nice

Even though I am angry, he is my son and I love him and know his actions over the past 6-8 months were not him but the drugs. But seperating the two is very difficult for me as it seems it was for him.

Thanks for listening...........it helps to "talk" to unbias folks.

Dottie

Not nice at all..:( As a mother my heart just goes out to you Dottie. Our children can disappoint us and break our hearts but they are still a part of us..please know that we understand how life changing this is...saying that you'll be rewarded in heaven won't change a thing today. And as always, Gibran comes to mind...http://www.katsandogz.com/ongiving.html

:grouphug:

[Curious]

thank you for your kinds words, I am just a bit overwhelmed right now. I don;t regret for one minute having her,this is what I wanted.

I just wonder about her future, my sons future and my future. Things are not looking good for my son. Of course now that he is cleaning up he can't believe what he has done.He is very remorseful, but I am having a hard time understanding how it happened in the first place.

I know that pain meds can be very addictive, I've gone through withdrawals when I stopped and I was taking them as prescribed. My son has never been in trouble and is now facing at the very least 15 years.

I want to get him out so he can spend sometime with Alissa before he goes to jail, But part of me is saying you reap what you sow. I am so conflicted.

..........My family says let him rot! Nice

Even though I am angry, he is my son and I love him and know his actions over the past 6-8 months were not him but the drugs. But seperating the two is very difficult for me as it seems it was for him.

Thanks for listening...........it helps to "talk" to unbias folks.

Dottie

Dottie, he is not going to ROT.

He is going to get help. He will be given rehab and an opportunity to further his education or learn a trade.He will get counseling.

He won't be just sitting there rotting. Believe me....my daughter is NJ...her long time bf is a prison guard.

He can get letters and pictures. Phone calls and visits. A chance to better himself.

I am glad you are angry at him! He needs that. So do you. He doesn't need to be pacified andhis hand held. He screwed up and is going to pay the price. He will come out a man.

I'm going to PM you...some personal stuff I can't post about. :rolleyes: Lurky family members...ugh.

Keep talking!!

:hug::hug::hug:

[Doody]

(((Dottie))) I am watching this happen as well to 2 different close family members. Not to mention my best friend Penny. Seems to be happening a lot more lately.

Always in my prayers dear lady. :hug:

[Curious]

Just wanted to leave you a :hug: and :smileypray:

[jaded2nite]

Thanks Curious..........I needed that!!

[Doody]

(((Dottie))) You sweetheart. :hug:

[Koala77]

Thinking of you, and sending some love. :hug:

[FeelinGoofy]

You were on my mind when i woke up this morning Dottie... I was wondering how things were going and wanted you to know i said a prayer for you.
{{{HUGS}}}

[doxiemama]

Dottie, I wanted you to know that I'm thinkng of you and sending you a lot of hugs and doxe kisses. You know where to find me if you need me. Knowing you are doing the right thing and feeling good about it are two different things. They don't tell you about these things when you become a parent. Hang in there sweetie. Pat

[mistiis]

((((Dottie))))) just want you to know that you are in my prayers, and in my thoughts. It truly is a difficult road that you are walking, and very painful. You are brave and loving, and I just wanted you to know it. And, I so agree with Pat. Doing what is right is usually the hardest thing of all to do, but, in the end, the most rewarding. :hug:

[jaded2nite]

Thank-you all so much. It means more to me than you will ever know that I have the support that I have here.

In my "real" life I rarely reach out. I tend to be the rock that everyone comes to when the chips are down. This journey I'm on now is probably the most difficult one I have been on in my life.

I just started dating again after 10 years. I had been an abusive relationship that I ended. Shortly after, my ex took his life on my birthday. It took me 10 years to get the courage and confidence in myself to let someone in.

We had been seeing each other for about 4 months when Alissa came to stay with me. Just like when my kids were young.......She comes first. So although we seemed to be very well suited for each other, he told me on my birthday that he thought maybe I had too much on my plate to be in a relationship!!! DUH!! I wasn't looking for a relationship, its only been 4 months.

I think its pretty funny! It doesn't matter how old some men get, they still need to be the center of attention and will not share you.

The good new is I found out that it never would have worked before I invested much of myself. I can't really blame him.....I thought my days of babies were over too.

I know I'm rambling, but humor me for just another thought.

Do people really just turn thier backs on thier blood? So many people have said things to me like......

Oh my gosh you are a saint.

You have custody, why are you doing this?

You have given up your freedom!

There goes your social life.

My answer is I just can't imagine not doing this.

Thanks for listening!! And Happy Easter. We will be coloring eggs tomorrow...Have you seen the kits they have for egg coloring? wow things have changed !!


:grouphug:You guys are the best!!!!:grouphug:

Dottie