View Full Version : ready for divorce
06-17-2009, 05:54 PM
my husband had a tbi, and has really recovered quite well, especially to casual aquantences. Close family members realize he still has some impairment. \i have had it with his anger outbursts, always at me. \if he is able to control his vitrolic outbursts with everyone else, but not at me, for whatever minor infraction he perceives, then why is he not able to control his yelling and throwing where I am concerened. He is easily frustrated by minor things, and \i am always to blame. I spend a lot of time crying and feeling sorry for myself. \he does not see his behavior to me as a problem. He thinks he is aok except for some short term memory issues. He has gotten very rigid , but forgets things all the time. He does stupid things, like having 4 different calenderw, and then forgetting things. I have suggested using just one and writing everything there, but he refuses. He is secretive about money. I aam at my wits end. I know I have musch to be thankful for-he is still alive, and has recovered a lot. I know that many, many are far worse off then he--or I. Thanks for letting me vent!
06-17-2009, 06:37 PM
That's why we are here. :hug: I can't even imagine what you go through and I am so sorry he takes it out on you. Having TBI makes it so much more difficult to know what is related to the TBI and what is just normal anger.
Is it just the two of you at home? If so, that could explain why he addresses you with his anger and not everyone else. He's with you 24/7 and the "others" only see him once in a while.
You are thankful he's alive but everyone knows there are some things we cannot "fix" like it was before. Have you tried going to counseling for yourself? Do other family members witness his anger at you? Do you think he'd be willing to speak with his doctor about it?
Anyway, welcome and please keep coming here. Being a caregiver is hard work but very rewarding at the same time. :hug:
06-18-2009, 09:43 PM
so sorry to hear what you are going through:hug:
I am caregiver to my husband too. His illness does not have a very good prognosis and this has caused him a lot of depression etc, nevermind what the meds do ...so I understand just a little of how it feels to have our partner suddenly have these unpredictable moods and reactions:(
I agree with Sandy on hopefully you finding someone caring who can help with counselling/therapy to help you both adjust to these changes he has suffered, or maybe his doctor is the one you need to speak with if that is a viable option
you may also want to chat with our tbi/pcs forum members as they sure understand and can maybe give you some input on the best way to handle things. for sure they will be able to offer support.:grouphug:
I do hope you are safe. You said "throwing". Do look after yourself in all this too:hug: It is so easy to forget ((((you))))
here is the link to our TBI forum for you
i think sometimes our partner needs to have someone they can just be themselves around. that makes it rough on the partner when being himself is all raw edges. try telling yourself he needs to take this out on someone, and i will let it wash around me and down the drain. sometimes these visuals help us. also, go ahead and cry, and tell him how you feel. you need to let stuff out too.
my brother has a technique for when he is in a fight with my sil. he smiles and says i love you. my sil wants to clobber him at that point. anyway, sometimes you catch flies with honey, and sometimes you catch someone throwing something at you.
i can see some of the traits you describe in your dh in my 88 yr old dad. his memory is slipping, and he also says things and later says he didn't say them. i think the language is getting mixed up between the brain and the mouth. strangely that happens to me sometimes too. the funny thing is he will take suggestions from strangers and disregard things close family advises him.
anyway, if you go throught the big D, i hope it is Dallas.
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