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I am overwelmed

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Unread 03-17-2012, 07:45 PM   #1
kdh1984
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Default I am overwelmed

I am a caregiver to both my disabled wife and disabled son. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. I love them both very much but what do I do with these feelings of frustration. I can't stand to watch them suffer.
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Unread 03-19-2012, 05:14 AM   #2
Alffe
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You need a caregivers support group and some timeout from your loved ones. If you burn out, what will they do. Groups are wonderful because they "get it" and can offer the support of understanding. Also can be a source of finding some hands on help. Please take care of you.
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Unread 03-20-2012, 11:38 AM   #3
zygopetalum
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I took care of my mom for a year and that was hard sometimes, I can only imagine how it must be for you.

I agree with the suggestions offered by Alffe, you need something for yourself. It helps to be able to get away for a few hours on a regular basis. If you can't afford to hire someone yourself but your income is too high to qualify for a part time state caregiver, some churches, etc. have volunteers who will help and there may be other resources in your community. If you don't know where to start an agency like Aging and Longterm Care or a local Senior Center might point you in the right direction. Your family might enjoy the change too. I worked in a landscape nursery a couple of afternoons a week just for the chance to be outdoors and doing something different. The caregiver we had did quite a bit of cooking for me and my mom enjoyed having her around.

If you already do have help and are still feeling overwhelmed please try to find some support, you need to help yourself to help your family.

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Unread 04-17-2012, 05:50 AM   #4
Bobbi
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One thing that helped me -- and goodness knows, I wondered how in the world it might possibly do so -- was when people close to me contacted Adult Protective Services. It wasn't for suspected abuse or negligence but to get help and support for me as a care-giver. Within a day, a Social Worker arrived and, also, within a week's time, a nurse. Overall, the services have been a Godsend, offering advice, support and facilitating additional resources available.

Another thought is: When at a doctor's office perhaps inquire about upcoming conferences or meetings that offer scholarships for respite care. It can help you get a bit of a break and some time to breathe while also having an in-person support network.
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Unread 04-17-2012, 07:41 AM   #5
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A social worker is a great idea! I know most folks cower and are worried about their loved ones being removed, but they really do have a bucket of resources. Meals on wheels. (this will prevent you from cooking) Day care programs (giving you a chance to see your own dentist or chiropractor.) in home care givers that can help do the house work and laundry so you can concentrate on other things. Someone to come in a couple times a week and have a bath day round up. Wash up baths can be had during off days.

Let me give you some good advice. Its REALLY hard to give from an empty cup. I know you are generous, and kind and want the best for your family, but if you are not doing things to put back into your own cup, soon it will be empty, and you will be frustrated, tired, worn, worried, and feel unable to cope. You MUST take some time out for your own needs. its not a want, its not a dream, its not selfish, its a MUST for your own survival. See a movie, take a walk, go to a ball game, spend the day in a tent in the woods just talking to God. read a book, call your family. YOU need support every bit as much as they do, or you will become broken. You are not able to care for them if you are broken, so please. ASK! Ask your pastor, ask your MD, ask your social worker, ask the support groups in your area, ask your neighbors, ask at the hospital where you get treatment. Once you start asking, you will be amazed at how many walk in your shoes.

You are a wonderful person. I hope you find balance.
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Unread 04-28-2012, 01:29 AM   #6
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Another idea that's since come to mind -- thanks largely to folks also helping me -- is DHHS or Department of Health and Human Services. While I'm overwhelmed with so much happening simultaneously, others are arranging for in-home support services.

I can't recall when/where I read it, but it has been repeated by many sources is that it's not good for a caregiver to be the primary one around-the-clock. There is a burn-out factor.

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