You certainly are under attack. I'm so sorry to hear this.
I understand wanting to just throw in the towel. I really do. I've been there and I actually pleaded
that the Lord just take me. It is said that we won't be put to the test of more than we can handle, but times like this bring us to the edge. You are in my caring thoughts and I pray that you find the strength to rise above this, even if just a little bit day by day. See yourself as healed and whole and try not to give in to fear. Easier said than done I know. When I was at my worst, I feared that I would be that way for the rest of my days....but somehow my ship began to turn around. To this day I don't understand what that was all about. Was it to make me 'stronger' ? To appreciate my health more? I'll never know I guess.
I pray that rest and peace fall upon you, that your burden be lightened, and that your ship too will turn around so that brighter days will fall upon you.
A caring soul,