Originally Posted by waves
This is great. I think you need to see this as a process. The way you relate to each other has been built over a long period - decades. Everything cannot be reversed, but changes can be made. However the changes will not happen overnight. What you describe here sounds like progress. I would not give up, but rather try to tune into their pace, and go with that.
I have observed that some families develop "traditions" of dealing with eath other that go back generations. In other words, part of what is going on has nothing to do with me. It has to do with how they (we) were taught by observing their (our) own parents and grandparents.
Having said that, my parents and I get along better over long distance phone calls than we do in person. I moved out when I was 18 and have not been back for more than two or three days at a time.
Dad and I had a huge fight the last time I visited him. He and Mom have been coming to see me one a year for about five years now.
I hear you. Ask yourself why. Do you want things to just "be different?" ... that is not realistic of course. It doesn't matter, you can still have the feelings of frustration. But perhaps you can mitigate those feelings with the understanding that this process does seem to be going forward... at least as far as I can tell.
After years of therapy and shelves of self-help books, I do not expect things to be better or different. If I could ask for a little more cooperation about health matters I would feel better.
My mother had a total hysterectomy without telling her children until a week later when my sister figured out something was going on.
I reminded my father when we had our face to face convo last August that when doctors ask my about my mother's health, I do not have any answers. I even exaggerated and said that as far as my family health info, I might as well be an orphan. His response at the time was that if I have any questions about my mother's health I can always ask him as long as I do not tell my mother.
. . . this is what often what people who grew up in abusive homes do . . . keep secrets. . . .
I am not sure what I want. . . . .so I do not know what is bothering me.. . .
It helped me tremendously to write it out here.
Thanks for your replies. They helped a lot.