Oh sweetie, what a tough corner, and a huge weight to carry. its one thing when life expects us to carry a large bag of our own stuff, and we need to figure out a way to either lighten the load, or set down the bag, but for someone else to step up and hand you their bag as well as your own is unfair!
You cannot make anyone else feel anything else. As long as you are being decent, honest, kind with your responses, and responsible with your own honesty, then however they choose to perceive it is on them. The old "standing knee deep in a river, and dying of thirst" syndrome. Unwilling or unable to look down and see that they are surrounded by good clean drinkable water. They want others to reach down and dip in a clean blue cup (no other color will do) and if you use a green cup then clearly you are trying hard to make things more difficult for them. Its the old "you can lead a horse to water" trick. Ever try to make a horse drink? They wont till they are ready, no matter how hot the day. You must either wait them out, or pack an extra supply for them down the road. Since the horse is working, and an animal you are in charge of, its up to you to provide for its care. Since you have walked her to a clean cool pond of water, I would take off her bridle and let her figure out if and when she chooses to drink.
Please know that YOU are a GOOD person! You are entitled to lay in your own bed late at night, and fall asleep without having to wait out or fish out what is wrong with your housemate. There is a cut off time for such things, unless its emergent, and if so...get to the point! Did she walk in and say "I need to talk, but if you could give me a minute to get comfy I would appreciate it" or did she simply plop down and expect a mind reader? Can you read minds?
I am glad you are seeing her away from an institutional setting. I am glad you are seeing that she is working on getting her legs underneath her. What she is going thru is horrible, but its NOT your fault! its not! so, while you can and should be helpful, you should not be the answer. She must seek and find those answers within herself.
My mother was a horrible person, and abandoned me to the world of men at 12. Now, for a long time I had every right to blame her, but when I grew up, and was able to be responsible for my own life I had a choice to make. Either stay stuck on that hot rock and cry that my feet hurt, or step off and pick and choose what I wanted in my life. How I wanted it in my life and where I wanted it in my life. Hard work? you betcha! but it was MY choice. Till we pick better things for ourselves, we are going to be surrounded by those things we refuse to take charge of.
I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there.
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