Quote:
Originally Posted by olsen
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen from Anthem
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not to be morbid but it is an advantage to be able to plan your own service. then it will go as you dictate. All I need is this thread.
it flows with creativity, understanding. warmth, and beauty; this is a place of harmony and caring. my family is printing it out; they don't need to search for words. They are all here and expressed with honesty. Each worded from individual perspectives; Ann T does your post mean you are not still afraid of me? lol...so long ago and u had a right to be. this forum developed kind of like a volcanic eruption that has settled but humming with information.
we are inside each other's head. many years of that is like carving a sculpture. we have to leave some time, but at this point death is a release for me. it will set me free from what is now poorly controlled pd and my only chance would have been gene therapy - a trial with GDNF. At one per month......well.....so this timing is perhaps a good one for me although i believe as Imad that only God determines the day, but knowing it's coming enables me to tie up many loose ends.
it's a time to forgive and be at peace. family squabbles are over unimportant things and slowly go away.
we already lost bandido bob in the book group. i hope i get to see it published and if faizan is doing a documentary you will see my aqua zumba class....lol......it was one of the last i attended. i hope to get back after radiation [to shrink the tumor]. radiation exhausts u in ways that are much harder to overcome than pd.
it's the only treatment i'm taking and i'm trying to avoid a feeding tube. at the end of radiation, i'm hoping for energy again to go back to class. meds aren't working well and i'm getting a nuisance of a dyskinetic right leg. i finally look good from behind in my bathing suit as the bulges that stick out over the top of the back are gone. Unfortunately, i only weigh 110 lb. and if i lose more will probably have to get a peg tube. i get hydrated a few times a week. It' not fun.
this thread helps my family, with 2 daughters who are in their 20s and quickly putting past resentments to rest and now are with me everyday they have off. my 9 yr old grandson is a little angry and impatient with me and sadly, i couldn't manage him alone for more that a day. my other grandson is 5 months old and so chubby i can barely lift him. but he is mellow and plays......i love them dearly. i guess i won't see either daughter wed. the mother is engaged but wants to lose the weight she gained and wait for the baby to be more independent before wedding. my youngest daughter just went to europe alone and is now communicating with Orville. from Austria. He has a farm and competes in horse shows. i said "farm? two words: animal poop". I asked if she would be picking cherries and baking pies in the kitchen,she said, "what would be wrong with that?" Indeed. I was in Hawaii at age 23 and didn't come back for almost 11 years. but she has one more year of school left before she should go cherry picking and clean up animal poop in Austria.
ok this is now too long but it is therapuetic and this situation, tho sad, is setting me free as life has poor quality now. when you ask yourself, as laura did,"what about the God thing?" how many times have u heard mike fox say if he had to do it over again he wouldn't change it? i agree but from a different perspective. God [in my opinion] wants us to be prepared, tested, refined,and he works through people. He doesn't wave a magic wand. In spite of it all, i feel nothing but love. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be..isn't that all anyone wants?
with love and peace
Always yours
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