When we have a disconnect with life, we can see ourselves more objectively, at least, for a moment. One of the things that comes up is trauma in every form...abandonment issues, achievement issues, bonding issues....remembering bad holidays, bad relatives, bad friends, bad mistakes.
Sex is used as a weapon, by onesself and others, when one cannot express our feelings...I think you we acting out, over and over, trying to relieve your pain. As long as no one was truly injured....or abused, you have done what many people do. You have the guts to admit it. Please follow Dr. Dog;s advice, read more and find out how common this really is.
You are on the road to finding rhe real you...good luck and prayers from me.