update / response in general
i know i still need to respond to other stuff. i am feeling really taut though.
Well, i will try a short update. i am talking to dad as in will initiate occasionally. i am back to eating at the table but i mostly do not initiate. we mostly do not talk to each other. if i am in the kitchen getting something and he comes in to get something i leave everything as is and get out and wait for him to leave then go back. since kitchen treatment was his actual bone of contention.
i have still not been kissing him goodnight, but for the past two nights, i have gone to his room and said goodnight from the doorway and he said it back.
Bobby/Mari - the backlash/avoidance thing: while total avoidance might be my preference, i am afraid THAT might bring on a serious backlash on his part. So i guess i am going middle of the road for now.
The walking on eggs feeling will remain, because he blew up about something that has been going on for ages. What assurance do I have that tomorrow, or next week, or next month, he won't blow *THAT* kind of gasket or worse, about some other thing, that he has also kept bottled up and that could easily have been resolved with a talk and some on the spot objections.
I actually made a joke one day too. Couldn't help myself. My mom has a cactus that grew real tall and started leaning in its pot. I started calling it the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Mom was afraid it would topple over any time. Later dad called it the the Leaning Tower in my presence. Well I guess the punny area in my head got aholda my mouth before i could shut it and before I knew it I had told him "If she's not careful it's soon going to be the Tour I-Fell". Dad is one of the few people here that understands puns. And he actually did laugh too.
Mari you said something about seeking resolution. I'm not. He doesn't work that way. Old news. It is as "resolved" as it's going to be. All there can be eventually, is acceptance of how he is on my part, and I think that will take a good bit of time... it was a very big shake up.
~ waves ~ on 2nd day at 100mg of Zoloft - Sunday 09 September
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. ~ Aldous Huxley