I just hurt and I'm tired
Another day without fencing. What the heck is wrong with me? Other than being 60 pounds overweight, every joint hurting, constant headache, this claw hand, a new Achilles injury Iím fine.
What is wrong with me? Iím tired of being a lab rat. Iíve been scanned enough times that Iím surprised that I donít glow in the dark. The latest scans show all kinds of stenosis, pinch points and other fun stuff in my spine. I think I have enough complaints to buy the condo in Boca now.
Part of the problem is that my family doesnít ďgetĒ it. As clichť as it seems, unless youíve had a stroke you really have no idea how hard it is to come back. I am losing my mind and am completely at the end of my rope.
I was told to find something I like so I choose one of the most expensive sports there is and where can I do it? Tournaments are always on the other side of the country. So donít fence in tournaments you say? I have been so competitive all my life you might as well tell me not to breathe.
I have not accomplished Ĺ the junk I wanted in my life and now Iíve had the ability to do so taken away from me. I was my job and it was me. I still canít my employer said all kinds of things about me and never had to prove any of it up. My trips out of the house are 90% Dr. appointments. Fun.
Ií reaching the point where all I want to do is sit in my recliner. Iím becoming ďthat guyĒ that I was afraid of becoming. Iím already cut out of conversations. Itís like Iím not here. But of course if I left the family would lose maid service. Iím developing a hair trigger temper with the twins. But at 6 years old theyíre reaching that stage.
Donít think about what you canít do any more, if you donít like what youíre doing find something else. Gee, why didnít I think of that? Iím getting no support in what Iím doing so why should I do it? If I stopped fencing tomorrow my wife wouldnít blink an eye. I am so lost I donít know what to do. I was seeing someone (they recommend I see a neuropsych due to my brain injury) He is impossible to get appointments. Either his schedule doesnít match or he cancels and you can get an appointment unless you book a month or two in advance. Iím seeing someone new in a week.
Iím just tired of always hurting and not wanting to do anything. Period.
I've had brain surgery, what's your excuse?
2 brain sugeries (aneurysms) 3 strokes and 4 seizures in the last 5 years.
A spine that should be replaced