Restarting Zoloft ~ DESPERATE ~ any dream will do - Page 9

Dmom3005 · 10-04-2012, 01:52 PM

Waves

This sounds like a good way to end right now with him.

I like the way he will allow you to come back if you want to.
Or to pick up the phone if you need to talk. Many do not have
someone like this period.

And need it.

Have a good sleep.

Donna

Mari · 10-04-2012, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waves

and he added either way to keep in touch

Hi, Waves,

This was such an emotional roller coaster I imagine. I am sorry you had to deal with all that.Rest. Feel good that you got through all that intact and able to move on to the new part of your life.
M

waves · 10-04-2012, 08:37 PM

it really did go a lot better than some of the scenarios floating in my head. i was very fearful. i ended up getting emotional it was more than i could contain. but it was ok. it's good that this much time passed. i believe if i'd gone earlier i'd have made a mess. we spent maybe the first 10-15 mins only on clarifying the events of that day. i asked what happened. he was like what do you mean. i said, well that you had to yell at me at the end, and for starters moving my appointment without confirmation and expecting me to hop to it. well he explained his side. it was a bad assumption and a blow up. 2 bads basically. so then i flipped his logic around and says works both ways, you couldn't know it wouldn't be ok NOR could you know it WOULD. what you COULD have done was CALL ME and ASK. and i raised my voice by this time. i had meant to be calm but if this is how i was today.... i can imagine right after it happened. actually i was crushed so i don't think i would have made much sense then. And the shouting well. He basically just lost it. but it's once in 9 years

Initially when he admitted fault he saw that as an "implicit apology" until i made sarcastic comments and ended up prompting (though not openly requesting an overt apology) - but i might as well have for how it felt.

however. then we moved on, and i elaborated about my side of things and the impact the event had on me considering my existing state and a family blowup (didn't describe) that followed). i told him about getting more Zoloft and then going to the state place because after all that time i really needed a psychiatrist to oversee things. we briefly discussed some of my doubts about staying and switching and he told me his door was open no matter what.

when i got up to leave, he apologized to me again, spontaneously for everything that happened. that felt better. i think by then he realized it wasn't so much a matter of right or wrong, but that i'd really gotten hurt by his mistakes, even if they were human and in good faith. i appreciated the second apology very much. it felt different than the first and i believe it was after he had an understanding of the impact the events had on me.

it is a big relief to have talked to him. i almost wish i could have gone sooner instead of suffering the torturous thoughts until now, but i truly feel i was more likely to have made things worse. I needed to let off some at home and do some crying alone. I was like a volcano and needed to let some lava flow out, so as not to erupt in his office.

Donna, it's not like i can just call to talk to him - the idea is if things don't work out he will take me back as a patient and he also wants to keep in touch so I may make occasional appointments to talk ... i can't just call him whenever to talk exactly.

MariYes it was a big emotional roller coaster. He told me to let him know how the first encounter with the psychologist at the other place goes if i wish, and

My greatest fear was that we would part on some kind of bad terms. We haven't really parted and even if i am cared for by another professional we are certainly not on bad terms. That is a huge relief.

~ waves ~

p.s. Bizi -- when i terminated with a former therapist, and on good terms, i was just moving but i had plenty of time for planning wrap-up sort of sessions, they said that there could never be closure. i could not understand that at all. maybe it depends on the type of therapy.

bizi · 10-04-2012, 08:45 PM

I am glad that you got the second apology from him and that things are ok now...no burnt bridges....
I believe that you were very brave to do this.
bizi

Dmom3005 · 10-04-2012, 09:29 PM

Waves

I understand, I think I put it wrong. Have had trouble with my words
all day.

Have to admit, I had to apologize to a parent, for having mixed speech today, I just couldn't get sentences out right. Or my speech correct.

I am just glad you have some small answers, not closure. Can't figure
out how to put the words.

Donna

Mari · 10-04-2012, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by waves

when i terminated with a former therapist, and on good terms, i was just moving but i had plenty of time for planning wrap-up sort of sessions, they said that there could never be closure. i could not understand that at all. maybe it depends on the type of therapy.

Hi, Waves,

I remember how I terminated with my first therapist of eight years.
He had already wound down his part time practice to only me --- I think I was aware of that although he did not point that out. He had long been moving out of therapy and to more time on his research. I knew the end date was coming.
I was making big changes in my life-- had gone through or was going through a couple of milestones with him like preparing for a new job.
He and I made a six month follow up appointment.

During those six months I had started the new job and met hubby. My life was different.

The six months ended up being the perfect amount of time to wait for a final appointment. Stuff that the tdoc and I had been talking about for years seemed to have settled down enough not to need talking. And during the session we did not have enough time or interest in starting deep talk about new stuff.

I am relieved that your appointment went reasonably well. Perhaps you feel unsettled still but are in much less turmoil that you were.
M

Brokenfriend · 10-04-2012, 10:28 PM

Hi Waves. How are you doing? I've had nine Psychiatrists/Psychologists. No fun. BF

mymorgy · 10-05-2012, 07:42 AM

i am so relieved for you
love
bobby

waves · 10-05-2012, 07:17 PM

Dear Donna - sorry about your verbal mixups. i get them too sometimes (i wonder about the topamax

) and it is very frustrating. in this case no worries. i will explain. my closure comment was specifically and only in answer to Bizi - something she said. it was not relevant to me - not in this case any way. the situation i described to Bizi was about a pdoc in the past. it did not refer to the pdoc i have been talking about in this thread, with whom i had the unpleasant incident with.

with regard to this recent "old" pdoc there was closure because the situation is still wide open - i can go back to him tomorrow if i change my mind about the center or at any time my situation changes (say at some point i can pay him and i want to do that). in any case i will be touching base from time to time. we briefly mentioned that i'd been working on some things and the idea of switching right then didn't thrill me as those are not things you can wrap up in a session or two, those are things i will have to bring to the new therapist. part of her suitability will be her willingness to pick up the ball.

hope that clears up about closure - summary: i was answering Bizi with an example from remote past, not current events.

~ waves ~

waves · 10-05-2012, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mari

I remember how I terminated with my first therapist of eight years.

He and I made a six month follow up appointment.

During those six months I had started the new job and met hubby. My life was different.

Stuff that the tdoc and I had been talking about for years seemed to have settled down enough not to need talking. And during the session we did not have enough time or interest in starting deep talk about new stuff.

this makes sense.

Quote:

I am relieved that your appointment went reasonably well. Perhaps you feel unsettled still but are in much less turmoil that you were.

My appointment went extraordinarily well. It was draining because a lot went into it. However, a lot came out of it too. A lot of good. I am not the least bit unsettled with regard to pdoc. He is like my 2nd pdoc right now in a way because anything goes wrong I still have him. Which is very reassuring.

Were it only for the phone incident leaving would no longer be a consideration. Certainly, if he lived 20 mins away from my house like the center, and i could pay him, i wouldn't want to leave, let's put it that way.

A small doubt i have is a problem with attachment. Sometimes I do not move on or out of situations because i have become too attached. Oddly though, while this situation was stagnant for a while or dispersive as we dealt with day to day, recently we have been more productive. So i do feel a loss both in the regularity of presence of this person, as well as in the work we have been doing which i hope the new counselor might be receptive to.

however re the session ... could not have imagined it going any better than it did. so no worries there at least.

~ waves ~ who is taking off... spent again today after a session with "Dr. Now" (new pdoc) ... be back when i can