Originally Posted by Mykinzie
Hello everyone. Years ago, my husband woke me up on a sunday morning screaming. I immediately woke up, of course, and i flew down the hallway to where he was. He was holding our 4 week old infant son, Kory, who was very still. He had died in his sleep the day he turned 4 weeks old. I immediately went into shock. I remember refusing to really look at Kory or touch him. Something inside me told me that If I just didnt touch him, he'd be of and wake up again like he was when I layed him down just a few hours ago. When Craig drove us to the ER, I still wouldnt touch Kory. I was also protecting myself from the fact that if he was dead, I would never really know how he felt when he wasnt alive. I am constantly, years later, reliving that morning and what felt and saw. Today even, when i pass by someone napping or sleeping, I HAVE to make sure their chest is moving and/or i hear them breathing. Does anyone reading this relate to this in any way at all? Has anyone lost a baby to SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) or crib death? I am NOT the same person I was before I lost Kory. I was hoping someone who has been through a similar experience coulld reply and leave me a suggestion or response or something supportive because it has been some years ago now and I am getting better and better emotionally. But, any kind of feedback will just help me to not feel so alone anymore. Thank you so much. Mykinzie.....
Mykinzie I lost my son Korey to SIDS in 1996 . He was 5 1/2 months old. I put him down for a nap and he just didnt wake up. I am a single parent. I did at the time have the father in my life but he was not living in my home. I had 2 other children at the time. a 6 yr old and a 20 month old. My life changed that day forever. I spent years taken lorazepan to numb the hurt. then when that stopped working I was placed on many other drugs. I went on for awhile and seemed to be coping. Then I had more children . I had 7 including my dead child. Without realinzing what I was doing I started to rely on street drugs as well as prescriptions and alcohol. I did things that seemed strange to other people. example. took all the doors off my rooms. Put all my kids in the same room to sleep with me. Then it got so bad that I stopped letting my kids leave the house at all. I was scared every minute of the day that something was going to happen to the rest of them. It got really bad. I got so sick with the drugs and alcohol that I lost all my children to the cas for 6 months and was placed in out patient rehab. I have been clean now for 6 years. Now the problem is all the hurt I was numbing is worse then ever. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD. OCD. High Anxiety Disorder . Social Phobia. as well as Agoraphobia. I have not been able to leave my home alone in years and when I do. I cannot function because all I can think about is my kids and something bad happening to them. I see a therapist often and am trying real hard to make this better. Before I lost my son I was happy, social, worked, spent alot of time outdoors. Now I sit in my house and sit by the phone. Everyone deals with SIDS in there own way. I havent been able to deal with the sudden loss of my son. I feel terrible that while I was packing to move the next day. My son took his last breathe upstairs alone. If he had been sick I would have had warning but he was not. There are groups out there for SIDS deaths . I was in them and actually did chirity to help. Now I do nothing but sit around and panic everytime I hear a siren. If I am out and see a baby that looks like my son. I have the urge to touch him. I dont know the answers to make it better. I wish I did. Having him was a blessing. Finding him dead has been a continuous night and day nightmare. I am sorry I could not give you positive feedback just my own experience. so you know you are not alone.