Originally Posted by ClumsyCharlie
Yesterday, was my one year anniversary, I got upset when I realised that now when I say 'a year ago I was fine' it's not true any more. I pointedly stayed up, trying to piece that evening back together in my mind.. I called my friend who was there at the night, and made them recount the moments which I missed due to being unconscious. When the hour struck 10, it was officially a year and I crawled back into bed. I think I expected to feel magically better.. or tragically worse.. I felt as I had all day. Fatigued, confused, and pain.
I know my injury could be a lot worse.. The last year has been a blur, mostly of hospitals, I wanted to do something exciting to prove to myself that I'm in fact improving, as I'm always told. But I couldn't watch tv still, enjoy music, I've heard so much about something called gangnam style. I've never heard it, and won't be able to do the dance that my peers do..
Did anyone actually manage to do something exciting? or realise that things are improving? I think I need some hope..
Speaking only from my own experience, in year#4 post-collision, I can only gently yet strongly encourage you to not focus so much on 'the anniversary' of this particular life-altering event. Certainly it's no cause for celebration, to 'memorialize' as it were. Other than if you care to celebrate your life, of course.
This time next year you may even let the date slip-by unremembered on the exact date and time.
Either because you have recovered enough to feel better enough/good enough to enjoy your life again --- or
because you're just so darn 'exhausted by it all' (as are many of us) that you just can't give that much of your precious time/ attention/energy to that one point in time fixed in the past of your life. It's just such a losing endgame and a waste of energy.
I do by now forget.
[ I forget most things anyway in this year, until days after-the-fact, like others' birthdays and vacation times!
Oh well. We just do the best we can.]
You're young enough that you may yet live to dance-the-dance of your celebrated recovery! Now that'll truly be a Happy Dance!
I too so loved music, and was a lifelong dancer, e.g. ballet, pointe, jazz, etc. There was a time --- a couple of years actually --- when I thought I'd be 'doomed' forever --- to 'never again' walk in a pair of fave elegant heels, to feel at all ladylike, or in any way 'balanced, poised, assured, confidant, graceful', much less able to dance.
That did change for me, as I became 'better enough', 'rested & recovered' enough to begin to actually gently
workout again, using NIA
. Nia is a non-impact physical conditioning program based on the premise that movement is a pathway. I came to enjoy 'movement' of my body again, and that helped to heal my brain, etc etc.
So, there is indeed hope for you, Charlie! You're too young to give up and give in, Guy! Keep posting and we'll keep supporting one another's recovery here, even through the darkest feeling times. There's light ahead, Charlie. You're still cool.