This is my 1st post, I am Matthew, 18, and am from the UK but have lived in France for 5 years.
I will try and keep my story as simple as possible, just over 3 months ago I went to my best friends house as he was having a party, we was all drinking alcohol, I had 1 beer, then a few shots of vodka and a couple of shots of Tequila, we all had roughly the same amount of alcohol, this was probably my 5th time drinking alcohol.
Anyway after the Tequila I became quite agressive so someone came running up to me and rugby tackled me. I am pretty sure I hit my head.
But after that I can't remember anything, apparently I got back up then passed out and my friends but me on the sofa.
A few hours later I woke up, and was sick the following day all day long. But then by the evening I didn't feel sick anymore and drove back home. I still felt hungover but I knew that I wasn't my normal 100% self.
2 days later I started having panic attacks, didn't know what was happening to me, stomach pains, and felt like passing out.
At first I thought this was the alcohol because I know in some people alcohol can trigger off anxiety and depression for the next few days.
The panic attacks continued for the 1st month and I had a non stop fast heart beat.
The second month and 3rd month, I have just not felt myself at all, I feel very detached from the outside world like it's not the same as before, something has changed, When I'm with my friends, it's like I'm there but I'm not there.
I know this is called depersonalization which is a symptom of anxiety. Now I have seen 2 doctors which both say I am having a crisis and am a Hypochondriac.
Well who wouldn't be anxious with these symptoms everyday. I can never focus on anything or enjoy anything like before because I constantly have a headache or other symptoms.
At the moment 3 months down the line, I have had a non stop headache for 2 months, blurry vision, like my vision isn't as detailed as before, and just generally don't feel like myself anymore, can't concentrate, can't go out to work, my short term memory is non existent at the moment, I just want to get back to life like before.
I have never suffered from anxiety or depression in my life, apart from OCD which has never bothered me.
I keep forcing myself to live like before but it just isn't like before. It's like there is the party 3 months ago, then a 3 month gap which is all messed up, then the present.
I can't keep tract of time, I can't remember what I've eaten or when I last saw a friend, I know it wasn't long ago but I can't say how many days ago.
I'm 18 and before this was so happy, just started working, was going to pass my car license and buy a car.
Now my life just feels messed up.
The only thing that was different about this party from any other time I have drank alcohol is that I'm pretty sure I bashed my head pretty hard. Because just after the rugby tackle I can't remember anything apart from waking up the next day.
Thank you for taking the time to read this