Originally Posted by Mari
I am sorry that you deal with that.
I wonder how our lives might have been different. Sometimes -- like today -- I have regret.
Regret is probably not useful, but today that is where I am.
Hey Mari I am loaded with regret. There are things that I cannot change. I regret the past. I have regrets about relationships in the past that are lost due to my condition. I regret the way my life has come to a standstill because of trauma. I regret that I'm not doing what I love.((Working in science))
I never feel at ease,well most of the time. I'm not at peace around people. I regret this. I'd like to,but I was bullied when I was a kid,and at military school. I'm intimidated by people in general. I feel like I'm being watched,and judged. I just want to get away from people in general.
I've had panic before sleep,and while waking up at times. I'd panic on the phone,when a doorbell rings,when someone knocks on the door,while at the store,and etc.,etc.etc.. I feel confined when I'm in the shower,and have allergy attacks sometimes,and gag. My shower is clean though.
I'd probably have a wife,and kids. I would have wanted to finish college,and been a scientist. I'm fascinated with many sciences. I wanted to be an Astronomer when I was a kid.
With all of these things,and more,I'm loaded with regret. I hear people saying that they don't regret things in movies,and television,but that is not how it is with me. I dread the morning coming sometimes.
I can identify with what you say thoroughly. BF