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Drying out where to start

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Unread 11-28-2012, 04:19 PM   #1
waterwillow
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Confused Drying out where to start

A different type of post from me. My Brother in Law has a real alchohol problem which has been exasperated as his Mother has gone into nursing care. This was a source of income along with his employment.

I am trying to get him to realise he has a problem and there is help out there for him. Deep down he knows he is addicted.

I have spoken directly to him and to his family doctor who has written to him and asked if he would call in, no result. In denial obviously.

Should I start to leave literature about but he has heard it all before.

We are at the stage where the fridge is empty but he can phone me from the pub under the influence. How he gets up for work next day is beyond me.

Any ideas???????????????????
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Unread 11-28-2012, 04:35 PM   #2
ginnie
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I am sorry for your brother in law, and for the rest of the family. Both my parents were alcoholics. I grew up with it, begged them to stop most of my life. This for the most part is up to the individual to stop. My father only did when he got cancer of the throat. My mother had heart issues and had to take blood thinners. She, God rest her soul, snuck it in. Your brother in law, no matter what you do, has to realize himself, that he has a problem, and wants to change. Needless to say, I am not a drinker, because of what I was exposed to. You can mention AA, leave him loving notes, but in the end, it is his choice in how he wants to conduct himself. I will keep all of you in my prayers. ginnie
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Unread 11-28-2012, 04:52 PM   #3
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Hi waterwillow,

My family is from Ireland too and we now live in the U.S we have a long line of Alcholism in my family. Its hard to watch and all I can say is having to deal with this several times is ----I always think everyone deserves a chance. Meaning the whole family should address this issues with him. Ginnie was correct the desire has to come from within him to change. I had to deal with this with my brother and mother ---u have to lay it on the line and whatever u do dont enable the behavior once you speak your mind. Try to get the whole family to do a intervention but you need to bring in a prof for help with this ---to make sure your all on the same page mentally. Best of Luck --I know its hard to watch.
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Unread 11-28-2012, 11:16 PM   #4
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My first shot at drying out was the Wife™ taking my debit card and putting the gas in my VW van for me to get to work and back. That didn't work, I found cash elsewhere. They tried forcing me to go to AA. That didn't work, I resented it. Then she kicked me out of the house at Christmas. That didn't work, I enjoyed the freedom.

Skip ahead.

I lost my job, lost my van, got divorced, became a recluse, got a DUI, spent 3 months in jail, slept in a shelter. That worked.

Sometimes rock-bottom is the answer, unfortunately. I pray this is not the case for you, but promise me you will not shun him, he knows not how his actions affect others.
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Unread 11-29-2012, 08:08 AM   #5
waterwillow
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Confused Rock Bottom

Thanks everyone, I do tend to agree with you all, he needs to make the first move and rock bottom is probably where he is heading.

His Mum asked me to promise to give him all the support he needs to keep going but paying rent, bringing him food only increases his disposable income which is spent on the falling down water.

Even his bed is in bits and he just collapses into it each night.

I am going to talk to a local charity N.I.C.A.S. and see if they can meet him should he agree but and there is always a "BUT" it will be his choice at the end of the day.

My own health isn't great and the knock on effect on everyones lives is horrendous. Then he plays the suicide card when things start to get really bad. He hasn't attempted anything yet but it does make us all on edge.

Again thanks for the thoughts.
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Unread 04-07-2013, 05:35 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Icehouse View Post
My first shot at drying out was the Wife™ taking my debit card and putting the gas in my VW van for me to get to work and back. That didn't work, I found cash elsewhere. They tried forcing me to go to AA. That didn't work, I resented it. Then she kicked me out of the house at Christmas. That didn't work, I enjoyed the freedom.

Skip ahead.

I lost my job, lost my van, got divorced, became a recluse, got a DUI, spent 3 months in jail, slept in a shelter. That worked.

Sometimes rock-bottom is the answer, unfortunately. I pray this is not the case for you, but promise me you will not shun him, he knows not how his actions affect others.
. I am happy for people that figure this nastiness out before they hit rock bottom. Unfortunately for alot of us it takes hitting rock bottom to get it. Hopefully we don't do too much damage before we get it.
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Unread 04-16-2013, 08:58 PM   #7
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I agree with the others, you can bring it to his attention. But he has to want it, or fall flat of his face for a wake up call. This Sept I will be sober 10 years. One day at a time.
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Unread 04-17-2013, 11:05 AM   #8
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This Sept I will be sober 10 years.
We will have a virtual celebration in your honour!!
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