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My SSDI Determinator is Sexually Harassing me...

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Unread 12-04-2012, 03:11 AM   #1
luvinlex
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Default My SSDI Determinator is Sexually Harassing me...

I am TOTALLY terrified. I started my claim in July - I talk with the guy that is the determinator on a regular basis and he's always been very friendly and I am VERY talkative. I felt we both really liked each other... on a "Professional" level. He would talk about his family member also being an alcoholic. Mentioned we were the same age.. and as the date for determination got closer and closer, I'd call him almost daily. "Explain how they determine and how long" or "How much longer?" "Do you need any further information?" He began to tell me "No, we don't need anything else".. and he explained that he'd be making the determination within 2 weeks ( mid December ) and I'd get a letter from SSA by the end of December. I have a BP disorder and a **seriously** history of doing messed up *stuff*.. and he knows ALL about me ( as I wrote my life story with photos, all my original hospital records, times when I was inappropriate in my sexual activities, spending, and my whole life unfolded in front of him". After I hadn't called him one day, he called me! I asked him what I had done, had I not sent something in? His answer was "No, I only needed my "fix" of you for the day" After that, I laughed.. told him I was going to try and help my friend have a holiday open house... He asked if "anyone" could go, and I said "sure!" she sells things.. Then, he asked for the street address, the time of the Open House, that he might try to come. I asked him "is this so you can see if I have two heads or what sort of test you need to to?" He told me "What I do on my time off is my personal business" and I thought "Oh oh"..... fear set in - "this was not business - he had crossed a line" I got a "text" (Saturday, he wasn't in his office, so he'd written down my number" telling me he'd be there the next day at X time. Then, I saw his number show up twice as he was also calling but not leaving messages. I flipped out.. I took Xanax, Klonopin, Trazedone, went to my friends bedroom and stayed there till the next morning.. I texted him back, nicely, telling him all the people at the Open House freaked me out, I got panicky and had to come back to the city where I live and wouldn't be there when he said he'd be coming. I was even imagining since he had the house address, I saw a person walking by and it "might be him".. I came home, deleted my facebook page, deleted all my emails, turned off my email accounts, blocked my phone and was cRAzY! He knows I have a BP personality disorder and wouldn't he realize this would scare me? I am in the two week window where he makes the decision.. I talked to an attorney friend who indeed said he was sexually harassing me by definition.. but to "play it out" - he might approve it and it moves on or he might be "irritated at my disinterest in him" and make sure my claim get's lost or decides against the approval. I was almost 90% sure it would be in my favor... I asked him "So, do you think I've got a good chance at this being approved?" "he said, I'd hate to tell you, because there's always the chance it will get randomly pulled and sent back, *the approved ones* for us to fix something we did wrong. But.. I am so scared. I got the nerve to call his office today - to put my toe in the water. He always answers, but today, I left a voicemail and he never returned my call.. That is highly unusual, since he told me "we sometimes find a person we take a special interest in" and that was ME. He has a "special interest" in ME 2 Weeks before the determination and 4 weeks before my letter from SSA. Even if I appeal, it goes back to him... I don't know what else to do but "play it cool" unless he asks to have coffee "cause his free time is his own business" and I'd say "NO, your my SSDI determinator" and it is not COOL and doesn't he know this? I can't make a stink because other than a text message and 2 calls on his personal cell phone to me on the weekend, only "the fix" he needed, etc. can't be proven cause "I"m So CRAZY" I need SSDI. So.. he can claim I am a liar.. if I did make a stink. This is so unfair of this person. I thought. "Oh, well maybe the determination was in my favor".. all said and done and out of his hands.. Please.. if anyone has suggestions about how to handle this in this delicate 2 weeks window.. He has my "life" in his hands... and I'm petrified.
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Mark56 (12-09-2012)
Unread 12-06-2012, 07:26 PM   #2
SSDIHelp
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Default Sexual Harassment

I would let it be. He has done nothing 'overt' that I cann tell from your message. The phone calls and text on the weekend sound more like stalking than sexual harassment. Both of these are very hard to prove.
Since he's said there's nothing he can do the file has probably moved to the next step.
It's hard to remain calm while you're waiting for an answer, so just take it a day at a time and think of something beautiful when it comes into your mind.

Best of luck,
Trudi
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Unread 12-06-2012, 10:14 PM   #3
Jo*mar
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I wouldn't call him anymore, and if he calls you keep it on a cool & professional level.
No stories, no chit chat, no personal comments, no joking around..
If something feels inappropriate, make an excuse to get off the phone.

Since he knows your history, he could be tempted to see if you will act out with him..

Just be cool and calm.
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Unread 12-07-2012, 04:40 PM   #4
Mz Migraine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSDIHelp View Post
The phone calls and text on the weekend sound more like stalking than sexual harassment. Both of these are very hard to prove.

Best of luck,
Trudi
Phone companies keeps records of ALL conversations even text messages. Also, if I'm not mistaken, everything is saved on a cell phone SIM card. Land line phones w/answering machines you can "record & save" all messages.
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Unread 12-07-2012, 11:28 PM   #5
finz
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The local SSA field agents who collect the info on ssdi GENERAL eligibility are not the same people who make the decisions on MEDICAL determination of disability.

Knowing that, any ethical lawyer would have told you to promptly report any possible wrongdoing of SSA staff and not to wait to see if your case was helped by an innappropraite personal relationship.

You will hear from the SSA after someone else, not the guy you have been talking/texting with, makes a decision regarding if they find you to be totally disabled based on the records that you provided.

In the mean time, you might want to discuss your fears and concerns with your mental health provider.

Best wishes on decreasing your stressors during this inherently stressful time !
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Unread 12-07-2012, 11:34 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSDIHelp View Post
I would let it be. He has done nothing 'overt' that I cann tell from your message. The phone calls and text on the weekend sound more like stalking than sexual harassment. Both of these are very hard to prove.

Best of luck,
Trudi
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mz Migraine View Post
Phone companies keeps records of ALL conversations even text messages. Also, if I'm not mistaken, everything is saved on a cell phone SIM card. Land line phones w/answering machines you can "record & save" all messages.


Mz M,

I took Trudi's statement to mean that the CRIMES of sexual harrassment and stalking were hard to prove, not that the phone calls/texts had actually happened was hard to prove.
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Unread 12-09-2012, 04:13 PM   #7
Mark56
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Lightbulb Preservation

Dear Lex-

Preservation and Precaution are helpful when one needs to think in terms of-

Preserving evidence, such as it is, which comes across the phone whether text or voicemail. Some states inhibit freedom of recording telephone call content without knowing consent of both parties, while others follow a different rule. The lawyer you consult can advise on your specific situation.

Precaution is never overdone when your intuitive sensors are alerted, and Jo Mar has given good advice as one of the admins of this forum.

Blessings,
You have the care of those who are here,
Mark56
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Unread 12-31-2012, 12:16 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo*mar View Post
I wouldn't call him anymore, and if he calls you keep it on a cool & professional level.
No stories, no chit chat, no personal comments, no joking around..
If something feels inappropriate, make an excuse to get off the phone.

Since he knows your history, he could be tempted to see if you will act out with him..

Just be cool and calm.
I think this is great advice!

If you think it would be helpful to you, see if you can document what has happened with as many factual details as possible. If something happens and you need to remember what happened, you'll have it. If you don't need it, maybe the task of writing it all out will be helpful.

Hang in there!!
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