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Unread 12-17-2012, 12:17 AM   #1
ashley_r310
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Thumbs down Clear my mind

Tonight I just feel like the walls are closing in on me. With worrying about my SCS implant Jan 25. worrying about how it would effect me begin I'm only 24. Then to top it off my fiancé keeps asking what I want for Christmas. I keep telling him I really don't want anything. The only things I want I can't have bc we can't offord it. I want a new mattress set. I want a car. I want a house (we live with his parents). I want to be pain free. I want to be dept free. I want kids. I want to be married. But all this seems so so so so far away and when he asks me I just think and think and brings me more down. He doesn't mean it and he is working as hard as he can. I just hate this. Me falling at work and getting injured has really ruined my life almost 4 yrs of it
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katmae (12-18-2012)
Unread 12-17-2012, 12:14 PM   #2
bretd
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Originally Posted by ashley_r310 View Post
Tonight I just feel like the walls are closing in on me. With worrying about my SCS implant Jan 25. worrying about how it would effect me begin I'm only 24. Then to top it off my fiancé keeps asking what I want for Christmas. I keep telling him I really don't want anything. The only things I want I can't have bc we can't offord it. I want a new mattress set. I want a car. I want a house (we live with his parents). I want to be pain free. I want to be dept free. I want kids. I want to be married. But all this seems so so so so far away and when he asks me I just think and think and brings me more down. He doesn't mean it and he is working as hard as he can. I just hate this. Me falling at work and getting injured has really ruined my life almost 4 yrs of it
I can understand your frustations, you are alot younger than I am and I am a male, but I was also injured at work 7 years ago, and it has done nothing but ruined my life. I have been fighting for disability for four years and have lost everything. you are young and have a full life, take it easy and give it some time. I hope evrything works out well for you.
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Unread 12-17-2012, 01:42 PM   #3
Leesa
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Bless your heart. I feel for you, I really do. I was a lot older than you when my back fell apart. I was 37. I'm now 63. It's been 27 years of hell. I also had the SCS implant for 6 months but I was too thin and the darned thing worked itself OUT of me. So they had to remove the whole ball of wax!

I know this is rough for you, especially since you're so young. You have the "advantage" of new things coming out, perhaps new procedures, etc. I hope and pray that something will be able to help you in the near future. Being in pain 24/7 is miserable. It effects every part of your life, and every person in it.

My prayers are with you my friend. Whenever you want or need to talk, feel free to message me. I visit here every day, so I promise to reply. God bless and please take good care of yourself. Hugs, Lee
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recovering alcoholic, sober since 7-29-93;severe depression; 2 open spinal surgeries; severe sciatica since 1986; epidurals; trigger points; myelograms; Rhizotomy; Racz procedure; spinal cord stimulator implant (and later removal); morphine pump trial (didn't work);now inoperable; lumpectomy; radiation; breast cancer survivor; heart attack; fibromyalgia; on disability.



Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live..
.................................................. ...............Orestes
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Unread 12-18-2012, 04:03 PM   #4
ashley_r310
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Thank y'all for giving me hope. I have my good days and bad days with my depression. I go to therapy and it helps. Just sucks staying home with nothing to do but play maid, watch tv, or play on the computer. I don't have any hobbies really.
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katmae (12-18-2012)
Unread 12-18-2012, 04:38 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by ashley_r310 View Post
Thank y'all for giving me hope. I have my good days and bad days with my depression. I go to therapy and it helps. Just sucks staying home with nothing to do but play maid, watch tv, or play on the computer. I don't have any hobbies really.
I do a lot of hobbies I could sugjest a few if you would like
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Unread 12-18-2012, 04:51 PM   #6
ashley_r310
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I do a lot of hobbies I could sugjest a few if you would like
YES PLEASE! I've tried the reading thing. I'm not a sewer or stitching person. I did go to a painting class and I did like that. I'm an outdoors person. Just with chronic pain and on WC makes it hard sometimes. I like taking pictures.
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Unread 12-23-2012, 03:26 PM   #7
Rrae
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Heart (((((Ashley)))))

I battle depression too and I completely understand how you're feeling.
Yes, you do have alot on your plate right now, there's no doubt about that. You feel like you're in this rut spinning your tires and you'll never get out of it. That what depression does to us.

One day you'll be looking back on this and you'll see that one by one, you've risen above each of these things that have you so down right now.
Being in pain, tho, really makes it hard to see any good in the future. (oh, how I know this! )
Believe it or not, you DO have alot on your side. You've got a wonderful fiance and you both are young. Things have a way of working themselves out....you'll get all these things that you dream of. I'm believing right along with you that your SCS will bring you a means of pain control which will allow you to have a better quality of life, so you can enjoy things.

It IS hard getting on your feet at your age. I experienced it, I watched my daughter experience it.....yet it won't always be this way.
It won't.

Your friend you cares,
Rae
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Unread 01-03-2013, 03:02 AM   #8
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I relate to everything u said completely!
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