I started having migraines at age twelve. They were called "classic", I would have colored auras sometimes followed my an intense throbbing on one side of my head. My mom took me to a neuro and I began taking Topamax daily to control the frequency. I became a teenager who rebelled a lot.
I didn't take my medicine regularly and began experimenting with "recreational" drugs.
Feb. 2005, I'm at a friends house, I'm sleep deprived and had a little alcohol to drink. I remember talking to my friend and something happened, I'm not sure what. She tells me I need to sleep, to rest because I'm "messed up". I try changing pants and lose muscle coordination, felt like the world slipped sideways and I felt like.. I was going to die. I remember seeing white, and blank. The next thing I know I'm sitting not where I started, my friend is telling me she's going to take me to the emergency room.
I felt confused, not even sure of who I was.
According to my friend, when I blanked, I began screaming "God help me" or "God, please don't let me die". She says I wandered around, tried to open the front door, screaming the whole time.
At the ER they found nothing wrong with me, alcohol level was .1% mcg, serum glucose of 117. I don't remember really being there, like a dream, kind of. They kept insisting I had taken some hallucingenic drug, which I hadn't. My mom even persisted in this line of questioning for weeks afterwards. My neuro ordered a MRI and EEG, both of which came back normal.
Fast forward to June 2006. I'm now living with two roommates. I'm cooking and telling a story, and then I'm not (apparently). According to them, I began repeating the same sentence and waving the spatula I was cooking with in some weird way. I don't remember it. They urged me to see my neuro, so I did.
At the time, I didn't think it was connected, but I worked as a cook at McDonald's. I would argue with fellow employees that they hadn't told me to cook something they had. I have moments where I just feel dazed and like, well, I just woke up from a dream. Like someone hit 'reset' without my permission.
My neuro was concerned that I was having complex partial seizures. I began medicine. My mom was resistent to believing that it was seizures. Neuro asked me not to drive, and I live where.. its hard not to. I made plans with one of my roommates to move to Wisconsin where she's from. The town has most places within walking distance, and I found a neuro in my insurance network and made a future appointment.
Fast forward to that appointment. I have all of my previous neuros notes, new neuro barely looks at them, listens to me briefly and then tells me, (drumroll please...)
You are not having seizures. You do not have epilepsy. You have "complicated migraines".
I leave so confused that I think my head is spinning. I just gave up.
I worked at a McDonald's right down the road from where I was living. I was at work one day and a male manager said something and I flipped out. I remember crying, and I ended up in the break room. A female manager tells me basically she doesn't think I'm having seizures either. I never go back to work there.
My grandmother falls and loses part of her memory in September/October that year, so I move back to be with family.
I seek no further treatment.
Then to now.. I see colors frequently. Balls, streaks, purples, reds, yellows, greens bright and dull. No severe headaches follow. I lose my balance frequently, my partner says I have intense moodswings and that I talk gibberish when I think I'm being plain, but I barely remember what I say after these 'fights'. I drool and feel like my brain is burning when these 'fights' happen. I also repeat myself, usually "please, help me" or some piece of that phrase.
Wow.. sorry for how long this is, and yet there are a lot more 'episodes' with slightly different qualities.. But I hope some of you can shed some light. Am I having seizures? Am I just crazy? (As my partner seems to think during these things) or.. what?
All opinions are welcomed, I'm just so tired of feeling ashamed and confused.