Unlike the last assessment day, I feel more prepared.
I find it so interesting that this tiny (debatably nonexistent according to some schools of thought) physical change in my brain tissue, with just a few little nerve fibres affected, becomes this challenge in every way. I know now, in just 3 months of being in this state, that there's more misinformation and assumption out there than in ANY condition I've ever suffered. Everything I read and hear tells me if you just RELAXED, properly, Miss Rri, you would be cured.
You, Rri, have made all this up in your head, and there is nothing physically wrong with you. Silly old emotional bird. You create your own issues.
I even read many of us, even on here, actually BUYING that, about ourselves. I can't. I know I was fine before the fall. I know I'm not fine now. I have a myriad of crap symptoms. Isn't the easiest conclusion drawn usually the RIGHT one?
I'm not particularly emotional about it. Uh oh, apathy is also a made up symptom. It never ends.
It astounds me. That I'd have to prepare as though going to the Debate Team Championships just to see a doctor who is SUPPOSED to help me. Priceless.
I do hope to get better, of course. I resent their assumption that I don't. What I'd like just once, is to see a doctor who cared to believe that, it is possible, just remotely possible, that when I describe my symptoms, it just MIGHT be true.
I had no idea that falling on a parking lot automatically rendered me a liar. Until now.
Or maybe the accident ignited a very creative condition in my brain where I make up my own misery so that I can build a house in it and live there forever. Lol, it's just insane.
So I'm prepared with simple language symptoms in a list. I feel pain when... I feel dizzy when... I don't talk well when...
But tonight my sarcastic little update was actually spawned from feeling utterly drained and in awe of those of you who've fought this battle to be heard for years. I've only just begun and I'm totally jaded.
To those of you who have sustained patience and hope, my big old liar hat is off to you. You're my heroes.
When you give of your time helping newbies like me, you're angels. When you share your wisdom, you're teachers. When you refuse to blindly accept that expensive treatments actually do anything, you're activists.
Heroes, all of you.
Wish me luck at tomorrow's debate team finals.