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Thinking About Leaving AA

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Unread 11-22-2011, 03:53 AM   #1
MullyGK1
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Default Thinking About Leaving AA

So I'm 20 years old and I just went through a break up with an amazing girl due to my actions when I became drunk. I was diagnosed with Post Concussive Syndrome a little over 2 years ago. Ever since that point, I've used alcohol as a way to get my frustrations out that I will never be able to play soccer again; a sport that I love.

I didn't drink often, maybe 1-2 times a month. I never relied on it or used at as a crutch, but when I got drunk I became a whiny, insecure, and self-loathing guy. I never intended the alcohol to become this outlet that it became for two years. However, it did and my girlfriend had enough with it and broke up with me after nearly 3 years together.

Since the break up a month ago, I've gone to AA three times a week, individual stress management counseling one time a week, and a group session on alcohol one time a week. I must say that all of these things have helped out immensely with the healing and repairing process that always comes after a breakup. However, it wasn't until the last AA I went to (Last Wednesday), that I realized that AA is not the place for me. I realized that I overreacted.

AA has been great to me for the 31 days that I stayed sober. I got a sponsor, I became pretty active and shared nearly every meeting, I met a bunch of people that just wanted to be there for me. All of these things felt great. However, after my last meeting, my sponsor and another member were asking about my story. I started off with pretty much the same story that I have in the first three paragraphs of this OP. Although nearly every other sentence the guys were trying to finish my sentences because they though my story was 10x worse than it was.

When I said that I was here after a rough night, they both insinuated that I got pulled over for a DWI even though I have never gotten into a car with even a drink in me.

When I said that I just started coming here, the member then said that the courts must have put me here, even though I have never been arrested, let alone ticketed for even just a parking violation.

It was during this conversation that I realized that I'm not an alcoholic and just a kid who blamed alcohol for his breakup instead of recognizing the real reason why we broke up: my insecurity with myself. My ex-girlfriend and I really wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We were half-seriously looking at houses that we could live in after college. It was that compassionate and loving. However, she got tired of my insecurities coming out when I was drunk and cut the cord.

I've learned now that alcohol was never the cause, but the trigger for my problems. Had I learned how to deal with these problems correctly, I may still be with her and leading a happy and fulfilling life. It's funny that I realized this now though, since I have been focusing on everything that I thought was wrong with me, and I've already started to fix most of these insecurities that I've had with myself.

Don't get me wrong, AA has been a positive force in my life since I started going. It has made me look at things in a whole new perspective. Before AA, problems were just problems. After AA, problems are opportunities. I've learned that I don't want to be like anyone in those rooms that I have spent time with. I don't want to get to that low and I've learned how to become stronger as a person. AA has helped as a person, but I am not an alcoholic.

It was through these teachings that I was able to control my drinking earlier this weekend while I was hanging out with my friends. Prior to all of this I had no self respect and would always try to prove to people who I was. I know I don't have to do this anymore. I can say no to a drink and not give a care about what people will think of me. If I don't want to drink I don't have to. I didn't know that before, but now I do.

Now, I just gotta tell my sponsor. I spoke to him earlier this today and didn't tell him that I drank this weekend. I guess you can say that I'm still embarrassed. I know he kept me in his thoughts and prayers a lot and it makes me feel bad that I may let him down. However, I don't want to waste people's time and just go to a meeting even though I'm still drinking. It's not fair to me or to anyone else in the room. There are people in there with a true addiction to alcohol and it wouldn't be ok for me to be in there just to have a support system while still holding back what I'm really doing.

Most likely I'm going to ask if my sponsor could meet me at coffee shop tomorrow night and tell him this to his face. It wouldn't be fair to do it over the phone and I'd like to thank him for the support that he has give me.

At this point, I know I am not an alcoholic, but a very lonely person who needed people to talk to. AA was eye opening for me, but it's just not my place. I'm not an alcoholic and I need to find other places to let out my stressors that way they don't come out when I'm drunk.

Any advice for me going forward? It'd be nice to hear from some of you guys that have been through AA for a while. I'm sure you've seen a few people with similar ideas or posts.
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Unread 11-22-2011, 08:54 AM   #2
Fogbrain
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I'm an alcoholic with a long history of brain injuries. Been sober 26 yrs. One thing I've learned from the folks over on the head-injury forum is that alcohol in any amount is unhealthy for us survivors of brain injuries. So, for me, that alone is reason enough to not mess with the stuff.

As far as my take on AA, I follow the third tradition here: "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."

When I share with other AA's, I do my very best to share my experience, strength and hope, rather than tell them how to work their program. I avoid giving advice unless I'm asked for it. I seek out people in the program who do the same.

Head injuries aside, AA states clearly that if one is unsure if they are an alcoholic that they may wish to go do more controlled drinking and find out if they can drink like non-alcoholic people. I add to this the sentiment that it is not how much or how often a person drinks that is as important as what happens when a person does drink.

Hope that helps some.
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Unread 11-22-2011, 01:50 PM   #3
MullyGK1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fogbrain View Post
I'm an alcoholic with a long history of brain injuries. Been sober 26 yrs. One thing I've learned from the folks over on the head-injury forum is that alcohol in any amount is unhealthy for us survivors of brain injuries. So, for me, that alone is reason enough to not mess with the stuff.

As far as my take on AA, I follow the third tradition here: "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."

When I share with other AA's, I do my very best to share my experience, strength and hope, rather than tell them how to work their program. I avoid giving advice unless I'm asked for it. I seek out people in the program who do the same.

Head injuries aside, AA states clearly that if one is unsure if they are an alcoholic that they may wish to go do more controlled drinking and find out if they can drink like non-alcoholic people. I add to this the sentiment that it is not how much or how often a person drinks that is as important as what happens when a person does drink.

Hope that helps some.
I've heard that a lot and I totally agree with it. Some people are just terrible drunks. Having said that I feel like the problems I have could be fixed through other means. I overreacted and went to AA because the problems came out when I was drunk and I wasn't honest with myself when I was sober. Now I'm starting to be honest with myself and I know I can be a good person drunk or sober because I know who I am at this point.
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Unread 12-02-2011, 06:29 AM   #4
ambrosia
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Default Lots on your mind !

Hi there !

From what I know -- AA is ALWAYS OPEN. You don't leave AA. But you "can" walk out the door -- maybe to return someday when you have a degree in alcohol consumption; maybe not, if you indeed do not have a problem.

I can relate to you, because many yrs. ago, I went to an AA meeting and decided I was too young and pretty to be with all these dark, depressing, old people. I "was not there yet" and I could get all this under control.

I walked out the door and returned 2 wks. later, after I crashed into the back of a parked camper and (fortunately) realized I was about to lose the love of my life ... a man to whom I am still married, btw.

Only you can decide where you want to take this ... sounds like you have a lot of answers.

I like what Fogbrain had to say. "Winners" are careful about doling out unsolicited advice, unless specifically asked. Like many organizations, AA is comprised of all types of individuals; and like FB suggested, "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."

If you decide to walk, a "winner" will not pass judgment. If you deside to stay, seek out the "winners" - those who are working their programs and not doling out reprimands and unsolicited advice.

Maybe you need to go out and experiment some more to prove your points. This is your right! But if you ever need to return, you'll always be welcome. (And it's always a good idea to try different meetings if people are "bugging" you.)

It's all up to YOU.

Good Luck and God Bless,
Ambrosia
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Unread 01-22-2012, 02:51 AM   #5
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Sounds like you're a bloke who fell on hard times which sucks. I'm sorry to hear you and your gf broke up, it must've been horrible! As for AA I think everyone has summed it up. If it works for you it works, you just have to realise you're dealing with a huge range of people and personalities. If you're uncomfortable then no way should you stay. That said, it doesn't mean your alcohol consumption isn't dangerous or an addiction. I never went to AA again after my first session because of the people, just didn't see it as my path. I hope you can find yours. Work at it, it's difficult but there are ways out there without AA, especially if you think there may be another reason. Whine your drinking. Psychologists always help
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Unread 02-13-2012, 07:51 AM   #6
justsad
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MullyGK1 View Post
So I'm 20 years old and I just went through a break up with an amazing girl due to my actions when I became drunk. I was diagnosed with Post Concussive Syndrome a little over 2 years ago. Ever since that point, I've used alcohol as a way to get my frustrations out that I will never be able to play soccer again; a sport that I love.

I didn't drink often, maybe 1-2 times a month. I never relied on it or used at as a crutch, but when I got drunk I became a whiny, insecure, and self-loathing guy. I never intended the alcohol to become this outlet that it became for two years. However, it did and my girlfriend had enough with it and broke up with me after nearly 3 years together.

Since the break up a month ago, I've gone to AA three times a week, individual stress management counseling one time a week, and a group session on alcohol one time a week. I must say that all of these things have helped out immensely with the healing and repairing process that always comes after a breakup. However, it wasn't until the last AA I went to (Last Wednesday), that I realized that AA is not the place for me. I realized that I overreacted.

AA has been great to me for the 31 days that I stayed sober. I got a sponsor, I became pretty active and shared nearly every meeting, I met a bunch of people that just wanted to be there for me. All of these things felt great. However, after my last meeting, my sponsor and another member were asking about my story. I started off with pretty much the same story that I have in the first three paragraphs of this OP. Although nearly every other sentence the guys were trying to finish my sentences because they though my story was 10x worse than it was.

When I said that I was here after a rough night, they both insinuated that I got pulled over for a DWI even though I have never gotten into a car with even a drink in me.

When I said that I just started coming here, the member then said that the courts must have put me here, even though I have never been arrested, let alone ticketed for even just a parking violation.

It was during this conversation that I realized that I'm not an alcoholic and just a kid who blamed alcohol for his breakup instead of recognizing the real reason why we broke up: my insecurity with myself. My ex-girlfriend and I really wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We were half-seriously looking at houses that we could live in after college. It was that compassionate and loving. However, she got tired of my insecurities coming out when I was drunk and cut the cord.

I've learned now that alcohol was never the cause, but the trigger for my problems. Had I learned how to deal with these problems correctly, I may still be with her and leading a happy and fulfilling life. It's funny that I realized this now though, since I have been focusing on everything that I thought was wrong with me, and I've already started to fix most of these insecurities that I've had with myself.

Don't get me wrong, AA has been a positive force in my life since I started going. It has made me look at things in a whole new perspective. Before AA, problems were just problems. After AA, problems are opportunities. I've learned that I don't want to be like anyone in those rooms that I have spent time with. I don't want to get to that low and I've learned how to become stronger as a person. AA has helped as a person, but I am not an alcoholic.

It was through these teachings that I was able to control my drinking earlier this weekend while I was hanging out with my friends. Prior to all of this I had no self respect and would always try to prove to people who I was. I know I don't have to do this anymore. I can say no to a drink and not give a care about what people will think of me. If I don't want to drink I don't have to. I didn't know that before, but now I do.

Now, I just gotta tell my sponsor. I spoke to him earlier this today and didn't tell him that I drank this weekend. I guess you can say that I'm still embarrassed. I know he kept me in his thoughts and prayers a lot and it makes me feel bad that I may let him down. However, I don't want to waste people's time and just go to a meeting even though I'm still drinking. It's not fair to me or to anyone else in the room. There are people in there with a true addiction to alcohol and it wouldn't be ok for me to be in there just to have a support system while still holding back what I'm really doing.

Most likely I'm going to ask if my sponsor could meet me at coffee shop tomorrow night and tell him this to his face. It wouldn't be fair to do it over the phone and I'd like to thank him for the support that he has give me.

At this point, I know I am not an alcoholic, but a very lonely person who needed people to talk to. AA was eye opening for me, but it's just not my place. I'm not an alcoholic and I need to find other places to let out my stressors that way they don't come out when I'm drunk.

Any advice for me going forward? It'd be nice to hear from some of you guys that have been through AA for a while. I'm sure you've seen a few people with similar ideas or posts.


Mully how lucky you are to figure so fast you not belong in AA! Girl not for you neither and you can now drink when you need to. Whee, close call!

Oh, all that great youth you could have wasted, meh? But sponsor okay with your decision I bet.

As someone else here noticed , there will always be an AA.
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Unread 01-06-2013, 11:02 AM   #7
TiaJo
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AA has been great to me for the 31 days that I stayed sober. I got a sponsor, I became pretty active and shared nearly every meeting, I met a bunch of people that just wanted to be there for me. All of these things felt great. However, after my last meeting, my sponsor and another member were asking about my story. I started off with pretty much the same story that I have in the first three paragraphs of this OP. Although nearly every other sentence the guys were trying to finish my sentences because they though my story was 10x worse than it was.

When I started AA I drank heavy and hard avoiding my TBI. I didn't know how to cope and my friends and family had either dismissed my injuries or were tired of hearing about them. So I drank to forget them. My ten year anniversary of the car wreck that devastated my life is in late January as is my two year sobriety date.

My first sponsor was nuts. I mean nuts. She took my inventory ie questions she had no business asking and then inferred that I was lying. This continued on for a while and I finally had to stand up and decide that my sobriety was important enough to chose it over drinking...which is what I would have done had I stayed with her. I haven't had a sponsor since. But I do attend AA meetings once or twice a week.

So I guess, my point is that yes, some people do act inappropriately in AA. All that means is that you find people who do support you, who don't and won't take your inventory and above all, find a new sponsor. Try different meetings. Above all, cherish your sobriety. Chances are if AA has helped you immesureably, you may very well be an alcoholic
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Unread 06-10-2013, 06:14 PM   #8
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Recovery is a process. Meetings also provide a great source of entertainment!
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Unread 06-15-2013, 12:20 PM   #9
Leesa
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Like they say in AA -- "Take what you like, and leave the rest." So I guess that's what you're doing.

When you meet with your sponsor, just be honest and tell him what you told us here. That you found out that you're really NOT an alcoholic -- that alcohol was never the cause but the trigger for your problems. You can choose whether or not to tell him that you've done some drinking. Perhaps it would be good to tell him, because you know that you CAN control it. He will probably say that "you'll be back."

He may give you a lecture -- who knows. Try to leave on good terms if you can. He means well I'm sure. We've seen too many people say that they can "control it now" and then end up back at the tables, broken and sick.

I wish you the very best. Please take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee
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recovering alcoholic, sober since 7-29-93;severe depression; 2 open spinal surgeries; severe sciatica since 1986; epidurals; trigger points; myelograms; Rhizotomy; Racz procedure; spinal cord stimulator implant (and later removal); morphine pump trial (didn't work);now inoperable; lumpectomy; radiation; breast cancer survivor; heart attack; fibromyalgia; on disability.



Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live..
.................................................. ...............Orestes
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Unread 04-09-2014, 05:41 PM   #10
FREDH
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MullyGK1 View Post
So I'm 20 years old and I just went through a break up with an amazing girl due to my actions when I became drunk. I was diagnosed with Post Concussive Syndrome a little over 2 years ago. Ever since that point, I've used alcohol as a way to get my frustrations out that I will never be able to play soccer again; a sport that I love.

I didn't drink often, maybe 1-2 times a month. I never relied on it or used at as a crutch, but when I got drunk I became a whiny, insecure, and self-loathing guy. I never intended the alcohol to become this outlet that it became for two years. However, it did and my girlfriend had enough with it and broke up with me after nearly 3 years together.

Since the break up a month ago, I've gone to AA three times a week, individual stress management counseling one time a week, and a group session on alcohol one time a week. I must say that all of these things have helped out immensely with the healing and repairing process that always comes after a breakup. However, it wasn't until the last AA I went to (Last Wednesday), that I realized that AA is not the place for me. I realized that I overreacted.

AA has been great to me for the 31 days that I stayed sober. I got a sponsor, I became pretty active and shared nearly every meeting, I met a bunch of people that just wanted to be there for me. All of these things felt great. However, after my last meeting, my sponsor and another member were asking about my story. I started off with pretty much the same story that I have in the first three paragraphs of this OP. Although nearly every other sentence the guys were trying to finish my sentences because they though my story was 10x worse than it was.

When I said that I was here after a rough night, they both insinuated that I got pulled over for a DWI even though I have never gotten into a car with even a drink in me.

When I said that I just started coming here, the member then said that the courts must have put me here, even though I have never been arrested, let alone ticketed for even just a parking violation.

It was during this conversation that I realized that I'm not an alcoholic and just a kid who blamed alcohol for his breakup instead of recognizing the real reason why we broke up: my insecurity with myself. My ex-girlfriend and I really wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We were half-seriously looking at houses that we could live in after college. It was that compassionate and loving. However, she got tired of my insecurities coming out when I was drunk and cut the cord.

I've learned now that alcohol was never the cause, but the trigger for my problems. Had I learned how to deal with these problems correctly, I may still be with her and leading a happy and fulfilling life. It's funny that I realized this now though, since I have been focusing on everything that I thought was wrong with me, and I've already started to fix most of these insecurities that I've had with myself.

Don't get me wrong, AA has been a positive force in my life since I started going. It has made me look at things in a whole new perspective. Before AA, problems were just problems. After AA, problems are opportunities. I've learned that I don't want to be like anyone in those rooms that I have spent time with. I don't want to get to that low and I've learned how to become stronger as a person. AA has helped as a person, but I am not an alcoholic.

It was through these teachings that I was able to control my drinking earlier this weekend while I was hanging out with my friends. Prior to all of this I had no self respect and would always try to prove to people who I was. I know I don't have to do this anymore. I can say no to a drink and not give a care about what people will think of me. If I don't want to drink I don't have to. I didn't know that before, but now I do.

Now, I just gotta tell my sponsor. I spoke to him earlier this today and didn't tell him that I drank this weekend. I guess you can say that I'm still embarrassed. I know he kept me in his thoughts and prayers a lot and it makes me feel bad that I may let him down. However, I don't want to waste people's time and just go to a meeting even though I'm still drinking. It's not fair to me or to anyone else in the room. There are people in there with a true addiction to alcohol and it wouldn't be ok for me to be in there just to have a support system while still holding back what I'm really doing.

Most likely I'm going to ask if my sponsor could meet me at coffee shop tomorrow night and tell him this to his face. It wouldn't be fair to do it over the phone and I'd like to thank him for the support that he has give me.

At this point, I know I am not an alcoholic, but a very lonely person who needed people to talk to. AA was eye opening for me, but it's just not my place. I'm not an alcoholic and I need to find other places to let out my stressors that way they don't come out when I'm drunk.

Any advice for me going forward? It'd be nice to hear from some of you guys that have been through AA for a while. I'm sure you've seen a few people with similar ideas or posts.
I am 76 years old. I have been not had a drink in 47 yrs. When I first went to AA I also wondered if I needed it. Partly I suppose because most of the old timers thought I was too young to really have a problem. In my days AA was just not very used to young people having a drinking problem.
Looking back now, I knew something was not right about the way I drank. One thing that was always said that if your personality changed with drinking, you could have a problem.
I spent 9 hard months before I began to not want that 1st drink. Maybe you don't need it. After reading what some other people have written, I completely agree with them. I had to go several times to AA, before it took.
I wish you best. If it turns out that you have more problems, as it has already been said, AA doesn't close. They will welcome you back, I know (been there)
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