Have you had a NeuroPsychological Assessment ? It would help you understand these things.
I have a difficult time with those internal thought processes. But, I know I have very poor immediate and short term memory skills. I also have very little ability to visualize in my head. I used to have a photographic memory and with it a pictoral way of thinking. I can not create pictures in my mind anymore.
So, hopefully you can see how I don't have many of the mental functions that most take for granted. I believe these same symptoms can be a part of and cause of the sense of depersonalization.
As I said, a NPA may help you understand this.
My best to you.
Mark in Idaho
60 years old, retired due to disability, married 34 years, father of three, grandfather of four, Suffered a serious concussion at 10 years old (1965) stopped most driving after concussion at 46 years old (2001), Post Concussion Syndrome/Multiple Concussion/Impact Syndrome with PTSD, immediate/short term visual and auditory memory problems, slowed processing speed, visual/auditory processing difficulties, insomnia, absence seizures, OCD, 14 concussions since first concussion at 8 years old, Taking paroxetine for 14 years and gabapentin for 12 years. Added L-Tryptophan and stopped paroxetine after 3 months of tapering. I currently take 100 mgs of 5-HTP AM, 500 mgs of L-Tryptophan at noon.
As of Nov 15th, Due to high stress issues resulting in PTSD, docs put me on 3 meds. Clonazepam but only for 30 days ) .125 mgs twice daily (Doc presc. .25 mgs 2x daily but half a tablet is good) , citalopram (Celexa), an SSRI , and olanzapine (Zyprexa), an atypical anti-psychotic that usually causes weight gain before bed. I lost over 30 pounds since mid July. It just stopped the weight loss. Took me off the gabapentin.
May 2014, I am off the olanzapine due to a 6 fold price increase. Back on 600 mgs of gabapentin before bed.
Oct 2014, off the Celexa. The 5-HTP is doing much better and leaves me feeling normal as compared to being on an SSRI.
I am also taking L-Theanine to help with GABA regulation
"Be Still and Know That I am God" Psalm 46:10