I missed this thread until sospan pointed it out on the other thread. Thanks!
I can so empathize with the "lost" feelings. I'm almost to 10 months since my fall and for a long time, I just kept pushing through everything and almost "faking it" that everything was ok. Not quite the right description, but kept on doing everything that was expected of me and just dealing with the consequences silently (mostly
)
I've now reached the end of my rope and I'm worn out and can take no more. I no longer care enough to "fake it"... its like my fight/flight instinct has finally worn off or something. I don't know.
I'm sure everyone around me thinks its depression and maybe to some degree it is some sort of depression... though on days when I somehow find some energy, everything is just better and I care a tiny bit more and get a few more things done that day.
But for now, "my give a damn is busted" and that's just how it is.
I know something will eventually change and shift, that's just the way things are... until then, I'm struggling and holding on... waiting for that shift.
to everyone else that is holding on, waiting for their spark to reappear.
Starr
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