I'm having to have 'the talk' with dear husband - Page 2

Sparky10 · 08-21-2012, 11:53 AM

Oh! Oh! Oh! (my Horshak imitation) I'll take him!

About the only time I can get my BF to go anywhere with me is if there's drinking involved. Not his drinking, mind you, mine! He's my DD.

I'd be surprised if he wakes up to my yells if I should fall and need assistance.

I doubt you'd want to switch guys. Mine saves his flatulence for me; only me.

Kitty · 08-21-2012, 01:17 PM

I'm beginning to appreciate being single.

SallyC · 08-21-2012, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitty

I'm beginning to appreciate being single.

You have no idea how much I agree.

Kitty · 08-21-2012, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SallyC

You have no idea how much I agree.

I do miss my late DH. But I've just gotten so used to my own routine I doubt I'd do very well at graciously accommodating another viewpoint!

doydie · 08-21-2012, 11:31 PM

Before my husband retired I had some deep talks with him about my concerns. I think he as so concerned about the prospects of retiring that he wasn't fully listening. My Mom, sister and I used to go out, have a small lunch and browse consignment shops, antique stores, Goodwill and I knew that might change. He says'oh no problem'. Having him retired was a HUGE help when Mom was so sick. Both my sister and I couldn't have done it without him. I do feel sorry for him. I have deeply hurt his feelings making him feel unneeded, unwanted,etc. He does so much to help me. It's jsut that I want to do some things to help myself.

Kitty · 08-22-2012, 08:14 AM

Doydie, I can understand your predicament. It's a double edged sword. We want help when we need it but not when we don't. And we expect others to know when to step up and when to back off. They don't know this....and we know that they don't.....and it's so hard to act grateful when we just want to stay independent.

SallyC · 08-22-2012, 12:16 PM

Doydie, if you tell your DH just as you have told us, I think he will understand. He will still be hurt but not as much. Ask him how he would feel if you injected yourself into every moment of his life.

*Tell him the story of the 2 trees growing in a forrest....Always together but not too close, or the sun will not reach them and they will both surely die*.

AKRose · 08-22-2012, 01:14 PM

Life is about perspective I guess...I am all alone. What I wouldn't give, to have someone who cared about me like that.

Tell him, I love and appreciate you and I will be thinking about how much, as I do my errands by myself! Good Luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by doydie

Since he retired he is absolutely stifling me. He wants to take me everywhere. i realy enjoyed when he was working that i had the freedom to just go out and drive, no agenda. If I wanted to window shop at one store and it gave me an idea for something at another store I did it. Din't have to ask him. He takes me to the beauty shop, lab, xray, doctor. Shoot, maybe I should start going to church again, he might drive me!!!! I have wanted him to go for so long. My Mom always had Dad drive her and would feel it was a compliment he wanted to go with me. He is protecting me. That's his job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. But I don't want him to. when I tried briefly talking to him he asked me where I wanted to go. He walks at the mall every day. We could go and I window shop while he walks. Well he goes to the almost empty one that is used mainly for doctors offices now. There are no people to get in the way. I would go to the other mall. Well OK, I'll drop you off there and then pick you up. No I don't want my knight in shining armor waiting at the door to pick me up. I want to ride my own horse!!!!!!!! There are two cars in our driveway. I want to drive one. If I want to get a group of girls, or even go by myself and drive 100 miles and go to a mall there to shop I would like to do that!!!! But he gets so offended. So i guess I'm going to have to put my foot down with him and then go put my foot on the break.

Don't ask me if he has a hobby. He doesn't. And he doesn't want one. He does his Karoake and when he gets offended there (when enough people don't applaud him) he decided he is just not going to go back until they realize he is good. He is good. He is darn good. But it's a bar. They aren't buying tickets to hear Charlie K, King of karoake sing. They are going in there to have a party or get drunk.

He plays Wii. He plays one game and is so good at it he goud bet the people that developed it. So buy him new games. I have, if they frustrate him he breaks them in pieces which doesn't allow me to give them to some one else who would appreciate the game.

He used to many years ago play par 3 golf on a cheap city public golf course. Well through the years silly man prices go up. So he is just not going to pay those prices. So he has become a professional channel surfer who wants to tag along everywhere I want to go. And my Mom's dead spirit is sitting on y should telling me to let him. I should be honored.

Anyone need a chaffuer? He is really good and polite and helps you get in and out and manages your wheel chair with no arguement. He did that for Mom for years and she drank it up and now he does it for my sister and she just loves the new Charlie since he retired.

I'm pulling my hair out.