Originally Posted by Addy
Glad to read you're considering a change in therapists... and that you're using a journal. I'm good at talking the talk... tho, I don't always do it,
When it is time, and if it is to be, you'll see some of Oprah's Lifeclasses. I feel so blessed with the lessons its teaching me.
During your relationship, did you recognize things with him that you were uncomfortable with ... but they were things that you thought you might "change" or help him change... ? Things that might make you question your own self and make you wonder if there was something wrong with you... but you you squashed down the doubts.. again... I don't think I'm making sense. LOL... sorry...
Its my hope that you will one day be able to look back and understand that perhaps, just maybe... you were settling, and you deserve so much more... and no one should have to bear the sadness and loss you are feeling right now..
sleep well, Addy
Thanks Addy, that's the problem, no I truly loved him, he treated me marvellously, and I feel still that he is a good man in a bad place. Nobody is perfect, don't get me wrong, myself included. He is doing this because he feels I will see him as a failure, perhaps it's a weak way of dealing with things, but actually I saw what he has been through lately, break him. Yes it tortures me to be going through this. BUT he never did anything other than empower me..This is obviously a side to him I didn't know or see but if he phoned me tonight I would be over the moon.
I realise that is unlikely if not impossible, and I'm trying to pick myself up, and look to the future, but that is so hard right now.
I've had a man in my life previously that played every emotional, financial, selfish trick in the book, and, I do know where you are coming from - and bless you for your thoughts, more than you know...
I am making plans to go back to the UK for Xmas, if I go now, I will be stretching myself financially, and will be miserable and tearful all the time I'm there. Also, I will be worrying that he will come back whilst I'm away. By Xmas, perhaps I'll be stronger.
I miss him so much, but it's been 5 days since I even tried contact, feels like a year. Am hoping to give him space to let him think, but fear all I'm doing is letting him think I've forgotten him, or given up.
Day off tomorrow, going to a friends farm, will probably cry, it's inevitable at the moment, but he knows that, and accepts it, all I want to do is hermit, but I can't....
Sound strong today, but I'm not, feel weak and worried.