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Unread 01-25-2010, 03:01 PM   #1
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I have to tell my husband of 15 years his Mother is dying in 6 to 8 weeks. How do I do this and saying I'm sorry won't cut it. I love him and want to be as understanding as possible. Please give me a clue. She has 4 to 8 weeks left, and I need to tell him.
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Unread 01-25-2010, 11:03 PM   #2
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Hello Nicole and Welcome to Neurotalk!

I wish I had the words for you to say to your husband.

As hard as it may seem... it would probably be best if you told your husband sooner rather than later. If you delay in telling him, it shortens his time to prepare. It shortens the time he may want to spend with her.

While I don't know the dynamics of your husband and his mother's relationship... he needs time to tell her goobye in his own way.

I know it seems hard...but would it be harder if he found out later that you knew days or weeks earlier and didn't tell him??

Sending you a gentle hug
Hoping you find a way...

My avatar pic is my beautiful
niece Ashley!

Rest in Peace
3/8/90 ~~ 4/2/12
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Unread 01-26-2010, 07:51 PM   #3
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Hi Nicole, and welcome to NT!

I agree with Abbie, tell him as soon as possible.

Here is a link to the grief and loss forum that may be of some benefit to both of you:


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Unread 01-26-2010, 08:37 PM   #4
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Default My heart goes out to you....

Agreed, whatever the relationship your husband has/had with his mother? He has to know now. What he does with it is HIS decision.
IF you don't tell? Or delay? More of those 'What IF's or IF Only's' will haunt you and him.
Not only are there the things that 'should' be done? There are likely other aspects of the whole shebang of things which will HAVE to be done. Estate wise and all that mess. Sooner aware? Sooner able to prepare and also cope. You do NOT want to be in the 'middle', just be there to support HIM and also HER as is needed. Of course, that's easier said than done, but it's always going to be THERE.
Also, the more family there is? The messier or easier it can get.
So get it out and get on with it! And know that others have had to do this, and they usually survive. Tho maybe with a little wear and tear.
's and be strong as you can -j
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Unread 01-26-2010, 08:51 PM   #5
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Some very wise folks have made the same statement I will...talk to him. Secrets should never be kept, especially one of this nature.
My best friends live in my computer....
Suffered with back problems since birth...6 back surgeries to date, the last one being on 11/2/11. Fibromyalgia, PTSD, Chronic Pain

“Being my sweethearts full-time care partner, I have to remind myself, when some well-meaning friend or relative questions my methods or motives, that I know more than they do because I Live this life 24/7, and they only come for short visits.” Tamiloo

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Unread 01-26-2010, 09:07 PM   #6
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Welcome to NT

It is hard for you both. Things will not be right, so just do it and love will hold you all together. There's more tact or gentle approaches, I guess. You hurt for him but the grieving process has begun for you both.

Here's a song that I cherish. You'll need a box of kleenex.


My heart goes out to him. A mother's love is so precious. It's a great loss.

God Bless...
(Broken Wings)

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