Tennessee Ernie Ford sang a song which I reckon could truly work well into a birthday scenario, just not today's. The day went well, until our daughter came home looking for comfort [and I was the only one here] because she had just slammed her finger in the car door by accident while refueling. Away we went to Urgent Care for a look, a clean up, some shots, an xray which showed a fracture, stitches to close the wound from having her finger smashed, tears which I was there to comfort, then to the pharmacy for the antibiotic.
AFTER this, she insisted on making my birthday meal. The fettucini alfredo assisted by her boyfriend, and accompanied by some Italian chicken, ceasar salad, and the requisite desserts of mayonnaise cake and coconut cream pie, my appetite was sated. But I gotta tell you having the music of her laughter in my ears as she and he prepared the meal was a symphony every parent must cherish. Then all six of us chowed down, I had the song, blew out candles, opened gifts, and felt blesssed by this wondrous family of which I am privileged to be a part.
All of this against the backdrop of continued withdrawal from pain management meds. You know whereof I speak if you have read other pages in this thread. I have been medicated to the point of fatigue, senselessness, and just awaiting the next hour to pass as it seemed at one point there would never be an end to this unrelenting pain. I praise God every day for the invention of the SCS devices and the privilege I have to use mine. It helps. Sure, I am still withdrawing, although I have not taken pain management meds now for over a month, instead having the substitution of withdrawal meds. It wasn't until today that I truly recognized the irritability, restlessness, and just general out of sorts that goes along with full withdrawal from, among other things, morphine. Today has been HARD because of these pervading feelings courtesy of the body calling out "Hey, where is that stuff?!?" Oh, I have felt the nausea, vomiting, chills, diarrhea that presaged this stage, but not.... NOT the irritability. I have had a hard time remaining still. I didn't think I would feel this, but it has come. Amazing, and yet, I will not return to that poison. No way. Gee, I still have a hard time with the compazine insertion, why on earth would I want to backtrack?
So, unlike Ernie Ford and his song... I feel blessed. Working still on this path to overcome the meds. Gonna get there. And hope that before I reach the end of path, I will not have ground my teeth down due to irritability. Amazing how I have clenched my jaw today. Amazing.
Thank you to ALL OF YOU who have rallied to accept and support me through this path of SCS, healing, and withdrawal. There is light at the end of the tunnel. A bright light indeed.