Thank you so much to everyone for listening and writing, it has really helped me. Even if I don't find a therapist - hearing your stories and your comments works just as well - NO! BETTER!!! Because it makes me feel like I am not an alien any more. I have a place in society again, even if it isn't where I was before, I can manage two lives - my social life of old friends, and my private life of new friends "Chronies of Chronic Pain":
Sorry it took so long to respond. My kids brought home a couple of virus's and that knocked me out until today because my condition is autoimmune related. I felt run over by one of those big trucks that flatten out the road.
On the brighter side my husband and I have made gigantic strides in the past week or so. We have really began to talk; I have worked hard to appreciate him more and be very vocal and more aggresive and demonstrative (is this even a word?
) about it, and he has worked hard to listen to me about my concerns about how he treats me and talks to me and the kids. It has worked so far, but I catch myself wanting to withdraw from him in anticipation
of things going wrong. It is so hard to be cautious and open at the same time.
Susanne - your story really affected me. While my husband and I have only been together 16 years, we also have special needs children(that in itself really compounds problems inthe marriage at times) I felt like I was reading my own tale when I read what you wrote. My husband also has many of the same traits as your husband - he is very unhappy at work (looooong story; dream job turned into a nightmare and now can't get out), ignores things if he can't fix it (I call it ostrich head in the sand scenario - not very nice I know, but even he admits its true), frustration at my condition and not able help me (me being an independent type and not wanting and even resenting help doest help things either) and watching my body deteriorate from lack of exercise and all these nasty meds i'm on. I could go on - but you get the idea. I hope you can get some comfort from this website - I know I hate what has happened to me - but I am really happy to have found this site. Do your grown children help?, are they aware of the dynamics in your marriage? I feel so guilty about raising my children in a chronic pain/chonic illness household. I really fear the repercussions of that. I was from a severly neglected household as a child and suffered health problems because of that. Now I notice my children becoming "oversensitive" about thier health. I don't know how to balance.
You mentioned that your condition has been lifelong or since childhood, so how have your children adapted? did it impact them? I am sorry if i am to intrusive - this just really scares my and i ...
i just can't help that i am screwing them up!
Donna - please keep coming back -
feels good doesn't it...
Zorro - I just adore your strait forward talk!! Thanks
Hopeful - lucky you getting a great neuro! talk to you again i hope
Dr. Smith - your advice, links, EVERYTHING has helped so much..
and everyone else who have answered my other threads - youve kept me sane these past months
and thanks to all the lurkers...............it a great site!