Doing the "wrong" thing

Blessings2You · 04-29-2012, 12:22 PM

I'm glad we have a place to vent to each other--it really helps keep things in perspective!!

I've been having a lot of pain in my leg and foot, as well as toe problems on the other side, AND muscle problems in both legs. So a little while ago I was plopped down with my feet up, reading, chilling...and the doorbell rang! My husband wasn't available, so I squeezed on my slippers and limped downstairs to answer the door.

It was a lady from church, stopping by to hand me personally an invitation to the next women's group. I hope she interpreted my grimace as the smile I tried to make it into. I'll admit I was thinking, "What? You couldn't mail it? You had to make me struggle down here to take it from you?"

Well now really. How could she know? And the next person (or perhaps yours truly one of these days) might be sitting there thinking, "Oh, I wish someone would just stop by for a minute and visit me!" We're all different--yes, even those of us with MS are all different. Some are of the "leave me alone" persuasion, some lean toward "I wish someone would come see me", and I daresay some of us switch back and forth. Good luck to anyone trying to get it right.

And the invitation she handed me? So sweetly written and kind sentiments...and with the note "please RSVP so I can plan for refreshments", etc. RSVP? Me? That would be an automatic "no". I don't do ANYTHING I have to commit to in advance, even a day in advance. But I don't blame her, she's the one planning. And she would be heartbroken if she knew her "planning" put me out of contention from the get-go.

So, I'll email her a thank you for the invite and say I won't be able to make it. I so LOVE it when people invite me to something and say, "Now you don't have to tell me one way or another, I know how hard it is for you to plan. Just show up if you can, and if you can't I'll understand!" But I realize things can't always be like that.

doydie · 04-29-2012, 12:59 PM

Have you thought of someone hosting an event in your home. That way you could be there only some one else doing all the work.

Blessings2You · 04-29-2012, 01:02 PM

Oh heavens to betsy, no! Thanks for the suggestion, Doydie, but just the words "hosting an event" gives me palpitations!!

doydie · 04-29-2012, 03:55 PM

Does me to! It would have to be a very, very good friend or a relative for me to do it. And I would have to pay lots of money to have my house cleaned beforehand also. But some people do it so they can socialize

Blessings2You · 04-29-2012, 04:04 PM

Once in a while I miss socialization--kinda--but when I do, I get on the phone, get online, get groceries (always run into someone I know), or maybe my son, daughter, or granddaughter will drop in. It sounds awful when I hear myself say it, but sometimes being with people is more tiring than it's worth. Not always, but sometimes.

I'm getting more forgiving of people for doing "the wrong thing". They're not REALLY morons. It's just a roll of the dice on any given day whether I'm going to be "fer it" or "agin it".

SallyC · 04-29-2012, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blessings2You

It's just a roll of the dice on any given day whether I'm going to be "fer it" or "agin it".

Perzactly!!!

ewizabeth · 04-29-2012, 09:38 PM

A girl that I work with always invites me to exercise with her. I have gone three times in a year and it exhausted me each time. She doesn't ask me anymore. I can't tell her the real reason but just joke that I'm old and tired after standing all day. I totally get what you're saying. I rarely accept social invitations anymore. I can't even get to church since I work on Sunday most weeks. I was prvileged to have today off and I did go.

It's hard for others to understand. Sometimes I'm tempted to tell at work about the MS but I know that would make it near impossible for any promotion in the future.

Dejibo · 04-30-2012, 06:58 AM

I am or was part of a woman's group that meets once a month 9 months out of the year. When I got Dxd with MS I made the announcement that you simply couldnt count on me as "hostess" or the person who brings the food and chose the topic or the speaker for the day. The women were so kind. One volunteered to be my "hostess buddy" so that If it was my turn in the rotation, and I needed help, just call. she would be there. Others allowed me to be pulled out of the rotation for as long as I needed. Just come, enjoy some nice home made cake, and hear a speaker. I heard topics about hospice. the childrens home, the local florist and how to best care for your flowers, a cake maker on tips and tricks. A local woman who does your shopping, preps your meals, and loads them in the freezer. So, it was nice to get out for short visits.

Perhaps if you felt up to one, they could come get you and get you out of the house for an hour. The speeches are short, and enjoyable. the company is lovely, and the food is amazing. I have an agreement with one that anytime I want to end this and go home, she will leave the meeting with me, and take me home.

Im one of those that cry about how lonely I am, yet the phone rings and I blurt out WHAT NOW! Why wont the stop bothering me!?! I cant have it both ways I suppose.

jprinz99 · 04-30-2012, 07:24 AM

I enjoy getting an invite, as many have 'forgotten' those who are different/ill, etc. I also try to remember that while I live this everyday and know how hard is is to get to the door, etc, I have to remind myself that others who call on me don't really know - even if I tried to explain it to them. Heck - until I joined the ranks of those with a disability I didn't truly "get it" either.

not telling you your feelings are wrong - just trying to give a different perspective to think about it. I don't think that women meant anything other than trying to be welcoming to you.

Kitty · 04-30-2012, 07:32 AM

My sweet neighbor came over yesterday afternoon. They were having a cookout/birthday party for their little girl (she's 4). She told me she knew I couldn't handle heat (it was 89 degrees here) and crowds but I was more than welcome to come join them. I thanked her but said I'd have to pass because I'd already been outside and had gotten overheated. DS stopped by with his new puppy and we sat in the garage because my cats just would not have been gracious enough to allow this puppy to invade their domain.

About an hour later the doorbell rang and she was there with a plate of food from their cookout! It was so thoughtful of her and I really enjoyed the cheeseburger she brought.....fixed just like I like it!! How she knew I liked tomatoes, onions and ketchup I don't know but it was fixed perfectly!