EMDR therapy and getting worse

BJ · 11-01-2008, 09:12 PM

I've had 3 EMDR sessions for PTSD and I think it's making things worse.

My tdoc has had a terrible time getting me to my safe place when we're trying to approach certain areas. I can't breathe and feel like my head is falling off. Then for days after I've been having anxiety and panic attacks which are getting quite intense. I just feel like, if anything, I'm now even worse off. I've had insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks, shaking and I've been dissociating more then ever. All this is leading to more panic attacks.

Should I just quit before it gets worse or will this work it's way out?

Brokenfriend · 11-01-2008, 09:19 PM

I'm so sorry that the treatment isn't working. I hope that you feel better soon. BF

mrsD · 11-02-2008, 02:45 PM

I am concerned.

I had EMDR... about 10 yrs ago. It was for a water/boat phobia.

If you go too fast, then I suppose things could get dicey.

One of my sessions I had chest constriction, like I was drowning..(it must have been reliving the original trigger).
The therapist stopped it then. I rested about 15min and we started again.

One thing...whatever you are thinking about before the session is what comes up for work. I think you should discuss this with your therapist and do this more slowly. If you think about highly charged stuff, then that is what gets stimulated.

I did get much better with the treatments. But I still cannot bring myself to go under water. But I can now run a boat, and get on a boat that goes over deep water, and not get sick.
I would say that it was good for me, but not a total cure.

There are other eye movements that can be done when you
become...overwrought. Up and Down, will defuse some reaction. That is what happened for me.

I think EMDR is like defragging your computer. Things get moved around. They don't go away...they just lose power to create unwanted physical reactions to negative memories. I never had negative reactions after the sessions. I DID have more vivid dreaming.

BJ · 11-02-2008, 04:05 PM

Thanks for replying MrsD. I'm trying to push things along so it's probably my fault. I want to get rid of these obsessive thoughts and I was hoping that EMDR would help me to get to where I need to be. I'm only thinking about two things when I go in there and that's probably why it's so stimulating.

Friday we were planning what to work on next and she brought this memory up as one she feels we should come back to. I know she was right because just talking about it has caused some body memories to start up again.

Anyway, we're going to start it there again at our next session Friday and I am nervous already. I know you're supposed to let the processing happen and all that..but the pain I felt last time we did this really scared me. She said she's going to do her best to keep me grounded and get me out of my dissassociated state. I think I trust her more now so I think it will be okay, but I'm still scared. Although I don't really remember the pain at the time, it had to be horribly painful. I'll leave it at that, I don't want to trigger anyone.

I'm undecided whether I'm going to continue or not. I'm just finding it too triggering. But in talking to my t about it Friday I realized that I don't even remember how much of the memory I told her the last time we did EMDR. I don't really understand that but she didn't seem at all surprised by it.

She did tell me that these memories will never go away. I'll just be able to handle them and not let them consume me like they're doing now. I think my brain needs to be defragged.

Brokenfriend · 11-04-2008, 08:46 PM

I hope that you are doing OK tonight. It's election night,and everyone is probably on the edge of there seats. BF

Brokenfriend · 11-07-2008, 01:13 AM

Are you OK? I'm starting to get concerned. I haven't heard from you in a couple of days. BF

BJ · 11-11-2008, 06:51 AM

I took a week off because we couldn’t get me to my safe place in therapy. She told me to practice finding another. I’ve been thinking of it and found it in my buddy Benton, my cat, who passed away. I couldn't even do that first step without checking right out. My therapist said that some people like to use her office as the safe place if they haven't really known safety in their lives.

Sometimes I think I’m afraid if I find out that things I said didn't happen did happen or of finding nothing and being a liar or a fake--I understand that. I know that things did happen and that I didn't make them up. Sometimes I will forget pieces of what I know because it's too hard to know it. Sometimes I will go back to blaming it on my mental illness because it feels more manageable to be crazy than to feel the grief.

Also, I am afraid that as things become unstuck or processed with the EMDR that memories that I only have pieces of will become whole and that I won't be able to tolerate that full knowledge. I want the help that I think EMDR could bring me. I’m scared but going back for another session this afternoon.

Alffe · 11-11-2008, 12:53 PM

Well I'm praying that this afternoon will be helpful dearheart. Please ck in later.

BJ · 11-11-2008, 06:46 PM

I was really apprehensive when we started today and told her so. She said it would be okay and she used the hand motions, changing about halfway through to the knee-tapping. I felt myself getting quite dizzy and self-conscious trying to keep my eyes on her fingers while keeping my head still at the same time! As she switched to knee-tapping I began to feel the body memories associated with the memory.

I told her during a little break that the knee-tapping was triggering and she promptly switched back to the finger motions, which sent my head spinning. We kept this up for awhile and I was getting quite nauseated and had considerable pain. Finally I asked if we could break for a bit, but when I had rested a few minutes I thought I had managed to "draw a line" between the flash-bulb type memories I had had about this particular incident and had moved to a clearer picture of what had occurred. I set that thought aside as we concluded the session since I still grappled with the physical effects, etc. She was glad to find that her next client was not in the waiting room so she invited me back in to make sure that I was all right before driving home.

I fee quite dissociated and strangely unwell, dizzy, disoriented. She urged me to call her if I need to, and she called to check on me herself. I think since I had reacted so strongly in a physical way she’s concerned that I might be further processing the event as the evening continues. I still feel that I am "processing" things somehow but not on a conscious level. Is that to be expected? There is also a fear that it might be too much to deal with.

I have told her before that if I send a text message "I'm struggling" or something like that then she will know and can help me the best she can when she calls back. I am usually wordless by that time. It helps just to hear her voice. I’ve only needed to do that twice before but I feel secure in doing it if I have to, which is huge for me.

Alffe · 11-11-2008, 07:05 PM

She sounds wonderful BJ...I think you are in good hands.