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Unread 06-22-2009, 08:00 PM   #1
broken
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i am new to this sight, and don t really know if i should be here. i am pregnant and found out a week ago that there is no heart beat and that the baby died june 1st (almost 3 weeks ago). i can t function, my boyfriend thinks that i should be grateful for the kids i do have, but i can t even seem to look at them without being recentful, i try to fake it around them and make them think everything is fine, but i seem to be yelling at every1 all the time. don t get me wrong i love my children and i really don t want to hurt them in anyway. i jus dunno wat to do anymore.
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Unread 06-22-2009, 08:24 PM   #2
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hello and welcome to NeuroTalk tho I am really so sorry to hear what brought you here

I lost two babies and so I deeply understand what you are going through.
The emotional trauma of a miscarriage is hard enough, but there is also a physiological aspect to this as the pregnancy hormones suddenly not being there anymore can do all kinds of weird stuff too.

and you are grieving the death of your baby.
grief has many phases
here is some info that may help your boyfriend understand
http://miscarriage.about.com/od/copi.../emotional.htm


Do you have anyone trustworthy to be able to talk to there? a pastor or close family/friends? Have you told your doctor how you are feeling?


it really is good that you are here releasing how you feel as that is a step in the right direction for your healing.
we are here for you

I will keep you and your family in my prayers
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Unread 06-22-2009, 09:38 PM   #3
Koala77
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I do feel for you Broken.

I lost 4 babies so I know what you're going through. One of mine died inside me, and I carried a dead baby for 4 weeks before I miscarried it. I was 5 months pregnant at the time.

It takes a long time to get over the pain of losing a child, even one whom you've never had the opportunity to hold.

I'm sure people mean well but sometimes their comments can cut to the bone. Things like it was only a miscarriage..... you'll get over it.... you can always have another one. It takes another mother who's lost a child to understand that terrible pain.

You need to grieve your loss, and everybody grieves differently. What works for one person will not necessarily work for another, but there are support services everywhere. Places offering women's services are usually a good place to begin if that's the path you'd like to try. Look in your phone book and see if there's anything like that available in your area.

Apart from that I can only offer you my empathy; my understanding. I hope your pain starts to ease soon, and I do hope your boyfriend will see that you're hurting and give you the love and support that you need.
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Unread 06-23-2009, 01:50 PM   #4
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Dearest Broken,

My heart goes out to you during this very difficult time.
Chemar and Koala have written many kind words. Lots of very loving people here!

I am feeling a bit "under the weather" and short on words at the moment; however, I do want to take the time to welcome you, to acknowledge your pain, and to encourage you to spend some time here with us, if you feel comfortable doing so?

I will be thinking of you and will continue to offer prayers of comfort and healing every day.

I am glad you are here with us. You are a part of the Neurotalk family now... if this meets with your approval?

May we walk along beside you, showing support, while you grieve and heal?

Please continue to share if/when you feel led to do so.

Healing Hugs~
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Unread 06-24-2009, 08:18 AM   #5
eponabri
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I think this is very common in pregnancy, more than most people think. I also lost four babies to miscarriages.. one in the 5th month and the baby had died weeks before I aborted.

You have every right and need to grieve for the lost of your baby. He/she was a part of your life even for a short time. When I lost mine it was 30 years and was told that it wasn't really baby. Doctors now have a bit more compassion and I hope you have that is.

I denied my losses until my 16 year old daughter in 2000. I went to a Compassionate Friends meeting and met a woman who had just lost her 6th baby, including one who had been stillborn. She had six children who survived, but she still recognized the need to grieve the babies she lost. I learned a lot from her.

So now each of my babies have a name and a place in my heart. I remember the day they were 'born', even if it wasn't a physical birth. They were still born in some realm, and their presence in my life still made an impact.

Even if others don't understand, you need to allow yourself to grieve and cry. I know from experience, both my own and my husband's, that if you deny your grief, it will effect you later in many different ways. My husband ended up in the hospital the night before our daughter's funeral because he could cope with her death. Why? Because he had never really dealt with his mother's death and his brother's. He held it all in and it caused him an awful anxiety attack that appeared to be a heart attack.

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your baby.
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Unread 06-25-2009, 05:12 PM   #6
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thank u all so much...so much is goin thru my head rt now and i don t even know where 2 begin at tellin u all how grateful i am 2 know that there r ppl out there that took a cpl of minutes outta ur day 2 let me know that i m not goin crazy (yet). and 2 give y'all an update. i spent 4 hours in the docs office 2day...1 hour looking at my baby on the ultrasound, jus 2 confirm there is no heartbeat...ugh...the rest talkin 2 doc and scheduling the d&c for next week. i feel like i have givin up on my baby, i know its not really that way but idk. k can t c much of the screen anymore thru the tears, so thank u soooo much 4 lettin me vent a bit...ttys luv an hugs 2 y'all
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Unread 06-25-2009, 08:09 PM   #7
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((((((Awh Broken))))))

This has been another tough day for you.
I am sorry such has been the case.

It's difficult to consider now; yet, one day, you will feel the sun's healing and energizing warmth upon your body again! When we are numb from grief we often do not feel it, even when it's there.

Please extend all of the patience, understanding and kindness to yourself--at least as much as you would gladly extend to anyone else enduring the depth of pain you are now enduring.

No, dear one, you have not given up on your sweet baby. You'd never give up on your child. You are doing the very best you can with circumstances far beyond your own control.

We remain here, at your side -- ready to listen, ready to simply hold your hand, ready to support you and your loved ones, in any way we can do so.
Lots of us right here, caring for you.

You are welcome to continue to share your many thoughts and feelings if and when you feel doing so may be helpful and healing for you. This thread is dedicated to you and to your healing.
We'll be checking in on you here.

May you find deep inner peace... feeling surrounded by Divine love...as you rest and recover from your loss.

Healing Hugs for you~
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Unread 06-25-2009, 10:08 PM   #8
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Please know that you're not alone in your sorrow. We care. We understand. We're here to listen whenever you need a compassionate ear. Please don't be afraid to lean on us, and remember that most of us have 2 able shoulders, and I for one will certainly loan you one of mine.

My sister's son was full term when he died just days before his due date, and I was with her when they were trying unsuccessfully to find the baby's heart beat. It was awful. With her loss, and those of my own, I do understand what you're going through.

Please know that I'm thinking of you, and praying that you get through this ordeal. If you have faith, you already know that the Lord Jesus has reserved a special place for your tiny baby. Hang onto that thought.

Sending you hugs.
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Unread 06-26-2009, 07:27 PM   #9
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Just checking in on you tonight!
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Unread 06-27-2009, 10:00 PM   #10
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sry i didn t reply last nite...y'all r so wonderful and if any1 ever says any different they can contend with me...lol...omg i can laugh ( slightly but i can). well jus an update, i started contractions this mornin and bleeding; doc had me in for an emergency d&c. i m home now and evry1 is driving me crazy with constantly askin if i need anything. we named her on our way in. i had a strong feeling that i was having a girl, so we named her after our mothers... Margorie Loreen. i am truely blessed by god. to have such wonderful ppl surround me, even the ppl that don't completely understand. all of u have been such a blessing to me. i truely thought that i was losing my mind & that something was wrong with me. today was 1 of the hardest things i have ever had to do, i fell asleep (with anestetic help of course) crying and woke up crying and the staff talked wit me. it still breaks my heart but i know that my daughter is in gods arms and will be truely happy and unharmed. and the thing that shocked me the most was, my boyfriend never left, i begged him to go eat while i was in surgury but they said he wouldn t leave, so they fed him...lol...with him, the beautiful kids i have, my new found friends and my old ones, i am truely the richest woman in the world.
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