I'm sorry this is happening to you Lopi.
My marriage has had its ups and downs also, and it was tough after I was diagnosed with MS and my emotions and energy started going haywire. We've been married nearly 30 years now. I put up with a lot of stuff in the first 23 years or so.
I had to confront my DH several times to get him to realize things were going to change and he had to deal with it. It's still tough for him and sometimes I think he's just going to give up. But I have to keep strong for myself, and like you said, love and care for myself.
Take care of yourself and your health first, that's what you have
to do when illness strikes. I think it's the thing that causes the problem in many marriages. If the one who has the nurturing role gets sick, and if the other is dependent on that, things get very rocky, because the emotionally weaker partner doesn't know how to carry the bigger load of responsibility.
It's a struggle for us, and DH knows he has to deal with it and it's tough. If they leave, it's their failure, not ours.