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Why is family so cruel !?

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Unread 12-28-2011, 08:11 PM   #1
BlueMajo
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Hello MY family.... Because YOU are my family...

Some of you might know and/or remember my family is not the best in this earth.... and this time Im not talking about my parents.... but my 3 cousins, 3 aunts and the husband of one of those aunts...

They just practically told me not to attend their NYE celebration... According to them, Im sick (I indeed got the flu because all of them were sick during Christmas ! ) and my father and I are always agressive and my mom is always saying ****

I swear to God and my grandparents that we dont do anything but accept their offenses to every single thing we say or do.... their chats consist on criticize everything we do, my school, my hobbies, my likes, etc.. and we just listen and try to chat about other things and now this...

Im... sad.... I mean, Who cares, but still.... argh.... family....

Thanks for reading.
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Unread 12-28-2011, 09:13 PM   #2
Dmom3005
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Mayo

We are your family is so true. Sometimes, family just can't understand.

period. I'm here and we will listen, when you need us.

Donna
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Unread 12-28-2011, 09:44 PM   #3
BlueMajo
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Thank you Donna

My mom's cousin commited suicide this april.... nobody told us before because in my family suicide is still a taboo...

He was only 34.... and during Christmas they started talking about him and how he might had been "crazy" to do that.... CRAZY !? the only people crazy there were them

I just dont understand people... they are cruel, selfish, offensive, and when people can handle it and kill theirselves, you are the crazy one !? OMG.... this is too much.

I feel offended.

I do not understand them.

Ugh.... Im crying my eyes out.
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Unread 12-28-2011, 10:27 PM   #4
Brokenfriend
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Smile Hi Blue

When someone puts you down like this,they are showing a lack of love,coldness of heart,and cruelty. They are showing that they don't like themselves,by putting you down,it's a short lived bringing themselves above you. It's causing division,and not compassion.

Someone may be jealous of your hobbies. It's such a wrong thing for someone trying to make you feel bad about yourself.

When they are judging,they are not loving. BF
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Unread 12-28-2011, 10:34 PM   #5
Dmom3005
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Mayo

Brokenfriend, is so correct. They are judging, not loving. They are
also desfunctional, and not worth the worry you are giving them.
Its not easy to listen to or try to forget. And its even harder when
you know that someone took his life, and was so young. I would
imagine, its really playing on you.

I think when it comes to you, they are jealous. That you are and
will make something of your life. They aren't, if you really think
about it. They are just judging someone that can't defend himself.

Remember him like he was. And move on away from this mess of
family. Remember we are here for you. Keep talking to us.

Donna
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Unread 12-28-2011, 10:57 PM   #6
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Aw my friends.... Yeah, you are so wise, are my family and are always here...

When I have a problem I immediately think about you and feel the necessity to come here and post because I know you will help me

Im hoping on time... I mean, that day by day I will forget this episode and forget just about their cruel words... like, letting go you know ??

They are so mean... ugh....

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Unread 12-29-2011, 12:31 AM   #7
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Dear Majo

First, my condolences for your mom's cousin. now that you know, you can grieve over him, and honor his memory.

i have seen this taboo thing in action, and it is crazy. a family close to mine here covered up both an accidental death and a suicide in ways... "to spare the children" supposedly - but more likely to spare themselves from disturbing societal scrutiny. well, probably making the wife "pretend" to the kids that her dead husband (traffic accident) was on vacation, among other things they insisted she do/not do, prevented her from grieving properly. i cannot help but feel it contributed to her suicide a month later. sure, she was fragile. but it seems to me the others that were more crazy. they were the ones who wanted to make reality what it wasn't, leaving her as an Alice in Horrorland. so sad. well the suicide was covered up even more - her last wishes not honored, her note removed and the intended recipient never allowed to read it, the children immediately transplanted to relatives in a different region - cut all contacts - so they'd not hear of their mother's suicide............. sigh. so........ i know what you are talking about.

i am sorry your extended family is so judgemental. don't worry about their crazy-making rationalizations or their stupid NYE celebration. there's a a saying... who wants to go where you're not wanted? It It wouldn't matter even if they had good reasons ... let them keep their stupid party if they don't want you there. Their loss, HA!

May i suggest, however, that your grandparents' refusal to intervene may not be a question of choosing sides. if they are quite elderly, or even just getting on in years, they have surely weathered their own troubles and many a family dispute in their lifetime. may be, at this point they do not feel inclined to fight others' battles, and simply prefer to leave it to the younger generations to sort things out for themselves. just a thought.

take care of yourself and feel better soon. take lots of warm drinks and vitamin C, you know the deal...

~ waves ~
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Unread 12-29-2011, 01:34 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMajo View Post
Aw my friends.... Yeah, you are so wise, are my family and are always here...

When I have a problem I immediately think about you and feel the necessity to come here and post because I know you will help me

Im hoping on time... I mean, that day by day I will forget this episode and forget just about their cruel words... like, letting go you know ??

They are so mean... ugh....

Hey Blue Please don't ever think that your personal worth is how rude,and scornful people say that it is.

I love you,and so do the other family members here. You have inner strength,and you are making it through this hard time. You may not feel it though.

We all feel like throwing our hands up,especially after a mood swing episode. They are so darn difficult,but they are temperary. They may last months at a time. I've been through that,and am tired of those feelings also. BF
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Unread 12-29-2011, 02:49 AM   #9
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Dear Majo,

These types of family dynamics got started generations ago. When I trace what was going on in my father's and mother's families one hundred years ago, I can see that some dysfunctional patterns in place now (2011) were already in existence then (1911).

In other words, this has nothing to do with you.
Stay home on NYE and have a good night.


Mari
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Unread 12-29-2011, 10:54 AM   #10
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Hey Majo

The other thing is NYE, I'll probably be here on the internet.

Derrick is going to his girlfriends to a party. So after I drop
him off, I'll be home waiting for him to return. They are so
nice they always bring him home. My NYE and NY present
from them, which I love.

And my husband needs to be with his mother. So there is
no even going for dinner with him. Like we did last year.

Donna
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